I still miss my Mother especially around the holidays. She's been gone 10 years now. Every December I get an amaryllis bulb and watch it grow. Mother LOVED amaryllis and marveled at how quickly they grew! I smile every time I see it in my kitchen window. I hope that your raw grief subsides and that you'll be able to remember all the wonderful times you and your DM had and smile. I have a mental catalog of experiences in my head of some fun and crazy times my DM and I had together. And, OMG, they are legion and a huge source of comfort for me.