Kids headed to College Fall 2012 Check-in

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by zurgswife, Apr 1, 2012.

  1. Mickey'snewestfan

    Mickey'snewestfan DIS Veteran

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    You're saying two different things.

    On one hand, you're saying you can't pay. There's no shame in that, and it sounds like you have some good reasons for being in that position. If you truly can't afford to pay, that will show up on his FAFSA and he'll get aid. That's what the aid is for.

    But then you make it sound like you believe that parents in general shouldn't pay for their kids education. Many of us here disagree with you on this.

    So, which is it?
     
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  3. Robinrs

    Robinrs DIS Veteran

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    The best way NOT to get judgement on the DIS? Don't volunteer this much information.

    It's no one's business but yours.
     
  4. mvazul

    mvazul DIS Veteran

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    Sorry for the confusion. I have absolutely nothing against parents who pay for their children. I think it's great they can. We can't. I don't appreciate the comments of, "parents who refuse to pay" and "people will lie about their willingness to pay."

    Our son tends to be more responsible with things he works for rather than those he has handed to him. He has known for a long time that he will need to pay for college. The attorneys have wiped out anything we had saved for him (and his 10 year old sister). However, that money is money I would spend, again, in a heartbeat. It was money that had to be spent.

    Also, I am currently a college student. I used to work at Cornell in Ithaca, NY. My sister is currently a teacher at a SUNY school. She and I have compared notes. More often than not, the kids who have their parents paying, tend to blow off more classes and don't do the work assigned. Not saying your kid will be one of them, but I have seen it more than I have cared to. I have seen too many bright kids drop out, because they ended up on academic probation due to blowing off responsibility. It's sad to see it happen.

    I am a firm believer that every family needs to do what is right for them. I honestly have no problem with parents paying for their kids' schooling. But, in return, I would ask to not be called a liar, because we can't.

    Absolutely! Thank you for reminding me. :thumbsup2
     
  5. DVCLiz

    DVCLiz <font color=00cc00>That's me - proud defender of t

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    You know, I've read this whole thread through twice and I can't find a single poster who said anything about people who lie about paying or unwillingness to pay. Where are you getting that from? Honestly, I can't find a single thing on this thread that anybody has said like that.

    And you may know some kids who partied but I can assure you that there are many, many more who are responsible, mature and work together with their parents to achieve the goals they both have. I know three kids who partied too hard and got kicked out, out of hundreds who were successful. I think it's a huge conclusion to leap to.
     
  6. Patience

    Patience DIS Veteran

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    I haven't seen anybody accusing anyone here of lying or refusing to pay.:confused3

    It sounds like the lady with the son going to Purdue has valid reasons for not being able to assist much with college expenses for her son. I don't know how much those reasons will help with obtaining enough financial aid- as has been discussed, the FAFSA doesn't consider everything in determining need. I do hope her son gets enough to attend.

    I think people are responding to the statement that if you pay for college then your kids won't appreciate it and are more likely to be partiers in college and/or flunk out or do poorly. We will be paying for our daughter's college (4 years, in-state public university) and I know she appreciates it. She is a motivated, mature young woman and I fully expect her to graduate and go on to have a nice life and career after college everyone can point to a story about kids in college. I personally know 2 people who started off in college with big loans and jobs. Both dropped out because it was too overwhelming and they didn't think it was worth it. However, I do not think this means that all kids who have to work at college while toting loans will drop out. Kids are unique and there are many factors that determine whether they will be successful.
     
  7. goofy4tink

    goofy4tink No tags...not needed! Transportation moderator Moderator

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    Not looking down my nose at all!!! You have to do what is best for your family...as does everyone else.

    I have to ask here....are all of you still taking your college kids as a deduction come tax time??? When my ds got his first BA and went off to work, we stopped taking him as a deduction. He planned to continue his education a year or so later. When he did, he was then considered independent..so qualified for more 'free' money. My suggestion to those families that aren't planning on helping their kids out is to keep them off your tax filings. If they are off for a certain amount of time, the kids can then be independent.

    My dh and I consider it our responsibility to help our dd with her college costs. Not 100% but some. I firmly believe that every college graduate should finish school with some debt! Not $100,00 but some. That's why we are automatically paying some each year...actually taking our tax refund....and then allowing dd to get a cosigner and take out loans for the rest. Now, that could leave her with close to $100,000 in loans after 4 years!! But, that won't happen. We will be using some money from the sale of our home in the next few years. Then, we will be saving more as we go along and that way we can make some lump payments into her loans. And then, we will give her x amount each month to help her pay those loan payments. Hopefully, when she graduates from college she won't have more than the $25,000 she has incurred in subsidized/unsubsidized loans and then maybe another $30,000 from loans with that cosigner.
    It's not easy. And yes, it's 'her' education. And she knows she will have to get a job to pay for that education. But here's the thing...if a child has to pay 100% of their education, they are going to have a very hard time paying for it......a large part of their paycheck will go to those loans. Yes, there are cheaper schools..community colleges, junior colleges, state schools. But sometimes those schools don't offer what the student needs. Or they will have to start at a community college (or other cheaper alternative) and then take their gen ed classes and transfer to a more expensive school as a junior.

    There is no one answer that fits all situations. I will say that my ex had agreed to pay for our ds's college costs. He had taken ds as a deduction for years, so we thought that was only fair. Well...ds got into a bit of trouble and that's all the ex needed. He immediately stopped paying tuition costs. It wasn't anything huge...and it was dealt with. But, now ds had no way to pay for his last two years of college. So, my new dh and I had to pick up those payments. The last year of college I was making college tuition payments as well as preschool payments...it was a bit weird!!!
     
  8. mvazul

    mvazul DIS Veteran

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    This last quote is where someone said people will lie about their willingness to pay.

    I am sorry if I seem defensive. We are NOT lying about our income. In fact, it has dropped considerably since last year and he is still not getting very much help. I am a bit upset that he is giving up the school with the scholarship offer, but it's his choice. Purdue has the education he will need for the field he wants to go into. They have given him a $500 scholarship. :roll eyes:

    We will not be including him on our taxes next year. I really wish we would not have done it for this past year. He is our first to go to college. Even though I am a student, it seems to be so much different getting him to that point.

    I wish all of your kids and families the best of luck.
     
  9. DVCLiz

    DVCLiz <font color=00cc00>That's me - proud defender of t

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    Each family should do what they feel is best for their situation, but I think it's bizarre to insist that every college student should graduate with some debt. What on earth for? If parents are willing and able to pay 100% of college costs, why saddle a graduate with college debt? That doesn't make sense to me.

    On a more cheerful note, who is shopping and what are you planning to buy for your rising freshman? Since DD will be going to school far away, we will probably go down a day early to do the major microwave/fridge things, instead of having to haul them all the way to Florida. Can't wait to start shopping for extra long sheets!
     
  10. mvazul

    mvazul DIS Veteran

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    I completely agree with the bolded part. I guess we see it a bit different - and different is okay. We do not see college costs as debt. We see it as an investment. My sister also gave up a full ride scholarship to attend Penn State. She came out with a ton of loans. She then went on to obtain her Master's - more loans. Those two schools are paid off completely. She is now attending the University of Rochester, working on her PhD - at $1500 per credit!!! :eek:

    Our son has had many conversations with her and how she handled the loans. She told him she took whatever job she could find - thankfully, most in her field - and just kept chipping away. Plus, she was also able to find jobs who helped pay off her loans. It IS doable. And it's not like we are not helping him at all. I paid his $200 to accept the offer. We will have to pay the $350 for him to move in. We just can't commit to any kind of a monthly payment right now.

    As far as shopping, I have no clue what we will be buying. Our son knows what he would like. I am thinking of taking him to a couple stores to make a registry. We have family all over the country and the questions of what they can give him as a graduation gift have already started. The only problem is I have not seen any graduation registries - just baby and wedding!

    I am pretty sure he said his dorm room includes a microwave and refrigerator. I think my mother is giving him a small TV. I am thinking of buying him an iPad2. They can get text books on them that are less expensive than the actual book - and a lot lighter to carry! ;) My sister gave him a sheet/comforter set for Christmas. My mother-in-law and her husband sent him a laptop and printer for Christmas.

    This is going by way too fast. Weren't we just bringing these kids home from the hospital for the first time yesterday??? :confused3
     
  11. StephMK

    StephMK DIS Veteran

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    We expect DD will have to take out the sub/unsub loans & then we will make the payments when she's out. That's give us an extra year or two to get my income back on track & pay off some other stuff. Each of our parents paid for our schooling so we've kind of anticipated doing the same. She plans to get her MA and that will be her responsibilitiy, as well as spending money or extras.

    DD has been excited about shopping since last year! She loves all those organizing, matching items and pink! We tease her that her roommate doesn't know what she's in for! I bought her some cute pink & green oven mitts, pink measuring cups & spoons for Christmas. She may not need them right away but they were inexpensive for stocking stuffers. It's nice that she will be close so shopping will be easy.

    We have to wait & see on her housing before we shop. She is rooming w/a girl she met on her college msg board & they applied for suite style housing. If they luck out & get in, it will have a small kitchenette w/2 other girls.
    Either way, her room will have a small microwave & good size fridge.
     
  12. bluesaturn

    bluesaturn DIS Veteran

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    Nobody cares if you pay for your kid's college. They really don't. The stuff you said above is what people are responding to. That is just your opinion, pure and simple. I've spent a lot of time on college campuses too, and in my experience I can probably give you more examples of kids who had their parents paying and did great than kids who had their parents paying and did poorly. You are free to state your opinion, but don't be offended when other people disagree with it.
     
  13. MrsPete

    MrsPete DIS Veteran

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    I don't see anything on this thread that insinuates anything concerning your honesty.

    I said that when I was in school the financial aid office accused ME of lying. They said that no one could possibly live on what I was earning and that my parents had to be giving me money.
    I said that if the FAFSA folks allowed parents to say they just don't want to pay, lots of people will lie and do just what the financial aid office accused me of doing -- taking money from their parents and pretending to be financially independent students.

    But no one's said you're lying. Not even close.

    You are dead-wrong on one thing: If your son borrows for his education, it may be an investment in his future, but it will ALSO be a debt. If he has to repay it, it's a debt. You and he may deem it a worthwhile debt or an unavoidable debt, but it is still a debt. That's a simple fact.

    Finally, I don't see that borrowing increases student responsibility. It's very easy for an 18-year old to promise to pay back money sometime in the distant future. To many of them, with their minimal knowledge of finances, the amounts they promise to pay seem vague. I am firmly convinced that if your main goal is to increase responsibility in your student, the student needs to be working for that money TODAY.
    This is the bottom line! Not only are kids unique, they're multi-fauceted. Anytime someone says, "If you just ____, your kid will turn out fine", that's untruthful. Success is dependant upon many, many factors -- some of which are even out of our control.

    The pay-for-college-and-they-won't-appreciate-it concept is something of an urban myth. Sure, it's true for some students, but to make a blanket statement about it applying to every student . . . well, that's an exaggeration. Some students will be successful, others won't. Some of those successful students will be paying it on their own, others will be on their parents' dime.

    Case in point, I had to pay every last dime of my education. As a result, I worked more hours than were healthy and wise, and it caused friction between me and my parents. Yes, I appreciated the opportunities I had, but I also felt that they should've helped me. They didn't have the money to give me -- I understood that -- but they actually threw road blocks in my path. For example, they wouldn't do my FAFSA forms in a timely manner, which meant I received less money than I could've. In contrast, my roomate had parents who were very supportive of her education and paid every penny. She had a small job just for spending money. She was enormously grateful for what they'd given her and took her education very seriously. She had better grades than I did.
    Some people will lie about their willingness to pay. That was a general comment on society and the shortcomings of the FAFSA process. Why would you think that was about you personally?
     
  14. StephMK

    StephMK DIS Veteran

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    I know!! That is what makes me cry at most things this year! I'm so excited and happy for her but she's my buddy, I'm gonna miss her. When she performs, I just remember that little kid who loved dresses and always sang or asked questions. Now she's taller than me but still loves dresses & sings beautifully. Prom & graduation are going to be tough!
     
  15. mvazul

    mvazul DIS Veteran

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    Got it. Thanks. :thumbsup2
     
  16. mvazul

    mvazul DIS Veteran

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    So, if your comment was just a general statement and not directed at me (when I was the one who brought it up), then how is my comment about my experience so offensive? :confused3 I never said EVERY student.
     
  17. zurgswife

    zurgswife WDW is my Shangrala...and I'm going...life is bett

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    For those that this is a first child headed to college...remember not to go out and buy anything until you hear from the college and roommates.

    My sons college last year would only allow a specific frig and microwave sold by them. Also, roommates tend to split up the big items so one student isn't saddled with the expense of multiple big items.
     
  18. DVCLiz

    DVCLiz <font color=00cc00>That's me - proud defender of t

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    mvazul, what's the point you are trying to make? That you can be an internet bully? Because that's how you are coming across.

    Mrs. Pete made a perfectly innocuous statement about something general and you mistook it for a personal attack. It clearly wasn't and everyone else on this thread understood that.

    In contrast, you have been defensive and belligerent on every post you have made. I just don't understand why you need to keep doing it. Everyone else understands your point of view and you have made your opinion known. Fine, we get it. Move on. Otherwise, please leave the thread so we can have a pleasant conversation about sending our seniors off to college.
     
  19. zurgswife

    zurgswife WDW is my Shangrala...and I'm going...life is bett

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    Thank you :thumbsup2
     
  20. DVCLiz

    DVCLiz <font color=00cc00>That's me - proud defender of t

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    Mrs. Pete, which did she end up choosing - sand or snow?:goodvibes
     
  21. tar heel

    tar heel <font color=royalblue>Where will we get our news i

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    We've not even started shopping. My son has to decide where he's going to school first (Go Tar Heels -- Mom has decided!;) Plus, he's a boy who doesn't care what kind of sheets he has as long as he has sheets, etc.! If he has a refrigerator and microwave, lots of food and enough clothes that he can avoid laundry for a long time, he will be happy.

    I'll reiterate that everyone should wait until you know what school to buy sheets as not everyone has extra long beds. The central campus towers at NC State University, which house a few thousand kids, have regular size twin beds.
     

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