Chapter 14: Can’t Figure The Stinkin’ Buffalo.
The kids all slept on the floor, we had another breakfast of crappy rubbery microwaved processed food and stale cereal, and then we checked out and filled up the van with gas. Let us never speak of the Super 8 motel chain again.
Onward to bigger and better things. Such as
Grand Teton National Park.
Grand Teton National Park was founded in 1929. The Teton mountain range was given its name by early 19th century French-speaking fur trappers who were both imaginative and extremely lonely, calling the mountains “Le Trois Tetons”, or The Three…um…Bosoms.
Although it is a next-door neighbor of America’s very first National Park, Yelllowstone, which was created in 1872, Grand Teton National Park took another fifty years to officially be placed on the map. Its creation was actually very similar to that of Walt Disney World in Florida. Many activists, conservationists and environmentalists had a keen interest in protecting the mountain range and surrounding Jackson Hole area, but a large portion of the residents did not trust the government (unlike today, of course) and wanted no part in the government taking control of these lands. So John D. Rockefeller was approached, being a wealthy philanthropist (key word: wealth) and asked if he could slowly buy up property with the intention of eventually donating it to the government for protection as a national park. So he did just that, using a series of shell corporations and/or dummy names as cover in order to hide his true intent. Eventually (not without much legal wrangling, as this is our country’s national sport) the lands he bought were donated and formed the park. More area has been added to its boundaries over the years.
Our first stop was not actually in the park itself, but rather on a small dirt road about 20 miles north of the town of Jackson. We wanted to see Mormon Row and catch it in the morning light.
But first, we had to get there. Unbeknownst to us, a 1930’s car club had chosen this date to meet in Jackson and drive as a group through the national park. If you’re a part of this club, driving through one of the most beautiful areas of the country in your authentic antique car would be quite a thrill. If you’re a regular tourist, trailing behind fifty of these cars traveling at a top speed of 17 mph gets old very fast. It’s like being on the Tomorrowland Speedway without the thrill of banging into the center rail.
Anyway, to reach Mormon Row you proceed past the main turnoff for the park visitor center for another mile or two, and then make a right to follow a narrow 2-lane road for a couple of miles. Then you park where everybody else is parking.
The park and all of the roads lie to the east of the mountain range, so in order to see the mountains in the best light, it’s best to get out in the morning. Mormon Row is an old dirt road lined with ancient farms and settlements of early settlers. It’s a great setting to get some spectacular photos.
I was waiting in the car with the baby while Julie and the big kids took the pictures, so I missed this sighting. A coyote wandered right on past them as they walked on the dirt road.
We saw some other cars heading south on the dirt road and could see another barn down that way, so we followed the crowd (very slowly).
Here we found a barn that has been made famous over the years after being featured in photos of the Teton area. We got our own version of the picture. It might be a cliché by now, but it’s one of my favorite photos of the entire vacation. This area is just stunning in its beauty.
Not long after, we climbed back into the van. Off in a distant field, we caught a glimpse of our first bison herd of the vacation.
The wildflowers were in bloom here as well.
We entered the park and stopped at the visitor center, which we thought was a unique enough structure to merit a photo:
We stayed just long enough to get Junior Ranger books for the kids. Seeing as the car club was now here in the parking lot, we hustled out the door so we’d get ahead of them on the roads. After all, why would you want to mosey on through a place of great beauty and nature when you could speed through in a cloud of dust?
Don’t look at me like that. It’s rude.
The park itself is very simple. It’s a lush valley with a gorgeous mountain backdrop. It’s teeming with wildlife. As a visitor, you drive along one of two roads (Teton Park Road, managed by the Park Service, and Rt. 89) running along the valley floor, and you enjoy the views. That’s all there is to it. And so that was our plan for the day.
I’d hoped to see moose in the park. As a child, we’d seen moose virtually everywhere. My grandmother had been with us at the time, and my father had even joked about seeing a sign at the lodge that read “MOOSE FEEDING – 9:00 p.m.” My grandmother had fallen for it and kept asking if we’d be back for the moose feeding, and this became a running gag in our family for decades. Every year from then on, she would receive a moose-themed Christmas gift.
One of the early stops on Teton Park Road is the Chapel of the Transfiguration, which makes for both a quality photo stop and a place for quiet spiritual contemplation.
That view doesn’t get old, does it? At least I hope not, because the rest of this chapter repeats it quite a bit.
We stopped for a bit to check out Menor’s Ferry. Here a man named Bill Menor made a living with a small shop and a ferry he used to take folks from one side of the Snake River to the other. It was attached to a cable that he would use to guide the boat across the river and also kept it from floating away. The National Park Service was working on restoring a boat so that they could actually start re-enacting the ferry rides from time to time.
Let’s check on the view. Yep, still jaw-dropping.
It had only recently turned warmer here, so the snow-melt was in peak form. This created several waterfalls down the slopes of the mountains.
We stopped at the Jenny Lake Visitor Center in late morning, and by now it was packed with cars. They have a huge parking area, and we still had to circle a couple of times before we could find a parking space. This is the most popular starting point for most of the hikes in the park as well as a boat that ferries crowds across the lake, so it’s best to arrive early if you want to take advantage of the amenities here. We were late (I blame Super 8 and the car club), so we just enjoyed the view from the shore. The waters up here are absolutely pristine.
One of the most popular hikes in the park is on the far side of the lake and goes to a fairly large waterfall called Hidden Falls. However, you either have to hike 5 miles roundtrip from the visitor center to see it or take the boat across the lake. We had debated it, but the boat would have cost our family around $60 and there was no way I was going to hold up for 5 miles with that infernal backpack weighing me down. So in the end we decided against the hike, not without some regret. I guess we’ll have to come back.
This guy seemed happy about that decision, though.
We could still wander by the water and soak it all in. Well, not literally. The water was very cold, since it’s all snow-melt. But we figuratively soaked—no, that doesn’t sound right, either. We…ah, let’s just say we liked the purty places.
Near the north end of the park road, it crosses Jackson Lake. At this bridge, if the water is calm enough, you can see Mt. Moran…and a pretty sweet reflection.
We stopped at the nearby
Jackson Lake Lodge for a bathroom pit stop and to stretch our legs. Years ago, I remembered stopping here with my parents and getting milkshakes from the snack bar while enjoying the view out the massive picture windows of the lobby. We thought about doing something similar, but not at $7 a pop.
From here, we turned south and headed down Rt. 89 back towards Jackson. This was a quicker trip, as there are fewer turnouts—it’s more of the main road through the area. We did stop at the Snake River Overlook. This used to afford a gorgeous view of an S-curve in the river framed by the mountains. Now it’s become more overgrown. But it’s still pretty.
We circled back into the park entrance and headed to Menor’s Ferry again, where the kids could do a Junior Ranger program and finish off their badge requirements. This turned out to be a blessing, because our kids were the only ones there, so they got a private ranger talk. This is where we learned the story about the park’s history that I related to Disney World in a shameless attempt to keep you interested earlier.
Once the kids had their badges, we drove back to Jackson for dinner. Alas, there was no western show to accompany the food this time. But the food looked promising. I’d seen the
Snake River Brewing Company on the Travel Channel a couple of years back and had evidently thought it looked interesting enough to remember it now.
There must be something with Wyoming and stickers, because you can see the fermenting tank to the left was just covered in “souvenirs”. I found one right away that let me know I was in the right place.
I also looked through their beer menu and found one that I immediately grabbed a photo of and sent it to my brother, Rob.
We perused the menu but I didn’t take long to decide. This was Wyoming, and they had a bison burger on the menu. As they say…When in Wyoming, eat the buffalo. Or something like that. I also had a pint of their Nitro Stout. Rob Still Sucks wasn’t on tap that day, which did indeed suck.
The verdict? Both burger and beer were very tasty. They say buffalo meat is actually leaner than beef and offers a different flavor, but I have to confess: I couldn’t tell the difference.
Once dinner was finished (and I’d secured a new pint glass for my collection back home), we stocked up on PB&J supplies at the grocery store and then drove back north. Along the way, we passed the famous elk antler arches at the Jackson town square.
The late sun now offered a different, but no less stunning light on the mountain range.
And now we got an up close look at an animal that symbolizes the American West: the bison. Apparently buffalo is actually an incorrect term for these animals, not that it stopped us from using it.
Whatchu lookin’ at?
Just a word of caution: stay in your car when viewing these guys up close. Every year, there are a few deaths or serious injuries in National Parks because
some idiots decide they need to take selfies with a bison from 4 feet away. No selfie is worth your life.
Our final stop for the day was Oxbow Bend overlook. This spot gives a nice view of a big bend in the Snake River and was a favorite of my youth due to the fact that we had parked ourselves here in the evening and seen wildlife all over, highlighted by moose and a bald eagle flying down the river. I still have vivid memories of those sights today. Naturally, I wanted to try and recreate them for my kids.
So we parked and waited.
That wildlife was going to show up any minute now.
See? Wildlife!
Almost the same as a bald eagle flying majestically down the river:
Well, you win some, you lose some. We hung out for quite a while, providing a nice snack for the mosquitoes, and didn’t see anything else. As it would turn out, the single moose we’d seen in Rocky Mountain N.P. was the only moose we’d see on this trip.
We couldn’t linger and wallow in our despair. We were moving on to the next park…and a much more spectacular place to stay.
I’ll save that for the next chapter.
Coming Up Next: Seriously? Did you not just read those last few sentences?
Truism.
I'm taking the fifth!
Left lane. Hammer down. 
