We canceled our trip...

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Albytaps, Aug 27, 2012.

  1. Albytaps

    Albytaps Mickey's Biggest Fan

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    because of a very bad circumstance.

    We recently went on a trip to FL, starting at the beach in Sarasota and was supposed to end with a trip to WDW. We were to stay at Kidani Village and then to Bay Lake Tower for a few days.

    At the last minute before leaving on our trip, my mom had asked if she could come to Sarasota. I told her of course, so she made her plans. During our stay, my family and I went out alot, but my mom chose to stay at the condo. During one of our trips out (to the zoo) when we came back, we found my mom laying face down with a puddle of blood around her head. My wife went to comfort her while I called 911.

    She was concious, and the EMT's came and took her to the nearest hospital.

    After the doctor saw her and took a catscan, he very easily told me that she had huge brain tumors and wasn't going to last very long. I couldn't believe it....

    Long story short, it's been almost a week now since her seizure (that's what the doctors think happened) and we're back in NJ about to go to her doctor. I haven't and don't want to tell her what is going on. The second doctor I spoke to in Sarasota said it would be months that she would survive. If it is the case that there's nothing we can do, I can't tell her. It's just not fair and rather her live the rest of her life in peace.

    Thanks for hearing me out.
     
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  3. smitch425

    smitch425 DIS Veteran

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    How very sad. I am so sorry. I know it would be a hard thing to tell her, but I would reconsider. There may be things she wants to say, NEEDS to say before she is gone. I will pray for her and your family. God bless.
     
  4. Mrs. Ciz

    Mrs. Ciz DIS Veteran

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    As I read your post, my heart broke for you. I am so sorry that you, your mother and your family are suffering. You are all in my prayers. You know your mom best. Is she the type of person who, if she knew how long she had, would want to live those last months to the fullest, seeing family she hadn't seen, doing things from her bucket list, telling everyone what she wanted them to know? Or would she shut down? Everyone is different. Try to find out what she needs, what she would want.

    While you are going through this awful time, please know that there are people out here lifting you up.
     
  5. DisneyBelle99

    DisneyBelle99 DIS Veteran

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    Prayers for you and your family. Wish I would have seen this before I went to Church tonight for the Novena Mass. Prayers also for the Doctors and Nurses who will attend to your Mom :littleangel:
     
  6. scottmel

    scottmel <font color=darkorchid>Does my logic in my origina

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    I am oh so very very sorry...
     
  7. dchi

    dchi Mouseketeer

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    This is so sad! I agree with the poster that said you may want to reconsider telling her. Especially if you feel like you or her may have something you want or need to say to each other. Sometimes those conversations can give great peace!
     
  8. robinb

    robinb DIS Veteran

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    {{hugs}} I am so sorry to read about your mother. My thoughts go out to you and your family.
     
  9. Queen2

    Queen2 Sometimes you will never know the true value of a

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    sorry to hear about your Mother. Sending prayers & up lifting thought for your family
     
  10. Jedana

    Jedana DIS Veteran

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    No advice, just :grouphug:
     
  11. CarolAnnC

    CarolAnnC <font color=blue>Caught Smuggling Jello Shot Syrin

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    Your mom and you and your family will be in my prayers. Would you consider having the doctor talk to your mom about her prognosis? If she is alert mentally, it would be best to provide her the details. Perhaps you could make arrangements for Hospice to come in as well...
     
  12. Albytaps

    Albytaps Mickey's Biggest Fan

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    Thank you all! Trust me, this is the hardest thing I have ever done... but it seems like not telling her was an easy decision. I think she would break down. My aunts and uncles agree and are backing me up about it. On the other hand, my mother-in-law said she would want to know. It's still in the back of my mind that it's the right decision not to tell, but sometimes I do think about reconsidering. It is very hard.... and sad. Thank you all for the support. Reading these comments has made me feel a little better.

    PS
    After her Dr's visit, rather than months it is weeks....
     
  13. smitch425

    smitch425 DIS Veteran

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    So sorry to hear that time is moving faster for her than you had originally thought. I fully understand your reasons behind keeping quiet. I will share something with you that may or may not change your mind, but perhaps give you some additional perspective...

    My youngest brother suffered from diabetes his entire life. Despite several procedures to try to delay the inevitable, he became 100% blind and in need of a kidney transplant. On his birthday, Jan. 3, 2010, I called him to wish him a happy birthday. He joked that my parents got him a bunch of stuff he couldn't see. :rotfl: Even with everything he was going through, he kept his sense of humor. He was about a month away from getting his transplant, and on Jan. 16, just 13 short days after we were laughing on the phone, I received a call from my dad that my brother passed away suddenly in his sleep. We could not believe it. There were so many things I would have loved to have told him, but never got the chance. It is something I have to live with the rest of my life.

    I share all this to beg of you that even if you don't let your mom know that the end is coming, please make sure that you (and your family members) say everything you need to say to her while she is still with you. You do not want to look back on this time with any regrets or lost moments. I will continue to pray for your mom and peace for your family. God bless. :hug:
     
  14. waffles77

    waffles77 Mouseketeer

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    :grouphug: during this difficult time.
     
  15. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    I'm so sorry to read this... I am sending hugs and prayers for your family.:hug:
     
  16. extraredstuff

    extraredstuff Mouseketeer

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    I'm so sorry to read this, thinking about losing a parent is heartbreaking to deal with.

    My Mom was diagnosed with end-stage cancer in 2009, and I'm lucky that she is still here fighting and outliving her initial prognosis. Please make sure you and your family say everything you need to say, as others have mentioned, it's important to feel like you have said what you needed to, and that she knows how loved she is.

    Also, have you checked into Hospice care? They can be an amazing help dealing with end-of-life issues if that's what it's now come to. So sorry for you and your family, sending :grouphug: from NC.

    --sarah
     
  17. Albytaps

    Albytaps Mickey's Biggest Fan

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    Thanks for the support all, it means a lot.

    extraredstuff - Hospice is something I looked into already and when she is in pain and uncomfortable (which she's not right now) we will get that care for her.

    My family and I have moved into her house now, and she's loving seeing her granddaughters all the time. It's the one thing that lifts her spirits so high. Everyone she knows has been calling and coming to visit, and we all let her know how much we love and care for her.

    I'm still talking with doctors to see if there's anything else we can do, but up to this points, any treatment would just make her uncomfortable and will not work. In other words, it's not worth it to try anything drastic as the outcome will be the same. If it is to be this way, I want her to live out these days peacefully without discomfort and pain.

    She knows we love her and we're with her and I think that overrides any emotional breakdown that could come with telling her what's going on.

    Smitch - I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I totally understand where you're coming from and woud probably feel the same. However, this is a different situation (as it is a prolonged event) and different person (as in my mom might have taken it differently than your brother.) I would expect all these situations are case by case. In our case I feel it's best not to tell her.

    However, it may still be the case that she finds out, especially if she outlasts her prognosis. Like I said I'm still talking to doctors and if they decide that treatment would be the right choice, she might have to find out anyway. The thing is, 4 doctors (including a nuerosurgeon) have told me there is no chance and an aggressive surgery or treatment will just make it more uncomfortable and not worth doing.

    Thanks again for the support everyone.
     
  18. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    I'm so sorry. You sound like you are a very caring loving daughter. Grandmothers do love to be surrounded by their grandchildren don't they.
    As a mom, as far as being told or not, I would want whatever would make it easiest for my children. I know at such an emotional time, it is difficult to think of the logistics of the legal aspect of leaving this world, but your Mom may want to make sure those things are in order. I would think however, that you & her siblings know her best. All people are different. My Dad would want to know. He would want to make sure every i is dotted and every t crossed. My Mom didn't have anything to leave anyone. She would just want to spend every minute with her grandchildren. Nothing more would matter. And she would never have wanted to be a burden on her children.

    I would also like to add this, brain tumors are tough, and if you haven't already, you may want to research the effects they have on personality. As a 16 year old girl it was very difficult for me to see my Grandfather change when he experienced his brain tumors.

    I hope you don't mind if I add your family to my disboard friends I pray for. Bless you all.
     
  19. Southerngirl71

    Southerngirl71 Mouseketeer

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    I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

    I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that if the same thing happened to my mom I would do exactly what you are doing. I know my mom and if she was given that news she would not be able to handle it.

    That being said I do think it does depend on the person. My oldest brother needed emergency open heart surgery. He had a heart attack at the age of 49 and within three days needed the surgery. He had another heart attack during the surgery and was in a coma for 3 days before passing away. He would have wanted to know and I fully think he would be one to fight until his last breath.

    He was 16 years older than me and pretty much helped my mom raise me because our dad died when I was 15. He bought my first car and gave me away at my wedding. My family is not the type to say "I love you". I went to visit my brother every day in the hospital and kissed him right before he went into surgery but I never told him I loved him. It tore me up that I did not tell him but my husband put it in prospective for me. He asked if my brother ever spoke the words that he loved me to me. When I said "no" he said but you know he did with everything that was in him.

    I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. I pray that the peace of God will bring you comfort during this difficult time.
     
  20. Albytaps

    Albytaps Mickey's Biggest Fan

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    Thanks for your support.

    Deesknee - I don't mind at all, thank you. And I'm a a loving son, not daughter :thumbsup2 but thanks anyway.

    Southerngirl - I'm sorry you had to go through your brother's situation. I can say without a doubt, he knew you loved him even though nothing was said. Thanks for your kind words.

    As of now, my mom is under hospice care. However, she has no pain as of now. She is just sleeping more and more. I have to help her every step of the way to eat, drink, go to the bathroom and so on. She is getting weaker by the day and all I can do is just hold on. It's tough, but I can be strong... I think....

    Thanks again for all the support.
     
  21. luvmarypoppins

    luvmarypoppins <font color=darkorchid>I am debating whether to pu

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    :hug: So sorry that you are going through this with your mom.

    She is blessed to have such a caring son and family.

    Prayers for Gods peace and strength in the days ahead.
     

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