When does being frugal become unethical?

[Ngwira]

I have a former friend who claimed to be "frugal" by doing things that I deemed were unethical. For example, to get Florida resident tickets, she created a fake Florida college student id. She also doctored her mortgage statement with a Florida address even though she lives in NJ. She claims that she could not afford to go without doing these things.

Other things she bragged about doing were: Buying a toy at a thrift store (one of those walking dogs- new in box) and returning it a Target for full price. Abusing Bed Bath and Beyond's return policy by returning a used, beat up vacuum, (that she did not even buy there) and getting a store credit for a brand new vacuum.

She also frequently pretended to be a "poor single mom (husband lived with her)" so that her kids would be able to attend extra curricular activities for free. She is no longer my friend for obvious reasons, but I wanted to know, how far would you go to be "frugal"?

 

[Marionnette]

I have a former friend who claimed to be "frugal" by doing things that I deemed were unethical. For example, to get Florida resident tickets, she created a fake Florida college student id. She also doctored her mortgage statement with a Florida address even though she lives in NJ. She claims that she could not afford to go without doing these things.

Other things she bragged about doing were: Buying a toy at a thrift store (one of those walking dogs- new in box) and returning it a Target for full price. Abusing Bed Bath and Beyond's return policy by returning a used, beat up vacuum, (that she did not even buy there) and getting a store credit for a brand new vacuum.

She also frequently pretended to be a "poor single mom (husband lived with her)" so that her kids would be able to attend extra curricular activities for free. She is no longer my friend for obvious reasons, but I wanted to know, how far would you go to be "frugal"?

I agree that those things are unethical. I would not go that far, or even close to those measures.

 

[daughtersrus]

I have a former friend who claimed to be "frugal" by doing things that I deemed were unethical. For example, to get Florida resident tickets, she created a fake Florida college student id. She also doctored her mortgage statement with a Florida address even though she lives in NJ. She claims that she could not afford to go without doing these things.

Other things she bragged about doing were: Buying a toy at a thrift store (one of those walking dogs- new in box) and returning it a Target for full price. Abusing Bed Bath and Beyond's return policy by returning a used, beat up vacuum, (that she did not even buy there) and getting a store credit for a brand new vacuum.

She also frequently pretended to be a "poor single mom (husband lived with her)" so that her kids would be able to attend extra curricular activities for free. She is no longer my friend for obvious reasons, but I wanted to know, how far would you go to be "frugal"?

This is not being frugal. It's being dishonest and out right stealing.

 

[tink9702]

IMHO that's very much over the line and extremely unethical. Not only is what she's doing wrong but she's lying & breaking the law in the case of the Florida ID/mortgage issue.

I would never ever go that far to be frugal. I won't lie, steal or break the law to save money. it's not worth my integrity.

 

[Ngwira]

Thanks everyone for confirming my feeling that she's no good. My moral compass told me to RUN!! I'm glad I listened.

 

[Marionnette]

Thanks everyone for confirming my feeling that she's no good. My moral compass told me to RUN!! I'm glad I listened.

I never said that she's "no good". I don't know the woman and she may have some very redeeming qualities that you fail to mention.

 

[dpswift]

Agree all of those things are over the line

 

[Ngwira]

Other things she has done is say her child was under 5 to gain free admission to things when her child was 6 or 7, small for her age. She also had a personal injury settlement which garnered her $75,000.00. She put it in trust for her daughter so she would be eligible for food stamps and other assistance. But it's HER money.

 

[FTM22]

I don't see anything in your original post which sounds frugal to me. It all sounded unethical and your choice to sever ties was probably a good call for your own psyche. As a mom of teens, I have to watch myself because they are watching. Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote says it all to me - " What you do speaks so loudly I cannot hear what you say."

 

[BekahBelle]

She should take classes in managing money if she needs to be frugal. That would be so much better than stealing!

 

[Ngwira]

I never said that she's "no good". I don't know the woman and she may have some very redeeming qualities that you fail to mention.

There were not many redeeming qualities, but someone who does these things is not a "good" person, in my book. To each his own.

 

[Ngwira]

I never said that she's "no good". I don't know the woman and she may have some very redeeming qualities that you fail to mention.

You may think someone who does these things may have "redeeming qualities", but you can't be a "good" person and steal, scheme and lie your way through life.

 

[smiths02]

Stealing and lying aren't the same thing as being frugal.
A frugal person doesn't lie to get discounted tickets or government assistance, etc.

 

[MillauFr]

Yes she is stealing, but the question is a good one. How far would most people go? When I go to a fast food restaurant with my son that has unlimited refills of soda I will only buy one soda rather than pay $2 for another cup. When he is done with his Sprite I'll go back and fill it up with Coke. I also will buy him a kids meal at restaurants even though he is older than the age limit listed.

 

[Marionnette]

You may think someone who does these things may have "redeeming qualities", but you can't be a "good" person and steal, scheme and lie your way through life.

You said that she was "no good". I simply maintain that she probably has some redeeming qualities that have some measure of good to them. My former SIL does a lot of illegal and morally bankrupt things. I'm not on an internet message board trying to convince people that she's "no good". If you want to take the moral high ground with your former friend, that's on you. Don't expect others to condemn her in the same manner just to make you feel righteous and just.

 

[undertheradar]

These are criminal acts. There is no possible way to qualify it.

 

[jerseygal]

DISHONEST, not frugal!

 

[Ngwira]

You said that she was "no good". I simply maintain that she probably has some redeeming qualities that have some measure of good to them. My former SIL does a lot of illegal and morally bankrupt things. I'm not on an internet message board trying to convince people that she's "no good". If you want to take the moral high ground with your former friend, that's on you. Don't expect others to condemn her in the same manner just to make you feel righteous and just.

Who is expecting someone to condemn someone they don't know? I'm not seeking "confirmation of my feelings" from strangers on the internet. It is my belief that someone who commits these ACTIONS is no good which would apply to your SIL too, if she does things like this. Please don't comment on something you don't know anything about. You didn't have to reply after your initial comment and you can merely exit this thread. I've heard your opinion and would like to hear from others.

 

[Ngwira]

Yes she is stealing, but the question is a good one. How far would most people go? When I go to a fast food restaurant with my son that has unlimited refills of soda I will only buy one soda rather than pay $2 for another cup. When he is done with his Sprite I'll go back and fill it up with Coke. I also will buy him a kids meal at restaurants even though he is older than the age limit listed.

I think we all do certain things to save a few bucks, but committing outright FRAUD, is a whole other thing. For example, who has snuck in a movie theater with candy from home.I don't think that makes someone a bad person. It depend son how far you go...

 

[worm761]

I try to be frugal in some areas of our budget so we can be extravagant in others. I'll use coupons, buy generic products, and shop clearance items. I don't need a new wardrobe every year and buy shoes as needed, not because they are cute. I'll cook on vacation if I have to to save money. We're leaving for vacation in a week and that is currently the plan, to cook as much as we can in the room. I search for discount codes before shopping online. I use reward sites to earn some of that back too.

I won't lie. I won't steal. And I won't break the law. I still have to be able to live with myself.