Strict Church rules on Bridal Gown

[EMom]

This is simple. If you don't like the rules of the church, go somewhere else for the wedding. We had a choice of churches when we married and one would not allow secular music. Hymns only. I crossed them off my list instead of whining.

 

[powellrj]

I just read an article on modest wedding gown today. I guess it may become a trend.

http://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Modest-Wedding-Dress-Inspiration-37934459#photo-37934459

 

[sam_gordon]

NH-I found it ironic that all the bride pics I found from local Photographer were wearing strapless (in church too)-and this is the Cathedral where the Bishop is
...to me the same rules should apply at every church in our city

It doesn't matter what you think. It doesn't matter what I think. It doesn't matter what anyone on the internet thinks. It comes down to what the priest (or whoever makes the decision for the church) thinks. If you're saying the bride already picked out a dress and then found it doesn't follow the "code", sorry, bad on her.

 

[DawnM]

I clearly see shoulders.

 

[NewRVLady]

I clearly see shoulders.

Horrors!!!!
LOL

sam_Gordon-I really think she should wear a "shrug"...I worry after she gets to altar priest will say-Sorry-cant marry you

 

[Southernmiss]

NH-I found it ironic that all the bride pics I found from local Photographer were wearing strapless (in church too)-and this is the Cathedral where the Bishop is
...to me the same rules should apply at every church in our city

I work at a Catholic Church. While yes, on BIG decisions and our masses, the Catholic church is very uniform. However, there is a lot of leeway given for things to operate at the local parish based on the preferences of the priest and the local customs/community. I see this as one of those decisions. I would also expect that there's probably a parish "wedding coordinator" who will assist the couple in planning the mass and liturgy at the parish. This person would be the first place to discuss a question such as appropriate dress. After that, then the priest, etc. Some brides can wear different dress styles better than others. The bride in the original picture was beautiful and in that picture, I didn't see anything wrong, however, that dress on someone else may not be appropriate.

I also suspect that the place where your bride wants to marry, already had an issue with a bride's dress being too revealing and a policy was enacted afterwards.

Oh, and when I married in 1990 the dress that I chose (which really was different for me) was a long sleeve dress with a lower cut neckline than I normally wear and a v back down to the waist. My bridesmaid's mom commented on the dress as I was getting ready in the church, but it never occurred to me until that comment that it was too revealing. It really was the dress in the shop that flattered me the most!

Oh, and I have had discussions with my priest about how something someone has worn to church was inappropriate. I coordinated Confirmation and did have a recommended dress code for the kids which I advised them and their families of in writing at the first preparation meeting.

 

[minniecarousel]

I loved the dresses that my DDILs wore to their weddings. That said, if either had gotten married in a church that required more coverage, they would have both figured it out.

I love the new "more coverage" look. I thought Kate looked gorgeous in her dress (a few years ago!)

I watch too much "Say Yes to the Dress" & some of the dresses make the brides look like streetwalkers!

 

[verleniahall]

I was in a VERY strict catholic wedding and she wore a strapless dress, but she had a jacket that she wore over it, and then removed it for the reception. You couldn't tell that the jacket was an addition to the dress, it matched perfectly - we got it all at Davids Bridal - they were really great with helping with the requirements, but still bringing dresses that she loved

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, based on the further explanation, I think he bride would be taking a big risk to assume that her wedding will go ahead as planned if she shows up in a strapless dress with just the veil covering her shoulders.
She really needs to speak with whoever her contact is at the church to clarify what she can and cannot do, and she should be nice about it and not demanding given that she was the one who did not read her contract carefully and bought a dress that does not fall into the dress code for that particular church.

 

[MickeySP]

FYI-bride has been in many many local weddings-most of her friends wore strapless to many Church weddings

I don't think this note was seen at first-it was in the printout of the rehearsal times etc
Very expensive dress already purchased
I agree-a chiffon shrug is the way to go

Just wondering if the bride pictured would be 'ok" with this priest-this is bride's Mother's plan to drape the veil on her arms
(I simply was looking at a local photographers website-and found a bride doing what the bride I know wants to do)

I say also she will need a shrug or jacket. She may not be allowed to do the ceremony if she doesn't comply.

As far as photos, are any strapless in the actual church, that picture looks like it was outside. Also these other weddings were that at this particular church?

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Get married in a church that doesn't have rules on dresses.

That's just...weird.

 

[ronandannette]

I just read an article on modest wedding gown today. I guess it may become a trend.

http://www.popsugar.com/fashion/Modest-Wedding-Dress-Inspiration-37934459#photo-37934459

Wow - the gowns with the long, lace sleeves look incredibly elegant and the Muslim bride with the hijab integrated into her veil is particularly striking. Overall, every gown pictured in that link is 10x more interesting and unique than the ubiquitous plunging, strapless dresses seen everywhere for the past decade.

 

[NewRVLady]

Get married in a church that doesn't have rules on dresses.

That's just...weird.

too late-invitations done

 

[RitaE]

I have never in my life heard of a wedding suddenly cancelled because the Bride showed up in an inappropriate dress - although I guess it has probably happened somewhere at some time. It'd probably kind of spice up the usual wedding guest experience to get to witness something like that.

I have to think that most of the venues with those kinds of requirements have some sort of procedure to make sure the wedding participants comply rather than just "Oh, a bare shoulder. No wedding today!" Likely most Religious organizations with such guidelines will likely also have some sort of significant pre-marital counseling guidelines, so I suspect all the issues are likely addressed way before the day of the ceremony.

 

[NewRVLady]

I agree rita
I think they want to avoid plunging cleavage, backless gown , halter tops etc
her strapless gown is very modest-IMO

 

[mom2rtk]

I don't think this is the sort of occasion where it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Too stressful. But up front and ask.

Who wants an added layer of stress like that on such a big day?

 

[gwynne]

I agree rita
I think they want to avoid plunging cleavage, backless gown , halter tops etc
her strapless gown is very modest-IMO

OK, I'll play.
Who is "she"?
Is the the daughter of a friend?
Is she the daughter of a relative?

My opinion, it really doesn't matter if someone thinks strapless is modest. If the church has specific standards, then I think it's only respectful to abide by them.
I think it would be incredibly immature to try to sneak around and show up in an inappropriate dress. Lots of choices....one can get married in a different place...or one can alter a dress to be appropriate for the venue with rules.

 

[design_mom]

I agree that it would be highly unlikely that they'd cancel the wedding. But what I could see happening is the priest "offering" the bride a way to comply with the dress code... an old sweater from the lost and found, a vestment draped over her shoulders, etc. That's really going to ruin the look of the expensive dress the OP's friend's daughter bought. IMHO, it'd be much better to get clarification now, while there's still time to add a jacket or straps if necessary, rather than chance it.

I agree that they photo posted in the OP is modest and probably meets the spirit of the rule, but it does not meet the letter of the law. However, how tightly they stick to the letter of the law probably depends on a number of factors including the personality of the individual priest and whether he thinks the bride is trying to get away with something. (I really don't think anybody is going to believe they truly thought 'her shoulders are covered with the veil' is complying with the rule.)

 

[HM]

The bridesmaids dresses don't conform to the rule either.

 

[design_mom]

The bridesmaids dresses don't conform to the rule either.

I am not sure that the OP has specifically said that the photo in the OP is at the church that has the no-bare-shoulders rule. She has said that her friend's daughter is planning to get married at a church that has a no-bare-shoulders rule and she wants to do something similar to the bride shown in the photo (veil covering shoulders). She has also said that the photo in the OP was taken at the area's largest Catholic Church, the cathedral, but she was unclear about whether the cathedral has a no-bare-shoulders rule. The OP seems to feel they should all have the same rules, but they don't.