"who Bit My Little Girl!?!?!"

[ekball]

I want to drive down to my DD's school, march right in her Kindergarten class, throw my hands on my hips, give my best glaring stare and say just that! I've read plenty of posts just like this on the Families board, but never really understood how those moms and dads felt, well now I do! I just got a call from the school nurse who let me know that a little girl in DD's Kindy class bit her on the hand when she wouldn't give up what she was playing with. Wah?! I thought we were done with biting at age 2?! The rational mom in me wants to understand that they are still little and sometimes lack the ability to calmly solve a disagreement. Then there's the irrational mommy that wants to march down there, grab that little girl by the shirt and give her what for (a good lecture that is)! Man - this school thing sure is hard on mommy (not to mention my poor little girl....nurse said she was pretty upset and sad that someone would bite her).

 

[madmom1030]

Your dd may not know the name of the little girl who bit her, especially if she has only been in school a couple of weeks, so she couldn't tell the nurse who but she can probably pick her out if she was in the room with her.

I'm sorry this happened, they should know better by the time they are 5. You need to call the teacher and leave her a message. I bet she knows who it is or has a pretty good idea. Stay calm and take some deep breaths.

 

[Patti_C]

I've got a 5 year old in my daycare who still bites, usually only his older brother, but still! I get so frustrated over it to that I just want to scream. It only takes one time to be bit and have the skin broke, that's what scares me. Hope she is okay and you too!

 

[ekball]

They definitely know who it was as the nurse let me know that she talked at length with the biter, tried to get her to show some remorse and when she wouldn't sternly told the little girl "we do NOT bite to solve our disagreements!". I'm sure DD will let me know who it was when she gets home. I'm sure we'll all be fine. It's just disappointing and upsetting. *sigh* All a part of growing up I'm sure.

I didn't ask at the time, but I sure hope someone is calling her mom or dad to tell THEM what happened. I know that I would want to know if it was my child doing the biting.

 

[Miss LD]

My son is in JK. He's been biting.
It's awful because he's been over this stage for almost 2 years now, but being in a new place and with new routines, etc is really hard on him.
We're working with him to get him over it, but as a parent it sucks because you feel horrible about it. I'm not excusing his behaviour at all.
I know with DS he's sometimes so angry or upset at the time, that he won't show remorse. When he's upset enough that he's biting he's pretty much beyond the point of discussing it or acting remorseful.
It's usually when he's calmed down and we talk to him about it that he is sorry.
just to clarify - "When he's upset enough that he's biting" - I don't mean by the other child I just mean by the stress of school.

 

[Camno's Mama]

Mine are almost three and five. Every once in a while the 2 year old will bite. He has no reason to, he has a pretty good vocabulary. He bit his older brother not too long ago. Then, a couple of days ago, the older one bit him. I was so mad...I really don't want my 5 year old biting! Who would, right? And he's not physical with his little brother, for the most part. He's usually great at using his words, etc. In school, he's incredibly sweet from what I can understand from his teachers...he was just having bad day that day.

Sometimes they just do weird things. Who knows why. They see that it works when younger siblings do it, so they figure, "hey, I'll give it a try, too". The teacher won't tell you who it is...I used to work in a preschool/day care, and it's not allowed. In the long run, maybe it's better if you don't know. That could end up being her best friend, and the sweetest little sugar puff in the world...most of the time!

Anytime they're in a large group, stuff happens. Just take a deep breath, and wait and see. It'll proabably never happen again.

 

[santa's surpriz]

I will never forget the day I picked up my daughter with purple teeth marks on her wrist. It took about a month to heal. I was so angry but the child who bit her was the teacher's daughter! It is so disgruntling when your children get hurt especially when it is over something like a toy.

 

[RMulieri]

It is common for moms to be upset.My child has been the biter and the bitee, and she is 4.Kids even as old as 5 y/o still bite, if they are frustrated or in a new environment etc.Not saying it is right, but it happens.AS for the school not telling you who bit her, that may be policy.i know here they do not disclose that info, unless there are medical or health reasons,simply to prevent retaliation on the offending child and parent.Sadly, we had a Mom whose child was bitten, and when they told her which child was the offender, she screamed at the child, and pretty much got into a fist fight with the Mom.So it may be to protect all parties involved.I am sure the offending Child's mom/dad/parent was notified.

 

[disykat]

Just wait. Believe it or not, it continues. My son was biten once and you'll never believe how old he was. 7th grade - that's right - 7th grade! The biter was 13. I think he got suspended. (There's no way to know due to privacy concerns, but my son told me he was gone the next several days.)

 

[nikkers]

I feel so bad for your little girl. I agree 5 seems a little old. I don't know how it works in elementary school. But in my kid's daycare center if your child bites another child you are told. You are never told who they bit. My son was a terrible biter at around 18 months. We had many biting reports. My daughter has been the bitee many times in her 2 year old class. We are never told who does the biting, but always told when it occurs. I would hope they advise that child's parents. They need to also deal with it. At 5 you are old enough to know better. Maybe you can verify with the teacher, that the other child's parents will be advised of the situation?

 

[mjantz]

To agree with others, in biting situations the privacy of both children has to be protected. They cannot tell the girls parents who their DD bit & cannot tell you who bit your DD. If she tells you that's OK (of course) but the school cannot tell you. We notify both parents so I'm sure they've were told.

 

[Poohbear Family]

I'm so sorry for your DD. I think that 5 is a little old to be biting. DS was bitten once in daycare (he was about 3 at the time). Let me say, you are handling this MUCH better than I did. When they called, I asked what precautions they were taking to make sure this didn't happen again, were the other child's parents notified and did the bite break the skin because if it broke the skin, then I wanted medical records to make sure that the child had nothing that could be transferred via saliva or open wounds. I just completely freaked out since I never received a phone call like that before.

 

[AuroraBeauty]

Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

 

[happymommy]

I was just reading this, with my eyes wide open - Oh My God!

I have never heard of a child biting another one at school!!!!!

I hope the child that did this had to apologize first of all.

I would not want my child in the same classroom with a child that could hurt them. I know teasing and things can happen, but hurting?

I am so sorry that happened. Since I have no experience with public schools, I don't know what can be done. Obviously, that child should be punished somehow, maybe suspended? I mean, biting to cause harm - that is way over the limit. I wouldn't want my child in that classroom if the other child was there anymore - and maybe you can talk to the school to make sure that happens. That is just so unacceptable.

Oh, and if I ran a daycare and had a child that bit, I think I'd just not accept that child there anymore. Biting can cause serious harm.

 

[AuroraBeauty]

HAPPYMOMMY, sadly, it happens in private schools too. DD was in a very fine language immersion school and not only did another child bite her (on more than one occasion), the same child threatened to kill her and then described what weapons he was going to bring.

Want to know what the school did on every single occasion? NOTHING! I got a note (sometimes) but they used the excuse that 'kids will be kids'. Tell that to a 4yr old who thinks school is where you go and get hurt by other kids.

Some schools are better than others, but we do live in a world where the motto is 'Everyone for himself'. It's a sad state of our education system.

Bullying starts out very early and those parents of bully children usually know that their child can and will hurt another child but many of them choose to ignore it -- just like they do at home. And years later they wonder why their child has social problems. You are your child's protector. DO NOT FEEL BAD FIGHTING FOR YOUR CHILD!

We put a lot of trust in the schools, teachers, administrators and other parents. If that trust is broken, don't ignore it.

 

[happymommy]

Yes, I agree. First of all, private schools have the some of the same problems as public (sex, bullying, etc...). When my kids spent 2 years in a religious school, they both encountered bullying. Now, in a non religious college prep school, there is none of that. Go figure????

Also, I agree totally, don't feel bad FIGHTING for your child! It's a rough world out there, but they shouldn't be hurt at school, and the school will only know what's up and how you feel if you tell them. I think the OP should feel free to speak up totally!

 

[It's A Small World]

My DD was the target of the biter in her daycare class. I'm not kidding when I say I picked her up one day and she had a nasty bite on her right hand. You could count the number of teeth due to the bite indentation. I picked her up the next day and she had a matching one on her left hand. Needless to say I was ticked off! I marched right into the center's directors office and calmly asked her to please tell me how many offenses it took in order to get kicked out due to biting. She tried to tell me that the little girl offender had a new baby brother at home and she was acting out. I happened to be days from delivering my second. I calmly asked her that I had a hard time accepting that after the birth of my second that my DD would turn into a biter.

I can honestly tell you that DD constantly asks me if "insert name of girl" is going to the same preschool as her because she didn't want to be bit again. It definately was traumatic for her and I.

 

[Miss LD]

Due to confidentiality and privacy, the school CAN NOT disclose the name of any child to another parent in an incident report. If your DD can describe the other child or point to her/him in a photo then you'll know. It is important to know who this other child is who bit your DD.

My DD had a number of incidents where other kids in her class injured her and the school did nothing! Few Kindys have 'zero tolerance' and so they just let the problem continue. They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling so they don't have time to deal with you and your child.

Make note of the incident and photograph any evidence and note any adverse reaction DD has. Also, keep tabs on whether this other child is biting other kids or just your daughter. If the other kid keeps biting and the school does nothing then you should consider taking action.

Be sure to let DD know that she didn't do anything that warrants being bitten and that biting is wrong and that if it happens again that she needs to tell the teacher and to tell you.

I know what you must be feeling and going through. Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school. I know kids will be kids, so don't start with the flames. But, really, there is no reason that small children can't learn that biting is wrong. And as for that 13 year old who was biting, he deserved to be suspended. At that age it's assault, not just a kid being a kid.

That is a little harsh, to say the least.
"Unfortunately, not all children are taught proper behavior before being sent off to school."
Though I certainly don't think biting is okay, and I feel awful for the girl that was bitten, a lot of it has to do with environment - not parents not teaching proper behaviour.
Additionally, if you do research on biting (and I have done lots as a parent of a child who has both bitten and been bitten) biting tends to occur because another child has been aggressive to the biter.
Am I saying this was the case of OP? Absolutely not.

But, there is a reason that kindergarten classrooms don't have zero tolerance. And there is a reason that names aren't released. Parents most definitely should NOT be keeping tabs on someone else's child. That is the role of the school. If you think the teacher isn't doing enough bring it to the administration.

As for your comment of
"They tell the other kids' parents who probably feel terrible for a hot second and then forget about it b/c their precious baby is now beating up/biting/kicking/hitting the sibling"

Really? I suppose you know this because you're keeping tabs on that child?
It's attitudes like yours that cause the confidentiality laws.

 

[Ephany]

I can't find the picture right now, but I have a doozie of one. My DD was bit on the cheek when she was 3. You could see the teeth marks imprinted on her cheek for weeks. The teachers said she was playing quietly at her table when another little girl just run up to her and chomped on her! They were mortified and called me immediately, but I was NOT happy. DD remembered that this little girl bit her for the next two years they went to school together and was always wary of her.

 

[marcyinPA]

To agree with others, in biting situations the privacy of both children has to be protected. They cannot tell the girls parents who their DD bit & cannot tell you who bit your DD. If she tells you that's OK (of course) but the school cannot tell you. We notify both parents so I'm sure they've were told.

This is the procedure at our pre-school as well.