Ot Sil Vent

[scottish mum]

My SIL lives just across the road from me and has 2 boys 10 and 3. She has applied for a job in a local school and asked me if I would look after her youngest boy after nursery every day. I said I would have him 1 day a week until the summer holidays and then I wouldn't be able to have him at all. My youngest starts school in august and I am looking forward to not being tied to picking up from nursery at 11.30 am. I also only said 1 day a week just now as as much as i love him he is very hard work and does not sit still for 1 minute and is also very rough with toys. It is very hard work having him over and the house is in uproar by the time he leaves.
So now SIL is not very happy with me and is offended that I won't look after him even though she said she would pay me. Money is not the issue I just don't want to. So anyway my DD was having a friend over to play yesterday and SIL said " so you'll look after other peoples kids, just not mine".
When SIL oldest son was younger I did look after him but I only had 1 child then I now have 3 and I cherish my days when they are at school and nursery.
So do you think I'm being too hard or is she just expecting too much?

 

[scottish mum]

Oh forgot to say the reason she wants to work is to get some time to herself away from the kids. It's not for the money as her Hubby, my brother, is in a good job

 

[Bolanette87]

Firstly, I think it is wrong for your SIL to 'expect' any form of childcare from you, even if she is offering to pay you. You shouldn't have to look after her kids just because it's convient for her. I would just say that you're not willing to do it, and thats the end of the matter- Your house is not her personal creche!

Just my opinion.

Bob xoxoxox

 

[DisneyJo]

I don't think you're being harsh at all and I can totally understand you wanting time with just your DD. The comment about other peoples kids was just wrong. You need to stick to your guns and your SIL should realise that she's lucky you're doing what you're doing

 

[Netty]

Firstly, I think it is wrong for your SIL to 'expect' any form of childcare from you, even if she is offering to pay you. You shouldn't have to look after her kids just because it's convient for her. I would just say that you're not willing to do it, and thats the end of the matter- Your house is not her personal creche!

Just my opinion.

Bob xoxoxox

Totally agree with Bob, if she wants a job then she needs to sort her own childcare out but not through you!! stick to your guns and dont give in, if she doesnt like it then tough!!

 

[PoppyAnna]

In a word no.
I've recently had a similar experience. You are right to stand your ground, it's a phase in your life that maybe you don't want to go back to.
My neighbour has a two girls 8 and 5 (in DD's class) and a boy aged nine months. She has just gone back to work mon, tues and weds. She is off on thursday and wanted me to have the boy on Friday when she intends to work from home.
I was very flattered but said no. For a start, I'm not a childminder and I don't think it's something you can take on lightly (you'd get in big trouble if you got found out) besides, I just got rid of our stairgates and I got through my DD's toddler years without any accidents, knowing my luck something would happen. I also don't want to be resricted during holiday time.
I think she was looking for cheap, convenient childcare. They're all designer clothes, very expensive cars and personal number plates and I got the impression she thought we needed the money, because we're not really like that. We don't, lets face it - how much was she going to offer me for one day
As I have to walk past her house I find that I end up walking her children to school quite frequently when some emergency happens which means I have to cross a busy road with a buggy with my 3yo, two 5yo and a stroppy 8 yo. Something made me think I'd end up having all her children every now and then. She also turned up with the two girls a couple of times over christmas asking if they could come in to play, I'm not unsociable but I don't really like this. When I dropped them back home their house was the picture of domestic coupledom, the baby was asleep and they were enjoying a glass of wine with dinner on the stove, where I on the other hand had no time to do my dinner, had a tip of a house and ended up taking my kids to McDonalds for their tea!
She also suggested that we take turns week on and week off walking them to school and picking them up on thursday and friday she is home. I'm at home so that I walk my DD to school, it's my job! I like to see her go into school happy and settled, it's not a chore for me. I like to see the teacher and the other mums, I think school is about education and community, not just childcare!

Stand your ground and don't feel guilty...

 

[natalielongstaff]

Totally agree with Bob, if she wants a job then she needs to sort her own childcare out but not through you!! stick to your guns and dont give in, if she doesnt like it then tough!!

i agree, don't let her push you into doing it or you will end up resenting her/ the child

ETA : the government funds a lot of childcare these days so she should have no probs getting a proffesional in to do the job !!

 

[wideeyes]

she sounds a bit cheeky, especially with that comment. I don't think you are being hard at all, if she wants to work then its up to her to sort out child care not you.

 

[scottish mum]

Thanks everyone I am going to stick with my guns and if she doesn't like it thats her problem. The problem is because of where we live it is so rural and small there are no childminders or other options so if she gets the job I don't know what she'll do but that has nothing to do with me

 

[shellbell]

I have to agree with yourself and everyone else. Stick to your guns! When your youngest starts school in sept its then your time to for you to do what you want to do. You shouldn't feel any pressure at all to look after her children. She will get over it and hopefully reaslise that she should never of asked you.

 

[mandymouse]

Thanks everyone I am going to stick with my guns and if she doesn't like it thats her problem. The problem is because of where we live it is so rural and small there are no childminders or other options so if she gets the job I don't know what she'll do but that has nothing to do with me

Good for you. I agree with all the advice everyone else has made

 

[pixiepower04]

Thanks everyone I am going to stick with my guns and if she doesn't like it thats her problem. The problem is because of where we live it is so rural and small there are no childminders or other options so if she gets the job I don't know what she'll do but that has nothing to do with me

Being rural doesn't mean she can take liberties and quite frankly she should have asked you about it before deciding to get a job.

Who's she to decide that you don't intend to get a job when your daughter goes to school, maybe you've decided the time is right to get back in the game. It's not for her to decide either way and I think families sometimes expect far too much just because they are family.

Stick to your guns girl, this is your life, not hers!

 

[Dr_Finkelstein]

I have to agree, I think you're doing the right thing.

I rashly offered to take my niece 1 day a week on my day off for my SIL, and now am regretting it. She's a lovely baby but it is very tying, especially as my two are now at school, and I would love to have some 'me' time.

Now I'm wondering how long I'm going to be expected to do it, but I feel as I offered....I can't really back out without a good reason.

You were more sensible than me, and set a time limit!

 

[orlandothebeagle]

I just opened the door and screamed out loud for you!!!!

Emotional blackmail is not nice, that was really mean saying you will look after other folks kids and not hers.

Your own kids are the only commitment you have to worry about.

DO NOT feel bad.

 

[jen_uk]

Totally agree with you, she is being very unreasonable. She can't expect you to take care of her kids so she can go back to work to get away from them!!