Who else has moments when they still miss a loved one??

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Harvest02, Mar 4, 2007.

  1. Harvest02

    Harvest02 DIS Veteran

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    My dear grandmother passed away last year, July 30th, 2006. It has been quite a few months, but some things just trigger tears to flow.:sad2: I was listening to my IPod and the Brad Paisley/Dolly Parton song came on "When I Get Where I'm Going" and I started crying thinking about my grandmother. I took the loss extremely hard and still think about her every day. Do you ever stop thinking of a loved one after they have passed on? Do the tears ever go away? I miss her terribly! She was so good to me, and loved me, my DH, and my kids a lot! Just want to know I am not alone in feeling this way!
     
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  3. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    My mom passed away on News Years Eve. I keep waiting for the pain to go away, but it hasn't. I miss her everyday, and at times, I am just overwhelmed. My husband lost his mom over 20 years ago (she was only 45), and he says the pain lessons, but it never completely goes away. I am just hoping for the day when I remember the good memories, and not all the sad ones the months before her death. I send you lots of :grouphug: and hope that it gets easier for you.
     
  4. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    It does get easier as the years go by, but you always miss your loved ones at the Holiday's, especially the holidays they loved... The song that triggers it for me for my Dad is Daddy's Little Girl, I dread it when they play it at weddings..and for my Mom.........the song by Linda Ronstadt, Somewhere out there....still brings tears to my eyes.. It has been many years for my Dad to be gone, I was young when he passed away and he was young too, and my Mom was 20 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday... so yes, I still miss them...
     
  5. antmaril

    antmaril DIS Veteran

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    My mother has been gone for 25 years and my dad died five years ago. It does get much easier, but I still miss them every day.
     
  6. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

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    It has been 12 years since my husband died and there are still moments where it seems like it was yesterday.

    Whenever I hear fly like an eagle I can start to cry. I can remember Fran singing that song. I also have songs that make me remember my mom and dad. I love that Brad Paisley song.
     
  7. TomB'sWidow

    TomB'sWidow Mouseketeer

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    It has been 5yrs since Dh has passed and every holiday and all those wonderful songs brung tears but the moments that get me most are having to do with our children. Whenever they have a milestone in their life, I especially have moment's with our youngest who was only two when her daddy left to be with Jesus. She knows her Daddy through the family's eyes and she questions everyday. So for me it is there everyday.
     
  8. JandJ

    JandJ <font color=darkorchid>If I close my mind in fear

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    I guess it gets easier but no, it never goes away. My mom was my best friend. We spoke on the phone 5 or 6 times a day - even when I lived at home! She was the one I went to for everything. She died unexpectedly on June 10, 2005 at 6:05 am :angel: 4 months before my wedding. One of the last things we did together was buy my wedding gown. I treasure the memory of that day so much. I miss her SO much. Therapy helped and I've always kept a journal, and I find writing out my feelings when they hit me to be very cathartic.

    If I go to a place she and I went to together it's really hard. If I hear "Thank You" by Natalie Merchant I lose it completely - that was the song I was going to dedicate to my parents at my wedding. The lyrics are so perfect and so painful now.

    I held my mom's hand when she passed, quietly and (we hope) painlessly. She
    d been sick for years but this wasn't supposed to be . . . this wasn't supposed to be it. The first time it really "hit" me that mom was gone - a few weeks after she passed I went to Target on my lunch hour. I saw a really cute brown skirt and thought "do I own a brown skirt? Do I have shoes to go with it? It's $16.99 should I get it?" and instinctively dialed mom. I always dialed my mom for everything! I caught myself just as I was hitting the "talk" button and completely lost it right in the middle of Target.

    My sister had a bad relationship with our mother, whereas mom and I were as thick as thieves. She once gave me a keychain that said "mom always liked me best" :rotfl: So, my sister has not gone through the gutt wrenching pain that I have gone through. I wondered aloud to DH recently, how lucky my sister is that she hasn't felt the depths of this pain and he corrected me - sure my sister is o.k. now but would I give up all of the wonderful times, laughs, trips, deep talks, all the time I had with mom just to not hurt so much now? No way!!

    God Bless all of you who have lost someone. I am able now, 1.5 years later, to think of the happy times more than the sad, but it never goes away. Heck, I cried typing this! :sad1: Daddy has terminal cancer and is coming up on the 3-year mark - the doctors gave him 3 years - I don't know how I could handle going through it all again :sad2:
     
  9. Ava31

    Ava31 Mouseketeer

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    My brother passed away 1/25/2006 and there's not a day that's gone by in the last 14 months that I haven't thought about him. Most days they're just fleeting memories (albeit several), but some days I'll see someone interacting with their sibling or my mom will get on my nerves and it makes me so sad to know that I'll never be able to talk to my dear brother again. I don't think I'll ever stop thinking about him every day and, frankly, I don't want to, but someday I'll be used to the fact that Dave isn't there anymore.
     
  10. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    Hey Jen... I just wanted to give you a hug.....your post brought tears to my eyes..

    I am the Mom of three girls and we are all close, I worry about them how will get through one of these losses and hope that we have more time with them... You just never know when it is your time. Now that their Dad is sick, they are around all the time, call all the time, and are constantly worrying. When I read about your Dad, I thought how hard it must be on you especially after the loss of your Mom so suddenly.. Please know that I will keep you in my thoughts and your Dad too. Hugs again.
     
  11. lisajl

    lisajl <Font color=green>This is our dog Chloe!<br><font

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    Dec 16, 1977...I was 15 and my dad died. Dad was 67. I was the only kid still at home and saw all of the pain and misery cancer can cause.
    It is still with me today. 4 years ago my wonderful SIL passed away from cancer as well. She was my dad's favorite. My dad loved her so much! My niece and I cried when her mom passed away but I told her that my dad was there with her mom.

    Fast forward to Dec 15, 2006. I had been thinking of my dad, since the next day would be 29 years since he had passed. I had been writing to the Army to get dad's WWII records..anything my mom did not have. (my mom passed away in Aug 2006). Well, I get a package from the Army. My DS-12 opened the package for me. It had my dad's name and my name on it.
    They were medals that my dad had won during WWII. My brother has the originals so I doubt I will ever have them. At any rate, I did not ask for these medals, they just sent them to me.
    I cried like a baby for over an hour.
    My father in law said, "Your dad was looking out for you." I like to believe that.

    Lisa
     
  12. Disney Dee

    Disney Dee DIS Veteran

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    It does get easier as time passes when you lose a parent. I lost my mom 4 yrs ago, just a week before my sons wedding. We knew she wouldn't be there, because she was in the hospital, and the wedding was all she talked about. She insisted I go shopping for a dress for her we knew she would never wear. My sons wedding day was supposed to be one of the happiest days for our family, and it turned into the saddest. I couldn't stop crying when i walked into the the room they were married in and there was a chair with her name on it. The pain was unbearable. I use to reach the phone to tell her things that are important in my life, I don't do that anymore,but i still tell her, hoping she hears me. Keep the memories alive, and may all our loved ones we have lost RIP.
     
  13. jann1033

    jann1033 <font color=darkcoral>Right now I'm an inch of nat

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    my dad died 3 yrs ago this july and sometimes i just forget he is gone. it just seems kind of like a dream.it's probably only the past 4- 6 months when that happens i don't always cry. he didn't live nearby so i didn't see him everyday which might be different. i stayed with him and helped him out the last 2 days of his life ( long story, lots of heartache when we were younger) and I know that made him feel good so that makes me feel good knowing i did what i could to let him know i forgave him and cared about him( he was not the huggy kissy type of guy for sure) and was able to help him be calm and secure while he was dying ( he had had enough and refused treatment for ongoing health problems) so I miss him, sorry he never even saw his great granddaughter but i am really comforted by knowing i helped him in the end and think of that when i feel sad about him dying
     
  14. lyeag

    lyeag DIS Veteran

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    It has been 19 years since my mom died and 17 since dad followed her. Not a day goes by that I don't think of them and miss them.

    Yesterday would have been my 15th anniversary with my late husband. We were only married a little over a year, and I have been remarried for quite a while, but I still have my moments where sadness overwhelms me. I love my husband, but I still can be brought to tears by a song I hear that reminds me of John.


    The pain changes, but never goes away. Hugs :hug: to you.
     
  15. zalansky

    zalansky <img src="http://www.wdwinfo.com/images/sponsors/s

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    JandJ - I feel such a connection to you, to quite a few of you!

    I lost my mom to pancreatic cancer almost 9 years ago. I was 28 years old, Not knowing much about the disease, being single, living alone and having to remain at my job to pay bills....I was not there as much as I wanted to be. But she was my very best friend and if I allow myself to go there, to a place inside me where I desperately miss her, it hurts just as bad as it did the day she died. I was lucky to be there when she passed but she was terrified and that made it hard. She never got to come to my wedding, never saw me bring two awesome kiddies into the world, who look like her! She'd love that.

    3 years later my Dad suffers a massive stroke, leaves him totally paralyzed and wheelchair bound. Thank God he had a girlfriend who stuck by him for years. This time last year Dad started having symptoms, ten months later we force him into a hospital and they diagnose him with advanced colorectal cancer. I am not working now so I was lucky to be ablt to spend alot of time with him at the end. Precious time I would not trade for anything. He passed away on Valentine's Day this year. Its still so raw I have not dealt with it yet. I am 38 and have no living parents. I hate that...

    I know its new but I miss Dad daily, many times a day. I stare at his photos. With my mom, I still think of her, but that gut wrenching pain has left me. Now I have to satrt again and heal and deal with Dad's death.

    Prayer helps me....Anyway I went off on tangents but I felt connections to some posters here. It what my sisters abd I call "the dead parents club". Sad but true. I should go to bed!

    I will re-affirm the pain changes but will never go away. PErfectly said.
     
  16. rie'smom

    rie'smom <font color=green>"Always let your conscience be y

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    My younger brother died in 1999 at age 26. We were very close. As a 4-5 yo he would sneks into my bed and we'd talk about all of the places taht we'd visit when we grew up. Thankfully,he was able to travel before he died. I still miss him very much. The grief has gone but I'll never not miss him. He never met my 13 yo daughter.
    My dear Aunt Brenda died about 8 years ago. I always thought that she and I would have been a better mother daughter team and my mom and Aunt Brenda's daughter would have been a better match. She was so funny and after an abusive first marriage,she found true happiness with her second husband. i wish they would have had more time together.
     
  17. PrincessSuzanne

    PrincessSuzanne <font color=red>Guess I will be eating crow tonigh

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    I lost my grandfather on April 11, 1979, I was 5 years old and not a day goes by that I don't think of him. I am reminded of him often by that Brad Paisley song, because I know one day I will get to give him a hug. I also lost my grandmother on July 19, 2001 just 4 1/2 months before I got married. She was more like a mother to me than my mother, so it has been quite difficult, but my mother and I have gotten closer since her death, but I miss her often. It will get better, but many things in life will always remind you of you lost loved one.

    Suzanne princess:
     
  18. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

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    It will be 12 years Apr 7 since my husband died. I still think about him every day. Life is good but I still have those moments where I miss him terribly.

    My mother died in Dec. and my husband died in April 4 months later. I still wish they were alive and could share my life with them.
     
  19. not-too-old4fun

    not-too-old4fun Mouseketeer

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    My dad passed away when I was 19 (21 years ago). At the time, I honestly believed that I couldn't go on. For the life of me, I can't recall his wake or his funeral. Everything is still a blurr to me 21 years later. He died suddenly after suffering a massive heart attack right in his doctor's office. I was literally a zombie for the next couple months because he was everything to me. To this day, I cry at anyone's wedding when it's time for the father of the bride & daughter dance. I can vouch for the fact that time does heal the wound but it never goes away. I still miss him so much and wish he was here. There's so much of my life that he missed. Especially watching me transform from a carefree teen into a responsible woman.

    My mom passed away November 28, 2000. I was making supper when the phone rang. It was my step-dad's mom and I should have clued in immediately that something was up. I was standing in the living room holding my wooden spoon (I was preparing a sheppard's pie ~ something I can no longer eat now). Once again, my whole life felt like it came crashing down. She'd been in an accident and I needed to get to the hospital right away. I remember asking if she was ok but I can't recall the answer at the time. I hopped on a train at 1am (the first train I was able to get on) and arrived around 8am. It was the beginning of the most difficult time of my life. She was kept on life support for 9 days and then we were given no other option but to let her go. She had suffered severe head trauma and there was no activity.

    It's been almost 7 years and I still can't mention her name without tears welling up. I'm not sure how long it will take before this wound heals. I miss her terribly and I too (like others here) spoke to my mom daily. Heck... I'd think of silly excuses to call her all the time. I once even called her to ask her how long I should cook a baked potatoe for. :rotfl:

    My sympathies to all of you who have lost a loved one. I can relate to it. I wish I could give comforting words of advice but unfortunately, I'm still on the mend. I do hope that one day it gets easier. I haven't reached that point yet because I've come to realise that I'm only ok if I don't talk about her. I don't want to be that way. I want to be able to talk about her and laugh about the good old days. I guess in time....

    It's definitely difficult being this age and not having living parents. I envy all of you who still have their mom and dad and if I can give any word of advice, take a moment to let them know how much you love them because you just never know.
     
  20. daisy2

    daisy2 DIS Veteran

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    I don't know about anyone else. But it's really hard when you loose a parent. Especially your mom. There is such a bond there. I know there were times when I was mad at my mom as a young child. But she was my light at the end of the tunnel when things weren't going right she always made it better. I am just thankful I got to spend so much time with her. Her last big trip was to my wedding I was so thankful she was there to help me out and be there with me when I was stressed. She is my angel from above. I love her and miss her everyday that she is gone. But I know she is in a better place now.
     
  21. disneyfanatic60

    disneyfanatic60 DIS Veteran

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    My Mom passed away on May 2, 2004. Words cannot tell you how very much I miss her. I was her oldest and only daughter and we were best of friends.

    Today is a very hard day for me. She had Alzheimer's for almost 10 years. Easter Sunday was the last day I felt she "knew" I was with her and she responded. I will never, ever forget the feeling of her hand in mine as we walked the halls of the hospital. She held on to me as if to never want me to let go. It left a lasting impression on me. Tomorrow is her Birthday. She would have been 67.

    My family is either out of town or working today so I'm spending my Easter alone. It's just making the day that much more difficult. Someone once asked me if I had the choice between a million dollars and having my Mom back with me for even one day which would I choose. The answer is just too obvious. I would do anything to have just one more minute, one more hour, one more day with her to tell her how very much I loved her and squeeze her hand tight!!!!!!!!
     

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