1 in 4 Married Couples Sleep in Separate Beds

[Nancyg56]

Thanks for everyone for giving it to me straight. I am contacting a good lawyer as we speak

Does this mean you are coming back home or are we getting custody of Jeff?

 

[KadysMom]

Does this mean you are coming back home or are we getting custody of Jeff?

You get Jeff!!!

 

[bettymae1121]

Correct

Two things that ruin a good marriage..

Sleeping apart and keeping your bank accounts apart.

If you do either/both, you won't have a very strong marriage. Not saying you can't get it to work, but you are making it much harder and you are not as happy as other couples who do share both. Again, this is my opinion, so before people go off the deep end and say I am being rude, I am just saying what I feel and not picking on anyone.

Man, DH and I are doomed!

He prints the newspaper. They are only printed overnight so he must work nights. So he needs to quit, retrain (meaning our income is reduced by 50% plus the cost of retraining) and then start over at the age of 38 at an entry level job. Or I need to quit my job working days and find a 3rd shift job somewhere (with the same reduction in pay while I train for a new job etc.). We must do this or we are headed for divorce for sure! Since sleeping at night is more traditional, is it better that we both work days, or is it okay for me to quit and work nights? Well, I carry the health insurance so it's probably best for him to quit. I'll have him put in his notice tonight. Thanks for telling us how not to ruin our marriage! I'm sure once we start sleeping together at night, that will aleviate any stress from having our income reduced by half, because money problems never cause stress in a marriage, especially since we do only have one bank account (hey, we did something right!).

But then again, the account is in my name only...the bank won't let him be added to my bank accounts because his credit is so bad. Does that count as "sharing" since it's one account, or are we doomed unless/until his score gets high enough that they'll let him be added?



I think it's great that sleeping together at night works you guys, but plenty of people have wonderful, long lasting marriages without it, and in fact in some circumstances, sleeping together would make things worse rather than better. DH and I find plenty of times to snuggle even though we are on opposit shifts. There are many ways to have a strong marriage and what works for one would be a disaster for another.

And while I don't understand HOW people who keep their finances totally seperate in a marriage make it work I do accept that plenty do it and their marriages thrive. So I don't knock it, or tell them they should just try it my way and they'll be happier.

I don't think your intent was to be rude, I truely don't. But it really did come off that way.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Man, DH and I are doomed!



I don't think your intent was to be rude, I truely don't. But it really did come off that way.

I originally didn't think the posters intent was to be rude, but after being told over and over again that if they would just put things a little less "my way or the highway" and they continued on regardless...well, now I think they are being rude.

No one has been disrespectful of his position on sleeping. It's the posts that are insulting. Heck, we have even had people who DO sleep with their SOs ask him to be more respectful and less judgemental. So I have come to the conclusion that he is officially stirring the pot. No one has asked him to change his position, just be a little less abrasive. We have all been playing nice on this thread, but he can't seem to. So it's taken a bit of a humorous turn (I know you picked up on that when I read your first paragraph in your post:rotfl)We can't make anyone be nicer, so it's turned a bit jokey. Which is fine by me.

 

[CaliforniaDreamin]

Thanks for everyone for giving it to me straight. I am contacting a good lawyer as we speak

Hey, I just thought of something! You can call Dr. Phil. He loves stuff like this. When he hears the shocking nature of this story, he might even call in the big guns (Oprah).You could get a free vacay to L.A. or Chicago out of this disastrous marriage!! Every cloud has a silver lining

 

[cm8]

We share a bed when the hours fit, we are like day and night.

 

[Muggle-born]

Wow, some of you are so nice. If DH fell asleep before I did and snored so bad I couldn't sleep, I would wake him up. If I'm going to be miserable because of him, he's going to be miserable because of me. Luckily, noise doesn't bother me too much.

 

[Planogirl]

Wow, some of you are so nice. If DH fell asleep before I did and snored so bad I couldn't sleep, I would wake him up. If I'm going to be miserable because of him, he's going to be miserable because of me. Luckily, noise doesn't bother me too much.

I did spend some time fussing at DH for his snoring and he in turn would fuss at me for waking him up. We ended up mad at each other and neither one of us ever slept so we finally gave up.

But then my marriage is obviously on the rocks so what do I know?

 

[MichelleVW]

Wow, some of you are so nice. If DH fell asleep before I did and snored so bad I couldn't sleep, I would wake him up. If I'm going to be miserable because of him, he's going to be miserable because of me. Luckily, noise doesn't bother me too much.

Why would you torture a sleeping person that was doing something pretty much out of their control? I will nudge my DH occasionally if he is snoring, but most of the time I just get up and go out to the couch. It's not like he's trying to keep me awake.

 

[mykidsand_i]

Why would you torture a sleeping person that was doing something pretty much out of their control? .

Yeah, I agree. People who snore cannot control what they are doing. It has made me mad at my mom for years. She hits my dad in the middle of the night if he starts to snore. OK, yes, It's really annoying to listen to and yes, it disrupts people's sleep...but it is a 'body/health/illness issue' and not something that a person tries to do. It would be like telling a person who can't control their bladder that they need to stop having accidents.

People who go with out sleep have a higher risk of health issues, they have a higher risk of getting into a car accident (or other accidents), they are at a much higher risk for depression and anger issues. Sleeping seperately (if space allows) can actually help some marriages. If snoring and sleep issues are making a couple fight, then how is that good for either of you? It's no ones fault, it's just a way of life.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

Why would you torture a sleeping person that was doing something pretty much out of their control? I will nudge my DH occasionally if he is snoring, but most of the time I just get up and go out to the couch. It's not like he's trying to keep me awake.

Yeah, I agree. People who snore cannot control what they are doing. It has made me mad at my mom for years. She hits my dad in the middle of the night if he starts to snore. OK, yes, It's really annoying to listen to and yes, it disrupts people's sleep...but it is a 'body/health/illness issue' and not something that a person tries to do. It would be like telling a person who can't control their bladder that they need to stop having accidents.

People who go with out sleep have a higher risk of health issues, they have a higher risk of getting into a car accident (or other accidents), they are at a much higher risk for depression and anger issues. Sleeping seperately (if space allows) can actually help some marriages. If snoring and sleep issues are making a couple fight, then how is that good for either of you? It's no ones fault, it's just a way of life.

I totally agree. Before his CPCP, my DH would have done anything to be able to stop snorng for the sake of both of us. No reason to add to it by being rude about it.

 

[austin&pipermom]

For the most part we sleep apart. We have been married for 7 years. We started out in the same bed (which was two twin beds together). There are many reasons why we sleep apart (me in the bed him on the couch). First of all I snore. Second, he moves around so much when he sleeps that I have gotten a black eye or a bloody nose from his elbow hitting me. He also talks in his sleep and sweats alot when he sleeps. So for us it is just easier to sleep in seperate beds, that is until we can afford a Cal. King size bed.

 

[bamajenn]

We have a King size bed but with how close we sleep together we could probably get away with a Full. The rest of the room is for the dogs and the cat... and occasionally DS who likes to climb in when we are asleep. The only exception to this rule is that once every two weeks I sleep in DS's room for a "sleep over party".

 

[Friendly Frog]

I am pretty much laughing through all of this.
I sleep with the Dogs. DH has his own room. We are both MUCH happier this way, and I assure you we are still able to get all of our emotional, physical, and bonding needs met.

BTW- I do touch the dogs back when I fall asleep, but I draw the line there! ( I hope the tag fairy doesn't see this.)

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

My boyfriend and I share our bed. About 4am every day, we share it with our cat, too.

 

[arubio0801]

And by old you mean over 25 right?

I mean by over 75

 

[JessicaR]

I mean by over 75

OK, so why after 75 is it OK?

 

[bamajenn]

I feel enlightened... before this thread I had no idea that it was a common thing for married couples to not sleep together (unless they are fighting LOL)!

 

[SCHBR'smom]

DH and I share a bed. The few times he's been away, I've had a difficult time falling asleep. I'm used to him being there.