2nd marriage how to get rid of the 'old'?

[TinkandPan4ever]

HI! I am new to the DIS site and my friend said this would be wonderful place to get some ideas on how to start a NEW WDW tradition with my soon to be hubby. We have both been married before and all of our Adult WDW trips have been with our ex's! We are Planning on getting married on Christmas Day and we both LOVE WDW so we are going there for our honeymoon. How do I make this trip special for 'us' without the extra baggage????? Help???

Thanks a bunch!
Emily

 

[Beep]

Hi, I sort of know what you mean.

My first honeymoon was at WDW and now my wedding and honeymoon will be at WDW!

My DF and I talk about our ex's (he knew mine and I loosely knew his ex wife) so it's not a problem for us really, although we don't exactly compare notes. Sometimes one of us will say 'I remember coming here with XXXX and this happened' and we tend to laugh about it.

I would just try and concentrate on the fact that you are both there now and build new memories x

 

[lilmm]

I agree..we had our honeymoon at WDW last year. It was magical! Since you have both been married before, do you have children? Just be careful or they might want to go with you. Then you would have to foot the bill and buy t-shirts or something!

Enjoy, you will love it. Forget about the ex's they are "old" news.

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Thanks for the advice you guys. I need all the help I can get. WE don't have any kids but he does but they are grown so no worries there. And I realize we have done this before but I am NOT keen on taking them with us on our Honeymoon. If they went it would really bring up the memories of our ex's!

 

[lilmm]

I agree..we had our honeymoon at WDW last year. It was magical! Since you have both been married before, do you have children? Just be careful or they might want to go with you. Then you would have to foot the bill and buy t-shirts or something!

Enjoy, you will love it. Forget about the ex's they are "old" news.

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

We are doing the same thing! We are getting married this fall and Disneymooning in December! And, yes, the "children" are coming along. BUT they are 24,23,21, and dgs will be 8 months. We didn't want to spend $$ on a wedding so invited "our family" to come along to share our memories. After all Disney is a BIG place! What a great way to start "our" family's new life together! We have planned dinners, etc. with just the two of us and dinners, etc. with everyone.

The big thing for us is to do things we've never done before. We are having dinner at the Cali Grill to watch Wishes, carriage ride at POFQ, a diver/menu at Coral Reef, playing mini golf. We are getting pearls at the Japan Pavillion @ Epcot. DF loves pearls and thinks I should have a few and I won't argue!! Those are just a few things. I planned a week full of surprises and treats!

Just enjoy each others company! Don't compare and look at everything as if it were the first time! Have a wonderful time! Congrats!!

 

[thatdisneygirl]

We sort of had this problem on our last trip (which was our pre-wedding honeymoon) and we found a funny solution. It was the first time we'd been to WDW as an official couple, so we didn't have any "couple memories of our own". We had plenty of couple memories with other people, though, since we were in Orlando for 5 months in 2002 doing the college program.

We actually met during the college program because DF was my ex's roommate. (I know, I know...) The three of us were all good friends and so many of our pictures from that time are the three of us. When we went down on our trip, we kept being like, "oh, we ate there with ex" and "hey, remember when you, me, and ex rode that in the rain?" After a couple of days we started joking about how the three of us were having a lovely honeymoon and we decided to re-take pictures with just the two of us whenever we came to one of our "photo spots". It became something of a game and we had fun stamping the new memory over the old one.

To be fair, I think this worked best because he's sort of an ex for both of us because we both knew him. Plus, my ex and I are on good terms, so remembering him isn't unpleasant. I just didn't think I'd be doing so much of it on my honeymoon!

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

I want the kids to share in our memories but worry about them comparing there trip with me to trips they had when they were younger with there 'real' mom. I just want to start our own memories but I don't really think they are excited about the marriage. Any advice on how I can get them to be excited about our wedding. They are 18 and 20. There mom has already remarried and they love the guy but I don't think they are fond of me. What should I do?

Tiggerkeeper I would like to hear some more of your ideas on how to keep things seperate if we do decide to have them come along with us? I know it is our honeymoon but part of me feels guilty for not including them.

I am going crazy!!!! HELP

Emily

 

[Tink_Kel]

This is your honeymoon, they shouldn't expect to be invited. It's not like your not inviting them to the wedding, to share your happiness with them! You can always plan something fun to do with them after the honeymoon.

If they are not too excited about even the wedding, I would not invite them to the honeymoon. Your honeymoon is to celebrate your new life together, it's about fun and romance, not about trying to make other people happy. All it take's is one "incident" to put a damper on things. For once it is all about your guys!

That being said, I'm getting married in Orlando, and then Disneymooning. I have DS's 14 & 18. We are bringing them to Orlando for the wedding, and spending two days at the parks with them...then they are flying home, and the rest of the time will be just for us. My DF was kind of reluctant sharing a honeymoon with the boys, (not because they don't get along, but because it's a honeymoon!) So we came up with that solution.

There are a lot of people who share their honeymoon with their families, and have a blast...but if you foresee any type of turmoil, or simply just want to be with just each other, it's YOUR honeymoon.

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

I want them to like me. I just don't want anything to ruin our special day. We are eloping so no one is going to really be at the wedding. I am just so torn. Also what about my parents and his parents if we invite the kids do we take them to. It is just becoming very complicated!

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Oh btw tiggerkeeper congrats on having a guy who loves 'pearl'! You got yourself a good one there!!! LOL You will love doing that I did it with my mom and it was great!

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

My "kids" weren't expecting to be invited! We surprised them and ask them to come along. When we started dating DF asked their "permission" LOL! He actually called them and asked if they minded our dating, of course, they said no they didn't mind at all! We are eloping and were torn - I really wanted DS to give me away and DD to be MOH but the more we looked at wedding costs and other complications it was crazy sooooo we decided that we would take the immediate family to Disney. No one batted an eye knowing what Disney nuts we all are! Maybe we are crazy but we are one big happy bunch of crazy!

One requirement was they had to stay in a different resort on property from us! I planned the trip (as ususal) and invited everyone to certain dinners. We are all doing MVMCP one night...we are meeting at DTD store to pick out our ears for the party!! A picture session is planned. DF and I are going into Orlando one day to play then meeting up for dinner with kids at Bongo's. We have some girl time planned and some guy time planned and DF and I are going to babysit one night so they can all go out.

At 18 and 20 "your kids" are old enough to have a great time in the parks without you and your DH. There are always going to be comparisons in blended families but don't sweat it. Be yourself and they will come around. Being at Disney may be an ice breaker.

Do whatever you are comfortable with! If you want to chat PM me I'd be happy to share trip details!!

P.S. - GO DAWGS!

 

[lilmm]

I couldn't agree more than with Tink_Kel. Sounds like you are not sure how the "kids" will behave so I would agree that it is your HONEYMOON so it is about you! There is plenty of time to vacation with family later.

Tiggerkeeper's kids sound like they have accepted the situation so maybe her case is different. She has lots planned and it sounds like a wonderful family vacation. However if you have any doubt don't take the "kids". 18 and 20 are not babies and they should understand. Do you for one minute think they will invite you on their honeymoon?

Enjoy your honeymoon with you and your husband and plan a vacation later. Weddings are for sharing but not so sure about the honeymoon. Sorry, just seems strange to me.

 

[Beep]

I know you want them to like you (and it does make things so much easier) but try not to fret over it. The most important thing is that you and your partner like each other, make each other happy and want to spend the rest of your lives together.

I would concentrate on you and himself and I'm sure that they will see how happy you two are. It may take a little while but they will be ok.

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Thanks Beep. I just keep thinking this time is so much different than the first time. My ex cheated on me and it has taken me a LONG time to get "happy" with someone and I am just bursting with "JOY" now and I want them and everyone else to be happy too! I hope they do come around and I am leaning toward taking them with us. I think it would go toward creating a bond between us. What do you guys think??

 

[Tiggerkeeper]

To put a different spin on your trip try some things you've never done at Disney before. Try a new resort or different restaurants. Have a "wedding" cake delivered to your room. Try one of the specialty tours. Maybe an Illuminations cruise. Make sure you get lots of pictures of the two of you...together!! We decided not to exchange wedding gifts until our trip.

While unconventional our "honeymoon" plan works for us. We realize we are blessed....DS and DD were heartbroken when they discovered our plans to elope. The decision to "bring them along" was timing for us. We are going in December, both kids live out of state and a family Christmas won't be possible due to their jobs and since DGS will be having his first Christmas with his other grandparents. We will be spending 3 out 8 days with the kiddos and that works for us. Every minute I spend with DF is my honeymoon. Our story has been a fairytale and we look forward to being happy ever after!!

What ever you decide to do have a great trip!! And I hope all of your days are magical!! Your joy will be contagious and the kids will come around...just give them time.

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Ok one thing down a million more to go. Me and DF sat down and talked and we are going to invite the 'kids'. The one thing he wanted to do was stay at the Grand Floridian. He said he always wanted to stay there but until now couldn't really justify spending the extra cash. But since it is our honeymoon he wants to go all out and who am I to deprive him... LOL !

Now to where the girls are going to stay???????? I am going to get there in put on some special activities that they may want to do. My DF and I are leaving on Dec. 26th. But the girls will be spending Christmas with there Mom in NC so they will not be able to fly down until the 29th. So we will have a little time to ourselves. We are leaving on Jan 3 so we will ring in the new year at WDW. What a better place to start a new year!!! I gotta get my butt in gear and plan some fun things to do. Any suggestions would be great!!!

Counting down the days!!!!!

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Wanted to revise our trip plans to see what every one thinks. One thing that no one in our family has done is take a trip to US studios while visiting WDW. So DF and I thought that staying at WDW for the first part of the trip and then staying and US would be a fun. So I am booking at the Grand Floridian at WDW. The kids are staying at All Star Music. and then at US DF and I are going to stay at Portofino Bay and the girls are going to stay at Hard Rock I know they will love it. What do you guys think are we crazy for doing both?? I am going overboard on planning I am sure but I have just really gotten excited about all this and the kid in me is really starting to show.!!!!

 

[TinkandPan4ever]

Guess what we told the girls and they loved it. They are excited and very happy with us. I am very glad that they approve. Everything is going wonderful for us and I couldn't be more excited. Now on to planning our wonderful first trip as a new "family"!!! Thanks for all the well wishes!