Would you borrow money from your children?

[Bec3b1g]

Under these circumstances, would you expect your adult children to give you money?

You are retired and have several hundred thousand dollars in assets that could be sold.
Your adult children are also retired and are not wealthy.
Your monthly expenses exceed your retirement income and nothing further can be cut to reduce expenses.
You have been very generous throughout your life to your adult children.


I would sell everything I own and then start donating my plasma before asking my children for money. Just wondering how others feel about this.

 

[Dizlvr]

No, if I can't handle my finances by the time I'm retired its my own fault and I wouldn't expect anyone to bail me out.
I would sell everything, get a financial planner, and live well below whatever means I had at that point.

 

[lizabu]

Never. I would rather go to a food bank than borrow one penny from one of my children. It would be a very sad day if I ever felt I had to ask for anything. I would have to be in a very dire situation to even consider it.

 

[Andtototoo]

Under these circumstances, would you expect your adult children to give you money?

You are retired and have several hundred thousand dollars in assets that could be sold.
Your adult children are also retired and are not wealthy.
Your monthly expenses exceed your retirement income and nothing further can be cut to reduce expenses.

The key here is that a one-time loan or gift from the kids (or anyone else) is not solving the problem. At all. It's a stop gap measure that delays the inevitable.

The base problem is simple: outgo is greater than income. Every month. Apparently, permanently.

The solution is also simple: If it's not possible to cut the outgo, then the only option is to increase the income permanently.

Getting a one-time loan/gift is not going to give them the solution they need.

So they need to sell the assets. Once they sell the assets, they need to create a strict plan that will fund those monthly expenses for as long as possible.

If the proceeds from the sale will not fund their monthly expenses for as long as they need them to, then they really have no choice but to find a way to decrease the expenses however painful that might be.

Also -- if their outgo is greater than their expenses, let's be honest, they're not asking for a loan from their kids because they're not going to be able to pay it back with their current income. Therefore, they're asking for the kids to give them money to fund their life on a daily basis because they don't want to sell assets now (when it's inevitable that they will have to at some point). I cannot imagine asking my kids to do that when I'm sitting on sellable assets. How selfish.

 

[Dawnlight]

No, I'd sell the assets. Several hundred thousand in assets, if invested well, could result in a very decent interest that the parents could live off of. Why wouldn't they do that first? Do they want to preserve those assets for the kids' inheritance?

 

[kamik86]

In those circumstances no... It wouldn't really be borrowing as how would you pay them back?

Now my parents have borrowed money from me but most of the time it was more in the sense of them asking us to pick them up a new tech item they need (new router last itme) because we actually would know what to buy and they give us the money when we stop by to install it. Or if we buy something together (last week we did this with a cruise picture package that had all 4 of us in it) they will then pay us back for their piece. They have also borrowed money for a short term cash flow issue (as have I from them - like when I was starting a new job and moving at the same time. Didn't have money for first/last/security until my signing bonus that would come 2 weeks after I started) but that has always been paid back quickly

 

[Mizzoufan]

No I would never ask my kids for money, I hope if that if they saw someone in need they would step up to help if they could.

 

[Bec3b1g]

So they need to sell the assets. Once they sell the assets, they need to create a strict plan that will fund those monthly expenses for as long as possible.

If the proceeds from the sale will not fund their monthly expenses for as long as they need them to, then they really have no choice but to find a way to decrease the expenses however painful that might be.

Also -- if their outgo is greater than their expenses, let's be honest, they're not asking for a loan from their kids because they're not going to be able to pay it back with their current income. Therefore, they're asking for the kids to give them money to fund their life on a daily basis because they don't want to sell assets now (when it's inevitable that they will have to at some point). I cannot imagine asking my kids to do that when I'm sitting on sellable assets. How selfish.

The assumption is that upon death, the estate will pay back the money "borrowed" if there are any assets remaining.

No, I'd sell the assets. Several hundred thousand in assets, if invested well, could result in a very decent interest that the parents could live off of. Why wouldn't they do that first? Do they want to preserve those assets for the kids' inheritance?

No attempt to preserve an inheritance. Just a flat out refusal to sell anything. As to the why, maybe senility, pride, or a sense of entitlement?

This could also be solved by moving in with one of the adult children, but the person in question won't.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

No attempt to preserve an inheritance. Just a flat out refusal to sell anything. As to the why, maybe senility, pride, or a sense of entitlement?

As a child I would tell my parents to sell their stuff and I have done so. I can get as pissy as they can.

I would rake them through the coals with their finances.

My parents are a spend beyond their means people and we have raked them plenty. They won't change.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

The assumption is that upon death, the estate will pay back the money "borrowed" if there are any assets remaining.

LOL, that is a big crock of crap. I hope the children in question do not fall for that scam.

 

[Dizlvr]

What expenses can't be cut?

 

[Dawnlight]

The assumption is that upon death, the estate will pay back the money "borrowed" if there are any assets remaining.



No attempt to preserve an inheritance. Just a flat out refusal to sell anything. As to the why, maybe senility, pride, or a sense of entitlement?

This could also be solved by moving in with one of the adult children, but the person in question won't.

To presume that anything will be left is dangerous thinking. Those assets could be gone very quickly should the the parents need long-term care. Then there will be no repaying of the money borrowed.

It's very sad that the parents aren't considering the financial well-being of their adult children, who are not well off, and are being put in a very uncomfortable situation. They need to be concerned for their own retirement, not their parent's.

 

[3Gsandme]

Yeah. No.

It sounds like this person is refusing to change anything about how he or she lives. That's just not acceptable. You can ALWAYS cut expenses, you just may not like what expenses you have to cut.

 

[smitch425]

Under those circumstances? Never, but we borrow money from them now (they are only 10 and 12). Sometimes we need tip money and they have an abundance of $1s and $5s. Whatever we take, we make up for. Their interest rate is steep.

 

[Bec3b1g]

What expenses can't be cut?

Person has not ever been held accountable for their spending. Has now acquired credit card debt, mortgage, medical expenses (supplemental health insurance to medicaid), and basic living expenses that exceed social security income. Bankruptcy and/or moving in with adult children would reduce enough expenses, but both are being met with refusal.

Three adult children disagree on how to handle this and it's causing a lot of tension within the family. It seems so black & white to me so I thought I would ask what outside people think.

LOL, that is a big crock of crap. I hope the children in question do not fall for that scam.

Yep, 1 of the children believe this to be true.

 

[Dizlvr]

Person has not ever been held accountable for their spending. Has now acquired credit card debt, mortgage, medical expenses (supplemental health insurance to medicaid), and basic living expenses that exceed social security income. Bankruptcy and/or moving in with adult children would reduce enough expenses, but both are being met with refusal.

Three adult children disagree on how to handle this and it's causing a lot of tension within the family. It seems so black & white to me so I thought I would ask what outside people think.



Yep, 1 of the children believe this to be true.

I agree with you, its pretty black and white.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Person has not ever been held accountable for their spending. Has now acquired credit card debt, mortgage, medical expenses (supplemental health insurance to medicaid), and basic living expenses that exceed social security income. Bankruptcy and/or moving in with adult children would reduce enough expenses, but both are being met with refusal.

Three adult children disagree on how to handle this and it's causing a lot of tension within the family. It seems so black & white to me so I thought I would ask what outside people think.

Ha, wait until the person in question takes out the reverse mortgage or a home equity line of credit (which is what my dad did).

Fun times...not!

Now they are living in my brother's condo. They lived with my sister for 2yrs prior to that. I am next in line.

It never ends.

 

[Dawnlight]

Person has not ever been held accountable for their spending. Has now acquired credit card debt, mortgage, medical expenses (supplemental health insurance to medicaid), and basic living expenses that exceed social security income. Bankruptcy and/or moving in with adult children would reduce enough expenses, but both are being met with refusal.

Three adult children disagree on how to handle this and it's causing a lot of tension within the family. It seems so black & white to me so I thought I would ask what outside people think.



Yep, 1 of the children believe this to be true.

Is this person willing to speak with a financial adviser who can present an impartial view of the situation? Maybe if they see what can be gained financially from selling off the assets, what sort of income they might be able to earn even from just the interest, how the sale of assets could eliminate credit card debt, etc.

Sometimes it's hard for a aged parent to accept advice like this from their children.

 

[I loveStitchnippyjon]

If the parents have assets, then that should be used to live on. If they are not responsible enough to care for themselves, maybe the "kids" need to take over. Perhaps the threat of being declared incompetent will be a wake-up call!

 

[Bec3b1g]

Edited post because this info could identify me to family and that would cause really big issues.