Need some motherly advice please

Discussion in 'Budget Board' started by krissynkayla, Mar 31, 2005.

  1. krissynkayla

    krissynkayla Loving the Mouse

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    :sad2: My daughter has a nervous problem(or so I think) she has a bad habit of peeling her finger tips, and I mean peeling the skin off all the way around her fingers, and making them raw. Any advice, I have taken away her stuff, said there would not be any summer gymnastics, and told her she could get very sick and not be able to go to dw if she kep it up. I don't know what else to do. Need suggestions please.
     
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  3. jkmmah

    jkmmah DIS Veteran

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    Cover her fingertips in bandaids. See if she'll leave those alone long enough to break the habit of picking.

    My dd had a problem last year of picking her mosquito bites over and over until they bled, scabbed, bled again, and left scars on her. I ended up covering every bite with bandaids, yep about 25 of them!, and made her leave them on, reapplying fresh ones each night until the scabs healed. She was embarrased by the bandaids so she wore long pants and long sleeve shirts to school, which also helped keep her hands off the scabs. The habit finally got broken.

    Good luck!

    And, P.S., I'll bet you're right. It's probably a nervous habit that she does without even being aware of it until you catch her in the act. Maybe try giving her something else to keep her hands busy. Or give her gloves to wear in the house so the fingertips aren't accesible.
     
  4. punkin

    punkin <font color=purple>Went through pain just to look

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    I don't think the punishments will work because she's probably not even aware she's doing it. The bandaids are a good idea because they will make her aware of what she's doing.

    You also need to find out if anything else is bothering her. It may just be a nervous habbit, or it may mean she' anxious about something and this is her way of relieving the stress.

    Good luck.
     
  5. Emme

    Emme DIS Veteran

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    Is something making her nervous? Maybe something is bothering her and you can try to get to the source of the skin peeling if she is willing to talk (or if she even knows why she is anxious). May I ask how old she is? If it is an unconscious habit she doesn't even know she is doing it when she does it so I am not sure punishing her will help. It must be painful to her as well so I can't imagine it being something she actually "wants" to do. Hopefully she can tell you if something is bothering her (school, friends...)and you can help her talk it through. A big hug to you and your daughter! I am sure it will all work out and she will be fine! :flower: :flower:
     
  6. chris1gill

    chris1gill <a href="http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/index.

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    I don't think punishing her is the way to go & in fact, it just might make it worse... something is causing this behavior, you have to find out what THAT is & work to deal with that problem... The bandaids are a good idea, but, you might have to get help from your family physician in getting down to the underlying issue.... I'm sure she is not doing it on purpose to make you mad, I doubt that she can control the behavior on her own... But, kudo's to you for recognizing the problem & reaching out to find her help...
     
  7. phorsenuf

    phorsenuf Not so New Rule author

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    Please don't punish her.

    More than likely it is a subconcious nervous behaivor.
    I went to my kids band concert last night and my fingers are peeled raw. I just sat there and peeled at them just like what your daughter is doing.

    Its something I have had a problem with since I was a teen. It comes and goes. I'm more stressed out than usual right now which is why it is probably getting bad again.

    Bandaids may help. I know when I had on fake nails that worked for me, but I don't have them on anymore (that weekly upkeep money is going to Disney! LOL)
    Just be as patient and understanding as you can. More than likely the more you hassle her about it the worse it will probably get.


    *****disclaimer**** I used the word hassle not in a mean sense but for lack of a better word. LOL
     
  8. LauraAnn630

    LauraAnn630 See you in April 2011!

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    A lot of these types of habit require phyciatric counciling. Habits like twirling and pulling hair out, biting finger nails and pulling skin off are signs of a deeper problem. Some people even believe if these types of behaviors are not stopped by age 5 they are almost impossible to quit.

    See what your doctor says. Some doctors may not think its a big problem. As a parent I do. I would get your child in counciling. Sometimes parents have to be aggressive about the care there children receive.

    Something my best friend also told me that has turned out to be true in my case...

    Sometimes you have to piss people off to do whats right for your kids!

    Im not saying youll have to so this. Just a little footnote, I found to be true!


    Good Luck, Im sure your child will be fine! Just do everything you can for them. Counciling never hurt anyone!
     
  9. jennifer293

    jennifer293 <font color=green>SHHHHH , but we live in the stic

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    I have a friend who has done this since I have known her(since elem. school) and now she has a 3 yr old daughter who does it. I was talking to her about it the other day and she said she was told by some family members that they also do it. It may be a hereditary thing. I know when I was little I used to get bored and twirl my hair, and I noticed the other day my 4 yr old now does it. My 11 mth old doesn't have any hair but she is constantly rubbing the side of her head..

    I REALLY wouldn't punish her for it because I doubt she knows she is doing it. I would do as the previous posters have said and put some neosporin on them and cover them with band-aids but this may be something she will do for the rest of her life.

    Good luck to you both
     
  10. jeepgirl30

    jeepgirl30 DIS Veteran

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    I'm a nail biter. I hate it. I have tried unsuccessfully for years to stop. I don't even know I'm doing it. I can't even remember a time I didn't do it.

    I remember trying all sorts of remedies but unfortuantely I was already early teen before trying any. My mom thought I'd outgrow it and never really tried except to yell at me which made it worse.

    I agree with others to not punish her. My guess is she isn't aware she is doing it as she does it.

    Get her help now. This is something she needs to get control of ASAP. It only gets worse as she grows up. The bandaids idea is good or maybe painting her nails a bright color so it catches her attention when she goes to peel.

    Instead of punishing her, reward her little things daily or 1/2 day to start out. Bigger rewards as she goes longer. Set small milestones she can reach.

    Good luck to both of you!
     
  11. Beherenow

    Beherenow Beta Zeta Girl<br><img src="http://www.wdwinfo.com

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    My son used to do this. He eventually has grown out of it (I hope). First of all, make your daughter aware that she is doing it if you catch her. The more you get upset with her, the more she will probably do this. Band-aids will help. Gloves at night worked well for us. Some friends recommended putting vinegar on the fingers because it will taste bad. We tried some nail-polish like stuff that had a pepper taste. That didn't work well because he'd rub his eyes and I think he liked the added flavor. Good luck and just be persistent.
     
  12. mickeygaga

    mickeygaga Mouseketeer

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    Rather than using punishment, try using a reward system. I would first make her aware every time you catch her doing this, because she probably isn't even aware she is. Then I would reward her when you notice she not peeling, and also when you see her skin healing. Just remind her gently to stop peeling when you see her doing it. Good luck. :flower:
     
  13. Grumpy's Gal

    Grumpy's Gal <font color=coral>Of course, who wants to get gold

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    PLEASE don't punish her. I don't think it's something where a punsihment will help. When my daughter was 5, she pulled out all of her eyelashes. It was awful. She's very bright and whenever she was bored, she would just pull them out. When she was laying in bed at night trying to fall asleep, she would pull them out. We took her to the dr and he said just ignore it and she will stop. We explained, and he explained, why it was a bad idea to pull them out and eventually, she stopped. Maybe you could buy her a little manicure kit and some "special" lotion and nail polish. Maybe having something else to do with her hands would help. I don't know what other suggestions to offer. Hang in there!
     
  14. alisonbestford

    alisonbestford <font color=990066>Can cope with the dentist after

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    I'm another one in the 'reward, not punish' camp :flower:

    DD, now 6, used to twirl her hair when she was younger and pull out great chunks when she was tired :sad2:
    She had a v short haircut until she was around 5 on the understanding that, as soon as she stopped twirling and knotting her hair, she could grow it long.
    She's still a twirler (as, I've noticed, am I :rolleyes1 ) and still gets upset if she manages to make a big, knotty mess during the night but we deal with it now as and when. All it takes now is a gentle mention as she starts to twirl :rolleyes:
    She knows she does it but, as she says, she sometimes can't help it - especially if she's worrying about something.
    I have every expectation that, to punish her, would make her even more upset and miserable than she is now when she realises what she's doing :blush:
    The very things you are suggesting 'taking away' from your DD might be the ones that can help her to stop this habit - it must be sore and can't be much fun for her :wave2:
    The bandaids sound a good idea and I'd go along with the gentle reminders when you catch her doing it :goodvibes
    Alison
    :grouphug:
     
  15. krissynkayla

    krissynkayla Loving the Mouse

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    I agree ! But the punishment is only taking stuff she likes away, not spanking I don't believe in that. (no offence to anyone) I am going to try the bandaids(which she is doing some), but doing it more everyday till they heel. Thanks for everyone motherly advice, I sure do apprecaite it so much. Thanks! :) ;)
     
  16. alisonbestford

    alisonbestford <font color=990066>Can cope with the dentist after

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    Kids eh :rolleyes: :rolleyes1
    We saw 'big kids' - about 14 / 15 years old - at the skating rink today with dummies (soothers). DD was amazed but said that they must still need them because they were worrying about something! :rotfl2:
    I think it's the latest fashion accessory here in the UK - strange ;) :confused3
    Good luck.
    Alison
    :grouphug:
     
  17. lclark0621

    lclark0621 DIS Veteran

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    PLEASE dont punish her for this!

    It is a nervous subconcious habit! She is not doing it on purpose!

    Taking away her stuff is only going to make her more nervouse. She will become afraid of confiding in you.

    She is not doing this to make you mad or disobey you!

    Punishing her is ABSOLUTLY the WRONG way to go here!!!
     
  18. alisonbestford

    alisonbestford <font color=990066>Can cope with the dentist after

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    Absolutely :sunny:
    Unfortunately, even 6 year olds have plenty to worry about now a days :sad2:
    Alison
    :grouphug:
     
  19. sanctus

    sanctus Mouseketeer

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    Have you tried giving her a substitute behaviour? I agree that you want to talk to your doctor about this, but in the meantime, maybe a rabbit foot or worry stone that she can take everywhere with her might help. It's easier to stop doing something when you've got something else readily available to do.
     
  20. d-man's mom

    d-man's mom Mouseketeer

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    Please don't take away things for a subconsicous habit. It's not going to help her break it, and actually gives her a new reason to keep doing it (stress, worry about disappointing you, etc).

    I was one of those kids- constantly biting my nails & picking my cuticles. I don't bite my nails now but if yuo take a good look at my hands, you can see the scar tissue around my fingers from when I peeled them as a child. It was actually a bordeom/stress issue. If I was bored, I would bite them, if I was stressed, I would pick/peel the cuticles.

    I started carrying a worry stone in my pocket which helped stop the picking/peeling. The nail biting stopped when I was too busy to do it anymore.

    I have to carry hand lotion with me all the time now because if my cuticles get dry I will try and pick at them (dry, itchy skin).

    Please try another approach to this. Believe me, it takes a lot to break this habit and extra pressure of having fun things taken away doesn't help.
     
  21. rachael95

    rachael95 DIS Veteran

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    Definitely talk to her doctor. You may want to ask him to send her to a psychologist as well. My best friend has obsessive compulsive disorder. She pulls out her hair. She is a nurse. She knows the health risks, understands the psychological behavior and she can't help it. She has to wear a wig because whenever she is under stress it starts. She's been to psycholgists, but because her parents didn't seek help when the behaviour started as a child, there's not a lot they can do. She's doing some better now, but not as well as she could.

    My nephew on the other hand has Tourette's syndrome. Because my sister did take him as soon as she saw the symptoms when he was seven, he is now a much calmer and happier 20 year old. He still shows signs of it when he's under stress, but he's learned to deal with it much better. My sis discovered that it made things worse when she brought a lot of attention to it, but just reminding him seemed to help.

    You may want to find out if something has changed in your daughter's life. Is there a teacher who is giving her a hard time? Someone at school who is teasing her? Sometimes O/C behavior is triggered by stressors. Once the person becomes aware of the stressor, they are better able to manage the behavior.
     

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