Lying to our kids.

Discussion in 'disABILITIES Community Board' started by Singledad, Mar 27, 2011.

  1. Singledad

    Singledad DIS Veteran

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    Okay, i've been struggling with this for a few weeks now, and finally figured maybe yall can help me feel less bad about this, or give me tips to avoid this in the future... my DD doesn't like to sleep in her own bed. Never has. However as she is getting too big to share the bed with us, and we don't have the money or room for a king size bed... I am starting to insist on her sleeping in her own.

    the trouble is, she has a.. to call it just a fear would seem an understatement. She really worries about monsters. I've spent HOURS with her answering her questions, trying to explain that what she fears doesn't exsist in real life.... it doesn't work. I've tried to get her to watch monster's inc clips, to show that monster's are scared of children... she won't watch it (which i almost think is a good thing in hind sight. :confused3 )... finally at my wits end one night after hearing DD state her fear of monsters for the 50th time in less than 20 min.. :idea: I broke down on my telling it to her straight routine and explained to her why our cat stays awake all night, how monsters are allergic and scared of cats and Diablo (our cat) sleeps all day because she is awake all night making sure monsters could NEVER come into our house.
    :sad2: It seemed to work, and she went to sleep shortly after that.

    Now, I feel horrible because I am stuck reinforcing a lie every night. :guilty:

    Anyone else have an issue like this were you feel like you took the 'easy' way out, and don't know how to get back to the honest truth without making things worse? :confused3

    I mean, yes she is 5, yes she would be scared of imaginary things anyway, but is the solution really to add more imaginary things/ideas? :confused3 and how do I handle years down the line 'correcting' this? if/when she says to some kid in her class about how her cats keep the monsters away, and the other kid laughs because there is no such thing as monsters? :guilty:


    Has anyone else lied to your kid to just, stop the perseverance? so you could move on? If not, how did you end the perseverance?


    now that I am done laying out the family laundry... :laundy: any tips? suggestions? 'you are not alone's'? that last one would go a LONG way right now. :guilty:
     
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  3. LoriABil

    LoriABil DIS Veteran

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    You are not alone! We used a water squirt bottle and put it on mist. That was our Monster Spray. We sprayed it into the closets every night. Then one night, when we forgot to do it, he didn't even ask for it! And just like that, the Monster Spray was retired.

    I don't think you'll have to go through an elaborate routine every night, but you might have to remind her sometimes. But remember, this will pass and you'll look back and laugh.
     
  4. MNWDWFAN

    MNWDWFAN Earning My Ears

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    You're definitely not alone!! My five year old daughter is currently peacefully asleep on the FLOOR of my bedroom, which is where she ends up pretty much every night, so we're right there with you!

    Okay, I know it was a lie, but the cat as guardian against monsters has to be one of the more creative ones I've heard!!

    Also LOVE the monster mist idea!!

    Steph
     
  5. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

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    Do you also tell her that Santa brings her gifts in December? How about the tooth fairy--is she picking up the teeth and delivering dollars in return? I don't see your little white lie as being any different. Sure, some day your daughter will know the truth but i bet by then it won't matter. If telling her that the cat stays awake all night guarding against monsters enables her to sleep alone, well, yay!
     
  6. Singledad

    Singledad DIS Veteran

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    thanks for the quick responses!


    as for the cat being a creative idea.. well, ours is very vocal, and she was yelling at me because she wanted me to lay down so she could sleep on me, so I figured might as well use her. :lmao: plus, this means diablo spends less time bugging me for lovings as now my DD LOVES our cat all that much more! :laughing: So, I guess it works, I just hate having her ask me about why are monsters allergic to cats, and scared of cats... It is better than why aren't they real, but still... after the 10th time in a row, it gets to me. :mad: but i know she just can't help it. :sad2: love her anyway! :rolleyes: :goodvibes
     
  7. brat

    brat DIS Veteran

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    My Mom told us as kids that Monsters hate toothpaste.It got us to brush our teeth, sometimes more than once and sometimes we slept with a tube of toothpaste.

    My older brothers teddy bear had a speical outfit Mom made to allow him to fight Monsters. Mom found fabric that had toothbrushes and toothpaste on it to make the outfit.(Can you tell my brother did not like brushing his teeth)

    I have friends that use Monster spray(spray bottle with colored water and scent)
     
  8. Kat77

    Kat77 <font color=blue>Now if I could just remember how

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    Hmmm... We have four cats and have never seen a monster in our house so I think you may be onto something ;).

    I've lied to my kids. When DS11 was three and refused to go into the ladies room with me I convinced him the wheelchair symbol was actually a little boy sitting on the toilet. He bought it.
     
  9. kaffinito

    kaffinito <font color=teal>Grant me the Serenity to Accept t

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    You are not alone :hug:

    As our kids get older the "lies" get a little more complicated, that's all. :)

    When my youngest was little he had monsters too. I had to do a fake Native American smudging ceremony in his room every night before bed so the monsters would stay away.

    When he got older he still had monsters (right up until last year) so I convinced him the monsters were in his room only. So then he slept on the sofa for a year. :upsidedow

    In a very scary confusing world, sometimes the "monsters" stick around longer than usual, even for us adults.
     
  10. kathie859

    kathie859 DIS Veteran

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    I love how you explained the cat behavior (sleep by day/monster lookout by night). I think this is harmless to tell your DD. Heck, when I was a little girl, Dad told me that the sash on a dress I didn't want to wear made my waist look small (I was a chunky little thing and an early worrier about my appearance-----I got over it):hippie:
     
  11. LockShockBarrel

    LockShockBarrel Pudge controls the weather.

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    I love the cat guardian thing. I was also going to suggest monster spray. I think the thing to remember is just as much as you may feel that you're "inforcing" the lie, you're also "inforcing" the behavior by letting her continue to not sleeping in her own bed. I took a long time to start sleeping in my own room actually. Once that streak of natural modesty kicked in, it was immediate that I wanted my own bed. Also remember that she's 5, and doesn't think like you do, so as much as you try to get her to think of it logically she just may not be able to process it the same way you are. There's been quite a few episodes of Supernanny with kids who get out of bed/are afraid, and she did the monster spray with one and her typical bedtime routine with the rest. A winddown routine in the evening, a story and cuddle and "goodnight darling, it's bedtime", then if they kid gets up, another "it's bedtime sweetie", gets up again, "bedtime", then no speaking. Putting the kid right back into bed each time. Kids are looking for a reaction, and once they realize that reaction won't happen anymore, they'll usually stop. Your daughter knows she can get you to let her be in your bed, and she's 99% surely going to be upset and fight you when you say enough's enough, and it's going to suck and you'll probably feel bad about it. Keep it consistant and you'll probably be just fine.
     
  12. funkychunkymonkey

    funkychunkymonkey DIS Veteran

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    we did the same in our house for the fear of Ghosts. Darn kid saw a eppisode of Ghost Adventures with Zac Baggen (my fav show) and decided our house was hanunted. We told her ghosts hate cats and dogs and thats why a ghost wont come here. Oddly it worked (she was 9 at the time).
     
  13. bookwormde

    bookwormde <font color=darkorchid>Heading out now, another ad

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    With the special relationship our kids our kids have with animals, the gaurdian thing is a good tactic (as long as the cat is near her). I would let the other details fade and focus on that. In the end it is a fear of being "alone" so if the cat fills that need then that is good.

    It is very common for our kids to be "with us" for much longer than typcial kids so working through the seperation is good, but let her come to it on thier own (with whatever support works)

    bookwormde
     
  14. peemagg

    peemagg <font color=blue>We are doing the AKL tri-fecta<br

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    If you go to www.simmonskids.com/noMoreMonsters, they have a kit that you can fill out online and print to get rid of monsters. It is really cute and is placed under their bed and left there to chase the monsters away.

    We did this for our nieces and nephew, but the kids have not had this issue (yet), but if they do we are ready.
     
  15. Piper

    Piper DIS Veteran

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    This is so common. Read Junie B Jones Has a Monster Under Her Bed
    Read it for yourself first--it is very entertaining and a fast read. Then you can decide if you want to share it with your child.

    I always started in January reading all the Junie B kindergarten series to my class. They are right on about young children and really great to talk about with them. I loved hearing the responses to: "Hmmm, why do you think she did that?" and "How do you think she is feeling?" and "Why do you think she feels that way." and "What do you think would be a better choice ?" Note that those questions have no right or wrong answer and encourage discussion!

    Those books taught me as much as they taught my students!
     
  16. irishsharon

    irishsharon DIS Veteran

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    My ds was finally sleeping in his own room through the night at age 7:worship:but here we are a year and a half later and he wants me to stay with him, can l borrow your cat?!!! I'm a better parent when l have a full nights sleep.
     
  17. funkychunkymonkey

    funkychunkymonkey DIS Veteran

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    time to get a pet LOL! If you want a cat try for the runt of the litter there usally needier (attention wise) and will bond with whoever snuggles them.
     
  18. tiggspring

    tiggspring DIS Veteran: When I stop talking you'll know I'm d

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    When my oldest was about 4 she was very afraid of mosters!

    After a few weeks we made up a moster away potion. We tolder that amny people dont believe in monsters but just in case we had a trick up our sleave. We got a spray bottle, some food coloring, fine sparkles, and strong scent..we used peppermint. I got out a "cookbook" with the monster spray recipe and she helped me make it. Everynight we would go to her room and spray any nook and cranny she thought a monster could get through. I told her that after awhile the monsters would not even try to come back because they would know it was an unfriendly house by the smell!

    It worked like a charm...in a few weeks no more monsters. Her imagination that started this problem was the solution.
     
  19. SmallWorld71

    SmallWorld71 DIS Veteran

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    My DD always hated sleeping alone from the time she was born. She didn't actually sleep a full night in her own bed until about 3 1/2. It wasn't a mommy thing; her brothers' room would do just as well. She would just freak out when she was alone. On the weekends, her older brother would be nice and let her sleep with him to give us a break.
    Anyway, we finally thought we'd solved all our night problems and then when she was around 5, she started being afraid of the monsters. The spray didn't work. So, we had the dog sleep in her room. (The dog thought this was a great idea!) We told her that the monsters would never get her because it was a big dog and he could bark really loud. It worked like a charm.
    I can assure you it has had no long-lasting effects other than the fact that she and the dog are very good friends. :goodvibes
     
  20. homedad

    homedad DIS Veteran

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    we had the"good sleeping fairy" leave presents and the same quarter for months to get ds4 to sleep in own room and bed.In his defense I was in hospital for 6 months and he didn't want me out of his sight when I finally got home.
     
  21. mickey&minniealways

    mickey&minniealways DIS Veteran

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    We did the spray thing also. When my boys were little, they are in their early 20's now, my brother and his then girlfriend were watching them for a weekend. We went to a wedding of DH cousin. Anyway they could not find the monster spray. So instead they told them that if you laugh it hurts their ears and then they melt into a puddle of dust. When they heard the boys giggle that night they went into the room with a jelly jar to scoop up the monsters. In the morning they showed them the monster jar. ( they put koolaid powder in it.) Fast forward about 4 years ago. Now my sons are telling my sisters kids about the monster spray and the jars. (my siblings are younger then me. But it does all come around.
     

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