A Grand Tour of The Entire Midwest, But Mostly Wisconsin (UPDATE 11/12--BONUS Texas TR NOW COMPLETE)

Discussion in 'DIS Dads' started by Captain_Oblivious, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. Captain_Oblivious

    Captain_Oblivious DIS Dad #257

    Nov 10, 2008
    A Grand Tour Of The Entire Midwest, But Mostly Wisconsin

    If you’ve opened up this trip report, it’s probably for one of the following reasons:

    · You followed me here from one of my previous trip reports, and you’re hoping to see some more amazing sights like we’ve seen on our previous trips: Hawaii, the Grand Canyon, or Yellowstone.

    · You’re a glutton for punishment.

    · You clicked on the link by accident.

    · You’re really bored at work.

    · Some combination of the latter two.

    For the 3% of you who fall under the first category, I have to issue a warning right off the bat. In our family’s quest to visit all 50 states, we’ve visited many spectacular places in this country, mostly in the western U.S. Part of the reason we visited those areas was because we were dragging a baby around with us. With a family of 6, we had decided to knock out some of the longer/more expensive flights while we still only had to pay for 5 tickets. Now that our youngest is 2 years old, we have to buy him a seat as well. This means shorter, cheaper flights.

    And this summer, that meant we were visiting the Great Plains. No mountains. No canyons. No oceans. Just endless long, straight highways and flat farm fields, as far as the eye can see. For two weeks.

    Who’s ready for an adventure???




    Well, for the two of you who are still left (i.e. the gluttons for punishment), I’ll try and spice this up as best as I can. As it turns out, the American Midwest has plenty of attractions and interesting sights to offer. There are just a lot of long drives in between them.

    Still not interested? Well, there’s one more piece of information I can offer to try and hook you. Early on, we learned that we had a spy in our midst. A saboteur. Yes, even in this close-knit family, one of us was hiding a deep, dark secret. One of us was a mole.


    No, not that kind of a mole.




    Don’t be ridiculous.


    There you go. One person in this family had a secret mission. And we wouldn’t be able to unmask the culprit until it would be—perhaps—too late.

    The suspects:


    Mark (a.k.a. “Dad”, a.k.a. “Daddy”, a.k.a. “Captain_Oblivious”, a.k.a. “Scooter”): age 41. Height: 5’11”. Weight: 175 lbs. Ok, fine. 185 lbs. Brown hair, quickly receding. Blue eyes. Strengths: Navigational skills, vacation planning, bacon & donut consumption, movie quotes, belching, farting, Dad jokes. Weaknesses: Attention to detail, wildlife identification, brunettes, belching, farting, Dad jokes.

    Julie (a.k.a. “Mom”, a.k.a. “Mommy”, a.k.a. “Muddy Mae Suggins”): age suspended indefinitely. Height: 5’8”. Weight: You’re kidding, right? Our marriage hasn’t lasted 18 years by making rookie mistakes like that. Brown hair, luxurious and resplendent. Brown eyes that look deep into your soul. Strengths: Pie-making, luggage packing, child-rearing, entertaining toddlers, rolling eyes at husband. Weaknesses: Absolutely none whatsoever.*

    *My couch is really not comfortable at all, especially for overnight stays.

    Sarah (a.k.a. “Sarahbug”, a.k.a. “Harry Potter’s #1 Fan”): age 14. Height: 5’6”. Weight: can’t remember. Brown hair. Blue eyes. Strengths: Art, Crafts, Field Hockey, reading, movie quotes, texting, sarcasm. Weaknesses: Severe underappreciation of pie, 80’s music, and Dad jokes.

    David (a.k.a. “Big Dave”): age 12. Height: um…5’0”? I can’t remember the last time they got measured. Weight: beats me. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Strengths: Math, sports, Rubik’s cubes, memorization of obscure baseball statistics and technical specifications for cars and technology. Weaknesses: Inability to clean room.

    Scotty (a.k.a. “Scott”): age 10. Height: see David. Weight: see David. Brown hair. Brown eyes (weirdo). Strengths: Reading, video games, golf, performance arts, ability to “happen”. Weaknesses: inability to find any of his own possessions.

    Andrew (a.k.a. “Drewbie”, a.k.a. “Baby Drew”, a.k.a. “The Dark Lord”): age 2. Height: 2’0”. Weight: 35 lbs. Blond hair, blue eyes. Strengths: Cuteness. Vocal performance, especially Bon Jovi’s “Have A Nice Day”. Weaknesses: Screaming. Irrational demands. Lack of bladder/bowel control. Picking his nose in photos. Repeated demands for his own kids meal, followed by taking two bites and then declaring himself “all done”.

    Those are the suspects. Which one is the spy?

    Coming Up Next:
    The vacation is almost over before it begins.


    Chapter 1: False Start (Or, Everything You Hate About Airlines All Wrapped Up Into One Chapter)
    Chapter 2: Two Roads Diverged In A Wood, And I...I Was Stuck In Delaware
    Chapter 3: This Place Is The Wurst.
    Chapter 4: The Rough Riders
    Chapter 5: Rope Drop or Bust.
    Chapter 6: Let's Play Global Thermonuclear War.
    Chapter 7: Ten Thousand Years In A Cave Of Wonders Ought To Chill Him Out.
    Chapter 8: George Washington. One: The Father of Our Country. Two: Born on Presidents Day. Three: The Dollar-Bill Guy.
    Chapter 9: A Mighty Wind
    Chapter 10: A Tribute To All Nations, But Mostly America.
    Chapter 11: And Now For Something Completely Different.
    Chapter 12: Why Don't You Make Like A Tree...And Get Outta Here. (Disney's HHIR)
    Chapter 13: It's Only An Island If You Look At It From The Water. (Disney's HHIR)
    Chapter 14: I Have Just Met You, And I Love You. (Disney's HHIR)
    Chapter 15: Scoop Of Chocolate, Scoop Of Vanilla. Don't Waste My Time. (Disney's HHIR)
    Chapter 16: Is This Heaven? No...It's Iowa.
    Chapter 17: I Keep Forgetting I'm Not In Kansas!
    Chapter 18: You Came Here In That Thing? You're Braver Than I Thought.
    Chapter 19: Do You Ever Have Deja Vu?
    Chapter 20: I'm Not Going Home. I'm Going To Wisconsin.
    Chapter 21: They Don't Gain Another Yard. You Blitz All Night!
    Chapter 22: This Time John Wayne Does Not Walk Off Into The Sunset With Grace Kelly.
    Chapter 23: The Final Countdown

    Bonus Texas TR

    Chapter 1: It's Like A Whole Other Country.
    Chapter 2: To The Bat Cave!
    Chapter 3: Easter in the Middle of Nowhere.
    Chapter 4: Just Around The Riverbend.
    Chapter 5: They'll Never Think To Look For Us Here.
    Chapter 6: Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept It.
    Chapter 7: Beef. It's What's For Dinner. And Lunch.
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2017
  2. GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes

    GoofyIsAsGoofyDoes If it’s still here tomorrow… I may ignore it again

    Jan 20, 2007
    A shiny new TR to abuse... errrr... I mean... to read.
    Yeah, that's it... read.
    Leshaface likes this.
  3. Avatar


  4. franandaj

    franandaj I'm so happy, I could BOUNCE!

    Nov 15, 2009
    Cool! I'm glutton for punishment!
  5. irene_dsc

    irene_dsc DIS Veteran

    Nov 1, 2007
    There are some cool places in Wisconsin. Living North of Chicago, we have visited quite a few. I'm curious to read your take on the area, and maybe get a few ideas...
  6. Steppesister

    Steppesister DIS Veteran

    Dec 27, 2013
    Late night reading! Cool!
  7. MNtwinsplus1mom

    MNtwinsplus1mom Mouseketeer

    Aug 2, 2011
    Like the strong beginning! And I'll be staying tuned (even during the Wisconsin portions... :sad2: As long as there will be no Packers references, okay???) to hear more about this mole business...
  8. Leshaface

    Leshaface DIS Veteran

    Dec 14, 2008
    Totally in!
  9. pkondz

    pkondz . . Dis Dad #797 . . Hoping to get lucky

    Mar 9, 2007
    I'll pick "glutton for punishment" for the win!

    Sounds like home.


    Oh, Gawd. Don't I know it.

    Oh Gawd!!!

    Curiosity piqued.

    Dun, dun, dunnnnnnn!!!!

    Good looking family!
    Did you rent them?


    If we ever meet, I'll tell you why I think that's so funny.


    Um.... what???

    Mark steps up to the precipice and backs away.

    Whoa. Dude. Nicely said.

    Wow! Really?


    So... normal teen girl. Check.

    That's not a weakness... that's a universal trait!


    While we didn't get to meet, I'm really looking forward to reading all about it!
  10. jhoannam

    jhoannam DIS Veteran

    May 12, 2014
    Tagging along for the ride
  11. J'aime Paris

    J'aime Paris Living happily ever after

    Mar 7, 2008
    Having lived in Wisconsin my whole life, (did I just admit that), I'm interested in a visitors perspective!!
  12. afwdwfan

    afwdwfan DIS Dad #460

    Apr 23, 2010
    Yuck... this trip report smells like moldy cheese and Old Milwaukee.

    Be back later to read.
  13. justafigment27

    justafigment27 Mouseketeer

    Mar 8, 2015
    Woo-hoo! Another Oblivious family adventure!
  14. Dugette

    Dugette DIS Veteran

    Dec 26, 2009
    I'm here! I had no idea your family (well, except Drew) was so tall - your 14-year-old daughter is taller than me! :eek: I hope there's lots of cheese during your Wisconsin time. :rotfl: Looking forward to your adventures!
  15. cj9200

    cj9200 DIS Dad #412

    Dec 22, 2006
    Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick?

    Smart move on the suspect descriptions. Obviously this isn't your first rodeo. And isn't Julie's a.k.a. also Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mommy, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom. MOM!
  16. Bo Duke

    Bo Duke (Jason) 50 characters is NOT Enough!!

    Feb 22, 2011
    Watching because it is always fun to see the places others go when in Wisconsin. Being I live here and don't get around much, I am sure I don't even know of half the places you will go. You will have to let me know if you end up in the Madison-Betroit(Beloit)-Monroe triangular area. We could meet up for a dads meet.
  17. macraven

    macraven Proud Redhead Moderator

    Apr 21, 2003
    Any trip report that includes Wisconsin, I have to read

    Curious if you ate at culvers while there

    That is one of the things I miss since I moved to GA last Christmas time

    Not that i lived in WI but lived one mile from pleasant prairie

    So I am in for the ride!
  18. Cinderella's Fella

    Cinderella's Fella DIS Dad #215 Maryland, The Land Of Merry!

    Aug 14, 2008
  19. afwdwfan

    afwdwfan DIS Dad #460

    Apr 23, 2010
    You're saying this like it's a bad thing? :confused3


    Yes... he certainly excels there.

    I can't think of a more likely suspect than Scotty.
  20. glennbo123

    glennbo123 DIS Veteran

    May 10, 2008
    Joining in! Looking forward to another report.
  21. scrappydew

    scrappydew l wish I were at Aulani!

    Jul 15, 2016
    Can't wait!

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