Here now...feeling sad

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by littlespark, Oct 29, 2012.

  1. littlespark

    littlespark Earning My Ears

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    This is really minor compared to what so many people are going through, I realize that and feel bad even posting this, but this is really upsetting me.

    I LOVE Disney, so much. Ever since my last trip a little over 2 years ago I've been dying to go back. That trip was a solo one and it was as perfect as it could have been, even though nothing special happened.

    So fast forward to this year. I finally had a good job, and started saving money to go, as did my DBF. I was so excited about the trip the whole time before it, up to a week before.

    Then, I would sometimes be excited, sometimes numb, and sometimes it didn't seem real that I was actually going, with my DBF no less, which was a big dream of mine. Then it was time to go to the aiport and I was a little excited I guess, but mostly I could take it or leave it, and kind of wished I could postpone the trip until I felt extremely excited again, but knew that there was no way.

    Anyway, I got on the plane...didn't even get scared like I usually do...my DBF was very excite (I was semi nervous he wouldn't like Disney or the trip in general). Once I landed in Orlando, it felt like I was in a dream....not in a good way though, it literally felt like I was dreaming about going to Disney and would wake up at any moment. I felt like this wasn't my life. I don't know how to explain it, but I just felt off.

    The first few days seemed like they just flew by, like they didn't even happen to me. I remember everything but it was like it happened to someone else. Now, I have less than a week left and I'm getting really depressed for two reasons: one, I don't want to go back home, I want to stay here forever (who doesn't, right) and two, I feel like my vacation and all the money I paid for it was a waste, because I couldn't enjoy it like I hoped to, or even just feel normal and like myself here. I'm also sad that maybe I'm ruining the trip for my DBF. He hasn't complained once and I've been trying to not let my feelings show, but I did cry twice for a while when I couldn't help it anymore.

    I just feel sad about everything, and mostly the fact that I feel like I won't have any good memories from the trip and will feel like I was never here, even though plenty of happy things happened. Some not so good, sure, but nothing is perfect! This should be a happy time and now I feel like it would be a lie to remember it as a happy time since I'm feeling depressed a lot of the time. But my DBF is happy and in a way I am extremely happy to be here (I don't want to go back, after all...)

    Up until the week leading up to the trip I was 100% fine, as fine as I have ever felt. I had no depression, nothing.

    I know it's a long shot and there's probably nothing anyone can do but I'm hoping someone will say something that will make me cope with this better or something that will make me take my mind off of the fact that this will be over soon.

    And I know, I probably should and WILL go to a doctor once I get home. I see a therapist back home on a regular basis and will be seeing her once I return. I'm just looking for something to help me now, since going to a therapist or a doctor now is not an option as I don't live in the US.

    Sorry for the huge post, and thanks in advance to anyone who can help.
     
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  3. Brook730

    Brook730 Mouseketeer

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    I'm sorry your having a rough time I hope it gets better for you.:hug: Just remember you are in Disney try to just let loose and have fun be a kid again.:banana:
     
  4. kate14

    kate14 Earning My Ears

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    I've been there. Ok, maybe not exactly, but I can understand what you're feeling. It happened to me a little on my last trip, and I think part of it was from overplanning and excitement exhaustion. At least that's what I'm calling it. I think I built everything up so much in my mind, and spent so much time thinking about how perfect everything had to be that I forgot to be in the moment and really experience it.

    Just take a deep breath. Be still in the moment and realize you are living your dream. It's not happening to you - you are making it happen.

    For what it's worth, anyway. :hug:
     
  5. dworldlovers

    dworldlovers Mouseketeer

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    Dear littlespark, it sounds like you're emotions are all over the place!! You say you don't want to leave Disney, but it also seems like you're not enjoying yourself :worried: You're on vacation with your DBF, so maybe take an evening 'off' from Disney and enjoy each others' company-stay at your resort and enjoy the pool, have a drink at the bar, watch a movie outside if they have it. Just a little break from the parks, transportation, crowds, etc... It also sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Try to relax and have a nice talk with your DBF. To refresh your 'Disney-love batteries', go to where the little kids are and observe/soak-up their excitement :hyper:
    And lastly, I'm no therapist, but I'm glad you can talk to one when you return home. Feel free to have a good cry!! If your DBF loves you, he won't mind you using his shoulder and it also may make him feel better because he'll feel as though he is helping you!! I hope this helps!! :firefight
     
  6. a1tinkfans

    a1tinkfans Spreading Some Pixie Dust Today!

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    OP
    try and just take a DEEP BREATH....you are okay...you are SAFE and you're with you dbf in a wonderful place.
    I think that ALL the planning and all the HYPE can sometimes deplete even the best of us.
    Dont be so hard on yourself..:hug:
    Instead,
    maybe consider just walking around a resort you have not seen before, a lunch somewhere and just people gazing, a little shopping and no pressure to see it all do it all, for half a day, even a whole day....
    Sometimes the time I enjoy most are the quieter times, wandering around and just taking it all in....I am known to take part of a day even a whole day, just to myself to do just what I mentioned previously.
    You are human, after all, you recognize that something is "off" so instead of stressing about it, realize that YOU are gonna make the very best of it...

    EMBRACE the vacation, try and RELAX, have a quieter calmer day...
    And when you return home, follow as you stated!

    I hope and am confident that your remaining days WILL be better for you. :cutie:
    Hope youll update us....
    and listen ...feel free to have a drink for me :rotfl:, and people watch :thumbsup2 and remember YOU'RE AT DISNEY :banana:
    Im looking outside and watching this CRAZY :confused::confused: storm up here in the NE

    Enjoy!!! :cheer2:
     
  7. SDSorority

    SDSorority Traumatized by Magic Journeys and Haunted Mansion

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    :thumbsup2 ::yes::
     
  8. ctl

    ctl Mouseketeer

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    I love to sit and just watch the people go past especially the little kids who get so excited at the parades and fireworks. Try not to think about going home and live in the moment, this very moment, this very hour. Think of how special your time is and how lucky you are to be on vacation with such a great BF. Watch the kids, they are always good for a chuckle. Give yourself a big hug.:grouphug:
     
  9. SDSorority

    SDSorority Traumatized by Magic Journeys and Haunted Mansion

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    I agree! We like to do this too.

    Actually OP, if you have time, take a trip over to the Poly about 30 min before Wishes, sit in a lawnchair, enjoy the ambiance, and watch Wishes. It was the best part of my trip last year- it was the very first evening that I actually enjoyed myself, as I too had a very anxious trip. I realized, like the PP said, that I was IN the moment, not worried about where I had been, where we were going next, when we were going home, etc. I seriously laid in a lawn chair, put my fingers in the sand, and watched the fireworks. It.Was.Great.... and I wish I was there doing that right now because right now I'm moping around the house getting over a cold. Boo. :sick:
     
  10. littlespark

    littlespark Earning My Ears

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    Thank you so much for all the replies and tips!

    I followed some of the advice here and went to see a different resort, did a few different things and it seems to have helped some.

    I'm going to try the suggestion to go to the Polynesian beach and watch the fireworks.

    I only have two full days left now, and it still doesn't feel like it did the other times I was here, but at least I don't feel so sad about it anymore.

    My main issue is/was the feeling that I'm not really here. I'm happy to be here, certainly not unhappy to be at Disney, if I could chose to be anywhere it would certainly be here, no question about it. I was just expecting to get that can't stop smiling feeling I got all the other times I was here and even back home when I thought about coming back. That and the fact the it didn't seem real/seemed to be going by too fast really upset me, as I know I won't be able to be back for at least another year, most likely two. And I'm not looking forward to going back to real life, at all.

    Anyway, thanks again everyone, you were all very helpful. I'll just try to relax some more and make the best of the days I still have here.
     
  11. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    I really hope you can enjoy the last of your trip..:hug:
     
  12. sissy_ib

    sissy_ib DIS Veteran

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    I think I know a little bit how you feel. I had very high expectations for my Honeymoon at WDW in January and I was a very let down. Almost everything was great but there was just something off the entire time we were there. We did have some very great experiences though and those are the memories I will always cherish. My DH thinks we took two trips too close together and I think he was right. We planned a few years off. I am going solo in February but that is for the Princess Half Marathon and I only will have limited time in the parks. We wont be back to WDW together until probably late 2014.

    OP, focus on the good times. When you get home you will have some great memories. Try to do more things you have not done before. The new restaurants we tried and the tour we took were the highlight of our trip because they were so new.
     
  13. SDSorority

    SDSorority Traumatized by Magic Journeys and Haunted Mansion

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    Let me know how you like Poly Wishes!! :thumbsup2
     
  14. littlespark

    littlespark Earning My Ears

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    Just to give everyone an update: I managed to feel a little better on the last few days.

    I was going to watch Wishes from Poly but ended up not making it in time...I did walk on the beach there and around the hotel and it was really nice. I also went to Fort Wilderness and unexpectedly got to watch the water pageant. It was pretty cool, a lot better than I expected from what I read here. Also Hallowishes was going on at the same time, so it was cool.

    I did a lot of fun things on this trip and DBF says it was perfect. I was afraid I ruined the trip for him but he said no way, that it really was perfect.

    However, now that I'm back home, it feels like it never happened. I know it did and I remember pretty much every single thing I did and have a ton of pictures and videos, but it's like it didn't happen to me.

    I have no idea why this happened and I'm pretty upset that it did. I was so, SO happy and excited about the trip up until about a week before I left, and then like I mentioned before, I was just numb...for no reason...everything was ready to go, paid for, there wasn't much that could go wrong. But it was like I woke up one day and the excitement and happiness were gone (not that I was sad, though...not then at least). I thought it was just "cold feet" and it would go away once I was there. This did happen once before where the first day of the trip didn't seem real but then the next day it was perfect. I did mention feeling numb to my therapist and she said that was normal, that many people feel that way before a trip sometimes and even she does. I was pretty confident I would be fine.

    I'll be seeing my therapist in a few days and I hope I can figure something out to help me because I feel extremely sad and angry now that it's over. I wish I could still be there and most of all, I wish I was extremely happy there like I have been every single time I was there (not that I have been many times, this was the fourth over a period of 20 years). Heck, I was even excited on trips in my own country and when me and DBF flew to a different city to get his visa and that doesn't even compare with Disney, not even close. I was even extremely happy here whenever I saw things that reminded me of Disney. I had none of that there. I had moments of happiness but it was toned way down. It pisses me off and makes me want to cry that I waited for this for so long and I feel like it got ruined, like I wasted this opportunity.

    On every other trip the first few weeks I was home were still very happy, with only a little bit of sadness that it was over. I would look at pictures, videos, souvenirs and be very happy about everything, remember what it felt like to be there. Now when I look at pictures, etc, it just makes me sad, because I can't remember those feelings, likely because I never really felt much most of the time.

    And just so this isn't a depressing rant/update. I'm very grateful that I was able to go on this trip and to everything I was able to do, and that BDF was able to come with me. Maybe eventually I'll be able to have only good feelings about this trip. I sure hope so.
     

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