OT sorta..New Baby coming and need ideas

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by parkers*momma, Apr 8, 2010.

  1. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    A lil background information:

    A young man who thinks of us as his parents (he lived with us from the time he was 16 until he joined the Air Force) is stationed in N.D.. He and his adoring wife had a son in October (here in Ohio) so everyone got to be at the hospital (biological parents, aunts, cousins, friends) when their son was born. Well they are expecting again!!! They are excited as is everyone else.

    His wife's mother died when she was a small child so she as asked me to come out to stay with their son when the new baby is due. YEA ME!!! She is definitely like a daughter to me and I am mom to her so it is quite an honor for me. She is due in October (silly silly kids-their babies will be 1 year apart) and I will be flying out a week prior to the due date to help her, stay with my Godson when the new baby comes, and staying for a short time later so DDIL can get her much needed rest.

    Anyhow...they recieved a call from his entire family that they are going to be there when the baby is born(Flying in from Ohio). Entire family consists of his dad, his 80 yo aunt, his 60 yo handicapped uncle, his other uncles, a step-sister, a half sister and a cousin or two. Plus his mom and other half sister (his parents are divorced). They are also planning on coming out before the baby is born, staying with them until the lil one comes home. So the arguing has once again started. FIL wants to be in the room when the baby is born...so does MIL but they hate each other. My adopted son's wife doesn't get along at all with one of the half sister and she is insisting she be there too. The poor kids are now arguing between themselves as DDIL doesn't want all of them at the house prior, during, and immediately after the birth of the baby. She isn't going to have the energy to cook for everyone before the birth...worries about her son because the biological grandparents have different ideas on how he should be raised plus they both want quiet time with the new baby, their son, and themselves once they come home. (I will be at a hotel at that point as I feel it is very important for them to be a family alone without me there)

    So we got to talking and I told her I know some very wise ppl so here I am. :) I'm hoping someone here on DISBOARDS can help me. To keep the chaos to a minimum for them, we were thinking of "meet the new addition to the family" party preferrable two/three weeks after the baby is born. But we haven't a clue how in the world to word it so it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. I know, as well as most of you, they should just out and out ask them not to come but they are just rebuilding their relationship with his family and don't want to destroy what has been built up. Thus the reason for the party..to make it an extra special occassion for his family yet keep them at bay for a couple of weeks. Any suggestions on how to word the invitations? How about budget friendly ideas for the party? Any HELP will greatly be appreciated as I really want to help the kids.
     
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  3. ceecee

    ceecee DIS Veteran

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    Where would all of those people sleep, that is like 10 people????? The new father to be needs to put his foot down and tell them they will help find hotel rooms for them, but the new mom does not want anyone in the delivery room or at the house much as she needs to rest afterward maybe they could plan visits after the baby is born!
     
  4. dizneemom

    dizneemom Mouseketeer

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    This sounds exhausting! I cannot imagine having that many people around. It will be chaos! I think the couple needs to adjust ;) the due date later so none of them will be there and wouldn't you know it---the baby is born early!! :lmao:

    It sounds like you are a sweetheart by the way-will you be my mom too???
     
  5. Donnainnj

    Donnainnj <font color=navy>Loves having an AP<br><font color

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    I know when I delivered my last the hospital rule was a maximum of 3 additional people in the room for delivery, including DH. I wanted my sister that has fertility issues in there along with my husband and 2 daughters and they would not allow it. The nurses/doctor would be able to help her here if it gets to it, they will enforce her wishes.
    Donna
     
  6. RooRach0906

    RooRach0906 "Oh Goody, Horray!"

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    At the hospital where I am delivering it is a max of two including DH. So maybe they can say they just want it to just them to not upset anyone.

    I also like the adjusting the due date idea!! I have been tryin to think of a good way to word the invites all day and still have not come up with anything good yet as soon as I do I will post again.
     
  7. mrsklamc

    mrsklamc <font color=blue>I apologize in advance, but what

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    Well, MIL and FIL don't need to worry themselves about it because it's DDIL's decision who she wants there!!!! (ok her dh too but it's her body on display for the room!)

    Maybe their dr could restrict visitors due to the swine flu :rotfl: You know, with a pregnant woman and a new little immune system, can't take chances!

    Also like the idea of 'adjusting' the due date.
     
  8. tinkarooni

    tinkarooni <font color=teal>Gets way too excited about saving

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    I totally agree with PP about changing the due date....I know I know, we should be open and upfront.....families just don't usually work that way, at least mine doesn't. It is impossible to tell them no. They don't seem to understand the word. :rotfl:

    I would also completely tell them right now that this doctor does not allow anyone except the birth coach (ie her DH) in the room. Don't say it's a hospital policy, that can be easily verified, say it's a Dr policy. Sorry, but as I previously stated families can be crazy and when I had my two there was no way I wanted MILs, FILs and crazy Uncle Albert in there with me.....no way no how.

    OP, can you enlist somebody in planning a big suprise welcome to the world party. Get one of these folks who want to come out to think it was their idea and plan a big "surprise" for the parents, two, three weeks after the baby is born. Gosh at least give the new Mom a week. Mine are two years apart and I didn't want to see anybody. The second birth was easier but goodness was I tired. Anyway, if you give this family a project maybe you can get them to postpone coming out. The new Mom may need to use her hormones as an excuse and put her foot down though, there is no way she can have that many people staying in her house, boy, I demanded my own bathroom that no one set foot in and visitors could not be in the house between 2-4 as that was when everyone, including me, all fell asleep at the same time, a new Mom needs space. Best wishes and real nice of you to help them.
     
  9. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    ohhh I would have never thought of "adjusting" the due date. As soon as she gets home from college tonight, I'm going to call her with that idea.

    Thanks bunches!!
     
  10. mom of 3G's

    mom of 3G's DIS Veteran

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    Hello parkers*momma! I haven't seen any posts by you for a while, so it's nice to see that you are still the glue that holds everybody together!

    I feel so bad for that young mom...All those people there would drive me nuts.:worship: I hope she can put her foot down and just tell them it's not going to be a good time for her, but she will be coming to Ohio soon after the birth and will be up to visitors at that time.

    So you'll be coming to ND??????:banana:
     
  11. Mrs. Charming

    Mrs. Charming I'm not your entertainment, get a life.

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    I remember when I was having DD, and I got chummy with the nurses because I was on in-hospital bedrest (no fun!) and I remember them saying that they'll happily be the "bad guys" who will not allow annoying family members in the delivery room. If you're there with the momma, I'd definietly talk to her nurses privately about that. I'm sure they see it all the time!

    As for everyone else, the poor daddy needs to stand up to his family members. I think your "meet the baby" idea is a great one. Not every birth is a smooth one, maybe you can use that one as an excuse! I don't see why family members have to encroach on a new family's private time like this. :confused3

    Good luck, and that's totally awesome that the momma picked you!! :cloud9:
     
  12. Crystal824

    Crystal824 DIS Veteran

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    I'm pregnant with my first now. There is NO way anyone is going to be in the delivery room with me other than my DH and maybe my mom. No inlaws or friends at all. If I wouldn't show you my stuff on another day I'm not going to start on delivery day either. :)
     
  13. MnMomtoboys

    MnMomtoboys DIS Veteran

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    I would tell them that the Doctor insisted that she be on limited activity at the end of the pregnacy and can't have visitors staying at the house. Also she needs to tell the Doc that people are wanting to be in the delivery room. If this Doc is worth anything s/he will back her up until the end of time. Trust me I know people that had to go this route. Her Doc went as far as writing a prescription for it;).
     
  14. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    HI!!! Yep, they are planning on coming home in November or early December. I'm heading to Grand Forks the third week of October. The baby is due the day after my birthday so I'm hoping for a nice present. :laughing:

    Nope, I haven't had much time to post. We are up to 8 grandbabies now!! You'll love the ages...7, 6, 5, 4, 2, 1, 7 months and 6 months and a baby on the way!!! Plus with the two children that are still at home, we are jetting to 4-H, FFA, Basketball, Quiz Bowl, youth group, and WC academy. So beside working full time, babysitting in the evenings for the 1 year old and running the kids to after school things...I'm bushed at nights. LOL I read daily but don't post often. Summer is coming then look out...I've got a trip to plan for September!
     
  15. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    hehehe that is what she is saying...her FIL?!?! Poor thing has herself worked into a tizzy over this so we are getting a plan together so no ones feeling will get hurt. It's been a sticky situation for them and they don't want to rock the boat but I'm thinking rocking it would definitely be better than capsizing it!
     
  16. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    thanks for the suggestions everyone! I can't wait till she gets home to give her the ideas. If nothing else, I'm sure it will help calm her down. We've got a long time so hopefully the in-laws will change their mind before then.
     
  17. scooterpig

    scooterpig Mouseketeer

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    Just wanted to say that I love the bond you've formed with this young man and his wife. I think blended families are beautiful. :flower3:
     
  18. blana

    blana DIS Veteran

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    THIS! Doctor's orders. :) Plus, as we all know, babies have their own time schedule. Have them explain to everyone that since baby could easily be 2 weeks early to 2 weeks late, they don't want to put everyone out for a whole month, so they'll call when baby gets here & (by doctor's orders) have everyone out to meet baby 2-3 weeks later.
     
  19. mom of 3G's

    mom of 3G's DIS Veteran

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    Do they plan on driving or flying? If they are driving, have they looked on the map to see how far away it really is??? :lmao: It will be a very long drive for the elderly. And if they are flying, obviously they haven't looked at airfare prices... Hopefully they haven't thought this trip through to the end and it's just excited-for-the-baby-to-come talk. :sad2:
     
  20. parkers*momma

    parkers*momma **This spot reserved for something witty that I ma

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    I know! 14 hours from door step to door step and that is driving hard with minimal stopping!

    We have come up with a plan last night and this morning. I've got her talked into just breathing for right now and seeing if things calm down in the next few months. If it doesn't...we came up with a back up plan. (so evil I know!). But come end of July if things haven't changed she is going to call and talk to them. She is going to see if they will come BEFORE the baby comes (like August) to help change the spare bedroom into a nursery, the other bedroom into a nice boyish room for their son, to create a play area in the yard (swingset, sandbox, etc.), a lot of lil things to let them feel they are an active part in the pregnancy. Since they will be converting the two rooms, there won't be any place for them to stay so they will have to go to the hotel. We're hoping that once they see how far it really is (even a flight with connections is quite long and expensive), the expense of hotels, food, etc., they will just wait till the kids come home in November. Knowing the FIL who is quite tight...just once there will be enough.;)

    Plus, they will get to spend quality time with the grandson, be involved with the planning and set up of both bedrooms, and designing the play yard. She is going to let them know she has a nanny/mother's helper for the week prior and after the birth of the baby. She isn't going to tell them who....lol...just that everything is already set up and she needs their help BEFORE the baby comes. We're hoping her saying she really needs them...it might work.

    Thanks everyone for your help. With the baby coming later, her NEED for help, and reminding them that they are going to be home the end of November.....I think we have a good game plan. At least she isn't all stressed out about it like she was yesterday.

    Ohh and the fun part! I get to spoil my Godson for two weeks and hopefully a Goddaughter too! DS called this morning and asked us to be the Godparents of this baby too!:yay::yay::yay:
     
  21. mom of 3G's

    mom of 3G's DIS Veteran

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    Sounds like a good plan to me!!! :banana: I would think the men of the family would rather cut wood than change diapers. :lmao:
     

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