4 weeks I'm supposed to be in Disney, what should I do?

[LeahA]

We have gone to Disney the last 5 years over spring break and were eagerly anticipating another trip this spring break. 3 weeks ago we found out that my mom has terminal cancer in the liver. The doctor's don't expect her to live more than 1 year.

Well, that being said, she is not doing chemo or taking the radiation pill. The doc. doesn't believe that her body would be able to handle any side effects in addition to her condition. So, she is doing the palliative treatment right now to keep her comfy. She is not in the hospital or doing hospice right now, but we all know how these things can change dramatically.

So, I'm on the fence. I think that going would be a good break for myself and my dh and 3 kids. I've been on an emotional roller coaster for 3 weeks and I really would like that change of scenery.
On the other hand, I worry that something will happen while were gone and since we are driving from Illinois, I would have to fly back and my dh would have to drive back 2 days with the kids.
My mom has asked me a couple things about my upcoming trip, she asked if we were going to be at Universal when Ellen DeGeneres is going to be there. My mom is a big fan. She also said that I must be getting excited to get out of the cold of Illinois and get to go to the warmth of Florida.

I know that she would be mad if I cancel the trip because of her illness, but, will I be able to go and have fun knowing, and worrying about her?

I know ultimately this is my decision. Any feedback would help.

 

[julm26]

My mom just passed away from Pancreatic Cancer on Monday and she had had it for 4 years. It has been a long journey for us, she moved in with my husband, daughter and I when she got sick. I was her sole caregiver, she did well the first 3 years, but in the last year she became progressively worse. I was physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted. In september, my DH, DD and I went to Disney for a week. My doctor literally told me to take a vacation or he would put me in the hospital. I needed that break so that I could take better care of mom. She became very ill in november and was in the hospital, went into an assisted living/nursing home for Rehab but never was able to come home.

I spent EVERY day with her there since 2 days before thanksgiving. When your mom gets sicker (and I'm so sorry) you will need to be able to have that reserve of energy.

I say go to Disney, have good family time with your husband and kids - because you don't know what lies ahead. My DH and DD3 were somewhat neglected in the last 4 months - mom had to be my sole concern (I am an only child and she was a single mom).

Also, Take good care of yourself, let your husband and friends, family support you when things get tough. I won't sugar coat the road that lies ahead, I shed lots of tears in four years. But you have been given a gift (believe me I know it does not seem like one). You now have time to say the things you need to say, make the memories you need to make. You'll never be prepared when the time comes to say good-bye to your mom, but as someone told me, "You won't be the saddest person in the funeral home" - cuz you were given the gift of time to say the things you needed to say.

I am so sorry, and if you ever need to talk , please pm me. God Bless

 

[LeahA]

julm26-Thank you for responding to me. You are a very strong person, even though you may not feel like it at times.

My mom had colon cancer 2 years ago it was stage 4 and I guess we knew then that her prognosis wasn't that good. We had hope though, she went through chemo and the colon cancer went away, so we thought. When it mestasized to the liver and to her abdominal wall and we were given the 1 year prognosis, it has been like a truckload of bricks fell on top of me.

She lives 1 1/2 hours away, she lives with my dad and I do have 3 older brothers, but, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. I speak to her several times a day, I visit with her once a week. I don't know if it's because I'm the girl, her daughter, I always feel like I should be doing more.

I'm trying to hold things together for my 3 kids. My oldest, soon to be 11 is really a sensitive boy, he notices when mom is sad or if I've been crying. He know's that she is sick and that she's going to die. I didn't go into big details but wanted him to know so he could understand why I've been crying so much.

My heart goes out to you and I will pray for strength for us all to get through this day by day.

 

[safetymom]

I would go to Disney. It will be a chance to give you a time to relax. Disney is usually pretty good if you need to leave before the end of your trip.

I will keep you all in my prayers.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I would say stay...you'll never have this time with her again.
You both need this time for closure and when she goes you will know you have made extra memories and she will as well.

It is also a time to show your children the sadness we will all go through and they will only help her get through such a sad time.

Prayers to You

 

[catsrule]

I think you Mom would want you to go and have a good time for her and take lots of pictures to show her when you get back. Don't forget those Ellen pictures.

 

[LuvOrlando]

First, I am sorry you are having to go through this

I don't really have any good advice other than to talk to her. No matter what, the fact she keeps bringing WDW up makes me think it is on her mind. I would suggest that you ask her why its been on her mind so much the next time she brings it up?

 

[LeahA]

LuvOrlando-

My mom hates to see me sad. Even before cancer. My mom doesn't want me to cry everyday and not live my life. I think she keeps bringing up Disney, because it's been my dh, kids and I, our annual trip for so long now, and she knows that it makes me happy to be there. I really don't think it ever occured to her that I would cancel the trip just because she was sick. I asked her that if we still decided to go, which, I still have not made up my mind, if that would be o.k. She said that if I could go and truly relax and have fun, then she wants me to go. If I was going to go and be mopey and sad everyday then I shouldn't go.

Like I told my son, I will be sad wherever I'm at. It's a sad time in my life. Disney might offer me a big distraction. Not sure yet.....

 

[WDWRocksMySocks]

I would say, go. Your mom would probably hate for you to miss your trip and it's a good opportunity to be distracted from what's going on. However, if you can't go...I might suggest postponing your trip and taking it when you think you're ready to travel.

When my dad passed away, we scheduled a last minute trip to WDW about four weeks later. We always went as a family during Spring Break and we knew it would be a great place to relive some of our best memories with him. It was also nice to get away and be in a different environment -- even if it was only for a week.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Since your Mom has always worried about your happiness I wonder if she isn't looking to see how you deal with WDW as a gauge? It might be possible that she would be comforted by the knowledge your happy future won't be hurt by what happens to her.

No matter what you choose to do it has to feel right to you and no matter what you choose to do, we'll be here wishing you well.

Here's another and some prayers.

 

[LeahA]

LuvOrlando,

I think my mom is thinking that she is doing o.k. and that this is something we normally would do, so why aren't we doing it. If she was is bed daily and really doing bad, I wouldn't even think about taking a trip. My mom wouldn't want me cancelling all my plans for the next year just because she is sick. She loves when we travel, she loves to look at the pictures and to hear our stories.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Definitely a tough call to make.....I agree with your Mom if you can go and try to enjoy with your children, then go, but if you are going to go and worry constantly about what is going on at home, I would save the trip for another time when you can truly focus on your happy place..

It is a blessing to be able to spend time with your loved one knowing that the time is running out.. I did not have that advantage when my Mom died.....she was well.. then had heart issues, had open heart surgery and never woke up from the surgery....they fixed her heart, but destroyed her brain during the surgery as she had a stroke during the surgery.. She lived for 3 weeks but in a coma, and I only wished I could have had those 3 weeks with her coherent to talk and say all the things that one says at that time..

Again, this is a tough decision for you to make, but I think you will know in your heart what is right for you and your family. Hugs and prayers coming your way.