Discussion in 'Community Board' started by StitchesGr8Fan, Feb 19, 2013.
May have to remember that one
Log in or Sign up to hide this advert.
ITA If you don't have the money don't buy it too bad so many people did not learn that lesson especially when it comes to buying a home.
Don't spend what you don't have. (There were no advances on allowance in my house growing up.)
You can only spend it once. (So think about your purchases before you make them.)
There's a difference between frugal and cheap. (Don't spend more than you have to, but go for "best value," not cheapest.)
Don't "save" yourself into the poorhouse. (Just because it's on sale doesn't mean you should buy it.)
The absolutely biggest lesson I learned though was "Have an emergency fund." My dad got laid off when I was in the second grade (late 70s.) While I don't think we were ever in danger of losing our house or anything like that, money was very tight and I was worried. I never want my kids to feel like that -- and I never want to feel like that myself again. My DH and I have dealt with a couple of layoffs ourselves, but we have saved enough to have a comfortable "emergency fund" that we could go a long time without *substantially* changing our lifestyle. That's important to me.
wait, you paid cash for your home? I don't know manyfolks (actually I don't know anyone) who could plop down a wad of cash for their home.
I would have never owned one if I had to wait until I had the money.
My mother taught me to rebel. Every penny I got as a young kid for birthdays, holidays, and whatever was taken to be saved. I didn't have a penny to my name in my pocket.
When I started working as a teenager, I had to give her my paychecks and she gave me money from it for gas or whatever.
When I finished school and before I moved out (Dad passed by then) I had to pay her "rent". That's fine I guess, a lot of folks make their new adult kids pay rent. After I bought a mobile home, moved in, and was planning the wedding with my now wife, she called up screaming that I hadn't given her the rent from the previous month. There I am trying to pay fully on my own a wedding, all the expenses of moving out, etc, and she is screaming at me for money. Love you too, Mom. Glad to see you're happy about me moving on to the next level in life.
I credit her controlling nature of money when I was growing up and even after I grew up to be part of the financial mess I was in for years. When I got a "real" job and paid "rent", it was finally my money and I went nuts. Never actually have been taught finances, rather that everything was taken away to save and never seen again, I struggled through years of even marriage before I finally figured how to be financial conscience.
My mother is an extreme control freak. She wanted my kids' social security numbers so she could open up savings accounts for monetary birthday and holiday gifts. I wouldn't give her the social numbers, thus my kids have never seen anything from Grandma.
I'm not who you quoted, but my "lesson" was also not to buy what you can't afford. No, we did not pay cash for our home. We have a mortgage. However, some of the things my dad told me:
1) The mortgage company doesn't care if you can eat. Look at your budget and figure out what kind of payment *you* can afford, set that as your "maximum monthly payment", no matter what they'll approve you for.
2) Base your budget on what you can afford now. Don't gamble on getting raises, or being able to refinance at a lower rate later, etc.
I know a lot of people who:
-- bought the most expensive house they could be approved for assuming that they'd get raises and the big payment would get easier over time. However, they found that their expenses (kids, etc.) outpaced their raises... and they're still struggling, or worse.
-- bought a house with an adjustable rate (or "interest only") mortgage assuming they could just refinance when their rate went up. Then, for whatever reason, they were not able to refinance.
There are always catastrophes that can ruin the best laid plans, but a lot of people get in trouble because they only think about what they want at that exact moment... and don't think realistically about 5-, 10-years down the road.
Me either, however, last year 1/3 of home sales in Sacramento County were cash sales, and in the month of November 2012 , 37% were cash. I about fainted when I saw that. Average sale price was $125,000.
UPDATE: I sent a friend show is a realtor in Pennsylvania a FB note. She replied that half her sales last year were cash. She says there is huge pent up demand for houses.....people who would have bought in 2007 have been sitting on the sidelines since the housing market, and have had 6 extra years to save. And people (including her) are fed up with the demands and mistakes banks make.
SAVE SAVE SAVE
JUST BECAUSE YOU WANT IT, DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO HAVE IT.
Between, internet, cable, cell phone, think of all the $$ we used to NOT spend.
I explained to my kids: how I grew up, moved out at 18+ working only part-time and had enough $$ to pay rent, utilites, food and go out ( no car, I rode the bus to work) because we didn't have this "stuff".
Too many people expect to have all this now
I assume you learned alot of things NOT to do.
This is a huge one we are working on teaching our kids, and that my parents taught me. There are things we do in the house that are because we are members of the "family team" and it takes all of us to get it done. There are duties of daily living in our house that everyone must do, because everyone contributes to the household.
We have a sheet on the fridge of "Jobs for Hire" and each child's name and a row of check boxes. If you do the job, you get a check. Paydays are marked (the 15th and last day of the month) and on payday everyone gathers around while I tally up the time sheets and do payday. Oh it is GREAT to see how hard they work when there is something they WANT!
Oh - and our new savings rule... You must save 2x what you need to buy something. You want a new DS game that is $40? Let me know when you have saved $80 and I'll drive you to the store. They are much more careful about what they buy now because once they have saved for it they don't usually want it nearly as bad.
I think it is turning around. I can't tell you how many 30ish co-workers I have that don't have internet, cable, cell phone or landline. As my boss put it....."I spend 40 hours a week on the internet and phone, why would I want to do that at home?"
Mine is more of an observation from a parent standpoint. When DS16 was in 8th grade his class went to a mock town at Johnson and Wales called Exchange City. They went with 2 other schools. Our math teacher was the only one that spent any time teaching the kids how to balance a checkbook and fill out deposit slips, none of the other schools taught the kids how to do it.
I was the parent in the "mayor's office" and the "mayor" had to pay his employees. He had no idea how to write a check. They also had the kids fill out deposit slips, which only our kids knew how to do. The parent stationed at the bank had their hands full because all the kids had to deposit their money at lunch.
I had taught DS how to do a little banking but after seeing the Exchange City, I had him sign up for Personal Finance in HS.
Here we have responsibilities and chores too. Responsibilities are things that are a given that they have to do, no matter what. keeping their space clean (boys share a room and they each have a section of room), put their laundry away, clearing their dishes etc.
Chores are extra, doing the laundry, getting wood from the shed, doing dishes. Stuff mom would normally do.
They get allowance weekly. Mandatory 20% goes in savings.
If I have to do their responsibility, I send a bill and they have to pay on their payday.
That's one area that I wished my parents had been better with us about. They were very financially stressed when I was growing up and are doing very well now. But they more or less had a "don't don't don't" attitude to the point that we would feel very guilty about spending any money. My dad gave me a credit card when I went to college as a just in case but I never knew how it worked. You could imagine how it was when I found I could "buy" things with it. When I first started working, he told me to max out my retirement fund. Sounds like a good idea, but I hardly had enough money to eat.
While I understand their wanting us to be frugal with our money, they never really gave us any lessons on budgeting and how things work and didn't leave ANY room for enjoyment. Their motto was to basically suffer and be miserable and then live well and relaxed later on after the kids were gone. I think a little more balance would have been nice.
I hope I could be a little more "transparent" with my own kids. I don't think having a tight budget and even some debt can keep you from explaining things to your kids.
"Pay yourself first." My dad always told us to save, save, save.
Shop around, know the value of items before you make a commitment. A few times when I was younger dad went with me to buy some major purchases. I fell in love with a car that had a major price tag. I was ready to buy it! He took me aside and we went to a used car place found one almost identical, in great condition (that had AC, and other perks) for much less. Afterwards, I marveled that I would have paid so much for so little.
The value of elbow grease. Buying less and having money in your pocket is better than, "all hat and no cattle".
Don't bite off more than you can chew. Honor your commitments.
ETA- I remembered something else. On one of our shopping excursions I was going to buy something. My dad asked me one day, how much money do you make an hour? I told him. Then he said, how long would it take for you to work to buy that? When I stopped to think about it, I didn't want or need it so much. Perspective is everything.
LOL. We were just discussing this. How all our dads were handy and moms were amazing cleaners, but they didn't teach us how to do those things. Instead they just pointed out what we did wrong.
* Don't spend it if you don't have it.
*Always pay your bills before spending money on extras.
*If you use a credit card, do not keep a balance. That means whatever you charge on it there should be money sitting in your bank account to pay it off.
Separate names with a comma.