MIL Trying to Intrude In My Solo Trip - UPDATED! :)

[goofyintoronto]

I knew logical thinking people would totally understand.

By having her come along, it would result in taking about 20 steps backwards in all that we have worked so hard for over the years. I value the relationship I have with her and I know without a shadow of doubt that if we were together in Disney for 9 days without the rest of the family, we would come back and not speak to one another for about a year. (this would be her reaction, not something I would set in motion) She has NEVER made an effort to do anything with just me before, so the only logical explanation for this time would be a free room.

Very good reasons not to take her along for sure.

 

[DisneyMandC]

I had never really considered taking a solo trip, and honestly had never really heard of it until joining this forum. It seemed odd to me at first, but hearing you talk about having all the towels to yourself and leaving the TV on makes it sound great!

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

I had never really considered taking a solo trip, and honestly had never really heard of it until joining this forum. It seemed odd to me at first, but hearing you talk about having all the towels to yourself and leaving the TV on makes it sound great!

Not to mention, you dont have to be quiet when you get up, you dont have to worry about feeling like you are taking too long to get ready, you dont have to worry about waiting or having others wait on you, you eat what you want when you want and if you want to sit and people watch you can do that for a while without feeling like you are taking up too much of somebody's park time. It is a win-win. LOL

 

[tinkerdorabelle]

Maybe you can plan something with her another time for just an afternoon. I would say I really prefer need this time/trip by myself, can we plan a day together doing something else another time or maybe even an overnight if you could handle it. Just to keep peace bc it is your husband's mother. Going 9 days alone with my MIL would also drive me nuts but I wouldn't just blow her off entirely.

 

[verleniahall]

Maybe you can plan something with her another time for just an afternoon. I would say I really prefer need this time/trip by myself, can we plan a day together doing something else another time or maybe even an overnight if you could handle it. Just to keep peace bc it is your husband's mother. Going 9 days alone with my MIL would also drive me nuts but I wouldn't just blow her off entirely.

I like this idea. It shows that you DO want to spend time with her, but yet, keeping this vacation a 1 person venture.

(though i understand, my MIL drives my DH and i BOTH nuts!)

 

[FLSarah]

I have never understood people who try to invite themselves onto other people's vacations - Disney or otherwise.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

Maybe you can plan something with her another time for just an afternoon. I would say I really prefer need this time/trip by myself, can we plan a day together doing something else another time or maybe even an overnight if you could handle it. Just to keep peace bc it is your husband's mother. Going 9 days alone with my MIL would also drive me nuts but I wouldn't just blow her off entirely.

I do not see it as blowing her off at all. I see it as protecting our relationship.

We all do a lot of things together as a family. (9 people) We are all going on a cruise together next month. She does a lot of things with her daughter and her 2 children. MIL & FIL go on trips and take only SIL with them. She does not care much for SIL's husband either and he is really a great guy. She doesn't ever ask my daughter to do things with her (her granddaughter by her son, mind you) and never in 20+ years has she ever wanted to do anything with just me. I have made the effort in the past and there is always a reason for her to decline. As for one-on-one, the only thing she will accept is me buying her lunch and driving her around to go shopping for an afternoon. I have always done that with a smile, even if I did feel like her chauffeur.

You just have to believe me when I say that this is about a free room at a Deluxe resort.

 

[goofyintoronto]

Maybe you can plan something with her another time for just an afternoon. I would say I really prefer need this time/trip by myself, can we plan a day together doing something else another time or maybe even an overnight if you could handle it. Just to keep peace bc it is your husband's mother. Going 9 days alone with my MIL would also drive me nuts but I wouldn't just blow her off entirely.

I think the OP knows what she's doing....she's mentioned that they do stuff together already. So it doesnt seem as thou she's blowing her off.

And I agree that the OP is protecting the relationship by going solo. Very smart thinking!

 

[Mousin' Around]

I am paying for the points and I am not giving up my bed. (She is the type of person who would NEVER sleep on a pull-out couch, it would be beneath her)

I take it your sister was planning to sleep on the pull-out?

We have nothing in common and it would be a very long 9 days. We would have nothing to talk about. I do not know how you could spend 9 days with somebody you could not have conversation with just so you can go to Disney.

I dont get this. Personally I would never want to spend that much time with somebody I had nothing to really talk about with. I am friendly and can be courteous, but even a few days at a business conference with a bunch of people I share nothing but work with is challenging. I have to think your mom in law didnt think this through and it was all about the competition, asy ou said, for her to have a trip because you were having one.

 

[Mousin' Around]

hey I agree - love my solo trips - some days don't even go to the parks - kind of hard to do when you have guests.

I have a problem with the sun - so can't go from 10am to 4pm - most of the year - and believe me guests DO NOT LIKE that - try to tell others to leave me I will be fine and just go. some do it others don't.

you mil reminds me of my mother - boy she kept inviting herself on my trip - despite my saying was going alone. It was so funny sometimes because she always tried to convince me that I was better off with her there - and boy was she wrong.

My wife cannot go out in the sun much either due to medical reasons. When we go on vacation it is challenging for me to leave the woman I love in a room while we go have fun, but I have come to realize that is vacation to her. I take the kids and she gets time to herself to read and watch her programs.

If my MIL and I had things in common, it would be okay, but we just dont. I love her, but 1 full day with her is enough. Nine would be way too much time!!

That is the main point.

So let her go before you. You will still have a unique vacation by doing what you want - when you want. She will probably try to compare vacations - always claiming hers was SO much better. But you know that creating your own schedule without the aggravation of MIL will be priceless.

Stick to your guns, dont give in!!!!! Not even out of guilt! because you will regret it afterwards.

Have fun!

That is what I was thinking. Dont let guilt be a cause to cave. My wife did that with my mom a lot. My wife was disappointed and hurt each time as a result.

I feel kind of sorry for your MIL, because maybe she just wants to spend time with you? But I totally agree with everyone here: don't give in! Enjoy your solo trip guilt-free! You only have nine more months of pretending to be oblivious to her hints. ;-)

I am not sure if you are being supportive or sarcastic. I am thinking the latter. Why would the OP feel guilt for not taking somebody with her that is going for the wrong reasons? Would you take somebody with you if you thought it would end in disaster?

Oh God. I would just die if this happened to me, lol. I'm glad you could vent here! I similarly have nothing in common with my MIL, although she is a very sweet lady, and would never want to go to Disney just the two of us. I'd be scared to go with just myself and my own mother! I think it's great that you realize what you need to do to keep the peace. Imagine if you had no idea what was wrong and said yes!

This literally made me laugh out loud.

Accepting something monetary from somebody knowing how it would all turn out in the end would be wrong on my part. I would be using her and that is not love nor is it how you treat family. Because I love her and value the relationship I have with her, and knowing how difficult it was to get here, is the very reason her coming along would be a bad idea.

I really do not want to say that last part to her because it will only hurt her feelings and that is not what I am after, but if push comes to shove then that is where I will go with it.
I do not see it as blowing her off at all. I see it as protecting our relationship.

Bravo

I think the OP knows what she's doing....she's mentioned that they do stuff together already. So it doesnt seem as thou she's blowing her off.

And I agree that the OP is protecting the relationship by going solo. Very smart thinking!

This is exactly what I was thinking as I was reading through this trail. I read it as maturity and even the OP trying to make sure her husband is not given any grief over this.



OP, I am sorry for kind of taking over your thread with comments.

 

[guestswobags]

I am not sure if you are being supportive or sarcastic. I am thinking the latter. Why would the OP feel guilt for not taking somebody with her that is going for the wrong reasons?

No no no, totally supportive. Vacations are supposed to be fun.

 

[Mousin' Around]

No no no, totally supportive. Vacations are supposed to be fun.

I apologize for my incorrect assumption. I read it and thought you were chiding the OP for not taking her mom in law with her. Vacations should be fun. It would be horrible to spend thousands of dollars and come home mad. lol

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

I take it your sister was planning to sleep on the pull-out?

She would have if she got tired of sleeping with me, but the plan was for us to sleep in the same bed. We grew up sharing a room until I was about 12 or 13. She is 5 years younger than me. And before you ask, no I would not have slept in the same bed with my MIL.

 

[elizmeyers]

I took a trip to Disney with my husband and mother in law a couple of years ago. While it was a great trip (I could NEVER have a bad time at Disney), it was a challenge at times. My MIL pouts and complains if she does not get her way (sounds like yours does too). On a group vacation, or even if you are going with one other person, compromises have to be made. It sounds like you are going to stand your ground and not cave to your MIL. I would too.

 

[ToddyLu]

Been married to DH for 20 years and love my in-laws. My FIL passed 10 years ago and I knew at that time that DH and I would make sure she was still very much included in our lives. We do not have children and she actually lives down the street. When DH s at the Fire Dept we often go to dinner together after work. I have taken trips to Biltmore and my BIL house with her without DH and we have traveled to NYC and Niagra together for a week. We are "travel buddies" at times. However, she likes her independence and privacy as do I. I respect her as my MIL and as the older woman who I was raised to respect...she has earned it. But at Disney we get separate studios...so she can do things on her own, solo, which she has learned to cherish and enjoy. DH and I can stay int he room if we like, watch TV and have a drink on the balcony. We use our phones and I do a meal together every day. She can do her thing at any time, no questions asked and no problems.

Now DH has a little more trouble with his in-laws. My parents alternately are very affectionate and my father a little loud ( he cannot hear and will not wear a hearing aid). Mama is the precious Southern Belle who asks you at least three times if you want a glass of tea--when you say no each time--she brings it to you anyway because to her that is taking care of you and being hospitable. Drives DH nuts. But he does love them and respects them. They go with us on alternate years to Disney and it is their turn in May. They also are given their own studio ( their room is on us with DVC). We usually fly, but flights are expensive this year and my parents are getting older and do not need to drive to Orlando alone ( 72 and 78 at time of travel). Soooo DH has been preparing himself to ride in the car with them for 9 hours to Orlando. He is doing it for me and we have all been family for now over 20 years.

Funny how we all play this game in one way or another. My parents like my MIL but think she is quiet and often austere. My MIL likes my parents but is thrown off by their comfort with each other and our general relaxed manner in most situations. For instance my MIL loves to watch my Mama work a room and be the "social butterfly". She has told me this and I often laugh with her about it and my Mom knows this and thinks it is funny.

Go by yourself, you will have a wonderful time and will really appreciate it and not take it for granted. That is one thing I do when spending time with my parents and MIL. I do not take it for granted. We will not be together in this life always and we try to make memories when we can. Your MIL is fortunate to have you piloting through your relationship protecting her from herself. Like I tell my Mom, she is meeting you on her level when she can and you are working with it....doesn't mean she gets to go to Disney.

*sorry if I hijacked, but your thread just made me think of the people I love and how aggravating they can be, and wonderful at the same time.

 

[Q-man]

Go, enjoy yourself, and don't feel guilty at all.

These days I go a couple days ahead of the family so I can do the stuff I want, at a pace no one else can keep up with, and then it is out my system by the time everyone else arrives. Makes it so much better for all involved when dad has already done WDW his way and isn't climbing the walls over their way of touring.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

I took a trip to Disney with my husband and mother in law a couple of years ago. While it was a great trip (I could NEVER have a bad time at Disney), it was a challenge at times. My MIL pouts and complains if she does not get her way (sounds like yours does too). On a group vacation, or even if you are going with one other person, compromises have to be made. It sounds like you are going to stand your ground and not cave to your MIL. I would too.

Mine will not complain, at least not to the group, but she will pout and it will very strongly affect her attitude towards whomever she is upset with. She would later complain to my FIL or her daughter about how I mistreated her or didn't care about what she wanted........ FIL knows how she is as does SIL, but MIL does EVERYTHING for SIL so the end result would be SIL thinking I am so horrible and was unkind to her mom. THAT is the VERY REASON I will not have her come along. Damage Control. If our relationship was different, I would totally take her along.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

We will not be together in this life always and we try to make memories when we can. Your MIL is fortunate to have you piloting through your relationship protecting her from herself.

And again, this reiterates why her not coming with me is best. None of us are promised tomorrow. I value our relationship enough to make sure we do not go backwards. I enjoy the times we have with them and I never want things to go back to the place they once were; a time when a couple of hours together was so tense you felt it when you pulled into the driveway. Oh my heart would break.

 

[Maleficent Dragon]

UPDATE:

Not anymore. We went over today for a visit. MIL hinted at it again. I nipped it in the bud. I was polite and explained that I was really looking forward to doing Disney my way. Getting up when I wanted, as early as I wanted, staying out until the park is closed, eating what I want, when I want, etc. The hinting continued just a bit and I followed up by saying, "sometimes I think it might be fun to have somebody with me, but I think the most important thing in that decision is having somebody with you that you have things in common with. It would be really difficult to hang out with somebody for 9 days where you really do not share interests, conversation topics and such. I would hate to have somebody come along for the sake of just not being alone and get to the point where you dont want to talk anymore....or worse, come back and there be friction between you because you have nothing in common and you didn't enjoy the company. That would be horrible and it is not worth it." At that point she got it!!!!

 

[ludari]

UPDATE:

Not anymore. We went over today for a visit. MIL hinted at it again. I nipped it in the bud. I was polite and explained that I was really looking forward to doing Disney my way. Getting up when I wanted, as early as I wanted, staying out until the park is closed, eating what I want, when I want, etc. The hinting continued just a bit and I followed up by saying, "sometimes I think it might be fun to have somebody with me, but I think the most important thing in that decision is having somebody with you that you have things in common with. It would be really difficult to hang out with somebody for 9 days where you really do not share interests, conversation topics and such. I would hate to have somebody come along for the sake of just not being alone and get to the point where you dont want to talk anymore....or worse, come back and there be friction between you because you have nothing in common and you didn't enjoy the company. That would be horrible and it is not worth it." At that point she got it!!!!

I'm glad it all worked out.