Wow, felt like I was back in High School

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by frannn, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. frannn

    frannn <font color=blue>please stop the madnesssss alread

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    Today is DD6's last day of school. She is in a small, specialized class, so there are just a few mothers who I socialize with (small chit chat) during drop off & p/u. Today, there was a breakfast (serve yourself, cafeteria style) for the parents. Now, I'm generally an extremely shy, non outspoken person who is constantly working-running-working, with three daughters, one with a learning delay and the other two with emotional issues. Imagine the appts! So, I very rarely socialize. None of the moms from my daughter's class were at the bkfast room, so I glanced around, grabbed a bagel & coffee, and walked home with my breakfast. While I was at the bkfast, no one spoke to me. Even my neighbor, who was standing near me (but in conversation with someone else). Guess I could have approached her, but I don't think they like us anyway. There are the "in" crowd, we are not...or we've been so out of the loop that we haven't been out with others in a long while. Just wanted to vent. Guess its partially my fault, since I could stand to be more outgoing. Its just difficult when you're so busy that the days seem to run into one another. This felt like a watered down version of Mean Girls and Sixteen Candles and {insert your favorite teen movie here}. Thanks for listening, need some Dis :grouphug: :hug:.
     
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  3. mickeyboat

    mickeyboat <font color=660099>Nothing like the cream and choc

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    I am sorry you felt badly. :flower3:

    I do, however, think you need to put forth a little effort if you want people to socialize with you. It is awkward, especially if you are joining an ongonig conversation, and it takes a little gumption, but if you don't make an effort, people will assume that you just want to be left alone.

    Denae
     
  4. SDFgirl

    SDFgirl <font color=teal>Weekend spelunker<br><font color=

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    Perhaps they are wondering why YOU don't speak to THEM?

    One of my best friends is super shy, she doesn't talk to people unless approached. And although she's super nice, people think she's a bit of a snob. Just saying, the perception of you that's "out there" may be different than the person you really are.
     
  5. NMAmy

    NMAmy Can speak food in German

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    Maybe I'm reading this wrong but it sounds like you didn't give them much of a chance to include you. You said you glanced around and grabbed a bagel and left. :confused3

    To make friends, you have to be friendly and approachable. Start a conversation--I know it can be hard. I'm naturally shy myself but people are always surprised to hear this. I've learned to ask people questions about themselves--people love to talk about themselves. DH says I'm a genius at coming up with follow up questions. :lmao: I'm uncomfortable so while the person is speaking, I'm already coming up with my next question so there are no pauses in the conversation. Open ended questions are best.

    I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable but I really think you should have given them a chance and made more of an effort.
     
  6. Luvmy4boys

    Luvmy4boys DIS Veteran

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    :grouphug:

    I've been in situations like that. It does feel like high school. We are grown women and should be able to handle it, but still it is awkward and pulls at your heart strings.
     
  7. EthansMom

    EthansMom <font color=red>spare yourself from asking me to d

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    The cliques here (mostly between the women) remind me of Jr. High.
     
  8. Cindy B

    Cindy B <font color=blue>Have taken some furniture polish

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    I never bothered with the elmentary school mothers either. They were such shrills. When I picked up my daughter, I usually just put my headphones in just so I didn't have to deal with them.. I was in there with my Ipod just listening away.

    However, I can read lips (I've worked with hearing impaired students). If the mothers were talking about me or something important, I would just pause the Ipod and watch them. Then if it warranted it, I would just casually mention something on my way out.. noting that I could hear them!

    Now that my kids are in middle and high school, I don't have to deal with the witches as much..
     
  9. bjgrazi

    bjgrazi <font color=darkblue>I remember those days fondly<

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    It may not be "them" but it may be you. You have to extend yourself and make time for others if you want them to make time for you. They probably feel you don't want to be bothered with them.
     
  10. frannn

    frannn <font color=blue>please stop the madnesssss alread

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    Not saying they're all witches, just that many of them are not people in our circles. Many have maids, work PT if at all (not that being a SAHM is bad), etc etc. Many are fully made up with manicures. Lucky them. BTW, I always try to make sure I smile at the mommies & daddies when I pass, even if I don't know them.
     
  11. RitaZ.

    RitaZ. Move on don't hesitate, break out.

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    That's a good point.

    OP, we're all busy. Next time you're in a similar situation start by smiling and saying hello, ask about an upcoming school event, etc. There are some moms that are cliquish, but there are many that are not. You have to step out of your comfort zone to find those moms that are genuinely nice. :thumbsup2

    If you leave the gathering right away, you are not giving anyone the opportunity to get to know you and vice versa. Give it a try!:thumbsup2:thumbsup2
     
  12. MUFFYCAT

    MUFFYCAT <marquee behavior=alternate><font color=deeppink>S

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    :thumbsup2

    Frann, don't worry about them. You'll find a few mothers you feel comfortable with.
    I use to laugh at all those mothers and their cliques. They were worse then middle or high school.
    I was the evil mother who worked full time so a babysitter would bring my kids to school. On the days I was home, the looks they would give me. :rotfl:

    Most of these mothers need to get a life.
     
  13. Nie0214

    Nie0214 DIS Veteran

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    You can look at it as cliques, or you can look at it as SAHMs spend so much time with their children that they want adult interaction too. They have these "cliques" with other SAHMs so their kids play together while they have some (much needed) adult interaction during their day.

    Of course, they could just be shrews, but just remember you're (collective, not you personally) injecting personal bias / judgement into the personality of a person you don't really know.

    @OP I realize being shy is sometimes difficult to overcome, but if I saw someone alone, away from the group, I'd just assume they wanted to be left alone. I'm not an overly social person, and I know that. If nobody speaks to me, I wouldn't take offense when I'm the one who turned them away with my social cues. If I want to socialize, I will. If I want to be left alone, I will be.
     
  14. merryweather20

    merryweather20 DIS Veteran

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    :confused3 Huh?? You said you glanced around grabbed a bagel and left? What did you want the other parents to do, chase you out the door?

    If the other parents are sitting having conversations with each other they might not notice every person who walks in the room. Who cares if they have a manicure? What difference does this make?

    I used to work with someone who insisted there were cliques in the office. I said no, the girls she was referring to went to lunch together because they sat together. Big deal. I made a point of asking them to lunch the next time and they came. It was nice, but we were into different things, which was no surprise to me. It ended up being only a once a year thing. I don't think anybody owes it to me to be my friend, or to entertain me at a luncheon (or breakfast in this case).
     
  15. BCDisneyFanatic

    BCDisneyFanatic DIS Veteran

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    There seems to be a lot of judgmental comments being made on this thread.

    My kids have attended four different elementary schools so far, and I have had to get to know four different groups of mothers. With a little bit of effort on my part (going up and saying hello, making it known that I am new), I've always found the vast majority of women to be welcoming and friendly. Often, the women who left me with a first impression of being snobs were really just shy, or busy, or distracted.

    Yes, there are exceptions, but if someone finds that ALL of the mothers they meet are "witches"...well, perhaps the problem doesn't really lie with the other mothers (just sayin' ;)).
     
  16. bunny

    bunny DIS Veteran

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    There are definitely cliques in elementary school moms. You are not imagining that. I think a lot of the moms meet at the classroom parties, field trips, etc., so if you work and can't attend, you are out. They also like to arrange playdates over the summer when school is out, so if your child is in daycare, you are out again.

    My oldest son's class is like that. A couple years ago I took a vacation day to attend his field trip with him. I only get 3 weeks a year, so I try not to take days off here and there and prefer to use them for vacations or holidays. When we were waiting for the bus to pick us up, the homeroom mom jokingly said in front of all the other moms, "Well, it is about time you showed up to help out with our class. Where have you been hiding? Maybe now you will start showing up for more stuff like our parties." Well for some reason that really made me mad, so I said, "Actually I had to take a vacation day from work today to be here, so next summer when you are with your family at the beach, think about me sitting in my cubicle, since I am using my vacation day today." Her face turned red and all the moms walked away. So if I wasn't an outcast before that, I turned into one then. The SAHM's hated me. A few weeks later the homeroom mom sent me a really nice e-mail and has been super friendly to me ever since then. I guess she felt bad.

    The mom brigade in my youngest son's class interrogated me about why I didn't come to their class parties. I told them I decided it wasn't worth wasting a vacation day to attend a 2 hour kindergarten party. I have been ostracized every since then. I guess because I said their party wouldn't be worth it.


    So, don't worry about it. It isn't about you.
     
  17. mickeyboat

    mickeyboat <font color=660099>Nothing like the cream and choc

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    How could the OP have possibly known those women were witches? She does not know them and has never socialized with them. She wouldn't even speak to them when she had an opportunity to do so.
     
  18. DisneyFan32WI

    DisneyFan32WI <font color=blue>Sometimes I just like to be plain

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    I can absolutely relate.

    I also work full time, and don't have much time at all for school activities or the parents. I feel that it is very hard to make new friends when others don't seem to want them. I would guess that 95% of the moms at our school stay at home. They probably get together and head to the pool, park, etc. They have developed this friendship network which doesn't extend to others who they only see at pick up and drop off.

    To the OP...I am sorry this happened. It can make for a very uncomfortable time. There is nothing worse than being in a crowd of people and feeling all alone.
     
  19. saratogadreamin09

    saratogadreamin09 Derek Jeter =

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    :hug: Im 14 and I babysit for a few kis and honestly some of the parents' behaviors really surpirse me. Like when Im at a baseball game or something for the kids its amazing to see the moms forming their own "cliques". I even notice it among moms of kids my age, the moms of the "popular" girls in my class only really interact with each other.
     
  20. EthansMom

    EthansMom <font color=red>spare yourself from asking me to d

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    At our school, there are cliques even within the SAHM group.... There's the whole contingent of SAHMs who wear the right clothes, live on the right side of town, drive the right kind of car, and attend each other's parties. Then there are the SAHMs who aren't part of that group, for whatever reason.
     
  21. Christine

    Christine <font color=red>Would love to be able to sit on th

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    Same experience here. I didn't notice it as much when my kids were in public school, but in the Catholic school, it is there BIG time.

    I work so I am a pick up and drop off person. I am also fairly friendly so I do strike up conversations. They will talk to me, when forced;) but it never gets better. I guess they have no need for me or new friends.

    It is most uncomfortable during functions. I went to my son's 8th grade awards dinner and had to bring my mom with me so I would feel like such a pariah!
     

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