Discussion in 'Completed Trip Reports' started by TarzansKat, Sep 16, 2010.
Ugh. You're so right. I'm hoping to go to bed early tonight.
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"No matter how your heart is grieving
if you keep on believing
the dream that wish you will come true."
If there's one word...well, besides pirate...that pretty much sums up the theme of my life right now, it would be simplify.
Since mom's passing, I know that I've hinted pretty heavily at the kind of life I want to have, about how my priorities have shifted, about how those experiences have forever changed me. I can't call losing my mom anything but life changing. Altering, really. I may have always had the foundation, but I don't know that I've had the courage and the faith to act on it.
Well, I finally did. As of November fourth, I will no longer be gainfully employed. Well, unless you count domestic goddess, mother of two happy boys extraordinaire as a profession. And we could throw tie dye princess in there somewhere as well.
Long story short, I am hanging in my career hat and trading it for a hat I've worn before, but needs some dusting off. And that's the hat of a stay at home mom. I've done both. I've stayed at home, and I've worked. I have no opinions about what anyone else should do, I think happy parents = happy kids. I just know that for me, and for my life, right now, there is nothing more important than being with my family, and especially, with my children.
Nemo has had enough change in his life between losing my mother, getting a little brother, and going to kindergarten. He doesn't need any more. And Squirt...well, if I posted pictures of us, you'd see why I can't leave all that cuteness. The cheeks...oh my goodness, so kissable! I'm smitten with my children, I'll admit it. And I remember how my mom was able to be there for us. My parents owned their own business, so my mother would work her schedule around us, and be home when we were home. Between them and my grandparents, we were always with family, and it was wonderful, and it's what I want for my kids. I want to be the mom that's home.
Let me tell you, it's not easy. Being a mother of two children is by far the hardest job I'll ever have. It tops anything I've ever done, and it's the most exasperating and also the most rewarding.
I am heartily looking forward to this new chapter in my life. It's one of the first in a series of steps I've begun to take to reclaim what I feel is my true self. It may have taken 31 years to get some clarity, but I think for now, I know who I am, and I know what I want. It is an honor to my mother to live, and I want to live.
I've started drawing and painting again. I've started writing again. I'm going to stay home with my children and take care of my family. I continue to do the tie dye and absolutely adore it as a side business. I am blessed, and I am happy where I am.
I've made no secret of the fact that I'm in therapy, and one of the things I'm focusing on there is mindfulness. Being in the present. Not looking so much at the past, and not so much at the future, but living the right now. And I can tell you with absolute certainty that where I am right now is exactly where I'm supposed to be. That could change a year or even ten years from now, but I'm confident enough to know that I will know when it happens, and I'll know what's right for me.
It's been a dream of mine for a long time to do what I really love, and I'm happy to be at a point where I can do that, where I have that option.
I'll share another dream with you, this time a real one.
The twenty-eighth marked the six month anniversary of my mother's passing. And, this week, as I was feeling particularly weepy, I had that dream. The same dream I've had since she died, the dream I have before every big event, ever since I booked our February trip.
I'm in Disney World, and it's February. MJS, Nemo, Squirt, and I are getting ready to ride Pirates of the Caribbean, and suddenly, my mother is there.
I mean, SHE'S THERE. She's standing right next to me, and we get onto the boat together. I can smell the water, the smell of the ride, I can FEEL the weight of her next to me. She is there. We go through the whole ride, and I can't believe it. She's not dead, she's on Pirates with me.
And when we get off the ride, she's gone.
And when I wake up, it hits me. She's still gone.
This dream is so unlike any other I've had, it is so unbelievably real and tangible that I feel like this is a gift from my mom. I think it's her way of telling me that even though she's passed, she is still taking care of me. I am still her baby, and she is still with me.
And you know what? I think it's her way of telling me that she's going with us in February. I know that when I ride Pirates she won't magically appear like in my dreams, but maybe...just maybe...I'll feel her sitting next to me, and know that she's there.
No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.
WOW Kat Your words always bring so many different emotions when I read them!
First of all I'm so happy for you and your decision to stay home! You made the right decision for you and your family and that is all that matters!!! And I don't blame you one bit, you have some cute little guys to keep you company!!!
As far as your mother, I know she will be with you in February just like she is with you everyday!!!!
Thank you again for opening your heart and sharing! You are an amazing, beautiful soul!
I hope you have a great weekend with your men!
What a beautiful tribute to both your mom AND to your new adventure! While I have no opinion either on what's best for anyone else, I can say the part that you said that being a SAHM is both the hardest and yet rewarding of jobs really resonated with me! It's so so true!
Dreams ARE part of the grief process, and dreams are meant to be kept alive! Keep dreaming, Tink; I do know your mom is with you- those we love never really leave us!!
Kat, I am so proud of you for making this decision to stay at home with the boys. I am even prouder of you for facing what has to be face on. You are a very strong person and your boys are blessed to have that.
Wow. I am teary and don't quite know what to say. What a beautiful dream. And I am sure that it is true. That your mom is/will be right there with you. I love that you share WDW as a happy place together. What a special gift your past trips are! On a side note, that water does have a very distinctive smell, doesn't it??
Congratulations on your decision to be a SAHM for a while! Good for you!!
I thought of you and your tie dye empire on my most recent trip. I saw a family with the tie dye mickey shirts and the mickey head was filled in with orange and then they'd added jack-o-lantern features for Halloween. Too cute!!!
Hang in there. Thanks for sharing so much with us!
Kat, I am so pleased that you are going to be a stay-at-home mom! I know it is something you have been wanting to do for awhile!
I would have to agree with you about your dream -- I do believe your mom is trying to tell you that she will always be there with you.
Oh my. I am totally choked up and so happy that I read your last update because it is really beautiful. That was definitely a visit from your mom and she will be your guardian angel during your February trip. I am positive you will feel her there beside you on pirates.
And you are so blessed to be making the decision to stay home and take care of your kids while they are still young. And you are right - it is the hardest job you will ever have.
Thank you for your kind words.
I am really looking forward to this weekend. We love Halloween around here, and I can't wait to take the boys trick or treating.
Thank you, hon. I believe that she's with me, too.
Thanks, Amanda. I am proud of myself as well for taking such direct control of my life. I finally feel like I am shaping my destiny, if you will.
You're right, our past trips are a special gift. My aunt is having a memorial mass for my mom, and needed a photo of her, as they use it during the service...so this morning, I just going through several of our past trip photos to see if I could find anything.
I ended up using one from a past Christmas, but that's just as fitting as some of Mom's favorite things were Disney and Christmas.
I've seen some of the modified tie dye and they look so cute!
Thanks, Jackie. I have been wanting to do this for a long time, so it's almost like breathing a sigh of relief now that it's here.
I am very lucky. What could be viewed as a very sad experience is turning into a positive. Mom is still with me, and I know she'll be there in February.
MJS joked that she's planning right along with me, packing her suitcase.
from a very spooky skeleton...
Halloween is my favorite holiday, and the fall season is by far my favorite time to visit the World. Here are some photos to get us all in the spirit.
And, last but certainly not least, for those of you who remember the story of the weirdest thing I've ever done in the lobby of the Grand Flo...
Happy Halloween, everyone! May it be filled with piratey tricks and princessy treats.
So, we have our ways of talking about the trip without actually admitting we're taking one.
Basically, we ask Nemo if he remembers things from past trips and if he liked them. Works well. So this morning, I was finally adding all the dairy allergies to my ressies...after calling several times and not being able to, I basically rebooked everything online and when I rebooked, cancelled out the old ressie, added the allergy to the new one. Sort of convoluted, but I was able to get basically the same times, so no harm done, just a little of my time I figure.
As you all know I've been debating the whole Chef Mickey's thing, and talking to Nemo, he really, really likes it. I'm thinking this is a must do, and I'm trying to figure out if I should move it to a different day instead of the last one, give up something and replace, etc...
On the last day, our flight leaves around 2, which means we'll have our driver pick us up at 1230 to make sure we have plenty of time to get to the airport. So figuring I need to be back at the hotel between 1200-1215 to retrieve luggage from bell services.
The Magic Kingdom has EMH that morning, opening at 800. I'd like to pretend that we'll sleep late, but one, we have a baby, and two, I always wake up early on departure day. I think it's that wanting to soak up the last bit of Disney magic, you know?
So in theory, we could get up, get everyone ready, check our luggage with bell services, check out of our room, and head to the MK early. Ride Pirates, have the last hurrah at the MK, and then go to breakfast at Chef Mickey's.
Currently, my Chef Mickey's ressie is for 930.
Even if I moved it to 1000, it just sounds like so much on our last day. Too much. Way too stressful for a trip that's supposed to be go with the flow, easy, etc, etc.
Here's the ressies, to review...
Sunday, 2/26 - None
Monday, 2/27 - Sci Fi Lunch - 1/2 Marathon Day - Breakfast not an option
Tuesday, 2/28 - Kona Cafe Dinner
Wednesday, 3/1 - Artist Point Dinner - Prefer not to move, ressie is with Tink
Thursday, 3/2 - Coral Reef Lunch
Friday, 3/3 - Chef Mickey's Breakfast
You know what I dislike about listing out the trip like that? It makes it seem so short!
Here's my gut instinct. Although I would love to have lunch at the Coral Reef, quite frankly, I'm not married to it. I think the best thing to do to make sure that we get to fulfill everyone's wish lists for dining, since Nemo is so into Chef Mickey's, is to cancel the Coral Reef Lunch and put the breakfast on that day, if possible.
Actually, if I do that, we won't be using an OOP money to pay for dining, as it'll all be included. Our last day will be wide open for whatever we'd like to do.
So, weigh in. If you can think of something else, let me know, but I'm thinking this is probably the best thing to do. And thank you for listening to this unbelievably rambling post. Sometimes it helps to write out all the crazy.
Have you thought of dinner at Chef Mickey's instead? We did dinner and though many people don't like it, we did. Another option is Chef Mickey's on Kona day, and switch it to dinner on Coral Reef day.
You know, I'm just not interested in dinner there. I've looked at the menu on AllEars, and it doesn't appeal. But thank you for the suggestion, as I said, ideas are appreciated!
Okay, I am still laughing about Tarzan creeping into your picture line-up -- he is a great Halloween party memory!
DS is a darling skeleton!!!
I would skip Coral Reef and do Chef Mickey for breakfast on that day. Really and truly, you aren't going to want to be tied down to an ADR on your last day. You are going to want to take it nice and easy, soak in the last bits of Disney atmosphere, and revel in doing what you want, when you want before you have to board the ME.
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