If you were dating (1 year) living together (5 months)...

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by luvmylittleboy2003, Jun 18, 2013.

  1. luvmylittleboy2003

    luvmylittleboy2003 DIS Veteran

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    And have made it clear that one day (not tomorrow) you would like to get married, would you find it odd that the guy NEVER mentions it, unless someone brings it up...then says 'I have a plan' this coming from someone that can't plan out 30 secs from now!! It just strikes me a little odd! I've made it very clear I don't want to waste my time if he isn't ever interested in being married again!! Thoughts??

    If it helps we are in our early 40s and a blended family, we all get along great!!
     
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  3. goofyintoronto

    goofyintoronto I really wanted to like it, but I didnt.

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    So even thou you love him, if he told you he doesnt want to get married until much later in life, if at all...you would leave him? Whats the rush to get that ring on your finger?

    If you love him, how can you say being with him is a waste of your time? What if he isnt ready yet? Most men, but not all, tend to gravitate towards marriage at much slower pace than women. If he made it clear that he would like to get married as well, I'm sure he will propose when he is ready. I wouldn't rush him or give him ultimatums.
     
  4. Scrappy_Tink

    Scrappy_Tink DIS Veteran

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    I think I'd have a "heart-to-heart" talk with him and see what his plans are. Just because he doesn't mention it, doesn't mean he doesn't think about it. If my DH didn't know how important it was to me, we'd probably still be dating, as he was happy just the way things were. He's happy the way things are now too....he just needed a nudge.
     
  5. kimblebee

    kimblebee now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents

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    The rule,guys...

    Sorry, I have nothing to add. I thought I did but changed my mind LOL
     
  6. JessicaR

    JessicaR <font color=blue>DIS Veteran<br><font color=green>

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    This speaks volumes. You already know the answer. If marrying this guy is really important to you tell him how you feel so you can know where you stand.
     
  7. DawnM

    DawnM Dawn

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    If you dated him for a whole year didn't you know his intentions before moving in with him?
     
  8. luvmylittleboy2003

    luvmylittleboy2003 DIS Veteran

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    I moved in @ 6 months, we've been dating a year total. He said he wasn't saying he didn't want to get married again, but that he would know, at the time, if it was right!!
     
  9. luvmylittleboy2003

    luvmylittleboy2003 DIS Veteran

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    Thanks, both are very good points!!!
     
  10. Pigeon

    Pigeon DIS Veteran

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    I would think that he's not nearly as keen on getting married as you are,
     
  11. luvmylittleboy2003

    luvmylittleboy2003 DIS Veteran

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    It's just a personel choice for myself and my son, that's why I asked him from the beginning. I would have never kept dating him if he had answered NO! I'm not in a hurry, but also don't want to invest several years into a relationship if we aren't on the same page.
     
  12. luvmylittleboy2003

    luvmylittleboy2003 DIS Veteran

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    That's my gut feeling as well!!! My friends have all pretty much said the same. Just nice to have other viewpoints :)
     
  13. lovemygoofy

    lovemygoofy DIS Veteran

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    He told you he wasn't sure he was interested in marriage. You moved in; he got his way. Sounds like you should be having this conversation with him instead of people who can't give you the correct answer.
     
  14. Robinrs

    Robinrs DIS Veteran

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    As a person who avoided marriage like the PLAGUE for a lifetime, don't expect him to volunteer it. He's fine with the way things are. If you want it you're going to have to take the lead, it's the only way. If he doesn't follow then you'll get the clue. Maybe it's okay just the way it is. :confused3
     
  15. goofyintoronto

    goofyintoronto I really wanted to like it, but I didnt.

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    Fair enough. But you've only been living together for 5 months. (Total together: 1 yr 5 months). I'd give it time. The worst thing you can do is pressure a guy when he isn't ready.
     
  16. lovemygoofy

    lovemygoofy DIS Veteran

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    I think the relationship is total 1 year. She moved in at 6 months and they have been living together another 5 months is the way I understood. (Im probably wrong though)
     
  17. Keli

    Keli <font color=darkcoral>We're smarter than the avera

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    You have the feeling he isn't really heading towards marriage, there's a good chance that's based in subtile cues he's been giving you. I've found that I'm almost always right when I have gut feelings about something like that but I can't ever pin point the things someone said to make me believe they feel a certain way about a subject.
    Have a heart to heart. Then you'll know and can decide how to proceed from there. Good luck with everything.
     
  18. lil mermaid

    lil mermaid DIS Veteran

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    Agreed.

    Also, you have involved your child in this. Sorry, but that stinks.
     
  19. hereyago

    hereyago DIS Veteran

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    Um move out. He was up front and you moved in anyway. He is into you but not as you are into what you would like it to be.
     
  20. DawnM

    DawnM Dawn

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    Oh my.....yeah, that is not committing at all.

    Sorry you have put yourself into this situation, but I don't see marriage coming any time soon with this guy.

     
  21. goofyintoronto

    goofyintoronto I really wanted to like it, but I didnt.

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    You're right actually. See the quote below. It is one yeaxr total.
    Whoa, one year total??? You moved in at 6 months? I cant believe all the ppl who are telling you to move out/move on. Honestly, you've only been dating a year!!!! Holy moly thats only 12 months! I honestly dont know anyone, besides my parents and people their age, who got engaged so quick!

    If you're going to break up with him just because he's not proposing quick enough, be sure that's the decision that you can live with.
     

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