LisaR
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- Joined
- Sep 26, 2000
My mom will be 85 next month. Given her age, she is doing extremely well! Her mind is fantastic. She does have a great deal of arthritis that makes getting around difficult. All things considered, she really is healthy. At a recent visit with the orthopedic doctor (I was with her) the doctor said, "You need to move that body and exercise that mind and you'll be just fine." The problem is, she isn't doing that.
She lives with me from December through April and then goes up north for the rest of the year where she lives in a condo by herself. About four years ago, I noticed a shift in her. I am sure she is depressed, but she denies it and won't tell the doctor. Even if I tell the doctor for her, she will never take a pill for it. When she first arrives in December, it takes a good month until she seems like herself again. She sits alone in her condo up north all day, every day and does absolutely nothing. I'd be depressed, too!
When she is here, she showers every day and goes out for two to three hours each day. Because she has a hard time walking, going out means driving to a drive-thru and eating alone in her car and then going to Walmart and tooling around the store in an electric cart for an hour. Nothing exciting, but at least she is moving a little and doing something. The rest of the time she is either sitting in her chair or in bed.
When she goes up north, she showers every three days or so and goes out about once every 7 - 10 days. The rest of the time she is sitting alone.
I've begged, pleaded, yelled, cried, reasoned, etc with her for years to please make some changes. She could move into independent living or assisted living down here or up north. I want her to be somewhere where she can get at least one decent meal a day, move around a little more, have a reason to shower and get dressed each day, and talk to people. She used to be so social. She belonged to a huge "breakfast club" that got together every single day for over twenty-five years. She continued to go even after my dad passed away. Unfortunately, she is the only surviving member. I've tried to get her to join some senior places, but she won't.
I'm just so sad that she will be heading home in a few weeks where she will take up her spot on her chair, do nothing, not interact with anyone, let her body sit and get more uncomfortable, and let her brain go to mush. I'm mad that she will be back in December and I will have to deal with her depression and the stress that causes me. I'm so stressed when she is here because I feel for her due to her pain, and then I am so stressed when she is up north and I can hear the depression in her voice when we talk.
When her mom was in the last years of her life, being very stubborn, refusing to move out of her home that was in a horrible area, my mom would continually tell us, "Don't ever let me get like your grandma. Just tell me if I am like her and I promise I will change." No matter how many times I tell her she is acting just like grandma, she doesn't care. I don't know how to fix this and I don't think I can.
If you've read this far, thanks for letting me vent.
She lives with me from December through April and then goes up north for the rest of the year where she lives in a condo by herself. About four years ago, I noticed a shift in her. I am sure she is depressed, but she denies it and won't tell the doctor. Even if I tell the doctor for her, she will never take a pill for it. When she first arrives in December, it takes a good month until she seems like herself again. She sits alone in her condo up north all day, every day and does absolutely nothing. I'd be depressed, too!
When she is here, she showers every day and goes out for two to three hours each day. Because she has a hard time walking, going out means driving to a drive-thru and eating alone in her car and then going to Walmart and tooling around the store in an electric cart for an hour. Nothing exciting, but at least she is moving a little and doing something. The rest of the time she is either sitting in her chair or in bed.
When she goes up north, she showers every three days or so and goes out about once every 7 - 10 days. The rest of the time she is sitting alone.
I've begged, pleaded, yelled, cried, reasoned, etc with her for years to please make some changes. She could move into independent living or assisted living down here or up north. I want her to be somewhere where she can get at least one decent meal a day, move around a little more, have a reason to shower and get dressed each day, and talk to people. She used to be so social. She belonged to a huge "breakfast club" that got together every single day for over twenty-five years. She continued to go even after my dad passed away. Unfortunately, she is the only surviving member. I've tried to get her to join some senior places, but she won't.
I'm just so sad that she will be heading home in a few weeks where she will take up her spot on her chair, do nothing, not interact with anyone, let her body sit and get more uncomfortable, and let her brain go to mush. I'm mad that she will be back in December and I will have to deal with her depression and the stress that causes me. I'm so stressed when she is here because I feel for her due to her pain, and then I am so stressed when she is up north and I can hear the depression in her voice when we talk.
When her mom was in the last years of her life, being very stubborn, refusing to move out of her home that was in a horrible area, my mom would continually tell us, "Don't ever let me get like your grandma. Just tell me if I am like her and I promise I will change." No matter how many times I tell her she is acting just like grandma, she doesn't care. I don't know how to fix this and I don't think I can.
If you've read this far, thanks for letting me vent.
