First trip since Mom passed

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by TavieP, Jul 6, 2012.

  1. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    I'm not sure where else to post this, I hope this is the right place.

    I'm just sitting here thinking about how in 5 days I'll be heading off to WDW with my sister, our lifelong BFF, our godbrother & his wife. It'll be my 34th trip (I'm turning 33 next Wednesday so we average once a year since I was 3.)

    My mom died last November very suddenly, while on a cruise in South America with my dad. She was 61. It was due to pulmonary edema - she had a lot of respiratory problems and bad asthma, and woke up choking, fell off the bed, and was gone before the doctor could reach her.

    I was very, very close to her - she was my best friend as well as my mom. She and my sister were also very close. She was a wonderful, funny, silly person and she loved WDW as much as we do (obviously! she's the one who got us hooked.)

    The last time I went down with her was last August. It was a great trip, as it always is with Mom. She was so happy there with us. I think it always brought us back that feeling of being there with her as children and seeing the magic, so every time we come down a bit of that magic comes back to us. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

    I wrote this essay on my blog ten days after she died. I think it helps illustrate the complicated feelings I have about going back down to WDW. Everything there will bring back a flood of memories - happy ones, yes, but I can't help but feeling overwhelmed with sadness that she's not there anymore to share them with me.

    I just love her so, so much. I miss her every day.

    I'm looking forward to this trip, but I'm also scared that the sadness will overwhelm me.

    I'm glad I'll be going down with people who all loved her as much as I do. all of them (except Joanna, my godbrother's wife) have been there multiple times with our family and my mom. That will help, I think.

    Has anyone else had an experience like this? How was your first trip after your loved one was gone?
     
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  3. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    I guess not. :(
     
  4. Heluvsme

    Heluvsme DIS Veteran

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    Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry.

    (first of all, this board doesn't get a lot of traffic, please don't get discouraged if no one saw this post, I know once it gets bumped up folks will see it)

    I too have lost my mom. My mom loved Disney as well!! Shortly after her cancer was first diagnosed, but before she got too terribly sick, she took the whole family on a trip to Disneyland! We have a great family photo in front of the train station, I truly treasure that picture!!

    Going back to Disney all these years without her is indeed bittersweet, but I know, I KNOW, without a doubt, that she is no longer suffering, she is cured of cancer, and in her heart of hearts she would want us all to continue having fun at Disney!! Now that I'm a mom myself I LOVE to see my kiddos at Disney, I can experience the same thrill my mom did when I see them get carefree and laugh and have a blast!! It's a magical place!!

    Let's see, today's the 13th, you're there now. I hope you're really having a good time, remembering your mom---but all the good memories, none of the sad ones--- and that you'll feel close to her there.
    Please check back in here when you get home, I'd love to hear all about your trip.

    :flower3:
     
  5. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    Thank you I much for your reply, and I'm so sorry about your mom. She sounds like a truly wonderful person, full of magic. I really feel that my mom is here with us in spirit somehow.

    I'm taking my afternoon rest at the resort - hot out there but we've been having a blast!! I'm blown away by all the birthday magic that has been rained down on me and my sis (we're wearing our buttons) and today I finally saw rope drop! I'll post more about my trip later but I wanted to let you know that your message made me smile (in a day full of smiles!!!)
     
  6. gemologygal

    gemologygal Mouseketeer

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    Hi Tavie, sending a hug your way.

    This September will be our first trip to Disney as a family since losing my dad. He died the week before this past Thanksgiving. His passing was a total shock and I was close to him. We were all supposed to get together at my house for Thanksgiving, with my younger brother flying in from Chicago to see all of us (if only his passing had waited one more week, because it had been a year since my brother saw my dad... but that's life...)

    While it's been decades since my mom, younger brother and I went to Disney with dad back when we were kids, I still always associate Disney memories with him (and of course, my mom and brother) because that was our first huge family trip. I'm now married, have honeymooned there, and we're going back in September with my mom, my brother and his girlfriend. It will be weird and I anticipate some tears, but I know my dad will be with us in spirit.

    I am sorry for your loss. I feel your pain because I miss my dad too, a lot.

    Remember tho, keep smiling and have a great trip.
     
  7. Heluvsme

    Heluvsme DIS Veteran

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    Hi Tavie-rhymes-with-gravy :)

    First off.... happy birthday!! I'm so glad birthday wishes have been in abundance today!!

    Secondly---hearing about your smiles made me smile!! :) I know there are a lot of memories there for you, but I'm sure your mom is smiling knowing that you're there, and having a blast!!!

    And smart move with the afternoon resort rest time! This heat can really zap a person and wear you out.... be careful!

    Dontcha just love vacation??!! Keep on having a magical time!!

    ~~Dawn-rhymes-with-fawn :)
     
  8. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    I know I'm replying to this late, but I want to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. We lost our Mom almost exactly the same time you lost your Dad, and it's still an awful shock even after these months.

    I know you'll have fun in September with your family and having been through it, I know you'll be able to enjoy the fun moments as well as feel his presence with you in the quieter moments.
     
  9. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    Also replying to this late, but thank you so much for your sweet comments!

    I guess I should go post a "trip report" - never done one of those before, at least not in this format (although I usually blog about my trips)

    It felt so short - wish I was still there. And it's so hot in NYC that I almost think it was cooler in WDW! :crazy2:
     
  10. stitchrulz

    stitchrulz I am not spoiled -- A bit past the expiration date

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    Tavie,

    I'm so glad I found this post. I just lost my mom in April due to complications from a major stroke in mid-February. She'd had some chronic health issues, but the stroke was out-of-the-blue. We were very close, doing all those fun girlie things together. When I was a child, mom, dad and I made two trips to Disney, and my DH and I took mom and dad once, and mom once more following dad's passing. I'd always planned to take her to Disney again, in fact, hoping to this year. Part of me still wants to go, but I have some of the same reservations you expressed. I don't want to be tearing up at every little thing, and we all know how emotional Disney can be. Heck, I started crying the other day when I heard "Circle of Life." We would be going in September.

    Anyway, I'm so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this with us.
     
  11. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    And I am so very sorry for your loss - I know too well what you're going through. :hug:

    I will say that having people around me who also loved her and "got it" when I would pause by the Ring Carvers and get a little teary, or keep repeating things like, "This was Mom's favorite" and "Wouldn't Mom have loved this?" really helped a lot.

    I think you will go again because she would have wanted you to, and you'll feel her presence there.

    It's strange, my family never really talks much about religion or spirituality or "the afterlife" or whatever you want to call it, but my sister and I shared a moment when we were leaving the park and both stopped to just gaze up at the castle, which was bathed in golden light against the black sky, and I said something like, "Boy, I'd love to spend a night up there!" and she said, "Just think, Mom lives up there all the time now." And I nodded.

    It's not that we literally think she's actually IN Cinderella's Castle, but as a metaphor, connecting her to an icon of something that brought us so much closeness and joy over the years, it just seemed to make sense and feel "right".

    I hope you do go in September and let us know how it goes.
     
  12. stitchrulz

    stitchrulz I am not spoiled -- A bit past the expiration date

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    Thank you so much, Tavie. I've thought something similar that mom is now in the only place better than Disney. :hug:
     
  13. disneychic2

    disneychic2 DIS Veteran

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    I came to this late, but really felt all the emotion of everyone pouring out. OP, I'm so glad you went on your trip and had a good time. That first one must be so difficult. I am still blessed with both of my parents, but your post really got to me! For everyone who posted on this thread, my heart goes out to you for each loss. I hope you all go back to Disney and are able to remember the fun times and feel just a bit closer to your loved one.:hug:
     
  14. gemologygal

    gemologygal Mouseketeer

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    Thanks Tavie!
     
  15. msbiscuit

    msbiscuit Mouseketeer

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    My heart goes out to you. Honest. My mom, my sister and I starting taking 'girl' trips to WDW in the 90s. Mom was already in a wheelchair, but we'd have a great time with her! My sister and I always shared the things that Mom did/said that made us grit our teeth and laugh at the same time.
    They're both gone now, but every time I'm at WDW I see things that remind me of them and the fun and laughter we shared. Sometimes there's some tears, but I'm still glad I have those memories.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that it does get better. Never the same, but you're making new memories each and every day you're there.
    Hang in there, you're absolutely not alone!

    Barb
     
  16. Alysa

    Alysa DIS Veteran

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    I didn't even know this board existed! I was so blue about my mum just passing away right before her grandson was about to be born. I am so glad you had a nice time. I was almost dreading our trip because we'd been so often with my mum and I was worried it would be too awful to be there without her. Thank you for sharing your experience.
     
  17. TavieP

    TavieP Mouseketeer

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    Just seeing this now! I sympathize deeply about losing your mom before your child was born - I don't have children but I have sort of a sadness about the idea now that Mom is gone, like it wouldn't be fair...

    At any rate, I hope that you had a wonderful time. I just made reservations for my second trip without Mom, and I know I'll have fun even though I'll remember her and wish she was there with me. And part of her will be, somehow.
     
  18. Twende

    Twende Best laid plans of Mouse and men.....

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    Tavie, thanks so much for starting this thread. I am just seeing it now.:goodvibes
    My mother died in Oct 2011 just 7 months after my father passed. They both loved Disney and asked me to take them there as often as I could.

    I will always miss them but I also cherish the memories that we all created on our trips. I have only made a few trips back since losing my mom and they were difficult. I too found that it really helped to say things out loud like, ""Mom loved these flowers or "Remember the time she hugged Goofy?".

    My mom was a best friend too and a really incredible mother. She is always in my heart and mind but I miss her so!:grouphug:
     
  19. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

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    :confused3 SOmehow I have completely missed this thread. My apologies.

    My deepest sympathies to everyone who have lost on this thread.. :hug:
     

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