Loosing hope about having children

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Lemonademouth, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc <font color=royalblue>We had a wonderful time, but

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    After 9 years of trying, I got pregnant with my older daughter a few months after adopting my son. (I was 41 at the time, 42 when she was born.) Our younger daughter was born 3 years later. (Yep, 45.)

    If you have any questions about international adoption, I'll be more than happy to help you sort through it all.

    In the meantime you and your husband remain in my prayers.
     
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  3. Lemonademouth

    Lemonademouth DIS Veteran

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    Thank you all for your stories. I still have a tiny shred of hope left. But it is just hard watching literally everyone I know having multiple kids without even wanting them. It makes my heart hurt.
     
  4. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    I remember that aching. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Prayers and well wishes will continue.
     
  5. laughinplace199

    laughinplace199 <font color=blue>AKA Shrimpo or Flamingo Legs<br><

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    OP, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how hard it is.

    My first three pregnancies ended in miscarriages, all at 6-8 weeks. I went to several doctors and had every test under the sun and no one could find anything wrong with me or DH.

    It was so hard to see all of my friends, most of whom got married after I did, start their families with no problems.

    Finally, we went to a top reproduction specialist in our city. More tests and no answers. He then suggested we use an ovulation predictor kit. He said that sometimes fertilization just doesn't occur at the optimal time and that things start to go wrong as a result.

    We used the kit and soon were pregnant with DD (now 13 yrs old). Then I decided I was "cured" since I had a successful pregnancy and we decided to try for #2 without using the kit. I got pregnant fairly quickly and then miscarried six weeks later. A few months later, we tried using a kit again and got pregnant with DS (now 11).

    A few years later, we decided that we'd like to try for one more. We used the kits and a few months later, we were expecting DS (now 6).

    I don't know if it was really the timing of things that helped us or if it was just a coincidence, but it worked. Perhaps that's worth a try?

    I really hope that things work out for you. :goodvibes
     
  6. kandb

    kandb DIS Veteran

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    OP, I have 3 children and they were all conceived using donor egg. "Usually" the majority of miscarriages are due to chromosomal issues. I had 4 miscarriages and our first attempt at an IVF with donor egg, lead to the birth of my 9 year old twins. We also have a 4 year old from a different cycle. Donor egg worked for us because I was able to carry my children and give birth to them. I always tell them the happiest day of my life was when they handed my babies to me. There are alot of ways to have children and do some soul searching and decide what works best for you and your husband.
     
  7. Mickey'sApprentice

    Mickey'sApprentice Shamelessly demand, it works bette

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    OP, I'm in the same boat. We've tried for 10 years with no luck. I took fertility drugs but have not done IVF. I'm getting too old to get pregnant (43) and we've decided that we will try to adopt. We had hoped to have our affairs in order by May to go for international adoption. May will be 1 year after completing my PhD. Hubby would not consider IVF while I was still in school. Anyway, one of three schools I teach for fell through on me today. Anyway, we had hoped to go with International and now that seems in jeopardy.

    Why does my life keep getting in my way, and why does hubby keep insisting that our life be in order? Plus, I don't know what a social worker will say at this point.
     
  8. Interrobang

    Interrobang Earning My Ears

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    My husband and I went through seven years of infertility before conceiving our twins via IVF. It's a painful journey.

    I have several friends who had multiple miscarriages that were finally able to sustain a pregnancy by taking progesterone as soon as they found out they were pregnant. It's also something that they have you take when you do IVF. I'd highly recommend you see a reproductive endocrinologist if you aren't already and discuss progesterone. It's easy to take. I've always done ******l suppositories and friends took it orally.
     
  9. Lisaren

    Lisaren Mouseketeer

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    Hearing the success stories does give hope, but it does not make your heart hurt any less. My husband and I tried for nine years to have a baby. I felt like a failure and less like a woman. We were lucky because we only had one miscarriage during that time. We finally decided to start infertility treatments and made an appointment because I was going on 30. Two days before the appointment to get a referral to an infertility specialist, I found out I was pregnant and began spotting. I was terrified, but everything was fine. My wonderful daughter is now 14 and I had no problems getting pregnant the second time with my now 11 year old son.
    Some go the adoption route, some decide just to enjoy the family they have, some manage to suceed with IVF or other options, and some just get lucky. Just do what is right for you and your family (you and your husband are a family no matter what it may feel like).
     
  10. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    Dear Lemonaidmouth, You came to my mind today, so I decided to log in & see if you have any news. I am hoping you came to my mind because beautiful things are happening for you.
     
  11. Lemonademouth

    Lemonademouth DIS Veteran

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    No news yet. We are in the looking for a surge on the OPK's stage of this cycle. We skipped last month because I had a 5cm cyst on my left ovary. This month it had gone down half the size on it's own. My doctor switched me to clomid, and we will be doing another IUI once I get my positive surge. All fingers and toes are crossed. It is my birthday month and it would be an awesome birthday present!!! In fact aunt flo is due on my birthday. so I'm hoping and praying.:beach:
     
  12. Deesknee

    Deesknee <font color=blue>When we were kids (long time ago)

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    March is a month of beautiful people I love dearly's birthday. Hopes and prayers you receive the ultimate birthday gift. Happy Birthday. I have loved ones whose birthdays are... 5th, 7th,16th,18th,20th,24th and 28th!!! I love March! And IF you conceive in March there is a possiblity your baby could share my January bday....depending when in March. :goodvibes Regardless...good luck with the surgeon. I was on clomid at one point. Best of luck. fingers and toes crossed here for you also.
     
  13. tlkscott

    tlkscott Mouseketeer

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    Without reading the whole strand, have you been tested for Factor V, MTHFR protein s and c, and other clotting factors? I have had four m/c. I had to double the amount of Lovenox I took in order to carry my my son to term. Lots of doctors will say that Factor V and so on does not cause early m/c just late term loss. However, there is newer research showing otherwise. (((HUGS))) I was almost 39 before we got our son.
     
  14. rewardsinlife

    rewardsinlife Mouseketeer

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    Now, this may sound bizarre, but I have known at least 3 couples in my lifetime who had the same difficulty in conceiving ( some with medical problems and some without) that were able to have a child after they gave up trying so hard and just became happy with each other.
    Ex.
    1st couple: no medical problems but couldn't seem to get pregnant after 10 years of trying...after that they determined it wasn't meant to be. Adopted a child, and a year later the adopted child got an unplanned sibling! Relaxing and not having the pressure of counting best fertility times..etc. helped.

    2nd couple: thyroid had to be taken completely out for cancer and had to take hormones...told she would never have a child. Also, she was obese and lost about 60 pounds. She now has a cute 2 year old girl.

    3rd couple: had cervical cancer and had to have cervix completely take out. Told she would never have a child. Had 8 miscarriages. Given up and said she must have dogs as her adopted kids. 4 months later...she got pregnant, had a high risk pregnancy but carried to full term. She now has a healthy 4 year old girl.

    So give up...but not entirely? Relaxing, making things fun and not freaking out worrying if it happens or not seems to be the key :)
     
  15. Lemonademouth

    Lemonademouth DIS Veteran

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    Update!!!!


    Today I am 5 days late. I took two tests and both were +. My RE had me go in this afternoon for bloodwork, and they said they should get it back first thing am. I'm excited out of my head and its going to be hard to keep it under wraps for two more months. Hoping for some sticky dust.
     
  16. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    :dance3:
    Lots of sticky dust, and love and hugs.:grouphug:
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc <font color=royalblue>We had a wonderful time, but

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    I read somewhere that it happens to about 4% of adoptive parents, but apparently we're in that 4% and I've met quite a lot of people in there too.

    (According to Parents Magazine, it's about 5%: Myth 5: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant.

    This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant. This success rate is the same for couples who don't adopt and become pregnant without further treatment.)


    OP and others, just don't wait too long to start the adoption process. At some point, you start to age out of some of the programs.
     
  18. Lemonademouth

    Lemonademouth DIS Veteran

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    I got off the phone with my re's office. Bloodwork came back good, retesting tomorrow. Was put on progesterone supplements.
     
  19. Lemonademouth

    Lemonademouth DIS Veteran

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    Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.
     
  20. StitchesGr8Fan

    StitchesGr8Fan DIS Veteran

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    Many women have reported being extra fertile the cycle after a chemical pregnancy. My mother and 2 of my friends included. It's like your body is warming up and the first time was a practice. Unless your dr advised you otherwise, I would try again this month.
     
  21. ptlohmysoul

    ptlohmysoul Mouseketeer

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    Are you eating right? Pray for your baby and prepare for your baby by eating like you should when you get a baby - only healthy foods. Fresh fruits, veggies, only organic meats and dairy. Limited grains if prepared properly. No white sugar. Cut out table salt (and limit your sea salt). Google getting pregnant diet - may come up with more info (make sure the source is credible). I saw you were loosing weight - Is that 'cause you started doing some of this already? Practice eating healthy, getting all the nutrients your baby will need.
     

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