WWYD: Traveling with Family with Kids

[NeverlandClub23]

A (hopefully) brief backstory:

My husband and I are in our mid to late 30's without kids. We work very hard 6-7 days a week, many hours a day. We do one big trip to WDW every other year and our vacations are really a way for us to reconnect and spend time together since we see so little of each other during the week. My parents occasionally go with us to WDW.

My brother and his girlfriend have a one year old son together. His girlfriend has 4 kids from previous marriages (ages 4-9). He is my only sibling and is in his late 30's. My Mom was over the moon as she thought she'd never have a grandchild.

Now for the WWYD, we have planned a two week trip to WDW in January 2016. My parents are joining us and we are staying the first 3 nights together in a 2 bedroom unit at OKW before separating for a week (them at VWL and us at AKV). They will then leave to come back home and my husband and I will have 2 nights of relaxing time staying at the Polynesian before we head home.

My brother and his girlfriend have been unemployed for 9-10 months and have recently become employed. They have started making comments like they would like to go on the trip (for a week) and I kind of get the feeling like my Mom will do anything to make that happen. My husband and I have talked about it and we are ok with hanging out with them throughout the day (a ride here and there), but we would like to do our table service meals with just the two of us now as that is one of the most enjoyable aspects of our trips to WDW. While their kids are not crazy-run-around-the-restaurant type of kids, they are still kids and it is quite chaotic when we all get together to eat now, let alone at WDW. Their kids also have little to no interest in eating so I don't want to feel like we're just rushing through a meal to get back to the park. I understand that obviously my Mom will want to be with them throughout their trip and that's completely understandable. I thought we were all on the same page, but my brother told me yesterday that the kids are well-behaved and will not drive us crazy at the restaurant. I told him that I love the kids, but we just have a different expectation of what we want our meals/trip to be like. He thinks I'm overreacting. Since we have already discussed with my parents where all our meals will be (since all our meals were originally going to be with my parents), my brother has told me he wants to go to all those places too. What do I do or say? I feel guilty/bratty for being like "no kids allowed" at our meals, but I would feel pretty ridiculous eating at the same restaurant as them at a different table.

 

[GrumpyDad1974]

DD is 16 and we had an opportunity to go with my sisiter and her family along with some other family members which included 2 young children and many first timers. I had briefly entertained the idea until I started asking about there plans and the phrase "wing it" was used. Now I know it's not the same issue but we just didn't go. If they had insisted in going on our trip, I probably would have backed out and changed the date. I would not feel bad it's your vacation and you spend a lot on it, enjoy it.

 

[gellar]

I think I'd meet somewhere in the middle. Eat a couple meals with them and some without. I'd split up your trip where you have certain days you plan to spend with the family and certain days you'll spend alone. Maybe change up your ADRs if necessary. Let them know how excited you are to see their kids experiece Disney, but also explain how important your vacations are as a couple. Make sure your brother understands that it's not the children's behavior you're trying to avoid, but that you need time alone to reconnect and relax and it's hard for you two to feel relaxed around children since you don't have kids of your own. Surely they'll understand that. It sounds like he picked up on the idea that you don't want to be around them because of their behavior and you need to work on squashing that notion. You are interested in adult conversation and letting loose. It's about you not knowing how to do that around children. Their children are a joy and you can't wait to see Disney through their eyes. That's how you keep from offending or creating hurt feelings. I have kids and would totally understand that.
Start the conversation with, "I don't think I expressed myself correctly the last time we spoke and I feel like there's been a misunderstanding because of that. What I was trying to say is..."

Also, DH and I went to WDW with family before we had kids and honestly, it was a blast. We split up here and there so that we did things on our own, but the times we were with the kids were just as fun, if not more. I had a very stressful job and needed the getaway too. I really and truly loved experiencing Disney with my nieces and nephew. I have memories of our trip I'll cherish forever. Make plans ahead of time to be separate from them some, but go into it with the idea that you're going to have fun no matter what. I promise you will.

 

[HoneyLemon]

I am the family with the kids and my sister and her fiancée are joining us. I don't expect her to spend every second with us and she has things she wants to do that we will have to skip because of the kids. We were both pretty upfront about our plans and that's why we both think it will be a good vacation.

Maybe suggest your mom takes the kids to a character meal or some other activity you know the kids would love that you might not be interested in. Let them know you want to do some things as a couple like rides with a height limit, a date night, etc. you are really going to have to sit down and plan this out. Things like are you close the park people or are you going to be there for rope drop? If you plan on sleeping until 11 and chilling at your resort for half the day they should know.
If the kids get antsy during a meal tell them to go on ahead and you will meet them at whatever ride later so you can stay enjoy the end of your meal. Tell them you want a couple days just the two of you and then do a couple meals with them and being family I think that's a pretty good compromise.

 

[Sir William]

I think I'd meet somewhere in the middle. Eat a couple meals with them and some without. I'd split up your trip where you have certain days you plan to spend with the family and certain days you'll spend alone. Maybe change up your ADRs if necessary. Let them know how excited you are to see their kids experiece Disney, but also explain how important your vacations are as a couple. Make sure your brother understands that it's not the children's behavior you're trying to avoid, but that you need time alone to reconnect and relax and it's hard for you two to feel relaxed around children since you don't have kids of your own. Surely they'll understand that. It sounds like he picked up on the idea that you don't want to be around them because of their behavior and you need to work on squashing that notion. You are interested in adult conversation and letting loose. It's about you not knowing how to do that around children. Their children are a joy and you can't wait to see Disney through their eyes. That's how you keep from offending or creating hurt feelings. I have kids and would totally understand that.
Start the conversation with, "I don't think I expressed myself correctly the last time we spoke and I feel like there's been a misunderstanding because of that. What I was trying to say is..."

Also, DH and I went to WDW with family before we had kids and honestly, it was a blast. We split up here and there so that we did things on our own, but the times we were with the kids were just as fun, if not more. I had a very stressful job and needed the getaway too. I really and truly loved experiencing Disney with my nieces and nephew. I have memories of our trip I'll cherish forever. Make plans ahead of time to be separate from them some, but go into it with the idea that you're going to have fun no matter what. I promise you will.

Agree. Some years ago, we spent time with friends at WDW. Our kids were roughly middle school age, while their oldest was in kindergarten. We enjoyed being together, but realized that we couldn't do the same rides, etc. We basically did our own itinerary, but agree to meet up for meals, or perhaps ones of the parades or evening shows. Our resort pool was another favorite meet up point - we both decided to take a break in late afternoon, return to the resort to rest and relax, before going back to the park for the evening. We also had a "rule" that if one family missed a "meet up" for any reason the other wasn't to take it personally. Everyone had a great time and it also gave us something to talk about when we did meet up.

 

[ToddyLu]

DH and I are 50 and 46 at the time of this writing and go to Disney once or twice a year. We do not have children and there are grandchildren on both sides of the family. We are DVC members and our family knows we are DVC Members. My opinion would be based on the family dynamics. There is no way DH would go to WDW with my brother and his five children. Not because of the children but because of the personality differences his has with my brother. Both men are hard working but my brother is very gregarious and friendly, occasionally obnoxious ( think politician) while my husband is quiet, organized and at very manly ( think secret service). My brother can tolerate my husband all the time because he is like that and my husband takes him in small doses ( like if they have to leave the White House). We will never travel as a family to WDW, a meal, yes...not travel.

He is my brother and I cannot change that...I love his children, too. Over the years when we have family functions DH and I take separate cars and DH is able to leave while I can stay and visit after the event. My Parents are still living as is my MIL. Luckily we live very close to one another. We get DVC studios for them and the understanding is that we meet up for meals and some park time. On our trip last month it was my parent's turn. Our understanding is that it is their vacation too. Like you we work all the time and WDW is how we spend our vacation time and money. It is precious to us. I booked favorite places to eat and fast passes together. I gave them an itinerary for those things and the rest of the time was up for negotiation or separation or whatever. DH and I left them at several points in the trip to go back to the room. For us AKV is kind of a sanctuary and as DVC members we will back at the parks for years to come I hope. Parks are not as big a draw as they are for others. We have cell phones and keep in touch. MIL has found that she quite likes to do a day at WDW on her own...no problem. So that is our backstory.

When it comes to children, like you said they are children. I think I would plan mornings, FPs and an evening meal a couple of days they are there, maybe at the beginning when excitement is high. I would do character meals and save the romantic meals at Cali Grill for later in the trip. That way noise is more appropriate and the kids are central. Then gradually breakaway...

My brother has five children and I once told my SIL that at 40 without children...anyone's kids would make me anxious after a couple of hours. That is their life, this is mine. I cherish my time at Disney, DH does too. We very rarely vacation anywhere else. I think you are on the right track. It is family after all and for me it would be all about the children's experience and not about making an adult comfortable. You will have to go into it with an open mind and decide that the week isn't forever and sometimes you will surprise yourself. DH and I will always be back at Disney a few months later no matter what happens this trip...

 

[ToddyLu]

In looing back at your post I would do a week focused on family then the second week alone with DH to enjoy. Can you separate it out like that? Maybe your brothers comments are that your brother knows how important the trip is to you and he wants to reassure you that the children will be as fun as possible. It may be that you need to reassure him you can take the heat when needed.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

Thank you all for your replies!! It really means a lot and has greatly helped. Now that we're down to the actual planning stages of it, they've decided with 5 kids they can't afford to stay on property and have decided to stay off-site for 4 days/5 nights instead of a whole week. We will meet up with them for a couple of counter service meals and/or rides and spend the day together at Universal (a park we enjoy, but could take or leave so we'd go in with the mindset of it just being a family day). They only want to do one table service meal which is Hoop Dee Doo Revue, but we've opted out since we've seen it 20+ times (and are frankly Hoop Dee Doo'ed out). I think it will all work out and, if not, there's always future trips and we are there for a couple of days after they leave if there's anything we feel we missed out on. We had a not so great family trip about 5 years ago with other family members so I'm really trying to not recreate that trip (too many conflicting personalities and too much waiting on other people to show up [or other people waiting on us]).

 

[Sir William]

Sounds like a good plan.

Some years ago we did a week at the beach with my wife's siblings and their kids. Nice people, but the entire family are consistently late for everything. I hate being late so this habit of theirs makes me really grumpy. I realized I couldn't spend all day every day with them so with DW's approval, I would do my own thing during the day but return in time the daily family group dinner (which was always late, too). Not my best vacation, but I had a much better time being on my own for much of the time rather than being with the group.

 

[seashoreCM]

Much of the outcome will depend on what your Mom wants. She will undoubtedly want to spend time with her grandson. We won't rule out her choosing to stay in the room later and meeting her son and family arriving from off site while you go to rope drop.

No reason why you can't relax leisurely at lunch time or dinner time with or without everyone. If your brother wants to get going more quickly then he can up and leave with his family before you do.

Suggest that you do the parades all together. More people make it easier to stake out and hold places.