Does Your Teenager Have a Curfew?

[Capang]

No real curfew, especially during the summer, except for what the city has in place. We ask what time they're planning to be home, and if it's later than we like, ask them if they could be a little earlier. During the school year it's different.

My only requirement is, when you tell me a time, then respect me and be home at that time. Texting me 10 minutes before you're supposed to be home doesn't cut it, unless it's a traffic thing.

ETA - ok, looked up curfew in my town, and we don't abide by the S-Th curfew of 9:30, at all. F & S is midnight though.

Wow! I thought my town curfew was rough but 9:30?! Some kids here are still at work lol

 

[slo]

I just called our local police department and asked what the curfew is for our town.
They said it's exactly the same as the curfew we gave our DD (this is for all of Indiana)
She said that if a child gets picked up by police they will be taken to the police station and the parents will be issued a ticket.
She said the only way this will not happen is if the child is working somewhere that required them to be later than the curfew - like the local video store or grocery store. She said with proof a ticket will not be issued.

 

[NHdisneylover]

According to this news report from last month, Indiana's statewide law for 15-17 year olds is 11 on weeknights and 1 a.m. on weekends. Your town may be different, but the local officer is confused if s/he thinks 10:30 and midnight are statewide.


I'm glad we moved away from Indiana when the kids were still very little. I greatly dislike this type of nannying law.

http://www.wndu.com/home/headlines/Teen-curfews-What-you-need-to-know-306710521.html

 

[Mkrop]

DS17's curfew now is set up by the driving laws...so 11pm. We will figure out another curfew when he turns 18.

 

[scrapquitler]

Does your teenager have a curfew?
If yes, what is their curfew?
If yes, do you enforce the curfew?
What is your teenagers age?

I'm just curious
My oldest DD is 17yrs old and her curfew is 10:30pm Sun-Thur and midnight on Fri & Sat.
She has not respected this curfew once this summer and always has a reason to come home later.
I've been nice and gave in and have let her come later.
Last night she asked if she could come home at 11pm, then she called and asked for 11:30pm and again I'm being nice and say yes. At 11:30pm I get a text that she's on her way home and stuck by a train. Finally at 12:30am she walks in the door and I wasn't happy.
Of course she had a great story to tell on why she was late and blah blah blah

She tells me this morning how teenagers don't have curfews today.
How we are the only ones that make their child come by a certain time.
Obviously we aren't the only ones giving our child a curfew, just like not every kid is wearing something at school, but I'm curious if we are the majority or the minority with this.

Please share - thanks

I never had a curfew growing up, and my daughter doesn't have one now. The same rule applies to her as my parents had for me: I want to know where you are and when you expect to be home, and if it changes, I need to know. Now if she were abusing that, or if I had some reason not to trust her, then I might give her a curfew, but for the rare times she is out late, there's always a reason and I know what it is.

Last night for example, she was at a play practice, and told us she thought she'd be home around 10. When it got close to 10, sh texted us and told us that the crew meeting after the practice was running long, and she'd be home around/shortly after 11. There was no issue.

ETA: she's 18 and will be a college Sophomore in a couple weeks. Our feeling is that we don't know what time she gets back to her dorm while she's at school, so it's not overly fair to impose a curfew now beyond "be respectful of us"

 

[robinb]

My daughter is only 15 so she keeps to the curfew laws of our city. She needs to be home by 11:00 on weekdays and 12:00 on weekends. In reality, she swims nearly every morning in the summer so she is usually in bed by 10-11pm.

ETA, I also need to know where she is and who she's with. I sometimes use "Find My iPhone" to see where she is at night.

 

[mamacatnv]

Nope, my kids do not have curfews, I agree with others that I don't like the arbitrary assignment of a time. My son had a prom date in high school who had a non-negotiable curfew to the point he had to leave prom early to make sure she got home on time. I think that is silly and a parent that does that is just trying to be controlling.

We too had a "city" curfew but if son wanted to hang out at a friends or they went to a late movie etc we didn't have an issue with it.
Our police dept. would only seek out kids who were loitering, causing trouble etc. past curfew, they did not go on the hunt and start pulling teens over etc just to bust them for curfew they used the curfew as a way to curtail trouble.

During the summers it was pretty much whatever he wanted, we had a rule that he had to text by 2 a.m. if he was not going to be home by 2 a.m. so that if I woke up, I could check my phone for his status. We always knew where he was, what his plans were etc.

Every thing I do with my kids is based on a case by case basis, I rarely say NO and we really don't have hard and fast non negotiable rules in this area. My DD is almost 17 and is usually at a friends house or a movie etc. She just lets me know when she needs a ride.

I know some parents think that their kids need these non-negotiable rules, they seem to think it somehow makes them a better parent. I don't agree with that, I think teens need to be treated with respect and given lots of opportunities to spread their wings, exercise their judgment and make decisions.

 

[MomofKatie]

I have a soon to be 17 year old DD. No set curfew, never had one. She would tell me where she was going and what the activity was, and when she thought she would be ready to come home. As long as I could contact her on her cell, it was fine with me. She didn't stay out past 10:30 on school nights- never asked to. She also had us drive her/pick her up, so we knew what she was doing.

DD now attends a boarding school 150 miles away from us (and is doing a research project there this summer), so I don't need to worry about a curfew. The school does that for me. When she is home for holidays or weekends, however, we don't enforce any sort of curfew. It seems kind of silly not to trust her to be out at home when she is responsible and mature enough to live more than 2 hours away most of the year.

 

[lanejudy]

I don't have a teen yet but my niece and nephews have all gone through that stage, and different kids/personalities require different approaches. I didn't have a curfew growing up but I was usually home well before midnight; however, I recall my older sister had a curfew because she couldn't seem to get home before 3am and then would sleep all day.

OP, a definitive "curfew" may not be the right approach -- but I definitely get that you want respect for your house rules. I think there can be a happy medium where she feels she has some control. As others have suggested, base it on the current situation -- where is she going and what time does she think she'll be home. If you know the movie ends at 10pm and she claims she can't get home until 1am, you might need to have discussion about the after-movie plans to see if you can live with that or negotiate a more appropriate time. But give her a little responsibility and hold her to that by stating consequences up front. Then if she repeatedly can't get home by the time she says (or the 2 of you negotiate as "appropriate"), then it's loss of privilege for a bit followed by reinstatement of your rules for a period of time. Really, at that age, the ultimate goal is to teach her responsibility for herself as well as respect for the family household.

Good luck!

 

[ebtbmom]

My son is 17, and he's a big homebody and isn't out much. When he is we just keep in touch via texts and he picks a reasonable time to come home. There's no set curfew.

 

[PollyannaMom]

DS is 14, and so far we've been able to deal with this on a case-by-case basis, which I prefer. In the next couple of years, I see the main issue as having to pick him up from places, as I am a serious morning person, and really not at my best to drive late at night.

I didn't realize so many places had official curfews. (Apparently, my town does not, though. I got curious looked it up.)

 

[wenrob]

We never gave DD a curfew. She usually would give us a ballpark of when she would be home and came home in that time frame. If she got caught up and was going to be later she'd let us know. Even now, going on 19 if she tells us she'll be home around a certain time, she is. Because she's always done this we never thought to give her a time frame.

That said, you have given your DD a curfew but are not enforcing it and she's taking advantage of that. IMO if there are no consequences for never following the it she's never going to obey it. It doesn't matter what other people do, it only matters what you do and if you think she needs a curfew you need to enforce it.

 

[powellrj]

Not sure who you talked to, but she may have been talking about your local curfew because ours is 11 pm on school nights and 1 am on weekends.

My kids never had a curfew, we went on a case by case.

 

[SC Minnie]

DD21 never really had a curfew but never stayed out extraordinarily late. The only thing we asked was for her to let us know when she would be home and to let us know if she was going to be late. I think some of her friends had curfews which then made her have one by default. Even now that she is in college, when she comes home for a visit we ask that she be considerate and not stay out too late. I don't need to be woken up at 2am when she is coming home and I have to go to work the next day.

 

[wishesuponastar]

My 17 yo has to be home by 11 if she is driving, state law. Mostly she is a homebody though. if she is driving her boyfriend home then we have her take him about 9:30. If she wants to go to Applebees half price munchies after 10 pm then I drive her and her friends and they can stay out until 12am.

 

[slo]

I just called our local police department and asked what the curfew is for our town.
They said it's exactly the same as the curfew we gave our DD (this is for all of Indiana)
She said that if a child gets picked up by police they will be taken to the police station and the parents will be issued a ticket.
She said the only way this will not happen is if the child is working somewhere that required them to be later than the curfew - like the local video store or grocery store. She said with proof a ticket will not be issued.

I just texted the police chief for our town and he verified that the Indiana curfew for those under 18 is
Sun-Thur 10:30pm and Fri & Sat 12:00/midnight.

After further investigation the Indiana BMV says that when you have a probationary license (this is a 180 day period after your license is issued), which can be ages 16 - 21, you can't be on the road driving Sun - Thur 11pm - 4:59am and Fri and Sat 1am - 4:49am.

So when you're 16 and 17 with a probationary license do the police follow the curfew law or the probationary license law? I'll have to ask some of the policemen that I know - I'm curious

 

[jerseygal]

FIRST summer of no curfew now that youngest DS has completed one year at college living away. He is respectful to let us know his whereabouts and is always reachable by text or cell. If he isn't coming home and is sleeping at a friends, he usually will tell us by about 10:30 that evening. Always a worry about "what could happen", but at this point, he lived away successfully, did great in school. GOOD LUCK! SO DIFFICULT raising kids in todays crazy times!

 

[Goofy'slady]

My 17 yr old daughter rarely goes out without me so she stays out however long I do, which now at 37 is pretty darn early compared to some. LOL With that being said this past weekend she attended the Otakon convention in the city and two of the days it was in MD she stayed out til about 9ish but that was including the time it took her to come from the city back to the county where we live. For her that is LATE!!! hahaha She's just a quiet self proclaimed Geek and would much rather stay home reading a book or hanging out with me than out partying with friends til the wee hours of the morning. She's been to several school dances where she may have come home 10/11pm or stayed up at a friend's sleepover but on a regular basis - no. So no need for a curfew. However, with her 10yr old sister I can already tell I'm gonna need to have a curfew and I'll have to tell her it's at 9pm when I really mean for her to be home by 10 because I can already tell she's gonna loose track of time and be coming through the door with mad excuses about being abducted and Liam Neeson needing to use his particular set of skills to rescue her. "I swear mummy, I was a goner if it wasn't for the Taken Man saving me" LOL

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

DS 18 - had a 12:00 curfew in high school, but often it was extended based on what he was doing. He was very good about communicating with us. Once he graduated, we lifted the curfew. We just ask him to communicate his plans with us so we didn't worry about him.

DD 16 - does not drive yet so her curfew is set on a case by case basis. Once she drives, we will treat her curfew the same way as DS's HS curfew.

 

[StitchBuddy]

My DD who is now 18 yrs old, never had a curfew. Partly because she gave herself one and partly because we chose not to give her one. I had a curfew just like your DD. I felt obligated to stay out until at least mid-night and usually tried to push it. We just talk about what she's doing that night and then I let her tell me when she will be home. Only twice has it exceded mid-night, one of those was prom and still she was home by 12:30. That being said, every child is different. Have you ever heard of Love and Logic? They told a story something like this... If she can't come home on time don't make a huge deal about it when she gets home, just kiss her and tell her I'm so glad you are ok, she won't know what to do, she will want to discuss it. Then, tell her you can talk in the morning and go to bed. I promise she will worry herself to death wondering what's going to happen to her. Then the next morning, don't bring it up. When evening rolls around she will want to go out again, that's when you say, "Sweetie, I am so tired from waiting up for you last night that you need to stay home tonight. Sorry, but I need some sleep." She will get the idea.