Discussion in 'Pre-Trip Reports and Plans' started by Millie12591, Jun 29, 2012.
LOL! Bat signals!! Jen is here!!!
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I actually got some time to myself to write out a novel about me. Told you I was into details.
I need to take Mackenzie to a birthday party and I'll be back to do some more editing and then let you get to know me a bit and why I'm doing this trip.
You are better than me. I write off the top of my head, then edit after I post.
Hope Mackenzie has a great time at the b-day party!
I don't know if I'd go that far to say I'm better than you. You haven't seen what kind of damage I could do, even after editing!
And thank you Michelle, she had a great time.
Do you ever feel like you have to hide your flaws?
Do you ever feel like if you don't hide your flaws then that's all anyone will ever see you as, or people won't like you because of them?
Not me. Nope! I like admitting to my flaws, sick right? Okay so initially I don't like admitting them, but I truly stay open to seeing them and trying to change that part of me when I realize or I'm shown there are icky parts of myself that I don't want around.
I feel like if I'm one who hides her flaws then I'm one who's capable of never growing, and to me that's a scary thought. A really scary thought.
I grew up in a pretty dysfunctional home, (que the sad, sappy music) my parent's split when I was pretty young, my mom did her best with what she knew having grown up in dysfunction herself (newsflash there), and became a drinker just like my dad, kinda ironic since that's why they split. Needless to say life wasn't all that it probably should have been while I was growing up, not the worst but not as it should have been. Probably not unlike most homes.
You'd think I'd be a sorry sort with all that in my past but you'd be surprised how sometimes those things can grow and mature a kid pretty fast.
You could say I became a realist, I mostly see things for what they are and even as a kid, a pretty young kid, I knew without a doubt I did NOT want to be what I was seeing growing up. Uh uh, no way, no how!
I also wasn't one to sit around and feel sorry for myself, sure I had my moments of crying about stuff, but I didn't allow it to consume me. Cry, get it out of my system, move on. (sound familiar Mary, Pat, Liesa?)
I knew fairly young if I wanted a good life then I had to make it happen for myself, you know that life more abundantly I talked about in my opening post? Yeah that's the one, but I didn't know a lot about that stuff yet. That came later, but I knew the BIG GUY had His hand on me and was working on me even from a really young age. You could probably say that Uncle Walt's philosophy of "Keep Moving Forward," was with me even then, still VERY much is. Once I was out of that situation all I wanted to do was move and to grow forward as much as possible.
Much to my dismay and serious efforts over the years I still have flaws. I know, what ya gonna do?
Fast forward to my life about two years ago and I, through lots of circumstances had become jaded to the idea that I could keep moving forward. Sadly I had succumb to the idea that an abundant life was not for me, at least not in my physical life.
Let me just say....I don't like to give too much energy/attention to physical stuff (ailments if you will) because I think it breeds the idea inside myself that you have to resign yourself to the issues and then that's all you live, that's all your life is, that's all you talk about, the ailment. So if I gloss over this you'll understand why. I was dealing with five partially herniated discs in my back, only a couple were really bothering me and caused me to pretty much be in and out of commission for a few years, five to be exact. I had gained a lot of weight due to the back issues on top of gaining a lot of weight from quitting smoking from a year before the back stuff started. Yes, I use to smoke. The one thing I did allow into my life that I watched growing up.
I could of course walk and do most normal things, I wasn't rendered unable. But what I couldn't do was exercise to get the weight off, at least not without my back going out for weeks at a time. Of course the weight is what kept me trapped in the body I had come to accept as being over weight and not able to do a lot of things I wanted to do without there being the risk of being out of commission for a few weeks to a month at a time.
No, I'm not kidding.
I once hired a trainer to come to the house and show me what to do to get stronger just so I could start doing normal exercise....just from sitting on the floor and doing the few really mild things he showed me....my back was out for a month. That was the last time I allowed myself to cry over it.
I truly had resigned myself to...."Okay, Camille your over weight, not much you can do to change that and this is your lot in life from this point forward, get over it and move on."
I'm not a heartless wench, I promise. I really do have a big heart, but when it came to things I couldn't change.....there was no point fretting and worrying over something....I've learned you deal with the initial emotions of it all, do your grieving if you have to and move on. Life will, even if you don't. I'd rather move on with life, I didn't want to miss out on anything!!
So life went on as normal, until spring of 2010. At that point I had been planning for almost two and a half years a family graduation trip to Disney for my son. In all honesty, I don't know if I planned it because I really wanted to celebrate his graduating or just needed something Disney/good to hold on to. You know how we Dis'ers are with needing to plan the next trip.
My hubby is one to do something once and be done with it, we had been to WDW in May 2007 and I figured if I didn't pretty much say this is what we were doing and gave him the couple of years to get use to the idea of going and paying for it....then I it wouldn't happen. Does this sound familiar to any of you out there?
Where were we, oh yes! Spring, (March to be exact) of 2010, I was gearing up for graduation, AND a trip to Disney. Since I knew the trip would take place just before graduation and we would be returning from our trip the week before graduation (what the h was I thinking?!?) I had to get the house in order before I left for our trip.
I had the carpet cleaners at the house, and I was outside taking down screens and washing windows. Normal stuff people do all the time, right?
Well, that very simple act of washing windows and screens brought about a mild strain in my hamstring on one leg and something short of a miracle (here comes your miracle, Judy ). That was a new one on me, hadn't done that one before, back yes, legs no. That will teach me to do the windows again!!
So, what was the first thing I thought of?!? "Oh no! Our Disney trip I've been planning for two years!!" No way in heck was I missing our trip over a strained hamstring. I went to an orthopedic doctor, the kind who get's into all the details of exactly what's going on, even draws a pictures. I should have been a doctor. She said all I needed was a little p.t. and I should be right as rain in a few weeks. Plenty of time to be ready for our trip!
Here's part of where the miracle came in, now guys I don't mean to gross you out but these are the facts of life or at least they were for me....Between my back being so grossly weak, and the little extra weight I would gain before that time of the month, my back would go out almost every month. Gross I know, but also something I had come to expect to be as apart of life. That day when I went in to see the doctor I had bent slightly forward to get some water out of the cooler for my water bottle and my back had slightly gone out. I knew it wasn't bad and that it would just take a couple of days to get through, but it made for a funny looking me. I would walk with my upper body going to the right while my left hip would jut out to the left. In other words, I was walking crooked.
The doctor of course noticed this as I was getting up from the chair to go to the exam table, she wanted to know what was going on with my back. I, having moved forward over the back stuff, kinda blew it off and said..."Oh it's nothing, I have some partially herniated discs that give me trouble from time to time, and every time I have my monthly the weight of my uterus causes my lower back to go out." That was the look on her face.
She promptly made me sit down and tell her all about it. I also got a prescription for some p.t. for my back as well as my leg. I honestly blew it off thinking there was nothing they could do for me but went any way, of course mostly for my leg.
Fast forward to my appt. with the p.t., a few weeks into the p.t. I'm on the total gym doing my up-downs as I called them and looking at the picture on the ceiling and listening to all the other people in this big room with all the tables the p.t.'s worked with the people on. I could hear a patient talking about doing a half marathon before they turned 40. I started to tear up a little bit because that the sort of thing I use to think about doing before I turned 40. The head p.t. is extremely perceptive to what people are feeling in that room, so of course she notices this (how I have not freaking clue) and says..."Camille, everything going okay over there?" Yes, she notices me tearing up across the room almost laying down flat on a machine. Talk about perceptive! I said, "Oh! I'm fine. Just thinking about what so and so had said about doing a half marathon before she's 40 and thinking that's the sort of thing I use to think about doing one day."
Now, this is a fairly big room, and everyone in there pretty much becomes family as they all do their thing on the different tables and machines and talk amongst one another. Not to mention the fact that Vicky the head p.t. is into triathlons and has a lot of friends who are into the athletic thing come into see her on a professional basis.
Austin is close to where I live, it's not only the Capitol of Texas but kinda the capitol of bikers, you know the Lance Armstrong kind of bikers. So people in this p.t. office are usually there to overcome sports injuries, talk about feeling out of place!!
Vicky promptly says...."Camille, there is no reason why you couldn't do that one day."
This is probably a good stopping point, other wise I feel that I'm may bore you into a comma.
Having had my own experience with physical therapy I know how you become a close knit group. I had to live in a rehab center for a while and we were a really close group. Anytime any of us had an accomplishment like when I walked for the first time I got applause.
My husband is a cyclist and I frequently am around the Lance Armstrong type of cyclists. They are an interesting group.
Good evening, my friend.
Great start on the back story. I never knew about the pain in your back. I remember how awful Mark's was prior to his neck surgery and can not imagine the pain you were suffering.
Having been in some kind of treatment or PT for about the last 7 months now...I can really relate to so much of what you write!
And feel guilty sitting here reading and typing as I've blown it all off for the past 2 weeks, I needed a break.
And based on your siggie....really good things have been happening for you! I'm looking forward to reading about it. And just had a very funny deja vu thinking about a workout attire item you'd asked about sometime ago! Why in the world that popped into my head just now I have NO idea!
I like their zeal for life!!
Oh wow, living in a rehab and learning to walk for the first time! That's big!! That sounds like a story I'd like to hear some time. Thank you for reading along.
Hi Ms. Kat. So glad you're here. Luckily, I had a good drug that helped with the pain that wasn't a narcotic. It was actually a pill that seizure patients use to use, some sort of nerve receptive blocker thing-a-la-la. I'm pretty sure that's the Latin name for it.
It would block the message of pain to the brain. Not the best drug for mood swings, but did the trick where I could actually sit and lay down without being in agony for a year and half. It takes about two years for the discs to dry up and hopefully no longer put pressure on nerves.
OMGosh Cynthia, I had no idea you were dealing with anything that big. Are you okay? You dont' have to reveal what it is if you don't want to, not everyone is a blabber mouth, open book like I am.
No need to feel guilty at all. Huh uh, no way! You have to do what you feel you need to do for you. I don't think I was ever in the p.t.'s office for more than a couple of months at a time (been back since the episode I'm currently talking about), I can't imagine going as long as you have. Bless your heart!
Yes, good things have been happening. When we met I was just starting out on that journey, I will leave it at that for now since it's part of my back story. You'll get the rest soon.
I remember asking you something about your cute yoga outfit you had on, but what exactly escapes me now. Oh boy, Lord only knows what I asked about. OH! I think I remember what it was now!! It was also an item Liesa needed during her running days, if I'm right. Yeaaaa, I wonder what made you think of that all of a sudden?!?
oh gosh, no worries, I've blabbed plenty about it on my PTR, whined at times even.
It's an old stupid neck injury that over time has gotten worse and caused some annoying limitations on my activities. The kind of thing where you gradually give things up and up and up and all of a sudden the lightbulb goes off and you say, really this is ridiculous, I should try to deal with it. It had gotten progressively worse over the last few years and I had a particularly nasty flare up in the fall that really got me to try and do something.
Not that I hadn't tried before but...sometimes you have to keep trying, get creative and go from there. Traditional Medicine had been zero help. So I've done chiro, osteopath, PT, massage therapy, different PT and acupuncture. LOL! And a new primary care doc..and had sinus surgery, thinking the headaches were related and to an extent they were but what remains is related to the neck. I went Oct-Jan, had sinus surgery and then have been going consistently again since early March. Well, at least until 2 weeks ago lol! Last week of school was NUTS so I didn't schedule anything for myself and then well...no excuse really for this week.
I really love the PT place I'm at now but we are kind of at an odd place. The goal is to get me back to where I can do many of the things I'd given up (riding my bike, pilates, zumba) and be able to do upper body workouts without re-injury but we've been having setbacks which is beyond frustrating. I moved to a place that is very much tailored to the athlete and not just about gainng mobility but overall strength and fitness. The hardest part is I had about a month of it being really, truly better and to regress almost makes it worse and makes me less tolerant of it. 4 steps forward, 2 back, 4 forward, 3 back. I can't seem to retrain myself the way I really need to. They want me to see a different chiro as they think something is locked up, but I haven't made the appointment yet, and decided to take a little break from ALL of it other than my gym routine. I'm a bit sick of co-pays! But, big picture I am in much much better shape than I was, lighter and firmer, and feeling better, even if its not quite where I want it to be. Although to be honest, I'd give PT about half the credit and the other to myfitnesspal. LOL!
I will go back to PT but really should try that new chiro at least once first.
Honestly I have no idea. My brain went something like...
Things that go under workout clothes
millie, here i am, at your invitation.. I am honored.
Great start, Camille!
Smidgy is here!! I'm the one who is honored!!
Thank you, Michelle.
I want to start off saying what an honor it is to share this story with you. An honor because I love my friend dearly and her trial has been just that, a major trial, but a trial that she has shared with many to show that you can overcome sorrow, tragedy and come out the other side with life and life more abundantly. (There's that phrase again) I want to start this post off with letting you know that I would never exploit my friends, or their family. This is truly how I came to the point I'm at and I want to share with you the whole story. My hope is it will inspire someone, the way it inspired me and has for many others.
The accounts you are about to read hear are very much public, and have been shared many, many times. (I don't want anyone to get the idea I'm exploiting anybody) The story has been shared on a t.v. show, and in newspaper articles. <you'll understand more later> I ask that you read with great sensitivity and know that I've written it with the greatest respect and love. I will only try to share the facts in minimal form so as not to seem like I'm using the entire story to exploit for effect. I hope you understand what it is I'm trying to say here.
Do you think yourself the kind of person who is easily inspired?
Is this even a fair question to ask?
I mean really, who hasn't been to church, heard a good sermon or testimony about what amazing thing God has done in someone's life and walk away feeling invigorated!
Or! Maybe you heard a wonderful motivational speaker you really related to, and you leave totally amped and pumped up! Ready to go out and conquer the world, or what ever issue you deem the next big thing to work on!!
If you're anything like myself and many others I know, it's a matter of weeks, or in some cases days or even hours, and it's as though you've never even heard the inspiring message.
I don't like knowing I've had some seriously awesome seeds spoken over me and have them fall into shallow ground. I'd like to think it doesn't take some drastic measure to really reach me.....but drastic it took to wake a part in me that most certainly needed waking.....
It was Friday Aug. 28th, 2009. My husband was about to go Ireland on a work related trip <very rare occurrence>, Mackenzie was staying home for the first time to be home schooled and my mind was doing it's normal run down of the day. "Oh Lord, Help me get my day going, be my strength. Lord, I hope I'm doing the right thing by Mackenzie, I hope I don't let anyone down keeping her home to school. I hope I can do her justice. Thank Goodness we've made it through this week. Sustain us through yet another, Lord."
I started walking down stairs to start my day, it wasn't starting off to be the greatest of days. I was in pain, I dreaded another day in this body and here I was faced with it all over again. I hear the phone ring, "Mama, it's Ms. Amy!!" My baby was already up and I was getting a phone call from my best friend, Amy! There are some good, bright spots to my day!!
Me: "Hey girl, (very appropriate southern greeting) what's going on?"
Amy: <heavy East Texas accent> "Camille, I just got a call from Joanne....Sharon's son shot himself last night......."
Even now, I swallow hard and let out a heavy sigh.....Not a day I like to remember.
Needless to say a whole flood of things start going through my mind, questions to be answered and things that had to be done to help our friend who's son just killed himself at 19 years of age.
To say it was a surprise seems stupid because no matter the situation...you always find the taking of one's life a surprise.
In this case, sadly, we knew it was a matter of time before something like this would take place. It was still a surprise.
He was a very sick boy for a very long time. We prayed many prayers, fought many a battle, and cried many tears with and for Sharon over it in hopes it wouldn't happen. But happen it did and it change my friend and all of us forever. In the most obvious of ways and in the rather most unobvious of ways that were yet to come.
Fast forward to the beginning of Dec. that same year and I get a phone call from Amy to come over and let the girls play together. (we both home schooled) As I'm over there to pick up Mackenzie that evening Sharon and one of her closest friends had called and asked to come over, she said they needed us to help them do video interviews. Sharon was applying to a weight loss show. Wait! Whaaaaa?!?
"What do you mean she's going on a weight loss show?!? She just lost her son! Those vial t.v. people will eat her for lunch!! Just to get ratings!! She can't do this!!" I'm not one to have definite ideas about how I see things, am I? this deserves another...
Of course all I could think of was protecting my friend from the likes of people like Jillian Michael's, barking and yelling at her to lose more weight after her son just died. We all know reality shows are there to exploit people's lives for ratings, and this was a life I felt in need of being very protective over!! Could you blame me?!?
As she left and Amy and I stand there in total shock. We both share our concerns, but both agree it's her life and she has to do what she feels she has to do. Who are we to be anything but supportive and pray for her to accomplish any goal she wanted to accomplish. We knew she had put on a good 50 lb.s (it was actually 60 we come to find out later) on top of what was probably close to 300 lbs. (306 to be exact) at the time of her son's death. We knew she was grasping at straws to maintain some sort sembalance of normalcy, she has two other children and I'm sure needed to do something to feel like she was some how getting there.
What we didn't realize at the time is that she was actually responding to a comment her son shared with her in one of his last conversations he had with her before he died. He said to her..."Mom, more than anything I want to see you healthy, I want to see you living a healthy life."
Our beautiful Sharon had always been overweight, her children had never seen her at a healthy weight and this comment her son made to her kept playing in her head over and over again as she lay in bed grieving for her son.
Sharon finally cried out to God to help her through this and to accomplish what her son asked her to do. So, she responded to an ad she saw on Craig's list in the jobs listings, looking for people 150 lb. or more over weight, hoping it wasn't a scam.
The show HEAVY aired Jan 31st 2010 on A&E almost a year later. We all gathered at a local theater who generously allowed Sharon to air her show there for all her friends to see. She has A LOT of friends.
Seeing this show changed my view of things forever. This long story my fellow Dis brothers and sisters is to tell you how this show changed the way I viewed my friend, myself and how I was living my life. This was the catalyst that finally broke the straw of the proverbial camel's back.
I was in no way feeling sorry for my friend any more, here was a friend who's son lost his life to a life long battle of mental illness, and she was putting herself on national t.v., infront of millions of people all to honor her son's wishes and to change her life for the better. She Was Doing It!!!! She got out of bed everyday, for many months with way more weight on than I had, stricken with grief, and making the changes that needed to happen.
Even though this was huge, and life altering, I still wasn't making the changes I needed to make, just yet.
See, I'm one who has to wrap my mind around something fully, I'll chew on something until it has no flavor or much left to chew before I finally make a move. And usually then it takes a little prompting from THE BIG GUY and a lot of speaking to my heart on His part, before I finally make a move. That can sometimes take a looooong time with me, but when I finally make a move, I REALLY MAKE A MOVE! Luckily it wasn't a long process this time.
I think I called Sharon about a week later boo-hooing and making excuses..."My body this and my body that and I'm too this and I'm too that...." OH BOTHER!! I can't believe she didn't hang up on me!!
Sharon is too grace filled and sweet to do such a thing, she just let me vent, offered the help of her trainer and I think she even prayed for me.
When I finally snapped to, I felt so stupid for having bothered her with all of that. And this is when the lights went on!! This is when the miracle finally kicked into full gear!! It was much like Dory's moment in Finding Nemo where she meets Nemo and all those memories come flooding back all at once!! The memories of Vicky my p.t. saying "Camille, there's no reason you couldn't do that one day." The memory of being done with p.t. and painting my daughters room a couple of months later without pain, getting up and down off the floor a million and one times, and twisting around to get something in her room without my back going out for a month, The memory of all the pain I had while in WDW that last May, the memory of our last day there and how I pulled my back out just doing a simple thing like bending slightly to put something in my suitcase. And my vow of how the next time I come back to WDW "I will never been in this much pain again!!"
And then the BIG revelation hit me!! This is what finally went through my head....." If Sharon can get up with 366 lb. of weight on her, grieving the loss of her son, and put herself on national television in front of millions of people, what frickin excuse do you have, Camille?!? I. Mean. Seriously!!"
That was it, that's all it finally took, how dare I lay around and complain about my back, my knees or anything else that I found as a boo-frickin-hoo excuse. If Sharon could find a way then, I have not, one, single, excuse!!
The next day I got myself on my recumbent bike my wonderful husband had bought me the year before, proped myself up with pillows so I wasn't in pain and started in Feb. of 2011 to finally make the changes I needed changed with my body. A few weeks later I was changing my diet drastically, researching to figure out what I was doing to my body with the things I put into it, MADE SOME MOOOOORE drastic changes about what I was putting into my body! It's crazy what kind of stuff is in or on our foods!! Holy smokes!!
I decided I was going to have 100 lb. off by the time I go to WDW again, so I planned a reward trip for May 2013 to celebrate a whole new me!! A girls trip!! Started out just being Mackenzie dd12 and I and then Maroo wanted to come along!! And then Poolrat Pat wanted to come along!! I'm so honored to have them apart of our trip.
Also while I'm there I'll finally have a Dis meet with my Ms. Kat and her wonderful hat wearing hubby, Mark!
I started an inspiration wall to help motivate me while I workout, a few of you have seen me post pics of it on FB, it started out fairly small with a few pics of women who are in shape the way I aspire to be, some in bathing suits to inspire me to get there again and a few pictures of WDW for good measure. (I'll post some pics of it later) This year I changed it up drastically added a ton more pictures and now most of them are pics of WDW!! Hey! That is what is most motivating to me, so why not, right?!?
A few weeks after I started working out I started working with a trainer. My friend Amy told me about her so I called the trainer to start a weight resistance program. She too (the trainer) had been over weight so I trusted she actually understood some what of what I was going through.
How many of you have worked with trainers who looked like they stepped off SHAPE magazine and has probably never had a fat body % over 13 (women) and probably never knew what it was to be over weight a day in their life? Yeaaa! Kinda hard to work with someone who doesn't get you feel your workout pants are about to spotaneously ignite from all the dang friction and they are still telling you to go faster!!
So now I do three days of weights and three days of cardio.
Buy the end of March when I went to visit Liesa-All7ofUs, eandesmom, MAGICFOR2 and Cameo818 in OR for our Dis meet. I had already lost 10lb.
As of today....as you can see in my siggie, I am down 52 lbs. (I can only change it in 5 lb. increments) and 7 sizes!! Lots of inches of course, but I haven't really counted them to know for sure. I know the last time I counted it was about seven inches from four months prior. My back has progressivly gotten better from p.t. and exercise, it almost never goes out and when it does it really minor. My knees how ever didn't get better with exercise so I started back to p.t. last summer to get them back into order and they are doing great! I however sorta fell off the wagon with my exercise back then, it was conflicting with my p.t. so I backed off my exercise until I was done with that, and right before I was done with p.t. my mom was diagnosed with breast and lung cancer. So I was away from the exercising for about four months when I started back this Jan. and I've been going strong ever since!! In spite of a fractured toe and some weird thing with the ball of my foot. In never ends I tell ya! But I'm not allowing any of it to stop me. I now no longer use big pillows to prop me up on my recumbent bike for my back, HUGE victory!!
I probably gained about 9 lb. when I quit exercising, but took that off and a bit more these last five months, yes it took me that long to take off roughly 15 lbs., lots of inches came off but the weight didn't want to come off. I use to be a size 24 and I can officially get into a women's regular size 16 now, still too big but a sight better than where I was. I can officially shop in the regular women's dept. instead of the "Big Girls," dept. I even tried to go back into the Big girls dept. to find some shirts and everything was enormous!!
So there you have it!! Now you know how this trip came to be!! I know it's extremly long but I didn't feel I could split this up into two different posts and have it come out right.
That's so heart breaking about your friend's son. I'm sorry for her loss. But so very inspirational that she honored his wishes to get herself in shape.
I'm so proud of you! I completely understand how hard it is to get motivated to lose weight and get in shape. It sure is easier to come up with excuses and reasons why not to, then to stick to it and do it! Congrats on your weight loss and progress!! So happy your back is better!
I've been making excuses for over a year. In the last month my husband and I started losing together. It sure is easier when you have someone to hold you accountable!
That is so sad about your friends son. She is amazing!
I am proud of you, what you are doing is great!!
Since my post was so long to start I left out that Sharon started a weight loss group with a lot of the local women around here as well as one on FB. She had about 25 or so women (for the local group) at one point. There are only about a handful of us left on FB, some live as far as NY. We still check in with one another and post about our highs and lows, and you are sooo right, it really does make a difference when you have a group of people to be accountable to.
Yes, it is a very sad situation, but through it beauty has come out of the ashes in all of this. There have been soooo many people getting help, their lives are being saved and encouraged from being over weight. And thank you for the encouraging words, Michele!! I can't tell you how great it is to hear someone say something about an accomplishment you worked really hard for. It helps because it keeps pushing us along.
Has anyone share Richard Simmon list of things to remind yourself of?
No, I don't believe anyone has. Never heard of them before.
Separate names with a comma.