OT - Kids interrupting adults

[DISNEYFOS]

So I was just wondering what other people do in these situations.

I have a friend with a young daughter that hangs on her mom and interrupts while we talk. Its pretty consistent and just very distracting. I know its age appropriate and all that...My kids certainly do it at times and I usually just say Mommy is talking, don't interrupt...can you play quietly for a min and then I'll help you.. etc.

As the other adult in the conversation, what do you do? Do you stop talking and let them speak to their child (which seems a little rude, "like aren't you going to deal with that?") or do you pretend like you don't hear the child and keep talking... (which totally makes me lose my train of thought and seems a little rude too like you are pretending their child doesn't exist)

Just curious what others do.

 

[shaylahc1]

Ugh this is a huge pet peeve of mine. I think mostly it depends on how the other parent handles it. I know some parents who have no problem letting their children interrupt. I absolutely hate this, and it makes me feel as though the parent values their child's time and attention far more than my own (at the time, is what I mean). In that case I'd probably just opt to stop talking--it's a losing battle. It's not my place to reprimand someone's child or teach someone how to parent their child. Chances are, I'd be less likely to want to spend time with that parent when their child was around.

That being said I have 4 kids and I don't tolerate that rudeness. If my children interrupt while someone is talking I usually put my finger to my lips (Shhh motion) and they stop talking until there is a break in the convo and I can attend to them. If they don't stop talking I will say "excuse me" to my guest and then turn to my child, point out that they are being rude, and tell them that we can continue the convo as soon as Mr/Mrs X is finished what they were saying.

I know some parents just can't stand the thought of making their child wait The worst are the ones who kids go berzerk whenever they get on the phone. One friend I know had a baby and the older child (4 at the time) would terrorize the baby every time the mom would get on the phone because she wanted her attention. Ugh.

 

[dismom2]

I have one friend in particular who lets her children interrupt our conversations all the time, whether it is in person or on the phone. I have to just stop talking because my friend stops listening to me anyway. I just wait until they are finished. It's very annoying---especially when you are in the middle of a story and when the friend gives her attention back to me, many times she ignores the fact that I didn't finish what I was saying and just changes the subject. It's frustrating, but what can you do?

 

[mjkacmom]

Ugh this is a huge pet peeve of mine. I think mostly it depends on how the other parent handles it. I know some parents who have no problem letting their children interrupt. I absolutely hate this, and it makes me feel as though the parent values their child's time and attention far more than my own (at the time, is what I mean). In that case I'd probably just opt to stop talking--it's a losing battle. It's not my place to reprimand someone's child or teach someone how to parent their child. Chances are, I'd be less likely to want to spend time with that parent when their child was around.

That being said I have 4 kids and I don't tolerate that rudeness. If my children interrupt while someone is talking I usually put my finger to my lips (Shhh motion) and they stop talking until there is a break in the convo and I can attend to them. If they don't stop talking I will say "excuse me" to my guest and then turn to my child, point out that they are being rude, and tell them that we can continue the convo as soon as Mr/Mrs X is finished what they were saying.

I know some parents just can't stand the thought of making their child wait The worst are the ones who kids go berzerk whenever they get on the phone. One friend I know had a baby and the older child (4 at the time) would terrorize the baby every time the mom would get on the phone because she wanted her attention. Ugh.

On the RARE chance my children interupt me, all I have to do is hold up my index finger, and they know to wait. This is one of my biggest parenting pet peeves! I also don't let them interupt if I'm speaking to another child - wait your turn. If it's an emergency, they can say "exuse me," and I'll listen (and it better be an emergency!).

 

[tinkermom23]

I have a friend who stops talking and attends to her children right away, holding a finger up to me to wait. She is the same one who will always answer her cell phone and sometimes carry on a long conversation on the phone while I am sitting there, waiting for her... She is not purposefully being rude, she just doesn't think that it is being inconsiderate at all.

 

[traveljen1027]

I remind my daughter to say "excuse me" and I also tell her that mommy (or whomever is speaking) is talking & that she needs to wait until myself (or the other person) is finished before speaking...we have also had the chat that just because she says "excuse me" doesn't mean she automatically gets to talk. It's very tricky...she is 5 (almost 6) and has a lot to say, but we definitely don't let her get away with being rude. It is distracting though, and I see it with other people's kids too. Sometimes though I let her ask her question (like, can you help me get a snack?) if I already know what she is going to need/want. Tough situation!!

 

[Jill in Chicago]

First the phone call interruption. If it is a doctor's office calling, business, or another emergency they yes she should pick up. If it is another friend calling NO she should not pick up. (Unless it is someone she has been playing phone tag with and she just has a quick question.) Honestly, by doing this she is telling you that you are not important enough for all her attention. I would find another friend to talk with, confide in, who can give you all their attention.

Now the other thing about kids interrupting. This is long....

Waiting for kids to get out of school, killing time talking to other parents, your youngest, not in school yet, interrupts you while you are talking to another parent. Answer the child. The child is bored. YOU may be craving adult conversation. Too bad. SCHEDULE your adult time at another time.

Waiting for kids to get out of school. Friend's child interrupts. Parent ignores. Child interrupts. Parent ignores. Child, in frustration, now screams.... parent screams back. IF this behavior happens over and over, and you cannot leave the area, answer their child. Even bend over and engage the child. USUALLY all a child needs is a bit of attention and then they will go ahead and engage themselves without an adult. If the child, continues to interrupt say, "Hey sweetie can you let your mom and I talk for a minute? And then we'll give you some attention." BE TRUE to your word!

You are leaving someplace, say picking kids up from school, or you've said good-bye after a visit. Your child hangs on you. You've said good-bye. The child expects to leave. They are hot with their coat on. Say good-bye, tend to the child and LEAVE. Some parents simply will not let you leave. Leave anyway.

You run into someone while grocery shopping. Friend is yakking away. Your child is bored, pulling on you.... LEAVE. Tell friend you will talk to her later.

You call someone to chat. Your child, UNDER age three, pulls at you, needs you, gets into something they shouldn't.... Try to distract child once, maybe twice. Then say good-bye.

Your friend calls you. His/her child interrupts one, two three times. Say, "You need to go." Friend will say, "Oh no, no, they are fine." Be firm, "I love yakking with you, but your kids need you. I'll call later!" Hang up.

You are at a friend's house. Her child UNDER three will not leave the two of you alone to talk. Give it up. Sit down with the kids and all play together. Go to a park. (That often works.) Go outside. Then pop in a video and see if you can sneak off. Child still around? Give it up. This just will not work as a time for you to talk. Book a NO children dinner together.

Older child hangs on mom. Mom seems to encourage it. Then mom gets mad at child and says, "This is MY friend." Older child is confused. Do NOT get involved. When child is present include child in conversation with child friendly topics. IF you want to continue friendship on adult level, again, adult time ALONE.

So you get my point. You call the shots. If an adult's child, over three years old pesters, hangs, jumps into conversations, listens in, then that behavior is tolerated by the parent. They are not going to change.

If it is your child that interrupts FIRST make sure it is a good mix for your kids and her kids to play together. Perhaps her children are ignoring yours and your child is bored. Maybe her kids are mean. Maybe her children love rough and tumble and your child is scared. Be aware of what your child feels before sending them back to "go play with the other kids." Oh I know lots of people will say, "It toughens them up...." I disagree. There is never a need to toughen up someone. You are who you are at a young age. Some children are gentle spirits, acknowledge that.

If your child interrupts while you are on the phone be honest with yourself about how much time you are spending on the phone. I would tell my children, "I'm going to talk on the phone for this one show (on t.v.) then I will come and play with you." Then I was honest, got off the phone and played. Many parents say, "Just one more minute." That minutes turn into 20 minutes. A child can tell the difference.

 

[Momma2Mia]

In our home we have an "interrupt rule". If grown ups are talking and the kids need something from parents the child comes up to mom or dad and places their hand on my arm or hubbys arm. This is them letting us know that they need something. There is no need for them to say something outloud. A tip we learned in Growing kids Gods way.
Kristie

 

[floridascgirl]

In our home we have an "interrupt rule". If grown ups are talking and the kids need something from parents the child comes up to mom or dad and places their hand on my arm or hubbys arm. This is them letting us know that they need something. There is no need for them to say something outloud. A tip we learned in Growing kids Gods way.
Kristie

That is exactly what was taught to my son in his Montessori preschool. It worked like a charm. Unfortunately, my DS is getting ready to turn 12 and he has started to interrrupt. I told him that I'm going to send him back to "Ms. Jenny" for a refresher course.

 

[princessmom29]

In our house we have a no one interrupts rule, and it applies to both kids and grown ups. It is simply rude, it doesn't matter how old you are. What every member of the family has to say is important, and we respect everyone's opinion. Adults make the final decisions, but being an adult does not automaticaly mean that what I am saying or doing is more important. If I am talking my DD knows to stand quietly, making sure I see her, until I am done unless there is a true emergency. I in turn do not interrupt what she is saying before she is finished unless she is being loud/rude/disrespectful or doing something unsafe. In our house respect is a two way street.

 

[bumbershoot]

In our house we have a no one interrupts rule, and it applies to both kids and grown ups. It is simply rude, it doesn't matter how old you are. What every member of the family has to say is important, and we respect everyone's opinion. Adults make the final decisions, but being an adult does not automaticaly mean that what I am saying or doing is more important. If I am talking my DD knows to stand quietly, making sure I see her, until I am done unless there is a true emergency. I in turn do not interrupt what she is saying before she is finished unless she is being loud/rude/disrespectful or doing something unsafe. In our house respect is a two way street.

I like it!



When I was single and hanging out with friends with kids, I found that when the kids started interrupting, it meant I had been there too long. Once I figured that out, I finished up the visit and left, b/c I felt that the little one needed her/his mommy more than I did.

But these were not habitual interrupters. On the other hand, when I was little and my mom had a friend that she'd grown up with and our family would visit with their family...their daughter would climb up onto her mom and cover mom's hand with her own hands. Would not let mom say anything. Since we'd had to drive an hour to get there, and often the visits were for special occasions (birthdays, t'giving, etc), we couldn't just pack up, and she did it ALL the time.

And now...that former little girl has identical triplet girls...can't help but wonder if they let her talk.

 

[JUJU814]

We have a "no interrupt" rule in our house. We taught each kid that when mommy and daddy are talking, that it is rude to interrupt. If they need us or want to say something to us, and we are engaged talking, they may gently place their hand on our arm, but may not say anything. In return, we place our hand on their hand to acknowledge that we know they need us and that we will respond to them when we decide for a break in our conversation.

At a comfortable time in my conversation with the other adult, I may say "would you please excuse me for a moment?" or something like that.

Over the years, I've had several moms say "how'd you do that???" LOL My oldest daughter was the most compliant with this rule. She had it down to a science. The other two, well, not quite as patient but it works well with them too.

As far as someone elses kids interrupting your conversation with their parents, well, IMHO, it's really up to the other parents to deal with. Annoying, YES

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I have a friend who called me every few days when she was on maternity leave with her second child. She also had 3 year old who always seemed to want her attention when she was on the phone. I would sit for long periods and listen to her tell her son, "Oh, honey...in a minute...just wait for a minute..." He would keep hounding her for attention and she would keep talking to him. So, one day, I said, "It sounds like you need to talk to Jake right now. Do you want to call me back later?" She said, "Oh, ok." She called the next day and said, "I waited until Jake went down for his nap to call you. Now he won't interrupt us." So, she got the hint and stopped calling when Jake was awake and we were able to have some nice talks!

 

[54321p]

So I was just wondering what other people do in these situations.

I have a friend with a young daughter that hangs on her mom and interrupts while we talk. Its pretty consistent and just very distracting. I know its age appropriate and all that...My kids certainly do it at times and I usually just say Mommy is talking, don't interrupt...can you play quietly for a min and then I'll help you.. etc.

As the other adult in the conversation, what do you do? Do you stop talking and let them speak to their child (which seems a little rude, "like aren't you going to deal with that?") or do you pretend like you don't hear the child and keep talking... (which totally makes me lose my train of thought and seems a little rude too like you are pretending their child doesn't exist)

Just curious what others do.

You have stated my exact thoughts. I was sitting here googling what to do about this as 2 of my best friends have children who interrupt constantly. I'm extremely patient and work with children all day as a teacher so when my limit was reached at one incident I had to find answers. I was confiding in my friend about something and her child interrupted us literally every few min. He then jumped in bt us and that was when I had to excuse myself and step out of the room. I came back in and told my friend "I need to leave now. My feelings are hurt bc I'm discussing something very important with you and ____ is interrupting." She replied "I allow him to interrupt at times bc I want him to feel like he is part of the conversation and not being ignored."
Needless to say I was "bug eyed" and speechless.
Over time this became a huge issue at school so now she is having a very difficult time with his behavior.

I had dinner several times with my other girlfriends family. Forget having a conversation period. I just sat there eating and was asked "are you ok?" Of course I couldn't respond with "sure! I'm fine. Just eating and staying quiet bc there's no use in having a conversation at this table"
I wish I could understand why this seems to be ok with other parents. I don't understand at all.

 

[msmama]

I think, like anything involving kids, it depends.

Is the child interrupting because he has to go to the bathroom? Because someone is doing something dangerous. Because he wants to let you know he's going to another part of the park? In those cases (honestly, what my butts in for most of the time) I may give a quick, it's not polite to inturrupt, but yes you may. And my son does no to say excuse me, rather than just butt in (not that it really makes it less rude).

In that case I think disrupting the flow of adult conversation with a long discussion about rudeness is more distracting. If the child needs more of an answer than yes or no then absolutely they should be made to wait.

There are also definite times when the kids Want to be part of the conversation ever though you don't want them to be. I think that is just part of having kids. If I want to talk to a parent with 0 inturruption, I plan a time when the kids are left at home.

 

[Thing 1]

With my 8 year old we are pretty firm on the rule on both ends....I also will not let an adult interrupt a conversation I am having with him..."just a minute and i will be with you." If it is another person's child, and they allow them to interrupt,
I simply say, "I see you child needs your attention right now, we can talk later." and walk away. Sometimes I might say, "we can finish this later when its a better time for you.". I do not correct other people's children for this, but at the same time, I'm not going to compete with a toddler tattling on his sister for looking at him. Now if it is obvious that it is very important, that is a different story. blood trumps interrupting.

 

[SEA333]

First the phone call interruption. If it is a doctor's office calling, business, or another emergency they yes she should pick up. If it is another friend calling NO she should not pick up. (Unless it is someone she has been playing phone tag with and she just has a quick question.) Honestly, by doing this she is telling you that you are not important enough for all her attention. I would find another friend to talk with, confide in, who can give you all their attention.

Now the other thing about kids interrupting. This is long....

Waiting for kids to get out of school, killing time talking to other parents, your youngest, not in school yet, interrupts you while you are talking to another parent. Answer the child. The child is bored. YOU may be craving adult conversation. Too bad. SCHEDULE your adult time at another time.

Waiting for kids to get out of school. Friend's child interrupts. Parent ignores. Child interrupts. Parent ignores. Child, in frustration, now screams.... parent screams back. IF this behavior happens over and over, and you cannot leave the area, answer their child. Even bend over and engage the child. USUALLY all a child needs is a bit of attention and then they will go ahead and engage themselves without an adult. If the child, continues to interrupt say, "Hey sweetie can you let your mom and I talk for a minute? And then we'll give you some attention." BE TRUE to your word!

You are leaving someplace, say picking kids up from school, or you've said good-bye after a visit. Your child hangs on you. You've said good-bye. The child expects to leave. They are hot with their coat on. Say good-bye, tend to the child and LEAVE. Some parents simply will not let you leave. Leave anyway.

You run into someone while grocery shopping. Friend is yakking away. Your child is bored, pulling on you.... LEAVE. Tell friend you will talk to her later.

You call someone to chat. Your child, UNDER age three, pulls at you, needs you, gets into something they shouldn't.... Try to distract child once, maybe twice. Then say good-bye.

Your friend calls you. His/her child interrupts one, two three times. Say, "You need to go." Friend will say, "Oh no, no, they are fine." Be firm, "I love yakking with you, but your kids need you. I'll call later!" Hang up.

You are at a friend's house. Her child UNDER three will not leave the two of you alone to talk. Give it up. Sit down with the kids and all play together. Go to a park. (That often works.) Go outside. Then pop in a video and see if you can sneak off. Child still around? Give it up. This just will not work as a time for you to talk. Book a NO children dinner together.

Older child hangs on mom. Mom seems to encourage it. Then mom gets mad at child and says, "This is MY friend." Older child is confused. Do NOT get involved. When child is present include child in conversation with child friendly topics. IF you want to continue friendship on adult level, again, adult time ALONE.

So you get my point. You call the shots. If an adult's child, over three years old pesters, hangs, jumps into conversations, listens in, then that behavior is tolerated by the parent. They are not going to change.

If it is your child that interrupts FIRST make sure it is a good mix for your kids and her kids to play together. Perhaps her children are ignoring yours and your child is bored. Maybe her kids are mean. Maybe her children love rough and tumble and your child is scared. Be aware of what your child feels before sending them back to "go play with the other kids." Oh I know lots of people will say, "It toughens them up...." I disagree. There is never a need to toughen up someone. You are who you are at a young age. Some children are gentle spirits, acknowledge that.

If your child interrupts while you are on the phone be honest with yourself about how much time you are spending on the phone. I would tell my children, "I'm going to talk on the phone for this one show (on t.v.) then I will come and play with you." Then I was honest, got off the phone and played. Many parents say, "Just one more minute." That minutes turn into 20 minutes. A child can tell the difference.

I *think* I get what you are saying, although I am not sure I agree with all of these. Maybe I am a parent that hasn't gotten with the changing times, but I am exhausted just reading about the different scenarios and reasons when and when not it is OK for a child to interrupt and how a parents should cater/respond!

In my family, we keep it simple: "Don't interrupt an adult talking. It's rude and disrespectful. I don't care how bored, tired, or hot you are in your coat. You can sit down or stand, or play with that stick, or just think stuff to yourself while I finish. If someone is bleeding or in danger, let me know."

If my kids interrupt, I stop my conversation, look at my child, and say "You are interrupting an adult talking. Is someone hurt or in danger?" They know that the answer had BETTER be yes. If it is not, they know to walk away really fast.

But I am the type of parent that actually does something if I ever get to "three", and I follow through on my promises, both the good ones and bad ones. If I say, I'll just be 5 minutes, I really will be just 5 minutes. My kids have no reason to test (well, at least until they became tweens/teens - sigh) because they know I mean what I say.

That being said, I am well aware when my kids have reached their limit and plan accordingly. I am hoping that is what you meant by your post, too, and we are on the same page. The other end of the spectrum is completely ignoring your child, and I think that is what you are trying to get at here - nobody wants to be around either situation. So I get that. But NO WAY have I, do I, or will I, EVER be rushed out of a conversation by a whiny, complaining kid. They can learn patience and grace by waiting a few minutes.

And when I am with someone who lets their kid dictate my conversation with her, it's likely the last time I converse other than a quick hello or how are you. I don't need that stress in my life. Even if it is family. I'll walk away and find someone else to talk to. I remember when my oldest was still my only (he was about 3 or 4) and we moved to a brand new subdivision, all the moms were interested in forming a playgroup/moms group. I went to a few playdates and there was one kid who wouldn't play with the other kids or the toys and just kept hanging on his mother, interrupting, putting his hands all over her, jumping on her. She just sat there and kept saying "C, mommy wants you to go play with the other kids." "Now C, mommy doesn't like your hands in my mouth when I am trying to talk", "C, mommy loves you so much, but I want to play with *my* friends, too, so why don't you go play with yours for a little while?"....and on and on and on...

I stopped going. I can watch crazy on reality TV at home in my PJ's.

 

[emilik]

I think it's really inappropriate on the adults' part to try to have a "serious" conversation, in which someone's feelings will be hurt by an interruption, when there are children present. It should be scheduled at a time when both parties can reasonably expect to give full attention to each other. Anytime my children are with me, that is not a reasonable expectation, because they have needs too - physical AND emotional.

I do correct my children for interrupting, telling what they can do instead or suggesting something they can be engaged in separately, but for heavens sake, what does someone expect me to do if they continue, lock them in another room? They are clearly trying to communicate something and my job, as the parent, is to pay attention to that and determine what it is they are really trying to tell me by their behavior.

When my friends and I are chatting with children around and we get to something "intense", we joke "Oh, we need to go for coffee!". It's understood that now is not the time. And if you're just gabbing about something inconsequential, then it seems pretty petty to be put out by a child acting like a child.

 

[chris31997]

So I was just wondering what other people do in these situations.

I have a friend with a young daughter that hangs on her mom and interrupts while we talk. Its pretty consistent and just very distracting. I know its age appropriate and all that...My kids certainly do it at times and I usually just say Mommy is talking, don't interrupt...can you play quietly for a min and then I'll help you.. etc.

As the other adult in the conversation, what do you do? Do you stop talking and let them speak to their child (which seems a little rude, "like aren't you going to deal with that?") or do you pretend like you don't hear the child and keep talking... (which totally makes me lose my train of thought and seems a little rude too like you are pretending their child doesn't exist)

Just curious what others do.

Have you talked with your friend? She may not realize what is happening or how it makes you feel. I would take her out for a Mommy Only Coffee/Tea and have a chat with her.

Like others have said: we have trained our kiddos not to interrupt unless it is an emergancy(someone is hurt or going to get hurt). It is hard.

 

[SEA333]

I think it's really inappropriate on the adults' part to try to have a "serious" conversation, in which someone's feelings will be hurt by an interruption, when there are children present. It should be scheduled at a time when both parties can reasonably expect to give full attention to each other. Anytime my children are with me, that is not a reasonable expectation, because they have needs too - physical AND emotional.

I do correct my children for interrupting, telling what they can do instead or suggesting something they can be engaged in separately, but for heavens sake, what does someone expect me to do if they continue, lock them in another room? They are clearly trying to communicate something and my job, as the parent, is to pay attention to that and determine what it is they are really trying to tell me by their behavior.

When my friends and I are chatting with children around and we get to something "intense", we joke "Oh, we need to go for coffee!". It's understood that now is not the time. And if you're just gabbing about something inconsequential, then it seems pretty petty to be put out by a child acting like a child.

To each their own, and my kids are "older" (14, 10, and 9 years old today!!!), so I get that babies and toddlers are different, but after the age of 3, I am not going to "schedule" a time to chit chat with a friend that needs me because my child's emotional needs might not be met immediately. I feel that after 40 years and coming up on 15 years of being a parent, I have earned the right to have any kind of conversation I want, with whomever I want, at any time I want, and my kids can deal with it. (and before accusing me of being a neglectful parent, be assured that my kids are very well taken care of and attended to. I am a coach for my DD's cheer team, her troop's Girl Scout Leader, room parent for all three various years, and attend every game and practice my boys have had since they were toddlers in all of their sports, plus never getting a babysitter when they were little or having "me" time even to this day, we eat together as a family every night, and I never let my office schedule interfere with my family schedule).

A "child acting like a child" in this case is an excuse for a parent to let their kid run the show and get their way. At least, it would be in my family. In my family, "a child acting like a child" means that when I say hang on a few minutes and don't interrupt an adult talking, they stop and find something else to do while I am busy. Or, even if we have blips along the way, at the very least, they all understand my expectations of their behavior. We don't excuse it - ever. Even if they are sick, tired, or hungry - once we are alone: "I understand you are tired/sick/hungry, but I was talking to an adult and you were interrupting. It is never OK to interrupt unless someone is hurt or bleeding". That's if I'm in a good mood. if it was irritating enough to put me in a bad mood, my reaction will be more along the lines of "Do that again, and you will be grounded for a week. Got it?"

Since I have done this since they were old enough to understand (aka, age 2), I don't have problems with my kids interrupting after I tell them once, so I guess my suggestion to the question you posed is that I would continue to work on that at home....roleplay or use reminders, or, the next time they interrupt more than once, give them a consequence: "If you interrupt me again, you will sit against that wall until I am done and whatever you are asking for, be assured you will NOT get it." But I am mean like that, and my kids know that interrupting will cause negative attention from me, and nobody in my family wants that And since I have always gotten feedback from teachers, other parents, family, etc that my kids are very well-mannered and behaved, and enjoyable to be around, I guess it is working....

It is our job as parents to raise our children to grow into adults who are responsible, productive, contributing members of society through teaching them honor, integrity, kindness, and patience. It is not our job, IMO, to hover over them to catch every need and want so we can immediately satisfy it before they grow a little uncomfortable. Have you happened to come across any studies lately on depression and anxiety rates in the teen/early adulthood age range in America? Rates are through the roof, and many child psychologists attribute this to helicopter parenting and instant gratification.

Waiting for adults to finish a conversation is a wonderful way to expose our kids to the art of delaying what they want for a while and still living to tell the tale. They will be Ok, I promise.