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Frustrated and venting

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by minkydog, Feb 9, 2013.

  1. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

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    I'm totally venting here... My DH has stage 4 heart/lung disease and has recently been diagnosed with a serious lung infection similar to TB, except not contagious. His infectious disease doc has put him on a strenuous regimen of 3 harsh antibiotics, similar to chemo, which he will be on for 18-24 months.

    Ugh. It is not going easily. DH feels icky most of the time. Not exactly nauseous, but very fatigued all the time. His stomach hurts. He eats like a mouse, several little snacks during the day interspersed with 2-3 hour naps. I am really trying to be supportive. But it's frustrating when I plan a nice dinner and 20 min prior to supper he doesn' want to eat. And he doesn't want to eat for the rest of the evening. There goes dinner! It's pointless to make a good dinner if I"m the only one eating it. So I've started holding on fixing dinner until I'm sure he's going to eat it.

    I'm trying to make meal times pleasant. I make homemade soups at least once a week and he will eat that. He'll eat honey nut cheerios, saltines, grilled cheese sandwich, hot dogs, and baked potatoes. Which is weird because he has always been a big veggie eater. But now the very thought of salad, broccoli, peppers,etc, pretty much anything other than refried beans and mashed potatoes, just makes him ill.

    I feel guilty for feeling aggravated. I like to make a nice lunch or dinner. We used to eat out, but now it has to be Olive Garden where he can get...soup. Or Costco, where he can get...hot dog. I am just about dying for a good roast beef or chicken with salad and veggies. Today, he ran some errands. I purposely didn't eat all afternoon because I was going to make a nice dinner. He came home feeling sick, didn't want to eat. I was STARVING, hadn't eaten since 11am! He went to bed. I took my DD19 and we went out for a good dinner (that way he didn't have to smell the food cooking.) It was very nice, but then I felt guilty about not taking DH.

    The main side effect of all this, for me at least, is that I find myself getting hungrier. I want to eat everything, all the time. I think it's because I'm not getting enough protein. And that I'm feeling totally frustrated and deprived. Who wants to fix a whole dinner just for one? Foo...
     
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  3. hereyago

    hereyago DIS Veteran

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    oh,Minky, even though you are doing a sweet gesture, you know you have to TAKE CARE of YOU as well. Eat,SLEEP AND take.time.for.you.
     
  4. Pakey

    Pakey <img src=http://photopost.wdwinfo.com/data/500/509

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    I'm really sorry. I remember my husband being frustrated during my chemo treatments because I was like a sick slug and he'd go through so much trouble.

    Hang in there. He will appreciate it afterwards. It's just hard to show it when you feel so awful.
     
  5. kwelch10377

    kwelch10377 DIS Veteran

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    I don't think it is pointless to make a good dinner if you are the only one eating it. I cook good dinners for myself all the time and it is no big deal to cut the recipe in half or freeze portions. There really is no reason for your eating habits to be affected by his.
     
  6. low-key

    low-key DIS Veteran

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  7. horseshowmom

    horseshowmom DIS Veteran

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    I don't think you should feel guilty for going out to dinner with your daughter. The reality is that your husband isn't up to it anyway. Honestly, you should fix what you want for yourself for dinner (since your husband isn't up to it, you should have enough for leftovers for another meal (or meals). As far as your husband goes, for him I would just focus on what he is comfortable eating even if it is soup and a hotdog. I'm so sorry that both of you are going through this.
     
  8. wdwmom0f3

    wdwmom0f3 Thankful my embarrassing tag is gone!

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    I agree with this. I am so sorry that you two are going through this. He may be the one who is sick, but anyone who has had to care for someone will tell you that it is also hard for the caregiver. You must take care of yourself.

    I would go ahead and cook the meals that you want too, and just eat leftovers the following day so that you wont waste any food. Is there anyway to close off the kitchen so that he wont smell it cooking? You could also meet a friend for lunch and have a good meal. Don't feel guilty because you need to make yourself happy too so that you can be positive around him and not resentful or angry because of his lack of appetite. I hope he is better soon!
     
  9. *JoGo*

    *JoGo* DIS Veteran

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    I am sorry.
    I am on a somewhat restrictive diet for life. My family doesn't want to only eat what I eat. It's become normal for us to have two different dinners most nights- theirs and mine. Some items may be shared, just depends on what it is.

    I think you should make meals you like for yourself and if your dh wants to eat it, ok. But if not, that's ok too. Maybe if you want to do a big meal, like a big roast, you can have your daughter and/or son over. Or pack up what is left and tell one of them to stop over and get it. You could also freeze food. Make a casserole, but rather than using a 9x13 pan, use two 8x8 and freeze one.

    I know it's frustrating. Not only do I have my diet, but one of my sons is extremely picky. I'm sure it's also frustrating for your dh, not only because he doesn't feel well but because it's hurting you.
     
  10. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

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    Thanks. I think part of this is just all the changes in our lives over the past year. We went from having 5-6 people at the table every night(when Christian and his nurse were with us) to just DH and me, plus DD19. But she is vegetarian, so I have to make sure that everything is meat-free for her. Once in a while I just have to break down and make something with meat broth or ham bits or something because that's the way *I* like to eat it. DH doesn't care either way. It's a little depressing, that's all.
     
  11. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

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    No way to block off the kitchen. I try to not use my crockpot much or cook things that are stinky(like collards, which I LOVE).
     
  12. JessB320

    JessB320 DIS Veteran

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    Big hugs!!! I know it's stressful and frustrating for both of you. Others are right in saying you need to take care of yourself first, so you have the energy and ability to take care of him. Going out to eat while he is sleeping and doesn't want to eat is a good thing! I would trying making some freezer meals and portion them into single servings. Then if he doesn't want to eat dinner is easy to make for one, just heat it up! Or you can make him A quick hot dog or whatever and heat up something different for yourself. Also if you do all the cooking one day and freeze it then he wont get nauseous from the cooking smells throughout the week. Good luck!!
     
  13. bellebud

    bellebud DIS Veteran

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    I'm so sorry this happened to your husband. I hope everything goes well for him during treatment.

    In reading your posts over the years, I've always been amazed at your strength. I know you're only venting here, and you know you have to take care of yourself. Start doing it... make yourself that dinner, and have the leftovers the next day for lunch or freeze them for another day. Don't stop making those meals - you enjoy it and it's good for you.

    Hope things get better for both of you.
     
  14. minkydog

    minkydog DIS Cast Member

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    That's a great idea! I don't know why I never thought of that. I do love to cook--I'm not a fancy cook, just good comfort food. But I enjoy it. It's kinda hurting my feelings that right now nobody seems to appreciate my food. Silly, but there it is.
     
  15. JessB320

    JessB320 DIS Veteran

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    That I totally understand!! Nothing like spending an hour getting food ready only to have no one else eat and have to do all the clean up!!
     
  16. badblackpug

    badblackpug <font color=blue>If you knew her you would be shoc

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    Nah, not silly at all. It's really normal. Shoot, no one in my house has an excuse like illness, and it bothers me when they don't want what I make.

    I make big pots of soup and freeze it in single portions.

    If you enjoy cooking, cook for yourself. You can just scale down portions. This may sound biotchy, but if you daughter chooses to be a vegetarian and you don't let her cook for herself, cook yourself what you like.

    Hungry all the time might also be the stress of all the changes in your life. Eating is a comfort, especially with this cold weather.
     
  17. lynxstch

    lynxstch I Love Figment

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    no advice, just ~~:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:
     
  18. dreamin_disney

    dreamin_disney DIS Veteran

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    I was on a 14 day treatment for stomach issues p-lory bacteria that was found when I had my endoscopy and stomach biopsy. I had to take 2 antibotics and prilosec, twice a day for 14 days:sick::scared1:. I love to eat!!! Well one of the side effects was nausea, stomach issues, horrible taste in mouth. Well for those 14 days I felt AWFUL!!!!! I want to nap a lot so I didnt have to deal with the nausea , feeling yucky and just felt tired. Food I loved to eat made me cringe just thinking about it. Certain foods smell made me sick.

    I know its hard but when people are sick or taking meds theres nothing they can do about it. Be patient.

    Eat meals you want to make but remind yourself that your dh might not want to eat. Go out to dinner with your dd or friends. Hopefully when treatment is finished you and your dh can enjoy many meals together. I finish my meds and let me tell you I'm back to my old self loving food:goodvibes Hang in there!
     
  19. EdiePA

    EdiePA DIS Veteran since 1997

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    I live alone now (post divorce and my two sons growing up.) I can understand the frustration of cooking for one after years of cooking for a family. I also work a very tiring job and when I get home, I don't feel like spending another hour cooking.

    What works for me is cooking on the weekends. I pick recipes that I've found over the week or go back to some tried and true past favorites (even those my mom made in my childhood.) I make the entire recipe and then freeze portions of it. (Lots of those Glad/Ziplock containers in my pantry.) I've been doing two recipes a weekend for awhile now and have quite the assortment in my freezer.

    As everyone has said, take care of yourself, too!

    Hugs,
    Edie
     
  20. shortbun

    shortbun <font color=green>Peacenik<br><font color=purple><

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    I hope you find a way to get some relief. I think the cooking several things in one day is a great idea. You can reheat then. We all eat differently around here. DS rarely eats meat, DH and I eat it most nights-we Do have meatless nights about 3 nights. We make a salad, potatoes or rice and DS has tofu while we eat chicken, often with the same sauce/marinade. When I make soup, I divide it at the point of adding the protein. DS gets veggie with veggie broth and I add chicken to ours(sometimes). We eat salmon, he has pasta as his entree, it's our side dish. I use meat substitute in our pasta often in the sauce. Seems like you could get creative without having to cook two or three complete meals. Just bake some thighs or breasts and add them to your dinner. Make a meatloaf and have meatloaf sandwiches while the others eat PBJ.
     
  21. Christine

    Christine Would love to be able to sit on

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    I would probably continue to make the meals you like to make and have them available to your husband--you never know. Whatever he doesn't eat, even if it is half of the entire meal--freeze it and save it for yourself later.

    Maybe once a week, make a few batches of different types of home made soup that he likes, get some hot dogs, stuff he likes. On those days have the soups or hot dogs handy and you can reheat one of your regular meals.
     

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