Parent Teacher Conference WWYD?

[kimmar067]

We are always told this from day 1. Conferences are only for parents/teachers that have concerns about a student. If there are no concerns, no conference is necessary. I love it, as a parent. No need to find someone to watch my kids for 15 minutes while I talk to a teacher about something I already know.

I think it's a waste of time on both sides to schedule one when there is nothing to discuss. Save it for the kids who really need it..

....which is why it's SO IMPORTANT for parents to attend B-t-S Nite....I can't imagine not wanting to meeting the persons who spend more then half the time with their children....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

There is always something to discuss imo. Just because a child gets good grades and is well behaved doesn't mean the parents don't have other questions. Every kid "really" needs it imo. Not just kids who are struggling. 15 minutes isn't going to take away from a child who is struggling just like their 15 minutes isn't going to take away from another child. JMHO.

Agree. Plus the fact that your child KNOWS that YOU are meeting with THEIR teacher means something to THEM.

Yes, I go in there and the teachers "love my dd". However guess what, there are questions I would like to ask. And there may be some things my dd wants ME to ask because she can't get a straight answer from the teacher due to whatever reason.

In addition, I agree with Erin1700. The initial email was appropriate, the follow up email berating parent for attending PT conference was way out of line.

IF I had something to discuss with the teacher I would expect that I should be treated with respect as a parent, not berated.

 

[Tinijocaro]

I think the first mention of not needing a conference was appropriate. The email was not. Clearly mom wants a conference and she deserves one just like every one else.

OP here. This is my main point. She had already told us we had the option of a conference or not. At that point I signed up for one. She should not have sent that email knowing she had already told me and I had let her know I wanted the conference.

I have four kids, all have done well in school but I went to every conference for each child. Never before has a teacher practically discouraged me from attending a conference. Questions. always came up, comments that enlightened me either about the teacher or about m child.

We only have a fall conference for k-5, after that only if there is a problem. As a parent and educator myself, I feel these one time personal meetings are important. My kids know I am going and it means something to them.

BTW, I blacked out the teacher's name and asked my principal (I teach in four elementary school) what she thought of the email. She said she would not be happy of any of her teachers were trying to discourage ANY parent from attending a conference.

While I know dd is doing well and not causing trouble, I have questions. I want to be one on one with this teacher who does not have a very good reputation ( other teachers in the school confirmed that her reputation is well earned). Dd has mentioned no problems so for that I am thankful. I want to ask whether my daughter is on track for being recommended for advance math next year. I think she is but if teacher knows that we are interested in this for dd, then she will be looking more closely at dd's math ability. This is my 4th child so by now I know how things in our district work. I'd like to see samples of dd's work, writing. Teacher often comments that dd's writing is very sloppy. After having two boys with horrific handwriting, I'm surprised to see these comments each time. Not the most perfect girly handwriting but without a doubt legible.

A conference is not just for a teacher to tell you if your kid is wonderful or not. I am going to learn a bit more about the teacher, as I do every year. BTW, this will be my last parent teacher conference. I wouldn't miss it for the world.

 

[Kathi OD]

In addition, I agree with Erin1700. The initial email was appropriate, the follow up email berating parent for attending PT conference was way out of line.

IF I had something to discuss with the teacher I would expect that I should be treated with respect as a parent, not berated.

Berated??? First there was only one email according to OP.

Where in the email was the teacher berating the parent for wanting to come in? The email reiterated that OP's child was doing well, that there was no need for her to come to a face-to-face conference UNLESS the OP wanted to.

In no way could the teacher's communication be interpreted as a "berating."
You are reading waaaay to much into the message.


OP, maybe the teacher was just making sure that things were still status-quo since BTSN. While the school I'm teaching at now has conferences very early in the school year (only a couple of weeks actually between them & BTSN), I've been in other schools where the time frame was much longer, maybe 6 or 7 weeks. A lot can change in that time frame, so maybe the email was just reassuring you that your child was still doing a great job.

PSA here: (and not saying that this is the case for OP) Parents please know that the vast majority of teachers are not looking to get out of any work when they suggest you don't need to come in for a conference. The fact is that most of us understand that family life is busy; two parents working (frequently during the times when conferences are being held), your children are in after-school activities, in this economy many parents have gone back to school themselves and may have class at that time, doctor appointments (I know in most cases I have to make an appointment 3 months in advance - cancelling an appointment means another 3 month wait), caring for senior parents, etc. We know that a lot, and I do mean whole heckofalot, of parents feel it is a waste of time to come to a conference to just hear the teacher go on about what they already know about their child. We know this because parents actually tell us! So when we offer you the option to not attend, please don't read the message as not wanting to meet with you. We want to meet with you, even if your child is the rare perfect kid. In reality, we're just trying to be considerate.


ETA: Just saw the OP's post that was not there when I started my post. You have very good reasons for wanting to see your child's teacher. It's rare when a teacher (or any other professional) with a poor reputation hasn't come by it honestly.

 

[SaraJayne]

....which is why it's SO IMPORTANT for parents to attend B-t-S Nite....I can't imagine not wanting to meeting the persons who spend more then half the time with their children....

Here, in elem and middle school, back to school night is a time for you to find your child's classroom and locker, drop off supplies and pick up paperwork due back the first day of school.

There is no back to school night for high school.

 

[Emteach]

As a teacher I personally would never send an email like that. It is somewhat poorly worded and if parents want an interview they should be granted one (agree I wonder if the principal knows about this). I completely understand the time constraints of Parent Teacher Interviews but the parents of the children who are doing well deserve the exact same opportunity as the parents of students struggling. It is not simply about the grades they are recieving; knowing about peer relationships, what the students will working on, seeing the classroom, starting to develop a relationship with that said teacher are also important. Also, as a teacher having those completely positive interviews would be important too, plus there is ALWAYS somewhere a student can improve.
I would agree a thank you for your kind words but I would still like the opportunity to meet up would be an appropriate response and the teacher should understand that meeting with her/him is still important to you.

 

[Nancyg56]

I think the first mention of not needing a conference was appropriate. The email was not. Clearly mom wants a conference and she deserves one just like every one else.

I went back to the OP and reread the followup email message that the teacher sent. I have to agree that while I would have appreciated the notice that my child was doing well and that I could skip the conference or phone it in if I felt the need, I would not have liked the tone.

My response probably would be to go just because I do not like to be pushed. I think that I may have responded by saying that I understood the initial message but that I looked forward to a little chat with all of my children's educators.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I went back to the OP and reread the followup email message that the teacher sent. I have to agree that while I would have appreciated the notice that my child was doing well and that I could skip the conference or phone it in if I felt the need, I would not have liked the tone.

My response probably would be to go just because I do not like to be pushed. I think that I may have responded by saying that I understood the initial message but that I looked forward to a little chat with all of my children's educators.

Yep, intimidation does not fly with me either. Makes me wonder if she is that way in the classroom?

 

[kneedeep]

I don't know, I'm kind of on the fence about the teacher's email. I am a former teacher and I never thought about suggesting parents don't come to conferences because their child was a great student. No student is perfect, there is always room for improvement somewhere, even if it's just recommending books or activities outside of school to encourage a student's interests. I saw conferences as a way to see the parents and just talk to them about their kid. I always encouraged parents of struggling kids to set up an additional time with me where we could meet for longer and discuss their child more in depth.

I had a P/T conference with DD's 3rd grade teacher last night. DD is a good student and I really had no concerns about her. But I went anyway because I just wanted to touch base with her teacher and to use the time to get a better feel of the teacher. I'm glad I did go because we talked about the state testing in the spring that starts in 3rd grade. The teacher gave me a bunch of ideas of how to help DD at home prepare for the reading portion of it. These are things that we can work on outside of school to help her do well on the test. I was able to learn more about some science activities that DD really enjoyed. I also got a better sense of the teacher's expectations with certain homework assignments so I can help DD if she needs it.

Despite the teacher's recommendation, if you want to meet with her and talk to her, then you have every right to keep that appointment. Conferences are not just about how to help struggling students, but they're also about finding ways to keep challenging good students.

Great post. I think conferences are handled differently in different schools, and that is reflected in this thread. If your school/teacher simply uses the time to report what you are already seeing, then I can see why it may seem fine to skip it if all is well with your child. However, as a former 4th and 5th grade teacher, we were required to meet with every parent at least twice a year and for those parents of students who were doing well, I tried to provide info or tips to still make that time worthwhile, not just a "Good job, everything's great."

To the OP, teachers are under a lot of pressure to make sure that lower performing students improve, so I can see why this teacher may be trying to allow ample/additional time for those other conferences. But IMHO some schools/districts don't do enough to help average or above average students maximize their potential. If you feel this conference "policy" is indicative of a broader philosophy, this may be worth addressing. But if you are pleased overall with the way your child is being challenged and motivated, maybe the conference time isn't as crucial.

 

[Planogirl]

I would go assuming the best too. You have no idea what this teacher's motivations were. I see plenty of posts here assuming the worst but you don't really know.

 

[declansdad]

Yep, intimidation does not fly with me either. Makes me wonder if she is that way in the classroom?

You're kidding me! You get that from an email with very little context other than what the OP posted.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yep, intimidation does not fly with me either. Makes me wonder if she is that way in the classroom?

"Intimidation"? How in the world do you get that from an email that says "your child is doing great and I have no issues with him/her"?

 

[Mickeyrella]

I would still keep my appointment. The purpose of a conference is not just to discuss what problems your child may be having. It's for the parent to get to know the teacher better (and vice versa), see the child's work samples, and learn about the classroom routine and cirriculum. Even if your child is doing very well, a conference is not just for the teacher to gush about their progress. It also opens up an important line of communication between the teacher and parent.

I agree with this comment.

 

[Murron]

Dear OP...Just curious....is it really Pleasant Valley and is that Pleasant Valley the one in New York? If so, I sure have a lot to say ... mainly --- run to the nearest private school you can and enroll your child. Best thing I every did.

 

[Tinijocaro]

No, I just made that up to protect the innocent ( or guilty). I also happen to be a Monkees fan

 

[daisyduck123]

I would have been pleased to hear that from the teacher and I would happily skip the conference.

Yep, me too.

(And I've been teaching elem. school for over 20 years now).

 

[Becky2005]

I WISH my 5th grade teachers would do that....every single year for DD, I could recite verbatim what the teacher were going to say...literally "doing great, needs to work on spelling" -- it was pretty much expected to be at a parent/teacher conference in grade school.

In our school, in 6th grade (which is middle school here), they basically said they don't have enough time to have a conference with every single parent. If your child is doing fine & you have no concerns, please don't schedule a conference. This was the year the school was completely overcrowded (a 2nd school opened up the following year & it has never been pointed out again -- however, you CAN get squeezed out of all the time slots).

I never went to another one for her until High School and that was only because a medical situation was going to be coming up later in the year, so I wanted to get a feel for what we could do to not have her too far behind.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

"Intimidation"? How in the world do you get that from an email that says "your child is doing great and I have no issues with him/her"?

Sending out an email berating a parent for seeing them can be misinterpreted as nice or nasty depending on the rep. of the teacher.

 

[mhsjax]

Sending out an email berating a parent for seeing them can be misinterpreted as nice or nasty depending on the rep. of the teacher.

I can sure see how the teacher saying By the way, thank you for raising such a wonderful child, she is a pleasure. I for one sure feel intimidated.

 

[declansdad]

Sending out an email berating a parent for seeing them can be misinterpreted as nice or nasty depending on the rep. of the teacher.

Please point out the line in the email that berated the parent? Was it the one about her child doing great or the line about raising a wonderful child?