2 year old behavior and playgroups (long)

[sap1227]

We have been going to playgroup with the same kids since DS was 4 months old, so this is not a new environment. There are 9 2 year olds in the group. We moms enjoy the social time more than the kids at this point. Most of the kids would still rather play alone than with the other children (I know this is perfectly normal behavior at this age, this is not the problem).

DS has bit a child once (over 6 months ago), but I am still paranoid about it so I watch him at ALL TIMES, but most of the moms talk more than they watch and respond to crying once it happens.

This last week I was watching DS like always and the same 3 kids would come up and take a toy from him and run away. Well his reaction was to hit the child and try to take the toy back. I would get up (none of the other mom's moved ) tell DS we do not hit and find him a new toy. This went on for over an hour and while I was getting DS's shoes to leave a little girl started screaming and saying "That little boy bite me". My heart sank, it was of course the same girl that he bit before and one of the kids that was taking toys from him all day.

Does any one have any helpful advice?? I know that biting and hitting are not acceptable and that must be stopped. I feel like he looks like the bad child all the time. All he is really trying to do is defend what he is playing with, and taking toys is also really unacceptable. We have made some progress with using words (he would say "no" and "mine" as he was hitting the other child, as much as I do not like to hear "mine" it is better than hitting!). I was dreading going this week, although now that problem is solved since I am on bedrest. I want it to be fun for both of us!!

Thanks!!
Christy

 

[CamColt]

We had a similar problem here. DS is the youngest in a neighborhood of 7 boys, some of who are big time tormentors. If that werent enough he had a speech delay which added to his frustrations. He started biting whenever he couldnt defend himself. From what Ive heard the best thing to do is to "get intheir face" so to speak, look them straight in the eye, and firmly say "no biting!". They will eventually get it.
DS will be turning 4 next week and other than an occassional bite while wrestling with his brother, he has pretty much stopped, Thank God!
Good luck!

 

[tlgoblue]

He looks like a beautiful child to me!

Gosh, this is hard. I think a "biter" will bite much more often, and usually at home as well as in other settings. If it was the same child, not that biting is ok, but maybe that's how he deals with her. As for what other kids get away with, you just stick to what you know is right, and eventually, it will sink in.

BTW, I know that this is a controvercial method, but DD used to bite on occasion. This occured in different settings and on different people. When it finally happened to me, I bit her back. I took her baby finger, put it in my mouth and gradually clenched my teeth till she grimmaced and got all wide eyed. I told her that is what biting feels like to other people, and she never did it again. (Of course, I guess it could have gone the other way, too. )

Keep the Faith!
Tracy

 

[CEDmom]

Have you tried talking to the other mothers? Since you've invested with this group I'd hate to say just stop going. From what you've said it sounds like the other kids are instigating your sons behavior. At 2 most children don't have the language skills to express themselves and resort to other means.

I went to a play group with DD once and never went back. She's in daycare 3 days a week so didn't really need to interaction it was more for me. Anyway, the mothers put their kids in a playroom (about 8 kids ranging from 6 mo-3yrs) and went into the kitchen to socialize. I stayed in the playroom since DD wouldn't let me leave her. When we finally went into the kitchen the other mothers were putting down daycare and saying how they'd never send their kids there . Well I'd had it at this point and told them that daycare is a structured learning environment not just a bunch of kids thrown into a room to fend for themselves. Naturally DD and I left after that.

I guess my point is either resolve these issues with the other mothers or drop out of the playgroup. Your son (a real cutie by the way) doesn't need to be in an environment that provokes negative behavior. Good luck.

 

[Kimberle]

First, you need to remember, though not desirable, hitting and biting are age appropriate behaivors for 2 yo's. Children are generally well into their 3's before they stop.

Next, you are not a "bad" Mom and your child is not a "bad" child. Biting & hitting have nothing to do with your parenting. Those parents that sit critize you are guarenteed to be parents of biters with their next!

Now, how to help him. This is what our preschool does & it works pretty good.

Your child is reacting to an emotion he is feeling - "hey, someone took my toy." He does not know how to express himself with WORDS yet, so he reacts in whatever way he can. 2 yo's are generally not very quick thinkers on their feet.

The teachers "shadow" children who bite. They learn what sets them "off" and try to defuse the situation before it happens. The child is encouraged to "use words".

After a bite occurs, the biter is proded to comfort and take care of the bitee. S/he will get an ice pack and/or a bandaid, give hugs, and say "I'm sorry".

Use positive reinforcement a LOT - "Johnny, you played so nice today, I'm so proud of how you shared your duck", etc. 2 yo's want/need praise & want to please their parents.

Lastly, don't worry, this phase WILL pass!! As your childs vocabulary and speaking skills grow, the biting will decrease.

 

[Doug123]

Our son bit for a while, too (he's two and a half now).

Maybe in your situation, you need to shift your focus a bit (pardon the pun!) If the other mothers aren't going to do anything about it, I suggest YOU address the other kids taking away your son's toy. I always figure that if other parents won't intervene with their child, and it's affecting me or my family, I'll intervene on their behalf.

If he's biting, there's usually a reason. Yes, make clear to him that biting is unexceptable. However, also make clear to the other kids -- in front of your kid -- that it is not acceptable for them to take his toy away from him when he's playing with it.

Just allowing the other kids to treat your kid poorly, and then focus on your son's reaction, is not the route I would personally take.