GCSE answers

Discussion in 'UK Community Board' started by paulh, Oct 21, 2009.

  1. paulh

    paulh <font color=blue>likes to have a beer<br><font col

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    Oct 10, 1999
    Messages:
    5,512
    I know a few on here are teachers so they can say if they have come accros any of these


    > >
    > > The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in
    > Swindon , Wiltshire (U.K.) - this part is probably to be taken with a
    > pinch of salt!
    > >
    > > These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
    > >
    > > Q. Name the four seasons
    > > A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
    > >
    > > Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
    > drink
    > > A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
    > pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists
    > >
    > > Q. How is dew formed
    > > A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
    > >
    > > Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
    > > A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water
    > tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
    > and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
    > >
    > > Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    > > A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well
    > endowed
    > >
    > > Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    > > A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
    > >
    > > Q. What are steroids
    > > A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now
    > , there is little hope)
    > >
    > > Q. What happens to your body as you age
    > > A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental
    > >
    > > Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    > > A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
    > (So true)
    > >
    > > Q Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    > > A. Premature death
    > >
    > > Q. What is artificial insemination
    > > A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow
    > >
    > > Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    > > A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)
    > >
    > > Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The
    > abdomen)
    > > A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
    > the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax
    > contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five
    > bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)
    > >
    > > Q. What is the fibula?
    > > A. A small lie
    > >
    > > Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    > > A. Nearby
    > >
    > > Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    > > A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That
    > would work)
    > >
    > > Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    > > A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
    > >
    > > Q. What is a seizure?
    > > A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
    > >
    > > Q. What is a terminal illness
    > > A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)
    > >
    > > Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
    > > A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
    > umbrellas
    > >
    > > Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its
    > meaning
    > > A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)
    > >
    > > Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    > > A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
    > >
    > > Q. What is a turbine?
    > > A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
    > >
    :rotfl:
    Paul
     
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  3. jen_uk

    jen_uk <font color=6666cc>Eurovision Nut !!<font color=33

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    :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

    I can believe them, I have seen students really really daft things on exam papers :teacher:
     
  4. joolz1910

    joolz1910 <font color=green>I would have gone down to recept

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    :rotfl::rotfl:
    I can believe them too. I have seen some brilliant gaffs on exam papers.
     
  5. Pinky166

    Pinky166 <font color=deeppink>a little on the OCD side<br><

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  6. Mrs Hobbes

    Mrs Hobbes DIS Veteran

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    I only teach primary so not quite GCSE level but on a year 2 maths sat paper in response to be asked to show their working one of my pupils drew a picture of themselves sat at the table writing :rotfl2:
     
  7. joolz1910

    joolz1910 <font color=green>I would have gone down to recept

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    :lmao::lmao:
     
  8. Chilly

    Chilly RIP Tag Fairy

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    :laughing: :rotfl2:

    :lmao::rotfl:
     
  9. jjk

    jjk <img src=http://www.wdwinfo.com/dis-sponsor/images

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  10. Lizzy Lemon

    Lizzy Lemon DIS Veteran

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    That could possibly describe my DS as he takes things so literally!!!!

    Had to stop half way down the list as I was laughing so much. At least they were answers, I work with someone whose son wouldn't even pick up the pen during his GCSE and wonders why he now can't get a job.
     
  11. strawberry blonde

    strawberry blonde DIS Veteran

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    So funny. Absolutely brightened my day. :rotfl2::rotfl2:
     
  12. Danauk

    Danauk <font color=green>I would be sitting on the patio

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    Very funny.

    I teach 8 year olds. In a maths test there was a question where the children had to name and draw shapes. They had to draw a trapezium so a child drew a ladder with a person climbing it, a tightrope and a trapize with a person hanging upside down from it with an animal on a stool below it!

    I remember in my GCSE geography exam we had a question which asked what a conservative margin was (it is the area between two tectonic plates in the earth.) My friend put the margin of votes for John Major and his party!
     
  13. joolz1910

    joolz1910 <font color=green>I would have gone down to recept

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    My friend thought that 'baking blind' was putting a cake in the oven with your eyes closed.:lmao:
    We had one student who wrote about doing his work experience in a cart (court). His whole piece was about sitting in the back of the cart and enjoying his time in the cart...
     
  14. mickeyforpresident

    mickeyforpresident DIS Veteran

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    These are great!! Thanks for posting.
     

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