Chpt 33 - More MGM stuff...probably
Obviously, with the advent of the Dream Fastpasses.... our whole outlook on the day had changed. Because now the sky was the limit.....and the world was our oyster.....although frankly I don’t care for oysters.....so I asked if I could substitute for the onion rings....and they let me, all because of the Dream Fastpasses. For those of you who have never experienced the blessing of a Dream Fastpass.....it’s a beautiful blue laminated card about the size of a checkbook attached to a thin rope so you can hang it around your neck. Down both sides of the card, there were these nifty little tabs...each one adorned with the name of one of the fastpass attractions at the park. With these magical Dream Fastpasses in your possession......you no longer had to battle the unwashed masses at the fastpass machines. Instead, you could proceed directly to the fastpass CM and present your Dream Fastpasses. The CM in turn, would remove the appropriate tab....bow deeply from the waist....release a basket of snow-white doves....and then roll out a red carpet lined on both sides with minstrels playing long silver trumpets... which you would then walk upon as you were ushered down the fastpass lane (the carpet not the minstrels)...followed by young maidens tossing rose petals from a basket. I’m just kidding.....there were no maidens. To be honest....the best thing about the Dream Fastpass was it just made you feel like such a winner to wear it around your neck. Granted....sometimes they’re not the most noticeable little things in the world. But I found that if you held them out at arms length....and stuck them right under peoples noses as they passed by....that made them pretty hard to miss.
Even after all of the excitement of the morning, we still wanted to go on the Great Movie Ride. After all....it used to be the crown jewel attraction of MGM....shining like a bright beacon of Disney-ness at the far end of Hollywood Blvd. Of course, that was before they crammed a ginormous sorcerers cap all up in its grill. Tinkershell and I first rode this attraction nearly 20 years ago on our honeymoon (I was a child groom) and it hasn’t changed a bit. The only problem with TGMR was some of the parts were too intense for Pal Mickey. He cried during the alien part....and the wicked witch of the west part....and the Bert the chimney sweep part.....because of his unreasonable fear of soot.
Are you going to cry Pal Mickey? Are you going to squirt some, huh?
After TGMR, we planned to make the long journey to the Backlot Tour..because Pal Mickey has always been fascinated with the inner workings of stuff. Once, when he was just a little guy, he decided to try to change his own batteries. By the time anyone notice what he was up to, he was spread out all over the room like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz after the flying monkeys finished roughing him up. I teased him for weeks. "I could think of things I've never thunk before....and then I'd sit and think some more."
While I was busy reminiscing about teasing Pal Mickey, Tinkershell had been feverishly studying her MGM map....and suddenly proclaimed in her finest outdoor voice...that she had discovered a secret short-cut to the Backstage Tour. Yikes. Normally, Tinkershell and directions mix like oil and water...or Donald Trump and Rosy O’Donnell if you prefer. But...since she had never really shown any interest in navigational matters before...and because I wanted to foster this new-found interest so maybe she would stop handing me the telephone every time someone needed directions to our home....I decided to give her a shot. Apparently, our little Helpy Helperton had noticed on the MGM map that the end of New York Street was right next to the entrance for the Backlot Tour.
Unfortunately, what Tinkershell’s map didn’t show was that there was a large padlocked wooden gate standing between the two of them. How large you ask? Do you remember the giant wooden gate that the island natives built in the movie King Kong? You do? Well...it was nothing like that. I mean, let’s get real here people......the MGM gate was for like... service vehicles or something......whereas the gate from King Kong was an attempt to keep a ginormous gorilla away from a scantily-clad Jessica Lange...or Fay Wray showing a little ankle if you pine for the more wholesome days of yore. My point is....surely you can see that these two gates were designed for vastly different purposes...and subsequently...the construction of a towering wall of giant timbers held together by jungle vines at the end of Hollywood Blvd would have been a incredible waste of resources. Anyway, long story short (hucifer: too late), we ended up having to retrace our steps back to TGMR...which incidently....was where this whole sorted short-cut debacle had started. If you’re looking for a silver lining in Tinkershell’s gray cloud....we did bump into Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable along the way. To be honest....I’d never heard of them....but the kids seemed excited about it....and of course Pal Mickey’s got this thing for redheads...so there you go.
Good thing we took Tinkershell's long-cut....although I'm not sure Ron is putting out a superhero "vibe"
So after backtracking a tad (A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction), we finally arrived at the entrance to the Backlot Tour. While we were standing in line....Tinkershell and I must have been radiating a certain star-like quality...because a CM came up and asked us if we wanted to be in the show. “That would be awesome.....let me just get my agent on the line so we can iron out the details. First...I'd like a black S500 to pick me up at the entrance. I need the interior of the car to be 71 degrees exactly.” You know...standard stuff...nothing too fancy. I’m not asking for anything that....say... Tom Cruise wouldn’t get.
The Panic Attacks will be available for autographs following the performance.
I should mention that Tinkershell and I were no strangers to the spotlight at WDW. Tinkershell’s resume’ included a previous appearance in the Backlot Tour...where she had played Captain Duck to much critical acclaim. Also, she had appeared in the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular in the role of "random shopper dressed in robes". As for myself, I had previously provided the voice of the “monster” in the now defunct Monster Sound Show....and on a seperate occasion.... had been selected to go up on stage and shake my moneymaker at the Spirit of Aloha Luau. So I think you’ll all agree.....we rock.
Anyway, the Backlot Tour CM obviously thought we rocked....because we were whisked off to wardrobe to get ready for the show. In a shocking twist, I was given the role of Capt. Duck while Tinkershell was cast in the lessor role of the person who steers the tug boat and then gets pummeled by a ginormous wave. We’re not sure why Tinkershell didn’t get the Capt. Duck role....because she had absolutely nailed it the last time she played it. It’s possible that she had been blacklisted.....because she can be a bit of a diva if you catch my drift....whereas I'm much more reasonable to work with. Anyway....we were both totally on our game...and if I remember right....received a standing ovation at the end of the performance. To be honest...the people could have just been getting up to leave.....it was hard to tell because I was looking at things from the bottom of a deep flourishing bow. On the way out we almost forgot Pal Mickey. Wow....that would have been a bummer. That settles it....first thing in the morning I'm getting him a lanyard.
Next up: Chpt 34 - Well, it's lunch time....so you know what that means.
The whole concept of an Italian restaurant in a kidcopia envivronment without pizza? Inconceivable! Someone might want to mention that the next time they go, I'm just sayin. . .
together! Thanks for brightening our days and will be SAD when this comes to an end!
