Late people. I hate it!!!

[penn19]

My sister is always late. Ugh. We all hate it.

She has 4 kids and they are all early. Funny how that works.

DH and I are early. I am early because he is early. I was late once and he drove around the block and I thought he'd left me, lol. That was 25 years ago. I saw him leave plenty of people though so I knew he'd do it.

DD is also early. She says all her college friends run late.

The thing that bugs me most is people late for their hair appointments. Every once in a while you can understand but some people are always late. Well, guess what? If you are 15 mins late, you'll get a wash and cut, not style. If it is over 15 mins., you can reschedule. Why punish the rest of my day and the people on my book because one person thinks the world revolves around themselves???

My stylist is always late. It started out me getting to my appointment (15 minutes early) and having her text me and say I'm running late. And it happened every single time. So now I don't leave me house until the time of the appointment because sure enough she texts me and says she is running late. She is a little scattered (!), but I like the job she does so I just try and deal with it.

 

[Bob NC]

I know I am about to get flamed, but I still want to speak in my own defense.

I am one of those people of whom who are all speaking with such hostility and contempt. Yup, I run late! Not horribly late like some of these stories, but it is a struggle for me to arrive anywhere on time. Typically it is around 5-10 minutes.

This is not done in an attempt to be in control of the situation, not out of selfishness or any other passive aggressive motives. It just happens. Usually I end up being like the kids story about giving a moose a muffin. (for those who don't know, it's a series of events that play off the previous event...if you give a moose a muffin he'll want some butter, then he'll make a mess, then he......and ends up back at the beginning). I can think I left adequate time to get out the door....but then I realize I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer, then the phone rings and like a dummy I answer it, the phone call ends up being a doctors office calling about my husbands appt I didn't know he had, on the way to the phone I grab some water and spill it all over myself, then I have to change shirts which then don't match my shoes, etc, etc, etc.

At times I admit to being disorganized. But apparently not too bad since I always seem to be asked to organize something or other by my friends and co-volunteers.

If I was perpetually really late to things, I wouldn't blame someone for leaving. But a phone call first would sure be nice. There is no reason to have a stand-off on being rude.

People who are always early drive me nuts. I see that as a waste of time. While I don't want people to have to wait for me, if you are early aren't you just wasting your own time? Being early is NOT on time and being on time is NOT late. Do not show up at my house early. I will not be prepared for you 90% of the time. You are now cutting into my prep time and stressing me out. That is not a laudable attribute. Our best friends show up early to almost all gatherings. At my house at least they are family and make themselves at home and I will give tasks if there are any to be done. But I have seen them show up early to other homes and then they just make everyone uncomfortable sitting like a lump waiting for the event to begin.

Well, I think you posted to let us 'on timers' know what it's like from the other side.

I actually think you may have made our view of people who are usually late a little worse. Now, with you anyway, we understand why you're late, but, we also understand that you don't care all that much.

 

[okeydokey]

I know I am about to get flamed, but I still want to speak in my own defense.

I am one of those people of whom who are all speaking with such hostility and contempt. Yup, I run late! Not horribly late like some of these stories, but it is a struggle for me to arrive anywhere on time. Typically it is around 5-10 minutes.

This is not done in an attempt to be in control of the situation, not out of selfishness or any other passive aggressive motives. It just happens. Usually I end up being like the kids story about giving a moose a muffin. (for those who don't know, it's a series of events that play off the previous event...if you give a moose a muffin he'll want some butter, then he'll make a mess, then he......and ends up back at the beginning). I can think I left adequate time to get out the door....but then I realize I forgot to take the meat out of the freezer, then the phone rings and like a dummy I answer it, the phone call ends up being a doctors office calling about my husbands appt I didn't know he had, on the way to the phone I grab some water and spill it all over myself, then I have to change shirts which then don't match my shoes, etc, etc, etc.

At times I admit to being disorganized. But apparently not too bad since I always seem to be asked to organize something or other by my friends and co-volunteers.

If I was perpetually really late to things, I wouldn't blame someone for leaving. But a phone call first would sure be nice. There is no reason to have a stand-off on being rude.

People who are always early drive me nuts. I see that as a waste of time. While I don't want people to have to wait for me, if you are early aren't you just wasting your own time? Being early is NOT on time and being on time is NOT late. Do not show up at my house early. I will not be prepared for you 90% of the time. You are now cutting into my prep time and stressing me out. That is not a laudable attribute. Our best friends show up early to almost all gatherings. At my house at least they are family and make themselves at home and I will give tasks if there are any to be done. But I have seen them show up early to other homes and then they just make everyone uncomfortable sitting like a lump waiting for the event to begin.

But the fact you know this about yourself and still don't account for it what makes it inconsiderate. We have a friend the same way. He always underestimates how long everything will take, is disorganized and gets caught up in little things. But he knows that he never leaves enough time to do what he needs to do and he doesn't change it. He just doesn't care enough about others to make the needed changes.

It is not that hard to make a new habit of accounting for the unexpected and being on time.

 

[Becky2005]

DH Sometimes, though, we can egg each other on with being early- we have been known to show up for movies, parties, and other occasions more than 30 minutes early. That's a little excessive, even to me.

Now, I would find that really rude if I were having a party & you showed up 30 minutes early. I figure I try to have a 5-10 minute window either way -- early or late. I can never get timing down right, so I'm good with an either way window.

 

[Cinderella94]

I genuinely just can't understand the "late person" mentality.

Yes, we all know that things can happen and set you back 5-10 minutes---that's why I always plan to be 10-15 minutes early anyway. It doesn't bother me at all. "Wasting 15 minutes" is much preferable to me than making someone wait. It's just so, so rude. My boyfriend is one of those people and it drives me absolutely crazy.

 

[DVC-Don]

Wife and I are almost on time every time. If someone is 20 minutes or more late without a call and valid reason, we leave.

 

[ready123go]

please don't make me make plans with you that I know I might have to break or miss, even when I say that I can't commit to anything.

I used to have a friend who was always late to everything and I waited patiently for her. When it came to making plans, she insisted that we do what she wanted, when she wanted, where she wanted. She would never compromise or agree to my suggestions. She could never understand why I was continually canceling on her.

One year, for one of my MIL's many get-togethers, she said we would eat around 2:00pm. We were to arrive early for appetizers. We showed at 12:30-1:00ish. She sat group down to dinner at 6:30pm. This was the same year we had to look at DBIL's (her 'Golden Child') travel photos before dinner, listen to his travel story during dinner and watch the videos after dinner.

The next get-together she mentioned the same time. We showed up a little after 2:00, with none of our food prepared. We did this mainly so I could get out of having to attend BIL's 'show' by preparing my dishes. This time they were holding dinner for us, and boy was she steamed. You just can't win with some people...

(On the up side we no longer attend family gatherings - tired of the drama! )

 

[MomofKatie]

Now, I would find that really rude if I were having a party & you showed up 30 minutes early. I figure I try to have a 5-10 minute window either way -- early or late. I can never get timing down right, so I'm good with an either way window.

Yes, that would be rude of us. I probably should have said "arrive" rather than "show up", which implied that we would knock on the door too early. If we arrive at an event too early, we will sit in the car, run an errand, or do something else until the stated start time.

 

[Styx Fan]

Well, I think you posted to let us 'on timers' know what it's like from the other side.

I actually think you may have made our view of people who are usually late a little worse. Now, with you anyway, we understand why you're late, but, we also understand that you don't care all that much.

I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.

 

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

Yes, that would be rude of us. I probably should have said "arrive" rather than "show up", which implied that we would knock on the door too early. If we arrive at an event too early, we will sit in the car, run an errand, or do something else until the stated start time.

I did not know believe it or not it is considered rude to be too early to an event

 

[pacrosby]

I did not know believe it or not it is considered rude to be too early to an event

You bet it is. I'll take someone late over someone early any day of the week. My life isn't that tightly scheduled that I'll get upset about someone arriving 15-30 minutes late. But if I ask you to come to my house at 11 don't you dare show up even 10 minutes early...unless you want me to hand you the vacuum while I finish my hair


With four kids each with very busy schedules of their own and a husband with his own business we do tend to run late a lot of the time for casual meet ups but so do most people we know so no one gets their panties in a bunch. We can usually force ourselves to be on time in those instances where it's vital......lessons, practices, appts or family members who are so anal and overscheduled that 10 minutes late will ruin their day....but that often means leaving some unexpected last minute issue unattended that really should be attended (i.e. leaving a younger child home alone because an older child is running late, not answering a phone call that could very well be important, leaving an unexpected mess behind that could cause a bigger problem in the long run, leaving a child with a homework assignment that they don't understand). When it comes to my social engagements I prefer a more relaxed way of living though so I tend to surround myself with like minded souls. I don't like to live my life by my watch 24/7. It's bad enough as it is.

 

[Jennasis]

My MIL is always about a half hour EARLY. Used to drive me batty (back when we were still on speaking terms with her).

I run a pretty tight ship and don't tolerate late-comers. My students all know to arrive on time for their lessons. If they come late, I still END the lesson on time and charge for the full hour, so they are simply screwing themselves out of lesson time. Everyone knows this up front. I rarely have to enforce it. My time IS literally money.

 

[Fjobe]

I am an on time person. I don't enjoy being early for a variety of reasons. I plan well and am pretty good at arriving right on time or a minute or two before.

I have a relative who is habitually late. On 2 separate occasions, she has been 3 HOURS late and occasionally likes to change the game plan upon arrival. I honestly think she would be fine if the tables were reversed and doesn't realize how it can effect the other party.

I travel around and hold meetings for my job. Our standard is to wait 15 minutes for a no show. There has only been 1 time that someone has been 15 minutes late and still come to the conference. Any more than 7 minutes, and I assume they will be a no show (but still wait the magic 15 minutes). The funny thing is, I have grown so accustomed to waiting at my job that I find it much less frustrating to wait for late people in my personal life.

I do appreciate if someone sends me a quick text letting me know they are going to be a few minutes late.

 

[Mrs.Malone]

I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!

 

[bdcp]

I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.

I don't think anyone said you need to be early, but honestly being on time isn't that difficult if you think of the other people. Their time is just as valuable as yours. So, I guess the rest of us will either continue to wait on people like you or just start without you, or just not invite you anymore. Which would you prefer?

And, lol it is a control issue. Just because you think it isn't doesn't make it so. Here is one of many, many items about late people: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/215

 

[Bob NC]

I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.

No, you didn't say you don't care.

In reading this thread though, you can see how frustrated the 'on timers' get with the 'habitually lates', but, instead of admitting it's a bad habit, or showing any kind of remorse for constantly keeping people waiting, you instead compare yourself to some kids story of a moose always being late because he's eating a muffin. Maybe you should mention this moose to everyone when you get there 15 minutes late, I'm sure that will make them understand.

Then you go into great length to castigate folks who arrive a few minutes early. There may be a little guilty deflection going on here.

Look, being late is merely a frustration for the folks who have to wait for you. It's not the end of the world, you probably won't lose friendships over it.

You admitted in the first line of your post that you might get flamed, but now, you show great suprise at that possibility.

 

[Pooh Crew]

I went to a seminar about understanding different
personality types. The speaker said that
chronic lateness is a hardwired
trait that usually goes along with a very
humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
valuable to anyone, they are just
as well off without me so no need
for me to hurry"). She said to look
at this as an admirable quality (humility).
I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
audience applauded and said they were
so glad someone finally understood them?!!

I don't buy that either! Every single person I know who is habitually late is very self-centered. I do think its a personality trait, but I think it's self-importance, not humbleness!

I don't wait for late people (unless its a situation beyond their control--accident on highway, something like that). I can honestly say that there's not one single person in my life who is always late. I did have to deal with someone who used to always be late. I left her a time or two and inconvenienced HER, so she stopped that nonsense and decided to be a grown up and arrive on time when she needed to meet with me.

 

[bballmom56]

At my last job, I worked with a woman who was ALWAYS late to work. She would arrive 15-20 late every day. This was a small retail business. The owners were very much aware of this. It annoyed them, but they never cracked down on her. So I really couldn't say anything. The owners appreciated me because I was the one who was 5 minutes early to open the store. But it did get to me after a while. It wasn't like we needed to be up at the crack of dawn - we opened at 9:30 and she would slowly saunter in, her hair drip drying between 9:45 and 9:50. She lived about 20 minutes away. And it wasn't that she had other family members to take care of before leaving. Her kids are grown and gone and her DH had left for work much earlier. Sometimes she would have an excuse, most times not. I just wanted to scream "so leave 20 minutes earlier!"

The owners did not dock her for the time, yet over the course of our week that came to over an hour of free paid time for her. Not really my problem, but it added more work for me when she was not there. Nice person, good with the customers, but drove me nuts as a coworker.

 

[pacrosby]

No, you didn't say you don't care.

In reading this thread though, you can see how frustrated the 'on timers' get with the 'habitually lates', but, instead of admitting it's a bad habit, or showing any kind of remorse for constantly keeping people waiting, you instead compare yourself to some kids story of a moose always being late because he's eating a muffin. Maybe you should mention this moose to everyone when you get there 15 minutes late, I'm sure that will make them understand.

Then you go into great length to castigate folks who arrive a few minutes early. There may be a little guilty deflection going on here.

Look, being late is merely a frustration for the folks who have to wait for you. It's not the end of the world, you probably won't lose friendships over it.

You admitted in the first line of your post that you might get flamed, but now, you show great suprise at that possibility.

IDK something tells me people need to lighten up alittle.

That poster simply tried to help people understand how it can happen. To illustrate how it's not necessarily a conscious "oh who cares if I'm late" but rather sometimes just a series of events that get away from her. Most people here are insistent that the late person is selfish, plain and simple. IDK...depending on how you look at it I think they could be described as equally selfish. They don't care what made the person late because the only thing that matters is "them" and "their" time. They think the other party should do everything in their power to make sure they don't leave 'them' waiting even if it means rearranging their other responsibilities. Someone here even thought getting stuck in a business meeting wasn't a good enough excuse. Now who's being selfish? Interesting twist isn't it?

And I'd agree that the early birds are even worse. Talk about selfish. And perhaps even alittle smug to listen to some here "see how perfect and thoughtful and well organized I am". When you are early you are most definately doing that on purpose...that's not just an unexpected series of events. What a surprise it must be to hear that the other person may not just be sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for you to arrive.

See? It's all a matter of perspective.


ETA: and fwiw I'm not condoning people being an hour late, or not calling. I'm not condoning people being late for events that have a set start time resulting in you being late for the start of a show or something similar. And I'm not talking about an appt where you have made special arrangements to squeeze them in. I'm talking casual get togethers. Which may very well have been what that Give a Moose a Muffin poster was referring to as well

 

[Bob NC]

Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?

Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.