I think my friend is raising her own special snowflake

[Mkrop]

My kids both performed as expected. It's all about sleep training. I believe the OP is frustrated with her friend because she just lets the kid (not even a baby anymore) fall asleep and wake up when he wants. It is annoying to parents who realize how easy it is to get babies to sleep on a schedule that other parents sit a complain about how sleep deprived and overwhelmed they are when they don't have to be. I put both of mine on a schedule from the time we came home from the hospital, they both had it down pat between 1-2 months old. I got plenty of sleep at night, I had nap times you could set you watch by literally since I always put them down and got them up at the same time everyday. This gave me plenty of time to do all my laundry/housework and chill with some ice cream and TV during naps and left me nice and refreshed to Play and snuggle during the times they were awake. Most parents aren't willing to listen to any crying in the beginning and can't see that it is for the childs well being down the road, so they create demanding little monsters by letting the baby dictate the schedule and feeding on demand and letting the sleep/wake whenever they want. I understand OPs frustration, I've felt it towards other parents as well. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me when someone says their baby won't sleep on their own. Of course they will, they are babies, they can't go anywhere. Put them in bed and they will eventually sleep. The problem is mommy can't stand to hear crying, not that the baby can't sleep. It's for the babies own good. By 8 weeks my kids both had very balanced schedules where they were well fed and got great sleep. They were happy and content! It was worth a few weeks of crying that they don't remember at all. As opposed to babies who didn't get enough sleep and were cranky and demanding and not well rested.

I glad your kids "performed" on demand. After I had my first I would have probably agreed with you. He slept great was on a schedule.

Then DS10 came along and despite doing everything the same way, he was an awful sleeper. I even tried the CIO method and that backfired big time. Long story short, he had huge sensory issues, and could not sleep if his legs were loose. Even feety pjs didnt cut it. He did not sleep for the first 3 years of life. He was on the waiting list for the sleep clinic at the local children's hospital. Bought every book on the market, tried everything. They would all work for 2 weeks and than we would be back to not sleeping. Finally at one of his checkups, the ped asked if we had a nightlight, get rid of it, and if I had a heavy waffle weave blanket. Long story short, both of those worked. I could have kissed him! And they stuck, he finally slept. The hospital called 6 months later and I had them take him off the list bc he has slept every night for 6 months!

He now sleeps great...no need for a blanket, lots of PT and OT to work on his low tone and sensory issues so I am sure that all helped too.

So my point is...you just never know with kids so dont assume some parent isnt trying to "schedule" their kids sleep...believe me I was!

 

[jodifla]

I learned the special snowflake term here on the Dis and I love it. And it so applies to my friend. Here's some examples why: DS has not slept through the night since he was born, 17 months ago. Why? He wakes up every night so she changes him b/c he has sensitive skin. Legit. And then they PLAY until he goes back to sleep. DS can't have a French fry. Got it. But the next day he can have all the ruffles chips he wants. DS can't have a cupcake a mom's sprinkle for new baby. But he can have 2 vanilla muffins and 3 slices of raisin bread.

Well I am a parent, and I think a lot of your instincts are right on.

Yes, change the child with sensitive skin; but no turning on the lights or playing. a quick change, then back to sleep.

Oh, and you CAN WAKE A SLEEPING BABY. We did this routinely. I always marvel at parents who complain that their children won't sleep at night....then you realize they've been sleeping all day!

We ROUTINELY woke our child up from the youngest ages, both in the morning and from naps. Children only sleep X amount of hours a day, so you want to make sure that they are SLEEPING AT NIGHT, and getting the bulk of their nourishment during the day.

Yes, parenting will change your viewpoint on some things, but being a crappy friend who cancels all the time is on HER and her poor management skills, not on you.

The next child will either sink her, or she'll have to figure things out.

 

[scoutie]

Most parents aren't willing to listen to any crying in the beginning and can't see that it is for the childs well being down the road, so they create demanding little monsters by letting the baby dictate the schedule and feeding on demand and letting the sleep/wake whenever they want.

Others have pointed out why this is a ridiculous statement. That's great that putting your babies on a tight sleeping schedule worked for you. Moms might also have the opposite problem that some of my friends have. Some of them left their babies to cry it out and now they have toddlers and preschoolers who are terrified to go to sleep, because they think their moms won't come to them. I am not judging CIO or saying that it's not a solution for parents who have older babies. I'm just saying...you just never know. There really is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting. It's wonderful that you have had one experience, but to call other people's babies "demanding little monsters"...wow.

I never scheduled my babies to sleep and have amazingly sleeping kids. They are not monsters who rule my life.

 

[luvdzny]

I glad your kids "performed" on demand. After I had my first I would have probably agreed with you. He slept great was on a schedule.

Then DS10 came along and despite doing everything the same way, he was an awful sleeper. I even tried the CIO method and that backfired big time. Long story short, he had huge sensory issues, and could not sleep if his legs were loose. Even feety pjs didnt cut it. He did not sleep for the first 3 years of life. He was on the waiting list for the sleep clinic at the local children's hospital. Bought every book on the market, tried everything. They would all work for 2 weeks and than we would be back to not sleeping. Finally at one of his checkups, the ped asked if we had a nightlight, get rid of it, and if I had a heavy waffle weave blanket. Long story short, both of those worked. I could have kissed him! And they stuck, he finally slept. The hospital called 6 months later and I had them take him off the list bc he has slept every night for 6 months!

He now sleeps great...no need for a blanket, lots of PT and OT to work on his low tone and sensory issues so I am sure that all helped too.

So my point is...you just never know with kids so dont assume some parent isnt trying to "schedule" their kids sleep...believe me I was!

Mkrop - I totally agree! As I said in my previous post, DS "followed all the rules" of being a perfect baby, I thought it was due to my wonderful parenting skills.
Then we had DD, she did not do anything according to the book, no matter how hard I tried. We let her cry it out (it was the only way she would fall asleep) she hated to be held. Her sleep schedule was crazy, if I was lucky she MIGHT nap during the day, but who knows when that would be. She slept in very short stretches. I always said if she would have been our first she would have been our last. Anyway MUCH later we found out that she has a number of illnesses that probably caused most of her problems as an infant.

If you can "schedule" your babies sleep times, good for you, but trust me when I say that it DOES NOT work for all babies.

 

[Aliceacc]

I just hope when my baby comes I am able to remember to thank those that support me, remember that I am not the first person to have a baby so the world doesn't revolve around me and baby, and to be loving and thankful to baby for blessing me.

The thing is that much of your world DOES revolve around your kids.

So many of the other priorities in your life necessarily rearrange when you have kids. My family is my whole world. I love my job, I love my friends, I love my hobbies... but none of them hold a candle to my family.

On another note, there are so many people out there ready and willing to take pot shots at parents. It so saddens me to see moms turn on each other.

 

[nchulka]

Others have pointed out why this is a ridiculous statement. That's great that putting your babies on a tight sleeping schedule worked for you. Moms might also have the opposite problem that some of my friends have. Some of them left their babies to cry it out and now they have toddlers and preschoolers who are terrified to go to sleep, because they think their moms won't come to them. I am not judging CIO or saying that it's not a solution for parents who have older babies. I'm just saying...you just never know. There really is no "one size fits all" when it comes to parenting. It's wonderful that you have had one experience, but to call other people's babies "demanding little monsters"...wow.

I never scheduled my babies to sleep and have amazingly sleeping kids. They are not monsters who rule my life.

If a parent waits to try CIO until the child is closer to a year old then yes they probably will have quite a bit of problems, if you do it early and get it over with right away, they have no memory of it and you and they are sleeping blissfully within 1-2 months of birth. The demanding little monsters comment is directed towards parents who give their child everything they want when they demand it (cry for it). The child learns to cry for food, cry to sleep, cry to be held. On the other hand if you reward a baby with what they want, attention and cuddling when they are being happy and content, they will quickly learn that crying causes them to be ignored while being content gets them attention. Of course there are reasons for crying and the baby should be checked to make sure they are not dirty, sick, etc.

 

[clutter]

I think being a parent is HARD, if you have 1 kid or 10, single parent or in a relationship, working parents and stay at home parents. There is no one right way to raise a kid. If there were you would get an instruction manual at the hospital. I just hope when my baby comes I am able to remember to thank those that support me, remember that I am not the first person to have a baby so the world doesn't revolve around me and baby, and to be loving and thankful to baby for blessing me.

Well said. But the rewards are so worth it!!!

 

[jodifla]

The thing is that much of your world DOES revolve around your kids.

So many of the other priorities in your life necessarily rearrange when you have kids. My family is my whole world. I love my job, I love my friends, I love my hobbies... but none of them hold a candle to my family.

On another note, there are so many people out there ready and willing to take pot shots at parents. It so saddens me to see moms turn on each other.

Yes, maybe your world does....but your friends' worlds don't. And constantly canceling on them and using a child as an excuse is lame.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

Yes, maybe your world does....but your friends' worlds don't. And constantly canceling on them and using a child as an excuse is lame.

Yes. I meant that even though my world revolves around baby, I need to remember that other people's don't.

 

[Acklander]

If a parent waits to try CIO until the child is closer to a year old then yes they probably will have quite a bit of problems, if you do it early and get it over with right away, they have no memory of it and you and they are sleeping blissfully within 1-2 months of birth. The demanding little monsters comment is directed towards parents who give their child everything they want when they demand it (cry for it). The child learns to cry for food, cry to sleep, cry to be held. On the other hand if you reward a baby with what they want, attention and cuddling when they are being happy and content, they will quickly learn that crying causes them to be ignored while being content gets them attention. Of course there are reasons for crying and the baby should be checked to make sure they are not dirty, sick, etc.

When a baby is just a few months old, crying is the only way they have to communicate their discomfort. Once they learn words to say I'm cold, I'm hungry, I hurt, I'm lonely etc at that time I teach them to use the words and not the need to cry. When my kids were infants I always responded to their cries and never let them cry it out. Neither one turned into a demanding little monster.
Just curious, is this how your parents treated you as an infant/child?

 

[scoutie]

If a parent waits to try CIO until the child is closer to a year old then yes they probably will have quite a bit of problems, if you do it early and get it over with right away, they have no memory of it and you and they are sleeping blissfully within 1-2 months of birth

Wait a minute. You're not telling me that you let a baby cry it out at four to eight WEEKS old? That's a typo, right?

 

[punkin]

Wait a minute. You're not telling me that you let a baby cry it out at four to eight WEEKS old? That's a typo, right?

actually, it looks like she let the baby it out cry at birth and THEN, WITHIN 1-2 months the baby is sleeping.

 

[deserrai]

Former EXTREMELY judgmental mommy here...be cautious about it. I just knew I had it all under control until my child hit her teens and then I got humbled real quick. I no longer pass judgment on other parents. My new, humbled attitude is to each his own and every child is different.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

actually, it looks like she let the baby it out cry at birth and THEN, WITHIN 1-2 months the baby is sleeping.

This is how I read it as well.

I really have no words for that.

 

[punkin]

This is how I read it as well.

I really have no words for that.

I have a lot of words; choice and appropriate words, but I would rather not be banned....

 

[scoutie]

actually, it looks like she let the baby it out cry at birth and THEN, WITHIN 1-2 months the baby is sleeping

If this is true, I'm going to be sick.

Even the pro-CIO and very controversial book Babywise, which recommends CIO early on (and it's important to add the authors of this book have no relationship with their children because their children severed all ties with them), doesn't recommend CIO this young.

Can the poster who said this clarify this? Because this can't be accurate. It can't.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

I have a lot of words; choice and appropriate words, but I would rather not be banned....

Yeah, I guess I should say, I have no words that would be acceptable to post on the dis.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I never get why people get all worked up over what people choose to do with their kids.

CIO...Don't cry it out...........HFC...No HFC..........WAH moms vs. SAHM moms...

No one is perfect and no one "has it down".

Stop the "Mommy Bashing".

 

[scoutie]

never get why people get all worked up over what people choose to do with their kids.

CIO...Don't cry it out...........HFC...No HFC..........WAH moms vs. SAHM moms...

No one is perfect and no one "has it down".

Whip your kids...tie them up with a rope in the backyard....who are we to judge? Please.

This isn't a parenting choice or style. This is not a formula/breastfeeding/WOHM/SAHM thing. Letting a newborn CIO could be considered neglect. Sleep training advice has caused babies to fail to thrive, and in some tragic cases...die. I just don't want new moms to be led astray by some confusion on the internet. I hope the poster can clarify.

 

[okeydokey]

actually, it looks like she let the baby it out cry at birth and THEN, WITHIN 1-2 months the baby is sleeping.

Poor babies just gave up all thoughts of being comforted when they were unhappy. Heartbreaking.