OT - Would you buy a wedding gift for this couple?

[*pixie*dust*]

Simple solution: even if they offer your DH money to DJ, have him refuse to accept it and tell them that his DJ services are their gift from you both as they celebrate.

In my opinion, that's all that's necessary.

Great idea! ITA.

 

[mrsklamc]

Nope, no gift from me if I were you. They've already shown marriage vows mean not a thing to them, so why should there be a celebration of them making them?

 

[NYCDiane]

Okay, I have several problems with this...

First, this couple is a friend of the OPs family, not really a good or close friend of the OP and her DH.

Second, they're already married and were living together & had a child long before that!

They obviously have a life together established and aren't starting out as a new, young couple would and being in need of certain starter items (like the things that would be listed in a registry)

I would politely decline the invitation, send a well-wishes card, and call it a day. Save yourself the time, trouble, and expense of attending this gift-grabbing fiasco.

 

[NYCDiane]

PS: and I HATE those "registry" things... how tacky can you be telling people what to buy you as a gift???? Graciously accept the gifts that are given to you and exchange the ones you get doubles of or the ones you don't truly want (that's what gift receipts are for and every store gives them!)

 

[ctinct]

Nope, no gift from me if I were you. They've already shown marriage vows mean not a thing to them, so why should there be a celebration of them making them?

Ditto.

 

[Scurvy]

Yikes! No, I would not be getting them a gift. Completely aside from the way that their relationship started, there are several reasons why I wouldn't be getting them anything. First, they aren't your friends. Second, it is tacky to include registry information in the wedding invitation. Third, (and most important, in my opinion) it is not a wedding. They are already married, therefore they already had their wedding. This is a gift grab.

It is an invitation, not an invoice. If you don't wish to attend, RSVP "No" and don't attend. You are not obligated to get them a gift.

ETA - If your husband wants to DJ for them at a reduced rate or at no charge, I think that certainly would be more than enough of a gift even if you choose to attend this gift grab.

 

[SpectroMouse]

I agree with having your husband's DJ services be the gift. In fact knowing how much I have spent on DJ's, I think this may be more than they deserve! If you are attending, and feel like you should 'bring' a gift with you, how about a small gift for the baby? I imagine this is a big life altering event for the baby as well, right?

 

[omghidanielle]

I've been experiencing more and more of this lately, and it's driving me crazy!

My cousin did it to me last year, had an 8 page registry at 2 different stores, when she and her husband and 2 year old lived with (and currently live with) her mom. I found out this weekend that all of the gifts she got are sitting in a closet, still in the boxes!

And my DH's friend is getting married in July. The woman in the relationship does not like me for some out-of-this-world reason and did not invite me to the shower (which, I'm fine with) but she felt the need to send registry info with the invitation. As if that wasn't tacky enough, they also did not put a stamp on the return envelope! As a result, I refused to send in the response card, and let them track me down and ask if we were coming.

And to make things even better, at my wedding last year, they gave us a $15 Target gift card and a candle shaped like a skull. I feel like I'm being invited to this just for the gift because our friendship (or lack thereof) obviously means nothing to them.

Neither one of them got or will get a thing from me but well wishes. You should do the same, especially since you are doing them a favor that would have otherwise cost them some more $$!

 

[beansmom]

mygoodness....i certainly agree they were tacky in including registry info but many do now....but

who has the right to decide how someone else should live their lives? Will the first of us who has never made a mistake, please step forward...there are soo many things I need your advice on.

It is YOUR right to go or not to celebrate with them but if you cannot do it with a genuinely happy heart, please stay home.

 

[MomtoGKC]

How about a CD of some of th emusic that was played at the wedding? Especially mother/son, father/daughter, first dance, etc.? Free and polite.

 

[PigletsMommy]

Thanks everyone for your input. I cant believe how many responses were similar to mine. I hesitated to ask because I thought for sure I would get flamed for being judgemental. My MIL cant understand why I have problems with this couple. She says the girl just wants to have the "big day". I say she just wants gifts.

I do feel I have to go, mostly because DH is the DJ but also because the "brides" mother was very sweet to us during our wedding planning. Even helped out throwing my bridal shower.

I think I will put something in the card about hope you enjoyed your party and the music blah blah blah. Or maybe something for the baby. I like that idea too.

I will probably just attend the reception since the "wedding" is being held at a Baptist Church and I'm not sure I can keep my eyes from rolling in the back of my head on that one.

As for the debate on including registry info... I find this done more & more frequently since I moved to the south from MI and it boggles my mind. I did have a chance to look over the registry and was even more shocked at what I found. It was full of your basic items...small appliances, silverware, linens, dishes, cookware,bathroom accessories, luggage, etc!! It was your basic registry for a young couple just starting out together who had NOTHING. Which I personally KNOW is not the case here since I was invited 3 years ago to a housewarming party for this girl and she got several of these items. It really seems to me as if they are just looking to 'upgrade'

 

[jlima]

Proper etiquette is to send wedding invitations without registry information. An invitation is meant to ask friends and loved ones to share an important event -- not to grab for gifts, which is exactly what including registry information looks like. If guests would like to bring a gift (and of course 99%+ do), they ask family members or other friends where the couple is registered. They can then decide whether to give a gift from the registry or give a gift of cash.

Yep!

DH & I got married in California. My ENTIRE family was in Louisiana. We registered at two departments stores, one in California (May Co.); and one in Louisiana (DH Holmes). After the invitations went out, our guests called me & asked where we were registered, or they called my mom and asked where we were registered. Complete word of mouth.

 

[jlima]

And to make things even better, at my wedding last year, they gave us a $15 Target gift card and a candle shaped like a skull.

 

[AZMermaid]

I got married two months ago and we did not put the registry info in the invitation. My DH wanted to, but I put my foot down because it is TACKY! People asked and it was no big deal. We got 75% of the items on our registries (Macy's and Bed Bath and Beyond) and cash. We only got 3-4 non-registry/ cash gifts and all were sentimental. So, people will ask and buy off the registry if they want to!

A funny story though- we were total B List guests at a wedding this fall for the sister of DH's friend. We got the invite like 5 days before the due date. But, we went and got a gift off the registry- which the card was in the invite. The couple was 22 and just out of college and their parents home. They had NOTHING. They registered for the most random stuff at BBB and Target e.g. a Wii, fondue set, creme brulee torch etc etc. And that's what all their 22 year old friends were buying them! The best was between the 2 registries, they were registered for 7 toaster/toaster ovens! We got them a variety of kitchen utensils (spatulas, spoons, pizza cutter, etc.) Not really exciting- but that's the stuff you use!

So, flash forward to our wedding. The totally regifted us! We suspected it because the gift was random. It came in a wedding bag that broke because it had been used. Upon inspection, there were a couple little pieces of wrapping paper still taped to it! If they would have wrapped it, we never would have known. Guess what it was...... a toaster oven! We were able to exchange it at BBB and got a $70 credit for it so alls well that ends well.

 

[NYCDiane]

The totally regifted us! .

Don't even get me started on this "re-gifting" phenomenon! O-M-G.... that is more tacky than gift registries!!!!!!!!

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

When exactly are you supposed to let people know where you're registered? Wondering because I'm pretty sure my BFF is going to include registry information in her invitations....and every wedding invite I've received lately has had registry information included.
.

in the bridal shower invitation or by word of mouth from friends or family, not by yours

 

[Grumpy140]

Maybe just bring something when you go. Give them a picture frame.. Good Luck

 

[buckler]

How about a CD of some of th emusic that was played at the wedding? Especially mother/son, father/daughter, first dance, etc.? Free and polite.

Nice idea, but I don't think I'd go that route. With the million judgment that was just handed down to a person sharing music over the internet, I'd think twice before violating a music copyright and burning copies of music other than for my own personal use.

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I just got an invitation to a 'wedding' in the mail for July and I'm having a some issues for it. Its a friend of the family thru DH's side.

The couple is already married. They have lived together for well over a year and had a baby last December. They eloped almost 4 months ago about 2 seconds after his divorce was final. Yes that means they were living together & had a baby while he was still married to someone else.

I am trying not to be judgemental but the biggest problem that I have is included in the invitation is a note to where the couple is registered at. I could understand if this were a vow-renewal or even just a reception to celebrate, but to be calling it a wedding and asking for gifts is a little much for me. Maybe I'm being a little old fashioned but this just seems crazy to me.

I guess I should also mention that DH is DJ-ing for them at an extremely reduced rate. His offer was free but they said they will pay him, we still dont know exactly how much. So I dont know if we should be getting them gifts since he is doing this...and I'm also having some moral issues with their decisions.

As someone in their similar shoes (well....kinda... minus the being married to someone and living with another person- me and fiance live together, have daughter together, are not married yet, but budgeting for it, and were never previously married or living with one while being married to another haha), I would suggest that your husband offer his DJing services for free as "his gift" to them. I know that is something I would greatly appreciate as a bride to be.
And then you decide if you would like to go, you may not want to if DH is going to be DJing all night?

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

I got married two months ago and we did not put the registry info in the invitation. My DH wanted to, but I put my foot down because it is TACKY! People asked and it was no big deal. We got 75% of the items on our registries (Macy's and Bed Bath and Beyond) and cash. We only got 3-4 non-registry/ cash gifts and all were sentimental. So, people will ask and buy off the registry if they want to!

A funny story though- we were total B List guests at a wedding this fall for the sister of DH's friend. We got the invite like 5 days before the due date. But, we went and got a gift off the registry- which the card was in the invite. The couple was 22 and just out of college and their parents home. They had NOTHING. They registered for the most random stuff at BBB and Target e.g. a Wii, fondue set, creme brulee torch etc etc. And that's what all their 22 year old friends were buying them! The best was between the 2 registries, they were registered for 7 toaster/toaster ovens! We got them a variety of kitchen utensils (spatulas, spoons, pizza cutter, etc.) Not really exciting- but that's the stuff you use!

So, flash forward to our wedding. The totally regifted us! We suspected it because the gift was random. It came in a wedding bag that broke because it had been used. Upon inspection, there were a couple little pieces of wrapping paper still taped to it! If they would have wrapped it, we never would have known. Guess what it was...... a toaster oven! We were able to exchange it at BBB and got a $70 credit for it so alls well that ends well.

I hate when people regift....that drives me nuts...DD always gets something for christmas/birthdays from fiance's aunt who has a daughter who is 2 years older than DD. So she gets a bunch of clothing that will fit her in another 2-3 years.