Mothers Day without Mom

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by kimis, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. kimis

    kimis DIS Veteran

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    :sad2: I have always wondered how people feel when it is mothers day and their mother had passed away that year. Well now I will find out:sad1: My mother was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer in June of 2006 and was gone three and a half months later. I miss her more than most people can understand. I have 2 sisters who seem to think I am the strong one---I am the oldest. All of the holidays have been sad but I am doing my best to make them special for all of us, our children and grandchildren. However with Mothers Day I am not sure I can pull it of. I would appreciate your prayers and a lot of pixie dust. I have just very recently had to put my dad in an assisted living enviroment also. None of this seems real to me. I am dreading Mothers Day sooooo much! My children are all adults and they seem to have the whole weekend booked. They know it will be hard but they seem to think if we stay busy I won't think about too much. Little do they know.
    If any of you fellow disners are going through the same thing than you will be in my prayers also.
     
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  3. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    Hi. I still have my mother, but I lost my MIL 6 years ago April...I don't know firsthand your pain, but I can try... My little SIL was only 17 when her mom passed, and the rest of the children were married..I think it was hard on everyone, but my older SIL had the most pain. SHe still does..

    Rather than NOT celebrate Mother's Day, we do, as well as her birthday. It is not easy, but we feel it is best for everyone. We have a BBQ, talk about her, laugh and cry, and boy does it feel good.

    I hope you find comfort in whatever you do..:hug: :hug:
     
  4. JandJ

    JandJ <font color=darkorchid>If I close my mind in fear

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    I am so sorry for your loss :sad1: You have my deepest sympathy. My mom is in Heaven too :angel: I miss her every day more than words can possibly say. She was my best friend, my confidant, the person I went to with every single little thing and all of the big things too. She passed 4 months before my wedding. The last thing we did together was buy my wedding gown and I treasure the memory of that day more than anyone understands.

    This will be my second Mother's Day without my mom. I have a MIL and DH and I celebrate with her (we don't have kids of our own yet). I love my MIL, but she will never be my mom. I finally started seeing a psychologist last summer to help me deal with the sadness. That along with the complete support of my husband has really helped.

    One of the hardest things for me is buying cards. Mom and I were always big on cards - for every ocassion. Mom's birthday was May 7th, so it always fell right around Mother's Day. I could never find one birthday card or one Mother's Day card that said everything I wanted to say, so I'd buy her a funny card, a senitmental card, a loving card - she got a lot of cards! Last year I just went through the motions and got MIL a card. I didn't even read them. This year I thought I could be strong and really find MIL a great card, as well as one for my sister and my Godmother. Well, I lost it in the middle of Hallmark. I was just standing there, staring at all the cards and started sobbing. I tried really hard but I had to walk away. It was too much. My therapist suggested I buy my mom a card and a bouquet of flowers, which I always got her for Mother's Day, but I am not ready to do that. Just thinking about doing that makes me cry.

    I have 2 siblings and I love them but we are not very close - physically or emotionally. Thankfully I have the most caring and wonderful husband! Without him I would not have made it through the last couple of years. We'll mark the anniversary of mom's passing in June. May and June are really difficult months.

    Please know there are people (albeit virtual strangers) who feel great sympathy for all you are going through. My daddy has terminal cancer. They gave him 3 years and that was 3 years ago this month. Every day he is here is a gift but when his time comes I know mom will be waiting for him.

    God Bless.
     
  5. Mackey Mouse

    Mackey Mouse <font color="blue">Me read the Navigator? I don't

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    Hugs to the previous posters...

    It has been 20 years since my Mom passed away.....she died as far as I am concerned way too early for myself and my children. I carry her in my heart everyday and sometimes when I laugh or say something I sound like her and it just makes me smile. Mothers day, actually all holidays, are not easy as I wish that my children had more time with her. We all miss her and I think it has been exceptionally difficult for my daughters as my Dad died when I was 17 so they only had their Nana......thankfully I did have wonderful in-laws so they did both grandparents on that side.

    I wish I could say it gets easier, it hurts less and you remember the good memories. We talk about her all the time and I try to share little things from my childhood so that my children will pass them on to their children someday.
     
  6. antmaril

    antmaril DIS Veteran

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    I'm sorry for your loss. I know how you feel.

    I lost my beloved mother suddenly 25 years ago today. I still miss her every day. It gets easier as the years go by, but the void is always there.
     
  7. WDWLVR

    WDWLVR <font color=green>DVC @ The Boardwalk</font><br><f

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    :grouphug: I know where you are coming from. My Mom has been gone for 10 years now (well 10 years this October). Mother's day is hard for me because it is always close to her birthday which is May 9th.

    Hopefully you can fill your day with happy memories. That is what I try and do. All my best.
     
  8. Lovela

    Lovela Dristina ON VMK. Tag Fairy, may I have a Pink Tag?

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    I'm so sorry to hear this. May my pixie dust will all be with you! :hug:
    I still have a Mum and I love her lots :cheer2:
    Just so you know. You all are adults and have lost a mother at a very old age. No offence. But what about the other children in the orphanage? Wouldn't they feel bad :sad2: ? So..Hope everybody is happy with their lives right now :flower3: . Time can be quite a trouble :hourglass . So cherish it. Every second. Every moment. Even a turn! :grouphug:

    Love,

    Lovela.
     
  9. kimis

    kimis DIS Veteran

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    I agree it is very sad when a child losses a mother. My mother wasn't very old. She was only in her sixties. I guess I don't care if she would have been 100---I still don't think I had enough time with her.
    I do thank you all for your pixie dust and prayers. I never turn either of them away.
    I should say I have buried two brothers also. One to cancer and one to an accident because the other driver wasn't paying attention. I thought that was the hardest 2 times in my life but that was before mom went. My mother was my best friend, mentor and the person who was always there. Not just for me but for everyone. So I continue to miss her and I always will. Mothers day will never be the same.
    Again thank you all.
     
  10. rlduvall

    rlduvall DIS Veteran

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    Your post just gave me chills. You see, on February 24, 2006 (funny how you never forget the date) my mother was diagnosed with advanced small cell lung cancer - she is 64 years old - and my bestfriend. Odd as it sounds, while she is still unbelievably here (they gave her 8-10 months max) with us and still undergoing chemo, I have grieved every day since that diagnosis. You and I both know the statistics of this type of cancer and I never dreamed I would experience a 2nd Mother's Day with her; like I am. BUT, every day I wonder when . . . when is she going to go. We have had many times I thought were the end, just to find out it was a reaction to pain medication or pneumonia or something not life threatening. It has been slowly killing me. :sad2: I have faith in God and that is the only thing that keeps me going . . . that and I try to plan Disney trips to distract me.

    I would never have understood your pain until I experienced it myself. You have my utmost and sincere condolences. I'm not sure how I will function should she die soon, but I have to be there for my 7 year old son and my DH. Oops, I think I just made this all about me. I'm sorry - I am a very reserved and closed off individual, but when I decide to open up . . . I do. ;)
     
  11. xoprincessmomxo

    xoprincessmomxo <font color=deeppink>Making Papa Nick stew...<font

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    Prayers and pixie dust to you! My mommy died six years ago this coming June 30 of lung cancer at 50 years old. She passed away exactly one week after I found out I was pregnant with my first child. While the holidays will always be different from now on, they will get easier with time. The holidays that I still have trouble with are Mother's Day, my Birthday, and Christmas (her favorite), but I just try to remember all of the great times we had together. I also tell stories about her to my dds so even though they didn'y get a chance to meet her, they will know about what a wonderful woman she was. She would have adored them. I remember once when she was so sick talking about our trips to WDW, and how she was so happy that we were able to do that. So now when I try to justify the $ for our trip to dh, I remind him that when we're old and our children grow, what will we remember? New furniture or a once in a lifetime trip with our girls to WDW?!?:hug:
     
  12. Teacher03

    Teacher03 DIS Veteran

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    :grouphug: to you, this is also my first mother's day without my mom. We have a couple of hard days coming up; her birthday is Saturday, May 6 is my parents' anniversary, and the following Sunday is Mother's Day. My daughter is also graduating from college on May 6th, and for me, it is so heartbreaking that my mom won't be there to see her. She was so proud of her, and it is her first grandchild to graduate from college. When I hear another story of a mom lost too soon, like yours and mine, I feel like we are in a special club that no one else understands unless they have been through it. I have to tell you that I find comfort talking here on the DIS; so keep coming back. My friends have stopped asking about my mom, and it seems here like I can talk with others in the same boat.
     
  13. daisy2

    daisy2 DIS Veteran

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    I am so sorry about your mom Kimis... I lost my mom 4 years ago in January of 2004. She was only 54. I still to this day have a hard time with her being gone. Mothers day was the hardest of them all. I couldn't even go into the store where threre were Mother's Day cards because I would loose it in the middle of the card isle. I am getting better but I still have to go around the mother days cards and avoid them. All I know is my mom is in a better place than she was here on earth. I know she is not in any pain and she is happy now. But I sure do miss her voice and her presence.. God Bless you all...
     
  14. Lovela

    Lovela Dristina ON VMK. Tag Fairy, may I have a Pink Tag?

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    I am so...Sorry for you.
     
  15. safetymom

    safetymom Super Moderator

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    I lost my Mom 12 years ago. There isn't a day that I don't think about her. Moms are the glue that hold a family together.

    We have a whole bunch of memories of my Mom and take comfort in them. They bring a smile to our face.
     
  16. kimis

    kimis DIS Veteran

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    Yes we are part of a club that nobody wants to join. We do understand each other. SInce my mom passed my oldest son who was already an EMT/firefighter graduated from paramedic school, my middle son was ordained and started a brand new church and my youngest son graduated from college. It was hard for my mom to know she would miss all of this so she wrote them out cards and made me keep them secret until their special days. It was very hard for her to miss my youngest sons graduation because he is learning disabled (reads at the 4th grade level) and years ago most people thought he would not achieve much. Mom and I were his biggest supporters while he was young. Now he is married, with three kids and he graduated college. Mom was a grandma and great grandma who truelly knew her grandchildren.
    I do love the fact I can talk about it here because as you said people have stopped asking or talking about her. It has only been six months. We will keep each other in our prayers.
     
  17. JandJ

    JandJ <font color=darkorchid>If I close my mind in fear

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    I wasn't going to comment on this but it's been gnawing at me. It does not matter whether a child loses their mother when the child is 10, 20, 40 or 60 - and it does not matter if the mother was 20, 40, 60 or 90 - a child has lost their mother whom they were very close to. You are always your mother's child no matter your age. Of course it's sad for a younger child, orphaned or left with another parent or relative, to lose their mom, but it's insensitive to suggest that if your mother was older (mine was only 65) when she passes, and you were older (I was 35) that you should somehow "get over it" faster or feel differently because of the age :sad2:
     
  18. kimis

    kimis DIS Veteran

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    Thank you! I just finished ordering flowers for moms grave for Mothers Day. She is buried in our home state of Kansas and I can't put the flowers on her grave myself. The cemetary has assured me that when the flowers are delivered they will put them on the grave and call me to let me know what they look like.
    I was 49 when mom passed. She didn't even get to see me hit the big 50!
    I do know she is so much better off in a better place but I am not in a place yet where those words are a lot of comfort. Soon maybe.
     
  19. luvwinnie

    luvwinnie <font color=green>And how are YOU feeling?<br><fon

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    Mother's Day is really hard for me since losing my mom on July 12, 2004. We usually go to Mass and I thank God for giving me such an incredible mom and then the cemetery and then DH and I go visit his mom. I'm at work and don't way to start crying, so I'll stop here.
     
  20. bytheblood

    bytheblood Guest

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    :hug: for all those that are momless...and even dadless.
     
  21. Kathy C

    Kathy C Mouseketeer

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    I'm glad you posted. Although I don't think the poster was being insensitive on purpose, it certainly comes across that way. I lost my mom 14 months ago at the young age of 64 to breast cancer. She was my best friend and the first person I told everything to. Losing her left a huge hole in my heart. Her and my dad started dating when they were 15 and he's lost without her. It's so sad to watch. I found out yesterday that my only child (a son, 25) will be having his first baby in Jan 2008. He said, "it really bothers me that Mom-Mom won't be here." I told him she won't be her physically but that she knows and she's with him everyday. I do, though, thank God everyday for all the good times and memories we had as a family. I am not a religious person but know she is in a better place and I get through the days knowing I will someday see my mom again. Happy Mother's Day to everyone!
     

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