4-year-old soccer

[oxfordcircus]

by my wife

And/or "Futbol according to my son"

Object of Game: (scratch butt now)
Rules: (swat a fly buzzing around your head)

Game Plan:
1. Arrive at field. Punch big sister and take away her Valentine's cards on the way out of the van.

2. Haul butt over to where friends are. Punch a friend.

3. Pick up ball. Start kicking it around. Kick it across field to which you are assigned. Proceed to next field where another group is playing. Kick it across that field. Keep going across fields where people are playing until you are approximately 1/2 mile away from designated area. Try to ignore your mom chasing after you with giant baby on her hip.

4. Come back to appropriate field. Spot Coach. Bend forward slightly at the hips, get running start, and headbutt Coach in the rear so hard you ricochet approximately 1/2 mile and land on your back laughing uncontrollably. Again, make every effort to ignore you mother chastising you from the sideline.

5. Line up as instructed. Perform one task correctly. Jump up in the air. Run to the sideline and slap your sister.

6. Fall down and scrape your chin on the grass real hard. Ask your mom if it's bleeding again. If not, pick at it a little, so it will.

7. Invite your arch-nemesis over to your house to play.

8. Snatch soccer ball away from some St. Andrews kid and throw it in the garbage can, then kick the garbage can over. Throw arms in air and shout, "SCORE!!!!"

9. Line up behind the other kids. Kick ball downfield as instructed. Attempt to kick in net. When blocked by goalie, pick ball up with hands, throw in air, and kick ball about 50 feet in the air over the net and into the River Pearl. Throw hands in air and shout, "SCORE!!!!"

10. Haul butt to the minivan. Ignore your mother as she runs after you asking you where you're going. If she persists, tell the old nag you're going to get your dang Valentine's candy.

11. Get back on the field. Kick your coach in the shin for the heck of it. Then shout at your mom as she stands on the sidelines, "HEY MOM!!!! I NEED MY BASEBALL BAT!!! WHERE IS IT?!?!"

12. Throw down your hat. Pile into the van. Buckle up and exclaim as you exit the parking lot, "I don't like soccer. I wanna go back to Disney World."

 

[lindalinda]

Looks like hes got it down!

 

[go to dw asap]

6. Fall down and scrape your chin on the grass real hard. Ask your mom if it's bleeding again. If not, pick at it a little, so it will.

 

[Simba's Mom]

by my wife

And/or "Futbol according to my son"

Object of Game: (scratch butt now)
Rules: (swat a fly buzzing around your head)

Game Plan:
1. Arrive at field. Punch big sister and take away her Valentine's cards on the way out of the van.

2. Haul butt over to where friends are. Punch a friend.

3. Pick up ball. Start kicking it around. Kick it across field to which you are assigned. Proceed to next field where another group is playing. Kick it across that field. Keep going across fields where people are playing until you are approximately 1/2 mile away from designated area. Try to ignore your mom chasing after you with giant baby on her hip.

4. Come back to appropriate field. Spot Coach. Bend forward slightly at the hips, get running start, and headbutt Coach in the rear so hard you ricochet approximately 1/2 mile and land on your back laughing uncontrollably. Again, make every effort to ignore you mother chastising you from the sideline.

5. Line up as instructed. Perform one task correctly. Jump up in the air. Run to the sideline and slap your sister.

6. Fall down and scrape your chin on the grass real hard. Ask your mom if it's bleeding again. If not, pick at it a little, so it will.

7. Invite your arch-nemesis over to your house to play.

8. Snatch soccer ball away from some St. Andrews kid and throw it in the garbage can, then kick the garbage can over. Throw arms in air and shout, "SCORE!!!!"

9. Line up behind the other kids. Kick ball downfield as instructed. Attempt to kick in net. When blocked by goalie, pick ball up with hands, throw in air, and kick ball about 50 feet in the air over the net and into the River Pearl. Throw hands in air and shout, "SCORE!!!!"

10. Haul butt to the minivan. Ignore your mother as she runs after you asking you where you're going. If she persists, tell the old nag you're going to get your dang Valentine's candy.

11. Get back on the field. Kick your coach in the shin for the heck of it. Then shout at your mom as she stands on the sidelines, "HEY MOM!!!! I NEED MY BASEBALL BAT!!! WHERE IS IT?!?!"

12. Throw down your hat. Pile into the van. Buckle up and exclaim as you exit the parking lot, "I don't like soccer. I wanna go back to Disney World."

Were you at my soccer practices? I used to be a soccer coach for 4 and 5 year olds, and although I don't know about #1 and #12, you describe our practices perfectly!