Go Fund Me for College Fund?

[luvsJack]

Whatever happened to not wanting others to know when you didn't have money for something? When I was young (late seventies and early eighties) you never wanted to admit your parents couldn't afford for you to take a school trip or buy you the latest toy. Now it seems people are competing to be the most needy.

I find GFM accounts for college and trips to be tacky. No, I don't have to look at them but I can have an opinion of them. I have 2 DDs in college and I would be all over them if they set up this type of account. I feel the same when students stand at the town dump on weekends to collect money for sports or trips. I find it especially amusing because their parents stand next to their big SUVs drinking the coffee they just bought and wearing designer clothes. If a student is actually working for the money, collecting the Christmas trees or a car wash, I will use the service. But I won't drop a dollar or two just because someone decides to stand at the side of the road with their hand out.

There is a level of satisfaction and pride when you save towards a goal and meet the goal. This seems to be forgotten in our immediate gratification society.

For many its not about "me" being able to afford it. For many we raise funds as a group so that every kid in the group can go. And some of those funds are raised by asking for them.

Many of these GFM accounts are set up by people to help someone else. The kid going on the band trip didn't set up the account his host family did.

School groups have been raising money since the beginning of school groups. I clearly remember selling candy by the cases in the late 70's and early 80's so that we could go on a trip, have a prom or whatever. Rather than asking each parent to give $XX, we sold candy and set up donation booths. Asking for donations is hardly something new.


As for work ethic, it may be different in other areas, but here I see a work ethic that is just fine. 75% of the high school juniors and seniors have jobs, some more than one. They also help their families with gardening, on family farms, etc. And many of them also volunteer hours with different organizations along with working their tails off in the activities they take part in. I think that the idea of "worrying about this generation" is just about not understanding why they do things differently than we did them. Asking for donations for something isn't new, its just in a new format. Our hs has alumni that has paid for many a kids college education. Now there may be someone with that same mindset but they can find a kid in the mid-west or northeast that has the same needs as someone in their own backyard.

 

[Magic Band Defender]

Um no, putting registry information in a wedding invitation has always been improper.

Like all things etiquette, it depends on where you live and your social circle. Believe it or not, some people think it is the height of tacky to NOT include it. The thinking is, why should they have to go out of their way to find that information? Especially guests who wait until the very last minute to select a gift. They want to know where to go without tracking someone down. I am neither for or against this practice but it is standard practice in some places.

 

[Magic Band Defender]

Ever seen the jars set up asking for change to fund a school trip? Bought a candy bar from a band kid? Or expensive wrapping paper? Or some silly gadget from a catalog some school group sends around? Same thing.

I prefer just giving cash. I don't want to spend $20 on stuff I don't need when only $10 of the sale benefits the school/activity/whatever, when I could give $15 in cash and everyone wins! I know some say these accounts are in poor taste, but I'm more concerned about practicality myself.

 

[jrmasm]

Like all things etiquette, it depends on where you live and your social circle. Believe it or not, some people think it is the height of tacky to NOT include it. The thinking is, why should they have to go out of their way to find that information? Especially guests who wait until the very last minute to select a gift. They want to know where to go without tracking someone down. I am neither for or against this practice but it is standard practice in some places.

I'm sure some people do include registry information in wedding invitations but tacky not to include and standard practice in some places? I find that incredibly hard to believe.

 

[luvsJack]

I prefer just giving cash. I don't want to spend $20 on stuff I don't need when only $10 of the sale benefits the school/activity/whatever, when I could give $15 in cash and everyone wins! I know some say these accounts are in poor taste, but I'm more concerned about practicality myself.

I agree. I would rather give money.

 

[gwynne]

I prefer just giving cash. I don't want to spend $20 on stuff I don't need when only $10 of the sale benefits the school/activity/whatever, when I could give $15 in cash and everyone wins! I know some say these accounts are in poor taste, but I'm more concerned about practicality myself.

I agree! For school stuff, I give cash usually 5 or 10 dollars and call it a day. I totally do not want to get an old bucket o' cookie dough (or something similar) in two weeks.

 

[Magic Band Defender]

I'm sure some people do include registry information in wedding invitations but tacky not to include and standard practice in some places? I find that incredibly hard to believe.

I have not lived in my hometown since I was 18, but I do have a few friends I still keep in touch with (and family of course). I would estimate over 75% of invitations I receive from home include registry info. And what's considered traditional and proper is different where I went to college. And different in the city my husband and I moved to as newlyweds. And different where we live now. It's a big country with lots of different kinds of people in it.

 

[Magic Band Defender]

I agree! For school stuff, I give cash usually 5 or 10 dollars and call it a day. I totally do not want to get an old bucket o' cookie dough (or something similar) in two weeks.

The cookie dough is the worst. I love Girl Scouts though

 

[luvsJack]

I have not lived in my hometown since I was 18, but I do have a few friends I still keep in touch with (and family of course). I would estimate over 75% of invitations I receive from home include registry info. And what's considered traditional and proper is different where I went to college. And different in the city my husband and I moved to as newlyweds. And different where we live now. It's a big country with lots of different kinds of people in it.

Very true. Plus, I can definitely see sending the info in invites for out of town guests especially.

Every area is different and customs in that particular area may change over time. What is seen as bad manners in one place isn't at all in another. Just like the whole "cover your plate" think for wedding gifts. I never heard of such a thing before the DIS, but in some areas, it would be unheard of not to do this.

 

[Laura66]

I remember when I was going to college people told me "they worked their way through college in the 80's". That's just not possible anymore.

Baloney! It's possible! You might not be able to do it as quickly as you'd like to, or do without - but it's possible!

 

[luvsJack]

Baloney! It's possible! You might not be able to do it as quickly as you'd like to, or do without - but it's possible!

There are reasons why it is harder to do now than in the past. Expectations from both the employer and the school are big issues. I won't say its impossible but it is much, much harder and for some in areas with limited options, it is pretty close to impossible.

 

[kamik86]

I know in general I'm much more practical and less interested in peoples feelings or what is tacky or impolite then most... however I don't see why these types of things are a problem.

I know alot of people gave me money when I graduated high school. I'm sure most of those people hoped I would use that money for college (BTW I did). So why is it impolite to say "Hey if you want to give me money for college it would be easier if you put it here"

I mean it wasn't considered impolite when I got married to say "Hey if you want to buy a present there is a list of stuff I want over here" Some people bought off that list, some people bought random stuff most of which I no longer own but I still appreciated the gesture, some didn't get me anything, one person helped out with the wedding by means of a present (she made my cake)

So why it it wrong to do this for graduating? I mean yeah if she is begging random people to give her presents that is wrong. If she is pressuring people that is wrong....

As someone that has people ask me every year what I want for christmas and frankly 99% of the time I don't know the answer. If something is small I tend to have the money in my fun money account to buy it as soon as I decide I want it. The things that aren't like this are all too big for presents. It would be really cool to have people put in for some of those things... actually some of my most memorable presents are things that multiple people pooled what they would have spent on me to get me.

 

[havaneselover]

The cookie dough is the worst. I love Girl Scouts though

I don't mind the cookie dough. I bought some Southern Living Cookie dough this year (co-worker's daughter was seling it for middle school) and it was great. The girl scout cookies drive me insane and my DD is a girl scout. I don't want to pay $4 for a box of 13 cookies when Keebler sells the same cookies at Walmart for $2. Next year I'm paying $20 to opt out of cookie selling.

We had to sell raffle tickets for baseball. My ex and I bought all ten. When my nephew had to sell them my SIL emailed asking if I wanted any. My feeling was even if I won something, they wouldn't tell me. My kids also have to do $450 of fundraising for swimming. I used to be able to cover it by shopping at Kroger, but Kroger ended their program. So now I'm on the hook for another $450. I did have one friend who knew we were selling peanuts offer to buy some. But I just don't feel comfortable asking others to support my kids' activities. Just not my style.

 

[jrmasm]

I have not lived in my hometown since I was 18, but I do have a few friends I still keep in touch with (and family of course). I would estimate over 75% of invitations I receive from home include registry info. And what's considered traditional and proper is different where I went to college. And different in the city my husband and I moved to as newlyweds. And different where we live now. It's a big country with lots of different kinds of people in it.

10 minutes on Google and I could not find a single etiquette expert that states that in area xyz there is a different set of rules. Every single one said don't do it, it's rude.

 

[Nancyg56]

Standard etiquette says that a registry card for invites to showers is okay, as that's the entire point of a shower- to give gifts to help the new couple set up a home.

As far as the wedding invite- it's never okay to include registry information. It's, in essence, saying that a gift is expected. The invite should be non-conditional; you invite for the pleasure of sharing your event with family and friends, not to receive gifts.

I agree. I have only seen it in Shower invitations, however I would not be offended if the registry card was in the wedding invitation. I never feel obliged to use the registry.

I also think it is fine to have a honeymoon on the registry. Makes no difference to me what folks are registering for. To be honest, my niece is marrying in August, and she did not want a registry. She has what she wants, and likes what she has. I bet she might have considered a honeymoon registry because they cannot afford one yet, and they are paying for the wedding themselves. He sister is the MOH, and is her a shower, but now my sister got involved, and added three stores as a bridal registry, and had the invitations printed. Poor girl is now trying to do this registry thing and is embarrassed as heck.

As to the Go fund me accounts...again, it makes no difference to me what someone asks for. I am not inclined to give anything I do not choose to give.

 

[kamik86]

It is my experience that those that are bothered and offended by these things are people that are more bothered by what other people think of them. It is the people that are worried that if they don't give to everything that asks that they will either be seen as being cheap or that they don't have enough money themselves and that bothers them.

 

[declansdad]

10 minutes on Google and I could not find a single etiquette expert that states that in area xyz there is a different set of rules. Every single one said don't do it, it's rude.

Right because online etiquette experts are always right about everything. If the poster says that is how it's been done in their experience why would anyone tall them they are wrong?

 

[luvsJack]

10 minutes on Google and I could not find a single etiquette expert that states that in area xyz there is a different set of rules. Every single one said don't do it, it's rude.

You do realize that some things may just become a custom in a certain area without it being on Google, right. We have had threads here about things like baby showers for 2nd or 3rd babies. In some places it happens all the time, in some apparently never. I have no idea what Google says, but whether the etiquette books say its ok or not, the custom of the area or social circle says it is.

 

[Kbee]

So why it it wrong to do this for graduating? I mean yeah if she is begging random people to give her presents that is wrong. If she is pressuring people that is wrong....

If her GFM account is online for all to "donate" too then um yeah she is begging random people to pay for her education. Receiving (not asking for) a graduation gift from a close family member is one thing, asking everyone and anyone that comes across your GFM page for money is quite another.

 

[Laura66]

There are reasons why it is harder to do now than in the past. Expectations from both the employer and the school are big issues. I won't say its impossible but it is much, much harder and for some in areas with limited options, it is pretty close to impossible.

Never said it was easy. Never said it wasn't hard. But it IS possible!