Is your spouse ok with you being alone with the opposite sex?

[WDWBarb]

I'd be really curious to see how long everyone has been married. I've been married long enough (32 years) to have seen many of these type friendships turn into more. Just not worth risking my marriage over, ever. I love the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because any man who is really honest, will tell you that's true.

DH and I don't "forbid" each other anything, but we value our relationship too much to ever risk it, either one of us. My DH loves and respects me and not because he knows/thinks I have other "options". That's who I want to be married to and I am.

22 years this year.

 

[tigercat]

I have been married almost 39 yrs. I also have 2 other good friends who are men. Both are married and I am also friends with their wives. There are things that I do with both and either of them have been there and would be there for me if I needed them. My best friend though was someone that ment more to me, more of my brother. There was absolutely no sex thoughts from either one of us. I miss him and my dh knows that is okay with it.
Since he has died his wife has called on my dh to help her with things that she was having difficulties with, like computer and electrical things. She doesn't over ask but knows that we are there for her.
tigercat

 

[beaucoup]

Yes. Completely.
Married almost 25 yrs.

We have several mutual male friends what came over to help with projects when DH was deployed.

One I go geocaching/hiking with alone on a regular basis. He's 20 yrs older than me. Retired. He's very active in his church, and travels the world alone. While DH was deployed for a year, the male friend & I, along with his brother took a 1 week geocaching road trip to a large event in another state. Met more of our friends there.

I was more worried about what my mother would say. ROFL. She's met him though. Nothing to worry about.

DH, myself, and our caching friend have also taken geocaching trips to other states together over the years.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I love the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because any man who is really honest, will tell you that's true.

I'm a man and I'm honest. It's true. Happily (and faithfully) married 18 years this coming Monday

 

[dicar123]

My husband occasionally meets his best friend at the grocery store. LOL! Usually, it's after 9:00 PM on a weeknight and the friend is mad at his wife and needs to vent (she works part time, their children are teenagers and there is no real reason she can't go to the grocery store).

Dh and I don't really have opposite sex friends. I think it would bother me. That isn't to say I've never hung out with his best friend by ourselves- we used to be neighbors- or that my husband hasn't taken a friend's girlfriend to a store she didn't know how to get to. But that feels different. I think my husband probably wouldn't be bothered.

Dh did mention once having dinner with a female co-worker while they were both out of town (they don't work in the same location). It made it me a little uncomfortable, but now that I work full-time and have had to go out of town, I see how situations sometimes work out that way.

Dh thought it was hysterical that I ended up having breakfast with some guy who works in my building but who I didn't really know. We both had traveled to the company headquarters and bumped into each other at the hotel. He asked me to join him and it felt unfriendly to refuse. I'm so awkward with strangers that I could barely carry on a conversation, sex was certainly not an option!

 

[mhsjax]

I think it is ok to have friends of the opposite sex. I don't think it is ok to spend time on a regular basis with them without their spouses.

 

[Colleen27]

I'd be really curious to see how long everyone has been married. I've been married long enough (32 years) to have seen many of these type friendships turn into more. Just not worth risking my marriage over, ever. I love the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because any man who is really honest, will tell you that's true.

10 years, and I haven't seen When Harry Met Sally so I don't follow the rest of this.

In my case, my male "bestie" is the next best thing to gay... He's a priest. So even if somehow after 20+ years as friends I suddenly developed romantic feelings that were never there before I don't think it would go very far. Not that I believe there's a snowball's chance of that ever happening. We tried dating, way back in our early 20s when we were both in a place of being tired of bad relationships with people who just didn't respect us, and it lasted exactly two dates and one very awkward kiss. Our relationship is too brother/sister to ever be anything else, no matter how close we are or how well we connect on a platonic level.

 

[castleview]

I guess I feel sorry that you have no one to hang out with.

That came out wrong. I have plenty of friends, but I don't hang out with them during the day. Some work, some have things to do. You don't need to feel sorry for me. You do whatever you need to do to justify the guilty conscience that lead you to post this thread.

 

[EMHDad]

I have several friends who are women. Some are the spouses of friends. Some are collegues (other pastors and such.) However, there is not woman I want to hang out with alone other than my wife. (outside of family). These women are great people and I care for them as friends, but there is a clear line of intimacy that is not crossed. I am not referring to physical intimacy(thats implied), but emotional intimacy that I just dont have with any woman but my wife. As such, they are friends, but not really close friends.

The few women I am really close to are women who are one half of a couple that my wife and I are close with, (ie. My kids godparents and the parents of my godkids)


I dont wish to judge others, but intimate friendships outside of marriage can be harmful and unhealthy.

 

[TLSnell1981]

Married 32 years, and completely faithful. Although, I did ask for Adam Levine for Valentine's Day last year.

Thoughts and actions are two separate things. Of course, the average man thinks about "it" 8000 times a day....a woman just once. Odds are not in his favor.

 

[Planogirl]

I'd be really curious to see how long everyone has been married. I've been married long enough (32 years) to have seen many of these type friendships turn into more. Just not worth risking my marriage over, ever. I love the "When Harry Met Sally" scene because any man who is really honest, will tell you that's true.

DH and I don't "forbid" each other anything, but we value our relationship too much to ever risk it, either one of us. My DH loves and respects me and not because he knows/thinks I have other "options". That's who I want to be married to and I am.

Thirty years here and I've never been tempted.

Of course, my good male friend that I've shopped and traveled with happens to be gay. I guess that that is also a different situation.

 

[Candleinthewind]

You do whatever you need to do to justify the guilty conscience that lead you to post this thread.

Why do you assume I have a guilty conscience? I have no feelings of guilt what so ever. I was merely commenting on a judgment of another and seeing what others thought or would be comfortable with. My lifestyle is not for you but is for others.

 

[stargazer2892]

Both DH and I have friends of the opposite sex, in fact my best friend is a guy. If I didn't trust him to hang out and be friends with someone then I don't think we would have gotten married. It's just a trust thing. However I don't think I would be ok with him going away for the weekend with a female friend though. But DH and I where friends for 10 years before we started dating so there is a level of trust between us that is pretty solid.

 

[JWCJ]

A close male friend of mine lived in our basement after his nasty divorce. He and I have been friends for 15+ years and were actually roommates for a year when in university. My DH and him always got along, and it was nice for them to gain a good guy friend to hang out with. One of the nicest things I've ever heard is him commenting on how he wants to meet the right person after seeing the relationship DH and I have. He's my kids' "Uncle" and is a part of the family.

My husband had a friend at his work (she's since left) who was female who he goes for a beer with on occasion. She and I also get along and she gets invited to birthday parties and watches our house for us on vacation.

 

[castleview]

Why do you assume I have a guilty conscience? I have no feelings of guilt what so ever. I was merely commenting on a judgment of another and seeing what others thought or would be comfortable with. My lifestyle is not for you but is for others.

That probably wasn't necessary and I apologize. But as many others have said, many affairs have started this way, anyone can fall and at least the way you write it, you seem to spend a significant amount of time with this friend.

 

[ICF]

Only if they are hot!

wel played....and very true!!

 

[DawnM]

Male friends I had prior to marriage are fine. All of them attended my boarding school and are more like brothers as we grew up together.

I haven't made any male friends post marriage that I would spend time alone with. I have no desire to.

Dawn

 

[bdcp]

10 years, and I haven't seen When Harry Met Sally so I don't follow the rest of this.

In my case, my male "bestie" is the next best thing to gay... He's a priest. So even if somehow after 20+ years as friends I suddenly developed romantic feelings that were never there before I don't think it would go very far. Not that I believe there's a snowball's chance of that ever happening. We tried dating, way back in our early 20s when we were both in a place of being tired of bad relationships with people who just didn't respect us, and it lasted exactly two dates and one very awkward kiss. Our relationship is too brother/sister to ever be anything else, no matter how close we are or how well we connect on a platonic level.

The "When Harry Met Sally" scene was quoted a few pages back and that's why I mentioned it.

We have a friend who is a priest too, but he's still a man. He's not immune. He's told us plenty of stories about seminary and the priesthood that would shock some people.

 

[tvguy]

I worked graveyard shift(11pm to 7 am ) for 25 years. Most of those years there were just 2 of us in the entire building, about half the time they were women. So I guess you could say I spent the night with other women for 10 years or so.

3 of those years that woman was my wife. Given the work load at night, 2 people doing the work that 6 people do dayside, we didn't have much time to do anything other than work.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Both DH and I have friends of the opposite sex, in fact my best friend is a guy. If I didn't trust him to hang out and be friends with someone then I don't think we would have gotten married. It's just a trust thing. However I don't think I would be ok with him going away for the weekend with a female friend though. But DH and I where friends for 10 years before we started dating so there is a level of trust between us that is pretty solid.

I bolded. So it started as a friendship? Interesting