Sensitive Question - How much to donate at church?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by Janepod, Dec 12, 2012.

  1. nchulka

    nchulka <font color=purple>it was funny when the creepy gu

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    ::yes:: God's world, God's rules. He made me, He has the right to tell me what to do. I will say that the passage goes on to instruct the husband to love and cherish his wife! As long as you marry a Godly man you won't have any issues with ending up with some power hungry guy controlling you. Notice it says submit, not he will dictate everything you do.
     
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  3. Andtototoo

    Andtototoo DIS Veteran

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    IMO, you don't give based upon what your neighbor gives. Their contributions are none of your business! Focus on what's in your heart and in your wallet, not anybody else's. Give what YOU feel is appropriate and what works for your family.

    Secondly, you don't know if this man is giving every week. Or that he gives the same amount every week. I used to be a church teller and I can tell you that many people do not give every week, nor do they give the same amount every week.

    I will also tell you that most of the time, the people you would expect to give a lot give very little and vice versa. (Study after study has shown that those with less give proportionately more of their income in charitable contributions than those who have more.)

    Here is more data on what Catholics actually give from a study:

    Read more: http://www.ncregister.com/daily-new...ate-more-to-church-and-charity/#ixzz2EsA2A4CD
     
  4. LSmith

    LSmith DIS Veteran

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    :thumbsup2

    Let's face it most Christians pick and choose what works best for themselves when it comes to following the bible.
     
  5. WDSearcher

    WDSearcher DIS Veteran

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    Keep in mind that maybe that man hadn't given in a while and was "making up" for missed weeks. Or maybe he got a bonus at work and decided to give a lot this one time. Maybe he was putting in his money and someone else's (I did this a lot for a friend of mine who was usually relegated to "The Crying Babies Room", where they often didn't collect. Unless you follow the guy every week you don't know if that's how much he gives every week or if this was a one-time thing.

    You give what you're comfortable giving. Not what you think you should be giving based on what someone else is giving. :)

    :earsboy:
     
  6. Eeyore'sthebest

    Eeyore'sthebest DIS Veteran<br><font color=darkorchid>Not So Tagle

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    We actually had check boxes on our weekly envelopes that went up to $5,000. :faint: This was a blue collar town with a huge elderly population. And the younger crowd wasn't really rolling in it. It seemed very odd. The first check box started at $50!!
     
  7. Janepod

    Janepod <font color=royalblue>The new dinning plan is out.

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    Wow! What town is that?

    My town (gold coast of CT):

    $100
    $75
    $50
    $40
    $25
    $20
    $ _____ (fill in the blank)
     
  8. Eeyore'sthebest

    Eeyore'sthebest DIS Veteran<br><font color=darkorchid>Not So Tagle

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    Central Jersey (and not one of the rich towns!!) Seriously, my property was 75x100 and it was considered a big lot!! And I wasn't comfortable sending my kid to public school!!

    I think it was a big shock to the parishoners as our previous pastor just left a line on the envelope for us to write in an amount if we chose to. I never wrote the amount and they always cashed any check I put in there. I continued that practice and it turned out that the new pastor never opened envelopes unless it was checked off. Took months to cash some of my checks.

    Oh yeah, and I wanted to add that we received extra envelopes in our stack. Every month we had an envelope to pay our Diocesean fee per family of $10. We received envelopes in the winter months and summer months to put money in for heat and air conditioning. We received a minimum of 2 to 3 envelopes for every week of mass!!! They were expected to each be filled with donations. Some envelopes had the "required" donation. It wasn't a suggested amount. I used to throw out every envelope except the main one. The church can figure out where my money should go. It drove many parishoners away!!!
     
  9. marcyinPA

    marcyinPA <font color=blue>I'll never forget the strong, pun

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    Our pastors preached on this recently (not Catholic). The one line that sticks with me is that God loves a cheerful giver. Give what you can, but from the heart. If you give purely out of obligation, it doesn't really matter how much that check is.

    There are other ways to give other than monetary too. Our church stresses "time, talents, and treasure". Maybe you can't comfortably give a large monetary sum, but you can lead a youth small group, teach Sunday School, or be a greeter weekly. All important in God's eyes- all investments in Him!

    Hope this helps!
     
  10. deakam

    deakam DIS Veteran

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    You said the guy next to you gave 3x what you did. Maybe he makes 3x what you do. It is impossible to compare the 2 amounts unless you have access to his financial information. I do not give money to the church. I prefer to pay it forward to individuals.

    In our town we have a Christmas program called operation Santa Claus. They used to accept toys and things to be given to needy families. Now all they want is money. I no longer give to them. I find a family in need and shop for them personally, and anonymously.

    The important issue here is that you give, in whatever amount and whatever way you are comfortable.
     
  11. DopeyDame

    DopeyDame DIS Veteran

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    For those that say 10%, when does that end? Surely at some point the whole "those to whom much has been given, much will be expected" comes into play, right?
    If Person A makes $100,000/year, they are left with $90,000 to spend after tithing.
    If Person B makes $1,000,000/year, they are left with $900,000 to spend after tithing.
    And then you have someone making $100M a year, who would be left with 90M left after tithing.

    Surely that's not what God would want, right? I have to believe that God would expect a lot more from the person making $100M/year than just 10%, and would understand if a family struggling to make ends meet choses rent or food over tithing.

    I guess the whole concept confuses me. I'm Catholic as well, though, and like others have said - we're not big on the whole tithing concept, much more on the 'much is given, much is expected' concept.
     
  12. DopeyDame

    DopeyDame DIS Veteran

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    It's awesome that you support a needy family, but I just wanted to comment on this. Often times, non-profits can get far more bang for a buck than individuals can. So while it's more fun to buy a toy and donate it, that $20 you spent on the toy maybe could have bought two or three of the same toys has the cash been given to the non-profit to do the purchasing in bulk through various programs. I'm guessing that's why operation Santa Claus is focusing on cash donations.
     
  13. Gumbo4x4

    Gumbo4x4 Note to the ladies who forgot to

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    I've known many Catholics who were told by the church how much they should be donating. Needless to say, they didn't care to hear that info. Glad to hear it's not like that in your Parish :thumbsup2

    But, I say give an amount that you're comfortable donating. *If* you feel in your heart like maybe you should do more *and* you're able, well then maybe you could. But, don't do so out of guilt or expectations. Do it because you're able & because you want to :thumbsup2
     
  14. Mkrop

    Mkrop <font color=coral>I just cant go on demand<br><fon

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    The tithing talks started at our parish about 5 years ago. We are now called a tithing parish (whatever that means) but it is not obligatory. Our last pastor was much more agressive in his talks. Our new pastor has a much more gentle approach but I am still only going to give what I feel comfortable giving. Until the C&E Catholics start giving as much as we do yearly, I am not worrying about it. I feel comfortable that I give a lot of my money and time to our Church. And I never write our amt on the front of the envelope, it is no one business but mine, God's and the person who counts and records the transactions.
     
  15. Pigeon

    Pigeon DIS Veteran

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    I think the OP's husband has a perfectly valid point here. If my husband wanted to donate family income to something I disagreed with, I wouldn't be a happy camper. And while we share money entirely, if I were the sole wage earner, it would rub me the wrong way even more.

    I think the only reasonable approach is if you both have some completely discretionary money worked into the budget. You might choose to turn yours over to the church, while he might decide to contribute to political causes you don't like or buy new sneakers.
     
  16. disykat

    disykat DIS Veteran

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    (I'm not Catholic, but am answering anyway) I give once a month, as someone else pointed out, this may not have been his weekly contribution.

    I would not go to a church that insisted on 10% tithe, however I do see it as a guideline or goal to reach for. For many, including myself, it's not realistic to do it at this point, but it's a good goal. I think it's important to do some sacrificial giving "where your money is, your heart will be," and to consider giving "first fruits" not just what you have handy left over. I think it's an important faith thing. As with many things in my faith, it's not about "you're going to hell if you don't...." it's more about "how do I want to live my life to express my faith?"

    Realistically, churches do have to talk about money. I've been on church councils enough terms to know what happens when you don't. However, it should be about how to live your faith - time, talents, etc. as well as money as others have said. Spouses also have to agree/compromise on charitable giving amounts as well. Those decisions really have to be made individually, not by comparing themselves to others. (That said, some people really do want to have an idea of what other people do - such as the OP. It can be helpful as part of the conversation.)

    As far as Christmas goes, I give a set amount each month as part of my budget and don't give more at Christmas. I do the same with my other charitable giving, my monthly budget is set the same in December as any other month, I just give to an organization that has a Christmas campaign. We consider all our charitable giving to be part of the "tithe" percentage we give.
     
  17. Southernmiss

    Southernmiss <font color=green>I am hazed everyday<br><font col

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    In addition to charities having the resources to stretch a $ more than individuals can and therefore asking for money, there's a certain amount of dignity given to the poor when we give them money to go buy what they truly need and want. Giving then becomes less about "look what I was able to buy for the needy and don't I feel great about it" and more about "here go buy what you need and want to give to your family." A much better approach IMHO.

    Also, people often give their crummy, dirty unwanted stuff and then the organization has to deal with disposing of it instead of truly helping people.
     
  18. Andtototoo

    Andtototoo DIS Veteran

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    Sadly, that is often the reason why many organizations have stepped accepting in-kind donations. As an example, many years ago a church to which I belonged participated in a winter OTC medicine drive. People were asked to contribute NEW UNOPENED cold medicines, pain relievers, Ace bandages, first aid supplies etc. The publicity and instructions were quite clear about the NEED for having NEW UNOPENED medicines. And yet 95% of the donations were opened, partially used, and/or expired medicines. We spent a week sorting through the thousands of donations -- so a lot of man hours went into this project only to find little to show for it. In conversations about the problem we had so many people tell us, "Hey, beggars can't be choosers." So the next year, we asked for cash donations only and ended up being able to buy more than we'd been able to donate the year before.

    OTOH, I will say that having worked in a large urban church which did Giving Trees every year, we also found a lot of entitlement and little gratitude on the part of many of the recipients.
     
  19. luvsJack

    luvsJack DIS Veteran

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    Op you have to do what feels right to you. Its not between you and anyone but God.

    As for your Dh, what does he think you should give? Its hard when both spouses are not involved in church and willing to give to the church.
     
  20. Southernmiss

    Southernmiss <font color=green>I am hazed everyday<br><font col

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    And sadly, this has jaded a lot of giving. I have seen it also.

    I took a phone call at work (church) today from a man who is homeless and was looking for a tent and a sleeping bag. Unfortunately, he was not in my area today and I could not get to him. He's going to try to get to the church tomorrow and our St. Vincent DePaul volunteers will be able to give him a Walmart gift card or $ so he can go buy them.
     
  21. Janepod

    Janepod <font color=royalblue>The new dinning plan is out.

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    My husband thinks we should give $10/week MAXIMUM. I do not agree, and I have been giving more than that.
     

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