Late people. I hate it!!!

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by shortbun, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. penn19

    penn19 DIS Veteran

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    My stylist is always late. It started out me getting to my appointment (15 minutes early) and having her text me and say I'm running late. And it happened every single time. So now I don't leave me house until the time of the appointment because sure enough she texts me and says she is running late. She is a little scattered (!), but I like the job she does so I just try and deal with it.
     
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  3. Bob NC

    Bob NC DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

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    Well, I think you posted to let us 'on timers' know what it's like from the other side.

    I actually think you may have made our view of people who are usually late a little worse. Now, with you anyway, we understand why you're late, but, we also understand that you don't care all that much.
     
  4. okeydokey

    okeydokey Frosty the Snowman scared me as

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    But the fact you know this about yourself and still don't account for it what makes it inconsiderate. We have a friend the same way. He always underestimates how long everything will take, is disorganized and gets caught up in little things. But he knows that he never leaves enough time to do what he needs to do and he doesn't change it. He just doesn't care enough about others to make the needed changes.

    It is not that hard to make a new habit of accounting for the unexpected and being on time.
     
  5. Becky2005

    Becky2005 <font color=darkorchid>I actually thought they mad

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    Now, I would find that really rude if I were having a party & you showed up 30 minutes early. I figure I try to have a 5-10 minute window either way -- early or late. I can never get timing down right, so I'm good with an either way window.
     
  6. Cinderella94

    Cinderella94 <font color=blue>now and then i have to remind mys

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    I genuinely just can't understand the "late person" mentality.

    Yes, we all know that things can happen and set you back 5-10 minutes---that's why I always plan to be 10-15 minutes early anyway. It doesn't bother me at all. "Wasting 15 minutes" is much preferable to me than making someone wait. It's just so, so rude. My boyfriend is one of those people and it drives me absolutely crazy.
     
  7. DVC-Don

    DVC-Don DIS Veteran

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    Wife and I are almost on time every time. If someone is 20 minutes or more late without a call and valid reason, we leave.
     
  8. ready123go

    ready123go DIS Veteran

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    :crazy2::sad2:
    I used to have a friend who was always late to everything and I waited patiently for her. When it came to making plans, she insisted that we do what she wanted, when she wanted, where she wanted. She would never compromise or agree to my suggestions. She could never understand why I was continually canceling on her. :rolleyes:

    One year, for one of my MIL's many get-togethers, she said we would eat around 2:00pm. We were to arrive early for appetizers. We showed at 12:30-1:00ish. She sat group down to dinner at 6:30pm. :scared1: This was the same year we had to look at DBIL's (her 'Golden Child') travel photos before dinner, listen to his travel story during dinner and watch the videos after dinner. :faint:

    The next get-together she mentioned the same time. We showed up a little after 2:00, with none of our food prepared. We did this mainly so I could get out of having to attend BIL's 'show' by preparing my dishes. ;) This time they were holding dinner for us, and boy was she steamed. :rolleyes2 You just can't win with some people...:crazy2:

    (On the up side we no longer attend family gatherings - tired of the drama! :goodvibes )
     
  9. MomofKatie

    MomofKatie Dairy World? Fairy World! OH, DARN IT!!

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    Yes, that would be rude of us. I probably should have said "arrive" rather than "show up", which implied that we would knock on the door too early. If we arrive at an event too early, we will sit in the car, run an errand, or do something else until the stated start time.
     
  10. Styx Fan

    Styx Fan DIS Veteran

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    I missed out where I typed that I don't care all that much. Oh, thats because I never said that. That seems to be the conclusion you are drawing. Whatever, I can't control your conclusions.....and this is something that I don't call all that much about.

    Something I deleted because my other post got too long was my thoughts on why some folks are always early. It's because they enjoy being smug and feeling superior to folks who are on time or a bit late. I have a friend like that. He watches the clock like a hawk and points out the arrival time of most other people all the time. It's very obnoxious. Does it really matter what time people arrive at a casual gathering of friends to watch a football game...no meal planned, everyone bringing snacks? So what if somebody misses the kickoff? but he will smile smugly and point out that Joe got there 11 minutes after kickoff. It obviously makes him feel good.

    And yes, I do care about keeping other people waiting. But when I am kept waiting a few minutes I just ride with it. Life is too short to get my panties in a twist over it.
     
  11. tinkerbellandeeyor

    tinkerbellandeeyor DIS Veteran

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    I did not know believe it or not it is considered rude to be too early to an event
     
  12. pacrosby

    pacrosby DIS Veteran

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    You bet it is. I'll take someone late over someone early any day of the week. My life isn't that tightly scheduled that I'll get upset about someone arriving 15-30 minutes late. But if I ask you to come to my house at 11 don't you dare show up even 10 minutes early...unless you want me to hand you the vacuum while I finish my hair :)


    With four kids each with very busy schedules of their own and a husband with his own business we do tend to run late a lot of the time for casual meet ups but so do most people we know so no one gets their panties in a bunch. We can usually force ourselves to be on time in those instances where it's vital......lessons, practices, appts or family members who are so anal and overscheduled that 10 minutes late will ruin their day....but that often means leaving some unexpected last minute issue unattended that really should be attended (i.e. leaving a younger child home alone because an older child is running late, not answering a phone call that could very well be important, leaving an unexpected mess behind that could cause a bigger problem in the long run, leaving a child with a homework assignment that they don't understand). When it comes to my social engagements I prefer a more relaxed way of living though so I tend to surround myself with like minded souls. I don't like to live my life by my watch 24/7. It's bad enough as it is.
     
  13. Jennasis

    Jennasis DIS life goes on

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    My MIL is always about a half hour EARLY. Used to drive me batty (back when we were still on speaking terms with her).

    I run a pretty tight ship and don't tolerate late-comers. My students all know to arrive on time for their lessons. If they come late, I still END the lesson on time and charge for the full hour, so they are simply screwing themselves out of lesson time. Everyone knows this up front. I rarely have to enforce it. My time IS literally money.
     
  14. Fjobe

    Fjobe DIS Veteran

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    I am an on time person. I don't enjoy being early for a variety of reasons. I plan well and am pretty good at arriving right on time or a minute or two before.

    I have a relative who is habitually late. On 2 separate occasions, she has been 3 HOURS late and occasionally likes to change the game plan upon arrival. I honestly think she would be fine if the tables were reversed and doesn't realize how it can effect the other party.

    I travel around and hold meetings for my job. Our standard is to wait 15 minutes for a no show. There has only been 1 time that someone has been 15 minutes late and still come to the conference. Any more than 7 minutes, and I assume they will be a no show (but still wait the magic 15 minutes). The funny thing is, I have grown so accustomed to waiting at my job that I find it much less frustrating to wait for late people in my personal life.

    I do appreciate if someone sends me a quick text letting me know they are going to be a few minutes late.
     
  15. Mrs.Malone

    Mrs.Malone DIS Veteran

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    I went to a seminar about understanding different
    personality types. The speaker said that
    chronic lateness is a hardwired
    trait that usually goes along with a very
    humble personality ("oh, my presence isn't very
    valuable to anyone, they are just
    as well off without me so no need
    for me to hurry"). She said to look
    at this as an admirable quality (humility).
    I don't buy it, but quite a few people in the
    audience applauded and said they were
    so glad someone finally understood them?!!
     
  16. bdcp

    bdcp DIS Veteran

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    I don't think anyone said you need to be early, but honestly being on time isn't that difficult if you think of the other people. Their time is just as valuable as yours. So, I guess the rest of us will either continue to wait on people like you or just start without you, or just not invite you anymore. Which would you prefer?

    And, lol it is a control issue. Just because you think it isn't doesn't make it so. Here is one of many, many items about late people: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/215
     
  17. Bob NC

    Bob NC DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

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    No, you didn't say you don't care.

    In reading this thread though, you can see how frustrated the 'on timers' get with the 'habitually lates', but, instead of admitting it's a bad habit, or showing any kind of remorse for constantly keeping people waiting, you instead compare yourself to some kids story of a moose always being late because he's eating a muffin. Maybe you should mention this moose to everyone when you get there 15 minutes late, I'm sure that will make them understand.

    Then you go into great length to castigate folks who arrive a few minutes early. There may be a little guilty deflection going on here.

    Look, being late is merely a frustration for the folks who have to wait for you. It's not the end of the world, you probably won't lose friendships over it.

    You admitted in the first line of your post that you might get flamed, but now, you show great suprise at that possibility.
     
  18. Pooh Crew

    Pooh Crew DIS Veteran

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    I don't buy that either! Every single person I know who is habitually late is very self-centered. I do think its a personality trait, but I think it's self-importance, not humbleness!

    I don't wait for late people (unless its a situation beyond their control--accident on highway, something like that). I can honestly say that there's not one single person in my life who is always late. I did have to deal with someone who used to always be late. I left her a time or two and inconvenienced HER, so she stopped that nonsense and decided to be a grown up and arrive on time when she needed to meet with me.:thumbsup2
     
  19. bballmom56

    bballmom56 DIS Veteran

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    At my last job, I worked with a woman who was ALWAYS late to work. She would arrive 15-20 late every day. This was a small retail business. The owners were very much aware of this. It annoyed them, but they never cracked down on her. So I really couldn't say anything. The owners appreciated me because I was the one who was 5 minutes early to open the store. But it did get to me after a while. It wasn't like we needed to be up at the crack of dawn - we opened at 9:30 and she would slowly saunter in, her hair drip drying between 9:45 and 9:50. She lived about 20 minutes away. And it wasn't that she had other family members to take care of before leaving. Her kids are grown and gone and her DH had left for work much earlier. Sometimes she would have an excuse, most times not. I just wanted to scream "so leave 20 minutes earlier!"

    The owners did not dock her for the time, yet over the course of our week that came to over an hour of free paid time for her. Not really my problem, but it added more work for me when she was not there. Nice person, good with the customers, but drove me nuts as a coworker.
     
  20. pacrosby

    pacrosby DIS Veteran

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    IDK something tells me people need to lighten up alittle.

    That poster simply tried to help people understand how it can happen. To illustrate how it's not necessarily a conscious "oh who cares if I'm late" but rather sometimes just a series of events that get away from her. Most people here are insistent that the late person is selfish, plain and simple. IDK...depending on how you look at it I think they could be described as equally selfish. They don't care what made the person late because the only thing that matters is "them" and "their" time. They think the other party should do everything in their power to make sure they don't leave 'them' waiting even if it means rearranging their other responsibilities. Someone here even thought getting stuck in a business meeting wasn't a good enough excuse. Now who's being selfish? Interesting twist isn't it?

    And I'd agree that the early birds are even worse. Talk about selfish. And perhaps even alittle smug to listen to some here "see how perfect and thoughtful and well organized I am". When you are early you are most definately doing that on purpose...that's not just an unexpected series of events. What a surprise it must be to hear that the other person may not just be sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for you to arrive.

    See? It's all a matter of perspective.


    ETA: and fwiw I'm not condoning people being an hour late, or not calling. I'm not condoning people being late for events that have a set start time resulting in you being late for the start of a show or something similar. And I'm not talking about an appt where you have made special arrangements to squeeze them in. I'm talking casual get togethers. Which may very well have been what that Give a Moose a Muffin poster was referring to as well
     
  21. Bob NC

    Bob NC DIS Veteran<br><font color="red">I am a trained pr

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    Honestly I'm looking at this thread as a kind of light-hearted 'pet peeve' type thread.

    Some people are perpetually late, some people are always on time. Can't we discuss it without it being a life or death topic?

    Nobody is calling names, or, making it out to be life or death, but can't anything simply be discussed anymore without it having to be world war 3?

    Nobody is saying anyone is raising their kids wrong, or, not treating their MIL right, or making accusations about spousal abuse.

    Come on.....It's a thread about some folks running late and some not.

    If anyone thinks someone should lighten up on this lightweight topic, then it maybe it's being taken a little too seriously.
     

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