OT Wedding gift for Shower and Reception?

[Mom of three]

Ive got a good one:

So dh had 2 cousins that were getting married. One lived close, the other far away. The aunts decided to throw them a joint bridal shower, but the bride that lived far away would NOT be attending, so we were instructed to bring gift cards and they could be mailed to her.


Umm....kinda felt like the only reason it was a "joint" shower was to reap the benefits of gifts.

I did not attend.

 

[Alesia]

Ive got a good one:

So dh had 2 cousins that were getting married. One lived close, the other far away. The aunts decided to throw them a joint bridal shower, but the bride that lived far away would NOT be attending, so we were instructed to bring gift cards and they could be mailed to her.


Umm....kinda felt like the only reason it was a "joint" shower was to reap the benefits of gifts.

I did not attend.

That sounds like something my husband's family would do.

 

[hhartill]

I've always been brought up that it's a gift for the shower and cash for the wedding It could be different based on where you live perhaps?

Agreed, gift for the shower so everyone can ooh and aah and cold hard cash for the wedding. At my bridal shower all the aunts kept saying "she's going too fast, we didn't see that mixer!" oh please! Who REALLY likes to look at that stuff? I ripped through that stuff so fast they didn't have time to sip their tea and I was done, now on to the spiked punch!

 

[mom_of_3_mousketeers]

Here you give a gift for both. My cousin's shower was the other day and while she registered for stuff, I did give her a gift card because she is moving from IL to CO, so that would be 1 less gift for her to pack. I will give her a cash gift for her wedding which will be a little more than what I gave her for her shower.

 

[HALEYSMOMMOM]

Both-but my dh's family only gave a shower gift for our wedding. I was offended, for whatever thats worth

 

[mjkacmom]

OP, if your friend's dd is getting married, I'm guessing you've been to a few weddings. Did you not get anyone a wedding gift because you gave a shower gift?

 

[horseshowmom]

I know these threads can get crazy but I'll throw in my opinion anyway. Around here, South Ga, if you're invited to the showers, then we don't bring a gift to the wedding, too.

Just do what you're comfortable doing and have fun.

Heather

Same here.

My own DD was married this past Saturday. The only gifts of any sort that were brought to the wedding were by people who had not attended one of the showers. There were no cash/cards given (nor were they expected - it would have been very much out of the ordinary).

OP, if your friend's dd is getting married, I'm guessing you've been to a few weddings. Did you not get anyone a wedding gift because you gave a shower gift?

I've been to quite a few weddings too but have never carried a gift to the wedding (of course, I have always been at the showers). Just for reference, other guests didn't carry gifts either (unless, as I said earlier, they didn't attend the shower).


OP, based on what your friend said, she apparently comes from an area that does expect gifts at the shower and the wedding. Maybe in your case (since you are concerned about the dollar amount which is certainly something to think about), you might "have other plans" the day of the shower and just carry the gift to the wedding.

 

[Pakey]

Here, we would give gifts for each shower invited to (there is often more than one shower) and then a gift for the wedding also (most people do cash).

When my husband's brother was getting married 7 years ago, his fiancee was "too busy" to have/attend a shower, so form letters went out stating how busy she was and just requesting us to mail shower gifts to her address. I absolutely refused. My husband was embarrassed by my outrage (this is his brother) so he actually drove a shower gift to their home.

 

[WDWAurora]

In NC, it's one gift, period. I can honestly say that, of our 300+ guests, the only people who gave multiple gifts were from out of state. DMiL gave one at the 2 showers she went to, and they gave a gift at the wedding. Honesty, I didn't really feel like she needed to give one at any of the showers, or the wedding. They were doing so much already with the rehearsal dinner, travel, etc.

As far as cash, we did get a fair amount, again mostly from out of staters. The other cash we got was mostly from older people who couldn't get out to shop in the bigger city. Gift cards were usually from people mailing a gift, or from people who wanted us to have money to buy the things we needed off our registry we didn't get, that kind of thing. Or they would put "use this towards a place setting" when they didn't want to/weren't able to spend the total amount (maybe not a place setting, because ours were relatively inexpensive, but you get the idea).

It wouldn't surprise me if you were used to one gift, being from VA. I would think a lot of the NC/VA customs are similar in some areas.

Edited to add: I certainly didn't think anything about whether or not I received a gift from anyone or not, or how much they spent, or whether or not they gave a gift at everything they came to. And they all got thank you notes in a timely manner! (Recent pet peeve)

 

[tinker&belle]

In Indiana, most people only give one gift. For our wedding only really close family (parents, a few aunts) gave at a shower and at the wedding. I did have a personal shower and some people gave a shower/wedding gift and a personal gift.

 

[bamagirl@hrt]

If you attend both the wedding and the shower you bring a gift to both.

"I just want GC's" --TACKY! Unless there is some special reason like the couple are leaving the country to live in Africa so transporting gifts would be difficult but they will use the GC's to buy zebra jerky at the local outpost, I'd be likely to be "busy" and skip the shower.

Funny you should say that! I just went to a wedding shower for a couple who will be living in Africa and transporting gifts would be a problem. They asked for financial gifts, not specifically gift cards. The couple spent time visiting with each person at the shower rather than opening gifts. It was different than the "norm" for our area, but very nice just the same.

 

[Shyvioletisme]

here we give at both shower and reception. Generally the shower is for gifts that mainly just the bride wants(like kitchen stuff..etc) and the reception is a gift for both the bride and groom. (though never cash...I hadn't even heard of giving cash/checks at the actual wedding until joining the DIS...though I understand that these things tend to vary quite a bit in various parts of the country)

 

[snarlingcoyote]

Here you give at one or the other.

Except. . .we have a tradition that you "pay" the bride and groom for the opportunity to dance with them by pinning money to the bride's veil (some use a little silk bag these days to save their veils from tears) or to the groom's tux jacket. Dollar amounts are strictly voluntary, and it's a nice way to ensure that the bride and the groom get a chance to speak with everyone who attended the wedding.

That said, I'm told that at fairly modest weddings, couples often get over $1K.

I don't dance and neither does DH so I give a gift at the shower for the bride and bring a gift card to somewhere I know the groom will like for the wedding. (Hardware stores, generally.) If I don't attend the wedding, I will usually send the gift card within 2 or 3 weeks of the wedding with a note about how I hope they will enjoy buying something they just discovered they needed or some-such kerfluff.

 

[maraki527]

We give a gift at the shower and money at the wedding. I am from Ohio

 

[DVC_Princess]

I agree that it's based on ur area. We give a gift at the shower (usually something for the house that the bride has registered for) and a cash gift at the wedding.

For the shower gift, it's usually based on how well you know the person and what you can afford ($50-$250 is probably a standard range) and for the wedding, usually at least $100/pp. But showers and weddings are also very different depending on your area; here both are very fancy affairs and usually held in an upscale restaurant or hall.

If you aren't sure you want to give 2 gifts and aren't that close to the bride/groom, I would also recommend skipping the shower and bringing whatever gift you had planned to the wedding.

 

[Andreas Mom]

Im in Washington State and got married over 7 years ago. From what I know....the bridal shower is to shower the bride with gifts....whetever it is appliances, towels, etc or even at my shower I got some things "for me" lingere, lotions, candles, etc.

I have also been to lingerie parties that are only lingerie and are sometimes in place of having a bachlorette party.

Then at the wedding we got more off the registry if it was not already given at the shower. People brought gifts to both. We did get some money/checks but not a ton. The money we did get was usually around the $50 or so mark which was probably about the same amount they would have spent on a gift but maybe didnt have time to go get something.

Also in our area or maybe my group of friends and family it is common to go in on a gift together. If the couple wants a bigger item a few families may go in on it together. Normal here.

And I usually dont give cash or gc's cause i can use my super awesome bargin shopping skills to find something great at a great price

 

[fussymonkey]

I could never afford to give 100/pp as a wedding gift! Usually we give maybe $70 as a couple for a wedding gift. At our wedding we received a variety of gifts in varying values, from a Target brand picture frame from one family to about $100 from another, and I can honestly say I could have cared less what anyone gave, I was just proud and happy to have them celebrate our wedding with us.

In MI where I am, one generally gives a household gift at the shower (I usually spend about $35-40) and then a cash gift or a registry gift for the wedding.

Wedding giving has gotten out of hand, in my opinion, when it has cost me half a mortgage payment just to attend a shower and wedding! Really, it should all be about celebrating the couple and thier love, not cashing in.

Also, if I am travelling to go to the wedding, I ususally don't give large gifts, then I give more smaller, sentimental items. My cousin married a couple of years ago and we had to travel out of state to her wedding, but I gave her a peice of crystal from my mom's house (my mom had just died).

 

[MomBoyd]

Most places if you go to both you give gifts for both. The shower gift usually costs less and is often a household item, something "girly" or lingerie. The wedding gift is traditionally cash in some areas (often urban or suburban areas) and a gift from their registry or gift certificates in other areas.

 

[kelleigh1]

I've always known (or maybe assumed) that if you attend both, you give gifts at both. I tend to give a gift at the shower and cash for the wedding. I also am not a fan of being told what to give, although I do like registries because in my opinion those are suggestions or things they would really like and if the items are within my price range, I will usually choose something from the registry.

 

[secretpantssam]

I give something at each. Usually a gift at the shower and money at the wedding.