??s for Parents of 12 yr olds....

[Claire&TheBoys]

My older son just turned 13 and is in 8th grade. Even in summer, we encouraged him to go to bed by 9:30. During the school year, 9:00. He needs to get up no later than 7:30 to get ready to catch the bus at 8:25 (school starts at 9:00 and we're only a mile away - he's the last stop). When it's lights-out, no electronics. I let him read if he wants to, but he usually just wants to go on to sleep. The punishment we use most often is losing electronic devices (ipod, phone).

My younger son is 9 1/2, 4th grade. We aim for him to go to bed at 8:30. He has to get up by 6:30 to leave the house at 7:15 for school start of 7:30. He's allowed a little later bedtime (9:00) on Friday nights.

When we have something special going on (like this past week when my brother's family was visiting and we spent a lot of time with them), we might not get them to bed until 10:00 or later. But that's rare.

 

[Ephany]

My DD is 12. She usually is upstairs by 8:30, light out by 9-9:15. She wakes up without fail by 6am every day, and is positively evil if she doesn't get enough sleep. School has already started here, so between rec soccer, school soccer, shooting team, and various other commitments, most nights she's dead asleep by 9:30. She's pretty good at regulating herself and only rarely do I catch her with her tablet after 10pm. She knows that if we repeatedly notice her pushing boundries, especially with the back-talk, then say good bye to her tablet and laptop for awhile. As she gets older, I'm sure it'll relax but honestly, the whole morning is so much smoother if she's well rested. She's mentioned it too, so I'm not that concerned about the fact that we're much more strict than many people we know.

 

[Disney_1derland]

Electronics off at 8, bed by 9:30 here. But, our middle-schooler commutes to school and has to get up at 5:15am. If she went to the neighborhood school she would be allowed to stay up til 10.

 

[kandb]

I plan on putting my ds 12 ipad mini in the safe from Monday morning until Friday after school. He just will not commit to doing school work or just rushes thru it because he can't wait to get back to playing with his ipad. I already warned him, hope I can follow thru. Bedtime for him and his sister, who is also 12 will be around 9pm.

 

[ctc917]

Thanks everyone your comments have been very helpful to me while I try to figure out this bedtime, rules and electronics problem we are now having at our house...
If there is anyone else out there with mores suggestions please feel free to add on...

ctc917

 

[ktlm]

8:30 sounds unreasonably early for a 12 year old. I'm not exactly young and when I was 12, it was 10:00. I think by the time I was 14 or 15, it was pretty much whenever I chose to go to bed and if it was too late and I was tired the next day, that was on me. They need to start learning to be responsible on their own before college. The only requirement was that after my parents went to bed, I had to stay in my room and keep the noise level down. DD is 9 and we try to get her to bed around 9 and asleep by 9:30. Her school starts at 7:50 a.m. She is a night owl by nature, so anything before that and she is not sleepy and just pops out of bed repeatedly until that time anyway. She doesn't get home from activities some nights until 7:00 and by the time she has eaten dinner it is already close to 8.

 

[Kenny1113]

I agree with others who say it depends on the child (with allowing for recommended hours of sleep). My older dS wakes up in the morning without any difficulties (always has been an early riser). So I have been more leinient with bed time with him. Last year 8th grade he was allowed to stay up until 10/1030 reading.
Younger dS on the other hand does not get up in the morning very well and has had an earlier bedtime than older dS at same age. Last year 5th grade his bedtime was no later than 9.

rule at our house is electronics(phones/tablets) are turned in at 9pm

 

[emma'smom]

I have to ask how your kids get their homework done if they are going to bed at 9pm on school nights. My 8th grader is usually up til 10 or 10:30 finishing homework and then goes to bed after that. She gets up around 6:00 or so to finish up any lingering homework, eat, do her hair, etc.. and make the bus on time. IF we drive her to school, we call get to sleep a 1/2 hour longer....so worth it!

She charges her phone on the kitchen counter....so when she goes to bed, it's done for the night.

She gets home from school and has about an hour to chill/get started on homework before soccer practice. Then a quick dinner and homework til bed. So glad when the week-ends roll around!

 

[aprilgail]

Withholding electronics seems to work best for my teens.

And my kids have a much later bed time than that. They stopped going to bed before nine when they were in 2nd or 3rd grade. Right now they go to bed around 11/11:30 (well younger two do - oldest sets his own hours but then he's also over 18). When school starts next month around 10/10:30 for youngest and still around 11 for middle. That will vary once we see how youngest reacts to having to get up earlier now that he's in jr. high. They take their showers at night and get up at @6:45 for school.

I don't think mine ever went to bed before 9- even as a toddler it was 10pm. She just was never a kid that would go to sleep early or that needed to sleep 12 hours.

I have to ask how your kids get their homework done if they are going to bed at 9pm on school nights. My 8th grader is usually up til 10 or 10:30 finishing homework and then goes to bed after that. She gets up around 6:00 or so to finish up any lingering homework, eat, do her hair, etc.. and make the bus on time. IF we drive her to school, we call get to sleep a 1/2 hour longer....so worth it!

She gets home from school and has about an hour to chill/get started on homework before soccer practice. Then a quick dinner and homework til bed. So glad when the week-ends roll around!

I was wondering the same thing- 8th grade was a lot of homework but nothing compared to the high school- there are some nights my daughter is sitting at the desk from dinner until after midnight working on hers-
In Jr. High sports ran until after 8pm and then it would be homework, shower etc. so no way could a 9pm bedtime work. If they are in basketball its even worse because the older the kids are the later their court time is, the older kids in 7&8th have a 9pm game time so they are not out of there until after 10.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

I did not read all the replies, but I have a 12 year old.
1. She is in bed by 9-9:30. She has 3-4 hours of after school cheer or dance every day so sometimes later if there is a huge homework load.
2. Timeout doesn't work on a 12 year old, in my experience. Find their currency. What is it that they value that you can take a away. For mine it is her phone. If not that thee extra dance/cheer lessons.
3. Mine is too busy to be dependent on technology. Find a sport, a hobby, something so that they aren't laying around for hours on a iPad, xbox ect.

 

[texasroni75]

I'm an early-riser, so it drives me crazy that DH and all the older kids can't seem to get themselves up in the morning no matter what time they go to bed at night! Except for my 3 year old, who doesn't NEED to be up early LOL. So we have set bedtimes.

My teen and tween have a 8:30 bedtime during the school year. That means, showered, teeth brushed and sitting in their bed by 8:30. Sometimes it takes them a while to actually fall asleep though. Laptops have to be handed in by 8pm. They take the bus to school, so they have to be out the door by 7am so they have to be up by 6am to get dressed and eat breakfast. The bus gets them to school just before the bell rings, so no time to eat at school.

They are SLOWWWW moving in the AM. I always tell them I could let them stay up later and sleep in later if they could get their bodies moving faster in the mornings. But so far, it hasn't happened.

As for discipline, taking electronics away works best for us.

 

[Lori74]

all kids are different. i would start out with a time i want my kids in bed and told them if they aren't getting up in mornings and not functioning well during the day, i will be telling them earlier. i usually give about 2 weeks to judge how a time is doing. that's how it is all year long, if mornings start getting tough the evenings start becoming shorter. it worked for my older 2, and now my 12 yr old, he gets it and is doing well. if they can't sleep, (which one of my kids and i have sleep issues) they get milk, crackers and read in bed. no electronics.

 

[leahgoogle]

DS (almost 12) is in bed around 9:00pm unless activities (sports) keep him up later. He gets up at about 6:30am. Every kid is different. Some can make it with less sleep. We absolutely do not allow electronics in the bedroom before bed. We also cut off electronic time about 8:30pm.

 

[mom2t]

Thanks everyone your comments have been very helpful to me while I try to figure out this bedtime, rules and electronics problem we are now having at our house...
If there is anyone else out there with mores suggestions please feel free to add on...

ctc917

Electronics charge downstairs in the den where my husband watches TV until about 12. That has helped our problem still night.

 

[mom2t]

I cut off electronics except TV by 7 normally. No electronics after school until all homework is done. My DS works hard to get work done at school. He is 13.

 

[Grmnshplvr]

I think 10 is reasonable, my kids have to be up at 7:00.

 

[kreckl]

I'm sort of shocked at all of the people who write how they threaten their kids. And late bedtimes! We just don't have a problem around here and my kid goes to bed early! He's off devices at 6:30 and can watch tv or call a friend after if he wants....In bed around 8, reads a little, always asleep by 830/9 unless we are out doing something for the evening and then bedtime is whenever we get home. He wakes up everyday by 6 on his own- no matter when he goes to sleep. With 10 hours of sleep the next day is fine, 9 or 8 or even less- forget it!

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Sorry for being off topic and not asking a budget question but I have read a lot of non budget related questions here in the past and so I thought I'd ask here for advise from you Parents out there of 12 yr olds(or older)of how things are going at your house with your preteen(12 yr old) Middle schoolers?
I'm wondering what time do your 12 yr olds usually go to bed or should I say usually fall asleep? my DS seems to think my ideas of bedtime are out dated and going to bed at 830/9pm(on a school night) is way too early and why can't he stay awake using his IPad until he falls asleep? are any other parents having issues with getting TV's, Ipads and phones away from their preteens? if so, how did you do it? And what is the bedtime you have given your 12 yr old?
Was also wondering what time of "time out" do you give your preteen/teen that seems to work well for your family? My preteen DS is my 3rd child but for some reason things that we have used in the past are not working well with this child and so I'm looking for some helpful and constructive ideas that have worked with other families.
Thanks for all the help

ctc917

DS 11 (soon to be 12, less than 2 months) 6th grade (not middle school here, still elementary)

Schoolnight routine:
Can play video games/watch tv until 8:50pm. Then he needs to brush teeth, and feed/water the pets.
At 9pm, he does his nightly reading for 30 minutes, then it's lights out.
On the weekends, unless we have something planned for the next day where he needs to be up early, he can stay up until midnight.

For discipline, it depends on what the situation is.

We have grounded him from going places, having people over, to his room. We take away electronics (tv/video games/kindle/etc). If he fails to do his chores, and I have to do them, he gets to do some of my housework instead (i.e. if he doesn't put away dishes/silverware/pots after I clean them, then he gets to wash them after the next meal AND put them away). If his clothes aren't in the dirty clothes basket, they don't get washed; if he needs them before I do laundry again, he can do it himself. (I will walk him through it if he asks nicely, but he needs to do the work himself.)

For attitude issues, we give him "time outs" on the couch, where he has to sit in the living room with us (instead of hiding away in his room). We don't engage with his negative attitude; if he wants to be part of the conversation we are having (and we make sure to have ones that peak his interest, like about Marvel movies or video games at some point), he needs to do so without the attitude. This one seems to change his attitude for the better much more quickly than anything else we've tried.

We make sure we talk to him and explain what is going on in our little world---he seems to cope with things better if he knows what's going on.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm sort of shocked at all of the people who write how they threaten their kids. And late bedtimes! We just don't have a problem around here and my kid goes to bed early! He's off devices at 6:30 and can watch tv or call a friend after if he wants....In bed around 8, reads a little, always asleep by 830/9 unless we are out doing something for the evening and then bedtime is whenever we get home. He wakes up everyday by 6 on his own- no matter when he goes to sleep. With 10 hours of sleep the next day is fine, 9 or 8 or even less- forget it!

I'm shocked at how early teenagers have to be in bed! Sure, when they were little, they went bed at 8, 8:30. But now? Soccer practice for my 12 year olds is 7:45 - 9:15. Dance class is from 7:30 - 9:30, girls get home set 10. I'm happy when they're in bed by 11! On weekends and summer, they can go to bed when they want - heck, with all of the sleepovers, they're up all night a lot anyway.

I don't know anyone who gives HS students bedtimes.

 

[KristinU]

My DS is 11.5, 6th grade. We shoot for 9:00 bedtime when school is in session. He gets up at 6:00 am (well, 5:50 is the alarm). He's usually in bed by 9:30 after the tooth brushing and general time wasting. We're realizing that we need to have a bedtime for electronics as well since they wire him up and don't help with relaxation and preparation for sleep. Although, once school gets into swing here he will be doing his reading at bedtime, so that may take care of itself soon. His activities generally run from 6:00-8:00, so he does homework when he gets home and then again afterwards if there is any left to finish up.

I believe that sleep is really important for health and wellness at any age, so that's how we operate in our home. I'm up by 5:00 every morning, so my own bedtime is 9:00 with intention to be asleep by 9:30, but often it is 10:00. That's 7-7.5 hours for me, I'd prefer 8. So 8-8.5 for DS, where I feel that 9 would be ideal.