Mother-in-law, in end stage lung cancer..

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by goofy4tink, Aug 31, 2012.

  1. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

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    I guess that about says it all. M-i-l was diagnosed just after Memorial Day..stage 4, small cell lung cancer. It has, obviously, been all downhill from there. She has been on oxygen since that time. Now, she has been in bed, 24/7, for close to 3 weeks. She doesn't get out for any reason. Her eating has stopped....swallowing is too difficult if not impossible. Her sons are with her, talking to her, holding her hand. She does have care around the clock, at home. She hasn't had solid food for close to a month...she was getting down Ensure and healthy slushies. Now, not even that. The aides give her frozen juice, mashed up (like a slushie) by spoon. She had a few spoonfuls a day. Now? Nothing for over 24 hrs. She is asleep almost all the time, no conversation is being had. So very sad.
    So...we figure the end days are here, and will most likely head down tomorrow to join the rest of the family at her side.
    But, I guess my question is, is there anything special I should expect, or that I can do to help her?? Probably not, but figured it was better to ask those who may have been through this already.
    This has been the summer from ****...first her diagnosis, then we had to put our 11 y/o golden down, my dd went off to camp to work, then she left for college last week, a very dear friend had a massive coronary and died over the weekend, and now m-i-l will most likely be gone in a matter of days. I just can't wait to put this summer away!!!!
    My poor dh has lost his dog, his 'little girl' has gone away, his friend and mentor is dead, and his mother is almost gone. Poor guy!!!!
     
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  3. lwake

    lwake Mouseketeer

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    So sorry. 2012 definitely has not been your year. I work in healthcare and if your M-I-L is taking no fluid, then I would expect eminent passing. If she is resting all of the time now, then her death should be peaceful. I would ask your husband before you go what he would like you to do. My husband's dad died unexpectedly of an MI last August. The best thing that I could do for him was give him the space that he needed and when he wanted to talk or cry with me, I was there. Keep in mind that everyone grieves differently. Some family members may cry all of the time, some will be the "we've go to do this" type, others will withdraw or even be angered by the smallest of comments though good in intention. As an in-law, stand back and do the small tasks that you see that need to be done. Provide support and love for all. May God have his arms around your entire family during this time. Hugs from a Mainer.:littleangel:
     
  4. Queen2

    Queen2 Sometimes you will never know the true value of a

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    Just sending prayers for comfort
     
  5. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

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    Thanks....excellent points. Dh just wants his mom to pass and for the suffering to end. But I know he is going to need support when she does pass.....even when you know its going to happen, and you think you'l be fine, its still a shock when it does happen. Thanks for the nice thoughts. Staying in the background is a good idea....thanks for that reminder too. Don't want to be stepping on the brothers' toes!
    Pretty sure this isn't going to be the best week we've had!
     
  6. jedspad

    jedspad Mouseketeer

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    Will be praying for your family during this very stressful time. It sounds like you have had more than your share of bad things happening.
     
  7. CarolAnnC

    CarolAnnC <font color=blue>Caught Smuggling Jello Shot Syrin

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    So sorry to hear of all the troubles, and sadness with your MIL so ill now. I will keep her in my prayers and hope that she has her last days peaceful and pain free. And also hugs for you and your family...
     
  8. WebmasterKathy

    WebmasterKathy Administrator Administrator

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    Oh, Diane, I'm so sorry.
     
  9. ToddyLu

    ToddyLu Welcome aboard explorers- I love Mr. Ray

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    :hug: Sending you and your family comfort at this hard time. Please know I will be thinking of you this week.
     
  10. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    So sorry your family is having such a heartbreaking period of time. I came on this thread tonight because people were here for me when I had such a tough preriod of time as well. I wanted to just send a :hug: where I can, as I found it helped me.

    Prayers you MIL slips away gently. And your family/inlaws feel serenity during the difficult times ahead.
     
  11. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    I am so so sorry for everything.. Thinking of you :hug:
     
  12. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

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    Thank you all for the wonderful thoughts. It continues on, even after hospice nurses told us Grammie would most likely not see the end of the long weekend. Guess hospice workers can be wrong too!!! Grammie has no idea who is there. her organs are shutting down, her breathing has changed, fever has come and gone. We realize it's very end days, but it's so hard to just sit and watch her die, bit by bit. Kind of makes you question everything you've learned from childhood about religion. Ah well.
     
  13. AnnaS

    AnnaS DIS Sponsoor/Veteran

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  14. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    I sat by my Mom's bedside last November waiting for the perhaps worse moment of my life. I questioned the same things. But, I settled on the thought that one of us that loved her so much, just wasn't ready for her departure yet. It just made it easier for me. :grouphug:
     
  15. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

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    Thanks everyone. She passes away this afternoon. My dh was there with her. So, the watchful waiting has ended. And she is at peace, finally. Thanks for all the kind thoughts and words of encouragement!!!
     
  16. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    prayers for strength, peace and serenity for all. :grouphug:
     
  17. ironz

    ironz could always use some pixie dust

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    This says it best. Sorry for you and your family's loss. May you never see a summer like this again.
     
  18. cjlvsccm

    cjlvsccm DIS Veteran

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    I'm so sorry. I went through the same with my Mom with lung cancer. Cancer is a beast, and it is so hard to watch a loved one suffer because of it. Hugs and prayers for your family!
    :grouphug:
     
  19. Kerrio929

    Kerrio929 Mouseketeer

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    So sorry for your loss. Saying a prayer for your family
     
  20. disneychic2

    disneychic2 DIS Veteran

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    So sorry for you, your DH and all his family. There wasn't much time between diagnosis and the end. Hardly time to get your head around the enormity of it all. Praying for strength to get through this and peace that passes all understanding. :hug:
     
  21. ctl

    ctl Mouseketeer

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    So very sorry for your loss. My grandpa died from lung cancer and those last few weeks were long and painful. May you and your DH and his family find peace, and remember the wonderful things about your MIL. Hugs and prayers.:grouphug:
     

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