Humiliated at the Reno Airport

[Nik's Mom]

edit. Wrong thread.

 

[zoo2tycoon]

Like all posts like this we are only getting one side of the story.
As so many others said why would gate agent or whoever say anything unless the kids were there longer or because it was 9PM at night. For whatever reason the employee was concerned about what was going on with these kids... Mom should be grateful that someone was concerned about her kids sitting there.

Oldest child shouldn't be giving information to anyone who asks for it. Also OP, you need to get your big girl panties on and act like a mom of four. NOT cry and act like a baby. Your kids don't need to be humiliated with mom crying her eyes out because someone showed concern for them!

I am sure you were stressed- we all get that way when we travel. You need to put it behind you and not go to the extremes of contacting SW and possibly getting a concerned employee written up or fired. Maybe that is what they are supposed to do.

I think we are getting bits and pieces of information...that OP might have time off too. If 'accident' younger child had was so bad then possibly she was cleaning up longer than she thought and husband dropping off rental car probably took longer too. I'd be thankful someone was concerned for my kids...as others said I'd just say thanks for showing concern, talk to my oldest about giving out personal information and leave it at that. I certainly wouldn't stand and cry like a baby about it in front of my kids who are almost teenagers....

 

[clarkshel]

Like all posts like this we are only getting one side of the story.
As so many others said why would gate agent or whoever say anything unless the kids were there longer or because it was 9PM at night. For whatever reason the employee was concerned about what was going on with these kids... Mom should be grateful that someone was concerned about her kids sitting there.

Oldest child shouldn't be giving information to anyone who asks for it. Also OP, you need to get your big girl panties on and act like a mom of four. NOT cry and act like a baby. Your kids don't need to be humiliated with mom crying her eyes out because someone showed concern for them!

I am sure you were stressed- we all get that way when we travel. You need to put it behind you and not go to the extremes of contacting SW and possibly getting a concerned employee written up or fired. Maybe that is what they are supposed to do.

I think we are getting bits and pieces of information...that OP might have time off too. If 'accident' younger child had was so bad then possibly she was cleaning up longer than she thought and husband dropping off rental car probably took longer too. I'd be thankful someone was concerned for my kids...as others said I'd just say thanks for showing concern, talk to my oldest about giving out personal information and leave it at that. I certainly wouldn't stand and cry like a baby about it in front of my kids who are almost teenagers....

Well said. I also found the OP's reaction a little much. Not sure how this would have ruined her vacation.

 

[dawnball]

I'm curious about why the gate agent even noticed the kids and luggage.

Almost certainly because it was 9 at night. There are very few flights departing Reno after 9pm. There's a good chance that the OP's group was nearly the last set of bags the counter agent had to check before going off-shift for the night/closing down the counter.

 

[LiveYourLife]

In fact, that would make quite a thread on the Dis, I'm sure!
"OMG, you won't believe what I saw at MCO when we were arriving in Orlando, some woman was just standing to the side in the airport with four kids and the youngest had POOP running down her legs. Seriously, disgusting! People are so nasty! And WHY was she allowing the child to remain in that condition? I had half a mind to contact airport security and have it dealt with. In fact, someone should have called CPS!"

I'd just try to relax and forget the whole thing!

This is exactly what would have happened! Darned if you do, darned if you don't on the DIS!!!

Some people are not wired for confrontation. For those of you criticizing the OP for crying and for her reaction is a little harsh. So she didn't react the way you would have reacted, big deal. Traveling by plane sucks. There is nothing fun about it (have you read the airport queue thread???) anymore. Maybe they were running late for their flight, so the stress level was high to begin with. I'm sure all of you can agree that your kid having explosive diarrhea all over themselves is the last thing anyone would want to deal with before all the other crap (no pun intended, seriously) you have to go through at the airport
just to even get ON the plane.

I realize that as a parent you sometimes have to keep your emotions in check in front of your children, however, do you think the alternative of having the OP "stand up for herself" or "defend herself" would have been a better reaction for her children to witness? If that were the case, you'd still be criticiziing her that she overreacted and is teaching her children to be mouthy, entitled snots that by yelling at people you will get your way. Again, this OP was up the creek with everyone no matter how she reacted.

 

[badblackpug]

This is exactly what would have happened! Darned if you do, darned if you don't on the DIS!!!

Some people are not wired for confrontation. For those of you criticizing the OP for crying and for her reaction is a little harsh. So she didn't react the way you would have reacted, big deal. Traveling by plane sucks. There is nothing fun about it (have you read the airport queue thread???) anymore. Maybe they were running late for their flight, so the stress level was high to begin with. I'm sure all of you can agree that your kid having explosive diarrhea all over themselves is the last thing anyone would want to deal with before all the other crap (no pun intended, seriously) you have to go through at the airport
just to even get ON the plane.

I realize that as a parent you sometimes have to keep your emotions in check in front of your children, however, do you think the alternative of having the OP "stand up for herself" or "defend herself" would have been a better reaction for her children to witness? If that were the case, you'd still be criticiziing her that she overreacted and is teaching her children to be mouthy, entitled snots that by yelling at people you will get your way. Again, this OP was up the creek with everyone no matter how she reacted.

I would have left my 11 year old sitting on a bench with the luggage and the other kids. I can't imagine schlepping 4 kids and at least 4 suitcases into a public restroom to change a diaper, and I would have changed it right then before it got all over everything.

...but, my issue is the histrionics of the OP. There is a big difference between standing up for yourself, and defending yourself then getting into a confrontation. There is no reason for the OP to be a quivering mess because she perceived someone as being hostile to her. A very short, "I thank you for your concern, but everything is under control," would have conveyed the message that you didn't intend to entertain the ticket agent's ridiculousness any longer. The crying and shaking probably just reinforced to the kids that the OP and the kids did something wrong.

 

[tasha99]

This is exactly what would have happened! Darned if you do, darned if you don't on the DIS!!!

Some people are not wired for confrontation. For those of you criticizing the OP for crying and for her reaction is a little harsh. So she didn't react the way you would have reacted, big deal. Traveling by plane sucks. There is nothing fun about it (have you read the airport queue thread???) anymore. Maybe they were running late for their flight, so the stress level was high to begin with. I'm sure all of you can agree that your kid having explosive diarrhea all over themselves is the last thing anyone would want to deal with before all the other crap (no pun intended, seriously) you have to go through at the airport
just to even get ON the plane.

I realize that as a parent you sometimes have to keep your emotions in check in front of your children, however, do you think the alternative of having the OP "stand up for herself" or "defend herself" would have been a better reaction for her children to witness? If that were the case, you'd still be criticiziing her that she overreacted and is teaching her children to be mouthy, entitled snots that by yelling at people you will get your way. Again, this OP was up the creek with everyone no matter how she reacted.

It is very possible to be assertive and clear about expectations without yelling or being snotty. It's what I try to do most of the time, and yes, I want my kids to see that modeled. Hopefully they'll grow up to be neither tyrants nor doormats.

 

[LiveYourLife]

It is very possible to be assertive and clear about expectations without yelling or being snotty. It's what I try to do most of the time, and yes, I want my kids to see that modeled. Hopefully they'll grow up to be neither tyrants nor doormats.

I agree with you. It is all in how you handle the situation. However, under the circumstances that the OP described, maybe all rationale went out with the dirty diaper. Think about it....you've got FOUR kids under the age of 12, luggage (at least four pieces, maybe more), no extra set of adult hands, and your youngest has just pooped all over themselves. So all of that compiled at once and you throw in a gate agent (and we all know what charming personalities they can have) threatening to call security, well, I can empathize and see why she reacted the way she did. Actually, I would probably have a few choice words for my Husband for getting off easy by just having to park the car. Either way, I doubt her kids are going to be scarred for life over this.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I would have left my 11 year old sitting on a bench with the luggage and the other kids. I can't imagine schlepping 4 kids and at least 4 suitcases into a public restroom to change a diaper, and I would have changed it right then before it got all over everything.

...but, my issue is the histrionics of the OP. There is a big difference between standing up for yourself, and defending yourself then getting into a confrontation. There is no reason for the OP to be a quivering mess because she perceived someone as being hostile to her. A very short, "I thank you for your concern, but everything is under control," would have conveyed the message that you didn't intend to entertain the ticket agent's ridiculousness any longer. The crying and shaking probably just reinforced to the kids that the OP and the kids did something wrong.

This is but I love the little mushy in your avi . So cute!

 

[Imzadi]

When I came out, the gate agent for Southwest Airlines was waiting for me. She said in a loud tone, "do you realize you left three of your children and luggage in an airport by themselves?" I tried to explain to her that my two year old had pooped in her pants, but she refused to listen to me. She told me that she had already called my husband and that security was next. . .


Is eleven really too young to leave in charge of a 10 and 4 year old outside of a bathroom with luggage? I asked my oldest if they did anything wrong and she said no. I keep trying to let it go but I feel like this ruined our whole vacation.

I think the majority of the people posting on this thread, as well as the OP, are missing the point that this happened in an AIRPORT. What may be fine, leaving an 11 year old in charge, leaving kids unattended for a few moments with luggage, in any other situation is incorrect in an AIRPORT.

The OP restated the what the gate agent for Southwest Airlines stated was PRECISELY what the problem was:

1. She left three children by themselves
2. She left three children by themselves with luggage
3. She left luggage essentially unattended

The SW agent also states:
"She called the husband AND security would be called next."

The SW agent followed proper procedure for an airport. If this was done in New York's JFK airport, LaGuardia or at Newark, security would probably have automatically detained the children as the children may have been abandoned overnite or completely, with some belongings to fend for themselves, and probably the whole family would have missed their flight until it was all sorted out IF the parents really did show up again.

SECONDLY, airport police with a bomb sniffing dog would have been called over to ensure that the children weren't just left with the unattended luggage as a decoy for a bomb placed in the luggage. Depending on the police officer, he may be annoyed that the dog was pulled away from sniffing for actual threats, or he may have the patience & understanding that some people are still so blissfully naive as to dangers of terrorism in airports, proven terrorist target zones.

I was at Laguardia once. I had my money & ID in a little fanny pack, worn at the back of my waist under my coat. I was standing at the end of a long line and reached under my coat to the small of my back to pull the fanny pack around to my front to take out my ID. It got caught at my hip. I turned to look at it and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that a National Guard soldier with an AK47, ready to be lifted & aimed, was walking toward me. The look on his face meant business. He had seen me reach under my coat for something concealed, and it might have been a gun. When he saw it was just my fanny pack & how shocked I was, he just turned & backed away. But I learned just how serious airport security is. And I am grateful for their watchful eyes & ears.

OP, YOUR actions, as unwitting and innocent as they would have been anywhere else, were potential problems in THIS situation, well beyond a "poopy diaper" and being yelled at in a way you weren't used to.

My suggestion to you is to read the book, Emotional Intelligence. As other people have stated, your reaction to the event was extreme for the situation. It is a book with concepts that could help you, especially as you have kids and need to roll model emotionally handling situations better and putting them into perspective. That a 5 minute situation can ruin a WHOLE vacation (of days???) says a lot. You need to learn techniques for some reframes, boundaries, some changes in perspective, and gaining control of your emotions.

 

[jodifla]

I think the majority of the people posting on this thread, as well as the OP, are missing the point that this happened in an AIRPORT. What may be fine, leaving an 11 year old in charge, leaving kids unattended for a few moments with luggage, in any other situation is incorrect in an AIRPORT.

The OP restated the what the gate agent for Southwest Airlines stated was PRECISELY what the problem was:

1. She left three children by themselves
2. She left three children by themselves with luggage
3. She left luggage essentially unattended

The SW agent also states:
"She called the husband AND security would be called next."

The SW agent followed proper procedure for an airport. If this was done in New York's JFK airport, LaGuardia or at Newark, security would probably have automatically detained the children as the children may have been abandoned overnite or completely, with luggage to fend for themselves, and probably the whole family would have missed their flight until it was all sorted out IF the parents really did show up.

SECONDLY, airport police with a bomb sniffing dog would have been called over to ensure that the children weren't just left with the unattended luggage as a decoy for a bomb placed in the luggage. Depending on the police officer, he may be annoyed that the dog was pulled away from sniffing for actual threats, or he may have the patience & understanding that some people are still so blissfully naive as to dangers of terrorism in airports, proven terrorist target zones.

I was at Laguardia once. I had my money & ID in a little fanny pack, worn at the back of my waist under my coat. I was standing at the end of a long line and reached under my coat to the small of my back to pull the fanny pack around to my front to take out my ID. It got caught at my hip. I turned to look at it and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that a National Guard soldier with an AK47, ready to be lifted & aimed, was walking toward me. The look on his face meant business. He had seen me reach under my coat for something concealed, and it might have been a gun. When he saw it was just my fanny pack & how shocked I was, he just turned & backed away. But I learned just how serious airport security is. And I am grateful for their watchful eyes & ears.

OP, YOUR actions, as unwitting and innocent as they would have been anywhere else, were potential problems in THIS situation, well beyond a "poopy diaper" and being yelled at in a way you weren't used to.

My suggestion to you is to read the book, Emotional Intelligence. As other people have stated, your reaction to the event was extreme for the situation. It is a book with concepts that could help you, especially as you have kids and need to roll model emotionally handling situations better and putting them into perspective. That a 5 minute situation can ruin a WHOLE vacation (of days???) says a lot. You need to learn techniques for some reframes, boundaries, some changes in perspective, and gaining control of your emotions.

Ah, SINCE WHEN??????????? Is this some super secret rule they don't tell you about at the airport?


The luggage WAS NOT unattended. And the children were old enough to fly alone, for heaven's sake.

SW agent abused her authority.

 

[jodifla]

I agree with you. It is all in how you handle the situation. However, under the circumstances that the OP described, maybe all rationale went out with the dirty diaper. Think about it....you've got FOUR kids under the age of 12, luggage (at least four pieces, maybe more), no extra set of adult hands, and your youngest has just pooped all over themselves. So all of that compiled at once and you throw in a gate agent (and we all know what charming personalities they can have) threatening to call security, well, I can empathize and see why she reacted the way she did. Actually, I would probably have a few choice words for my Husband for getting off easy by just having to park the car. Either way, I doubt her kids are going to be scarred for life over this.

Yes, this. Flying is nerve-wracking enough without the overbearing gate agent.

 

[MotifNumberOne]

I don't even understand why this thread was made? If something humiliating happens to me, if something makes me cry in public.. I would never think to post about it on a forum...

If I was really that upset, I would complain to the airline, but I definitely wouldn't be casting it out to the peanut gallery

 

[clarkshel]

Ah, SINCE WHEN??????????? Is this some super secret rule they don't tell you about at the airport?

The luggage WAS NOT unattended. And the children were old enough to fly alone, for heaven's sake.

SW agent abused her authority.

Give me a break. From the one side story we are getting, it still sounds like the agent was doing her job and the OP overreacted. I agree with other posters who say she should of just thanked the agent and said everything is under control. I wonder if the OP overreacts to a lot of things in her life.

 

[Colleen27]

I don't think you did anything wrong. My middle child is 11 and is perfectly capable of managing her 4yo sister for short periods of time, even for trips to the neighborhood park or candy store. I wouldn't think twice about leaving either of my older kids (11 & 15) to watch our bags and/or their little sister for a few minutes.

I wouldn't even fret over a child that age - more than old enough to distinguish "official" people like airline employees, TSA agents, or even Disney cast members from the general traveling public - giving out the information that she did. She was talking to a person she'd recognize as an authority figure, it makes sense that she'd be cooperative and not alarmed.

I usually blow off unsolicited opinions about my parenting. I know I'm more permissive than a lot of parents in the fear-based 21st century and I politely bite my tongue when I think people are being ridiculously overprotective, but I understand that for some reason people on the other side of the fence often feel compelled to share their thoughts on the subject. So personally I'd like to think that the opinions of a nosy busybody in a situation like that wouldn't upset me, but after a long day of traveling and a poop explosion she might have gotten under my skin too.

 

[LiveYourLife]

I absolutely agree with those who said the reaction should have been "Thank you, situation under control and have a good night" to the SWA Gate Agent, and you move along. However, Mom was juggling hand grenades. She lost her cool, and broke down. We've all been in the OP's shoes at one time or another, reached our limit, and broken down. It doesn't make you weak, it makes you human.

 

[Imzadi]

Ah, SINCE WHEN??????????? Is this some super secret rule they don't tell you about at the airport?


The luggage WAS NOT unattended. And the children were old enough to fly alone, for heaven's sake.

SW agent abused her authority.

Have you ever even been in an airport with high terrorist security, other than seeing it reported on TV? This is what happens at NYC airports. It's no secret:

The National Guard, especially on the Jewish high holy days and other high terrorist alert days at NY Airports: (Links belong to dmna.ny.gov.)

(I sized this down. Original link: http://dmna.ny.gov/blog/images/1257343362--091103-A-2441B-0024.jpg)

The guards above were like one of the National Guards man who approached me.


See the Hudson News in the back left, the tile floor and the escalator? This is at the NYC Port Authority Bus/Subway terminal at 8th Ave. They also get stationed at various subway stations.

These signs below are all part of a CURRENT Department of Homeland Security campaign all around NYC, getting people to be on the look out for SUSPICIOUS EVENTS AND UNATTENDED BAGS, called, "When you see something, SAY something." People don't have to figure out if it is something really suspicious, just call 911 and let THEM figure it out by investigating & interviewing.

Signs in the subways & in trains and at the airports:

Buses:

Bomb sniffing dogs - and YES, I actually HAVE seen the bomb sniffing dogs sniff baggage & packages. Did you think they were just cute dogs for looks with the NYPD and other high profile city police departments?

And on TV commercials here:

So YES, if young children are left alone in an airport here with baggage (and no adults in sight) and someone reports it or thinks it's suspicious, it will get investigated.

Oh and SINCE WHEN??? Since about September 12, 2001.

 

[Colleen27]

So YES, if young children are left alone in an airport here with baggage (and no adults in sight) and someone reports it or thinks it's suspicious, it will get investigated.

Oh and SINCE WHEN??? Since about September 12, 2001.

I think much of that is unique to NYC. I've certainly never seen it. I'm not a super frequent traveler but I go in/out of Detroit airport a few times a year and have been for the last 5-6 years, usually to other mid-sized international airports like MCO or BWI. I've never seen a guard armed with anything more than a handgun, and going for my wallet (I don't carry a purse, so my ID/money/ticket is always in my back pocket under my coat) has never raised so much as an eyebrow much less a red flag. And I'm fairly sure my kids have kept an eye on the bags a time or two, certainly when I was changing the youngest and probably for less important distractions like grabbing a drink before boarding. That never drew any attention either.

I doubt I'd fly as often as I do if taking one kid to the bathroom while leaving the others sitting with the bags was enough to cause a security alert or if I could expect armed guards watching me suspiciously when I go for my wallet at the TSA checkpoint. That just wouldn't be worth the stress.

 

[Angel Ariel]

Btw, the other poster did not say kids are left in the Reno airport alone to go gambling, she said it happens in Reno which could be anywhere. Doubtful it's the airport.

Actually, it wouldn't surprise me that it was the airport. I haven't been to Reno, but Las Vegas' airport has slot machines all over the place. I wouldn't be surprised if Reno did as well.

 

[Imzadi]

I think much of that is unique to NYC. I've certainly never seen it. I'm not a super frequent traveler but I go in/out of Detroit airport a few times a year and have been for the last 5-6 years, usually to other mid-sized international airports like MCO or BWI. I've never seen a guard armed with anything more than a handgun, and going for my wallet (I don't carry a purse, so my ID/money/ticket is always in my back pocket under my coat) has never raised so much as an eyebrow much less a red flag. And I'm fairly sure my kids have kept an eye on the bags a time or two, certainly when I was changing the youngest and probably for less important distractions like grabbing a drink before boarding. That never drew any attention either.

I doubt I'd fly as often as I do if taking one kid to the bathroom while leaving the others sitting with the bags was enough to cause a security alert or if I could expect armed guards watching me suspiciously when I go for my wallet at the TSA checkpoint. That just wouldn't be worth the stress.

I get that some stuff is specific to NYC. And I'm glad the rest of the country doesn't have it happening. To say it is bizarre, unreal and disconcerting to see armed National Guards standing around is an understatement.

The original point I was trying to make in my first post was that because of the higher security in airports, I think we have to take "airports" as a whole and put them in a separate category. As much as people would like to say, "Oh, it was just little Reno airport," in some ways ALL the airports are connected and have their own funky security protocols via the TSA, which would seem extreme in any other situations.

We don't know if the TSA had given a national security alert just a couple hours earlier that day, to watch out for more situations than usual. What we do know is that the OP said the SW agent said that she left the children & bags unattended (which to me, in an airport means age 12 or adult supervision,) and it was about airport security protocols.

We've also had posters here on the DIS who have said that they have /or would call the police if they see children in a car unattended, even if they knew the parent was in the 7/11, only 100 ft away. So we also don't know if someone reported the unattended children to the SW agent and she suddenly had to do something about it or get reported herself or tweeted about that she did nothing.