Difficult trip.

[JennyN]

Has anyone else had this happen to them? We have planned this trip to the USA for over 12 months, there are 13 of us traveling together and most of the group have never been here before. My DH and I have done all the planning and booking, we have met with the others once a month to discuss plans and have repeatedly asked them to talk to other people and Google to get ideas what they might like to do but there were virtually no suggestions just a blanket " whatever you arrange sounds good". However from the time we arrived half the group have refused to do the plan. They have wandered off each day doing their own thing but have complained that we havnt included them. Tension within the group is horrendous. I'm shocked this has happened and I can't work out what we could have done to avoid this situation. Sorry just needed to vent to my fellow dissers.

 

[Karin1984]

First of all, sorry to hear it's not going as well.

I have been in this situation before, but that was when it was just my family of four, when me and my brother were very annoying teens (15 & 16) and there were problems in our family to begin with.

No, there is probably nothing you could have done to prevent this. You have asked their opinions, they didn't give it, for whatever reason. Maybe they were pre-occupied with trouble at work/spouse/kids.

Take a deep breath, and call the group together. Ask them you want something to share with them, (without being accusing, so no, 'but you didn't do this') and if they can let you finish before they interrupt. Tell them how you feel and that you want to see together how you can solve this.

Ask them: What were your expectations of this trip? When you know what they expected, then maybe you can find a solution.

Otherwise, tell them: This is the plan me and my DH have made up. Do you want to follow it?
Option 1: Not at all? -> Then this is the hotel, there are your park tickets, the plane is gonna leave then, have fun with whatever you want to do
Option 2: No, not all of it? -> What would you like to see different?
Option 3: Yes? -> Then stop complaining and put your bad mood in your bag and have fun!

Only when someone says 'why didn't you ask us', you can simply say 'I've send you an e-mail.' Try to avoid words like 'but' or 'however'.

Keep in mind, this is your trip as well! You have a right to a pleasant vacation. If they don't want to play along, let them be miserable and try to find something to make this a memorable vacation for you. Don't let their problems become your burden.

Good luck!

 

[aussie shaz]

I agree. You have to ask them all what they want to do. If they don't want to do what you're doing, tell them that's fine. You go and do what you want and they can work out what they think they want.
Do make sure they realise why you have planned what you have. They may not realise why they have to get up early, do certain rides at certain times, eat lunch at a certain time etc.
I hope you can work it out and have the great holiday that you dreamed of, whether it be as a big group or not.

 

[PrincessInOz]

Breathe in, breathe out.

Sorry that it's not going well.

Is it possible to readjust your plans for the rest of the trip? Perhaps figure out which of the group wants to follow the plan and which of the group don't? And then arrange to meet up at breakfast and dinner so that there is group time?

 

[zanzibar138]

Sorry to hear things aren't going well. Personally I have no experience with this because I have never organised a large group trip before. I agree with the other posters though - it would probably be best to figure out what you can expect for the rest of the trip so that you can adjust your own plan accordingly. I know it's annoying after all the work you put into planning it, but if they want to do their own thing, I would just let them do that and you do your own thing too. Even when it's just me and DH and my parents (heck, even when it's just me and DH lol!), we often split up to do our own things. It sounds like there is plenty of opportunity for them to be included if they want to. Maybe just offer a couple of opportunities a day to meet up for a meal or some other activity, and whoever turns up turns up. Please don't let it ruin your holiday!

 

[joannamet]

First trip with family and friends, I planned everything because no one else would contribute. I gave our friends a guide book and they never opened it. When we got there, no one wanted to stick to my plan and it created a lot of tension. Second trip with the same group of people, I planned very loosely and allowed people to split up so that everyone could make choices about what they wanted to do. At the same time, I was very clear about my plans for myself and DH. If others wanted to come along they were welcome to do so or they could split off. No hard feelings. We planned FPs and a few ADRs for everyone together so we spent time as a group but also spent time apart. It made a much better trip for everyone with so much less tension.

I suggest that you do the same. Encourage everyone to split off and do what they want rather than trying to keep that many people together and happy all the time.

 

[Lisann]

I think that most trips with first-timers are more difficult than those with seasoned Disney trip-takers.

I don't think I will ever do a trip with a lot people, family or not, as it just tends to end up with tensions, bad days, etc. Whether or not you have planned (and most people do not appreciate the hours of planning that you do), people can end up being kind of crappy about it all and just basically not appreciative or nice.

In the end, you can only guide them with your Disney experience and let them test their wings out on their own. There will definitely be some scrapes and bruises along the way. They will know better on their second trip (if there is one) and will understand why you planned as much as you did in the first place.

 

[My2Qtz0205]

First of all, sorry to hear it's not going as well.

I have been in this situation before, but that was when it was just my family of four, when me and my brother were very annoying teens (15 & 16) and there were problems in our family to begin with.

No, there is probably nothing you could have done to prevent this. You have asked their opinions, they didn't give it, for whatever reason. Maybe they were pre-occupied with trouble at work/spouse/kids.

Take a deep breath, and call the group together. Ask them you want something to share with them, (without being accusing, so no, 'but you didn't do this') and if they can let you finish before they interrupt. Tell them how you feel and that you want to see together how you can solve this.

Ask them: What were your expectations of this trip? When you know what they expected, then maybe you can find a solution.

Otherwise, tell them: This is the plan me and my DH have made up. Do you want to follow it?
Option 1: Not at all? -> Then this is the hotel, there are your park tickets, the plane is gonna leave then, have fun with whatever you want to do
Option 2: No, not all of it? -> What would you like to see different?
Option 3: Yes? -> Then stop complaining and put your bad mood in your bag and have fun!

Only when someone says 'why didn't you ask us', you can simply say 'I've send you an e-mail.' Try to avoid words like 'but' or 'however'.

Keep in mind, this is your trip as well! You have a right to a pleasant vacation. If they don't want to play along, let them be miserable and try to find something to make this a memorable vacation for you. Don't let their problems become your burden.

Good luck!

This is great advice. We are going with a large group next June (2 sets of grandparents, a family of 4 with 2 young children, and my family of 4 with 1 tween, 1 teen). I am not sure how we will plan everything so that everybody is happy.

 

[kandb]

It's probably impossible to keep 17 people happy at the same time. Our best vacations are when we just go with my immediate family, no one else by my husband, children and myself. Much easier and goes so much smoother.

 

[Susan Doeberl]

We vacation a lot in a large group. First off don't take things personally. Every group have the ones that complain. Never plan to have the group stay together 24/7. This will cause a lot of fights and hurt feelings. I book a lot of things for my family to do. I let the group know what we are doing and they decide on what they want and they book it themselves. We meet up for meals and to hang out at pool. Some of us do some things together and sometime we are doing things a part. Just remember this is your vacation first. Don't worry about everyone else. Just have fun. After all you are at the happiest place on earth.

 

[maxiesmom]

I've gone thru something similar. Planned a trip for extended family. Asked everybody where they wanted to stay and where they wanted to eat. Tried sending out notifications when things changed, such as park hours, or when discounts came out. Was told by one to stop sending out the notifications, they were a bother. Then had complaints because I supposedly only planned things I wanted. I was like Huh???? I hadn't planned one single thing because I wanted it. I think some people just like to be unhappy.

 

[Disneytam]

After having done one large group vacation I say to anyone trying it "Good Luck"! I have no interest in ever doing it again. The benefits are just to few for the amount of headache and bad feelings that are bound to happen, but my hat is off to anyone who can pull it off. It just seems that everyone's idea of what will happen during a Disney vacation is really different and even now I am always amazed by the amount of people that have no interest in doing any planning and just want to "wing it".

 

[crostorfer]

I have enough trouble just trying to plan around my husband and keep HIM happy, there is no way I could plan a whole trip with extended family and/or friends. You are a braver person than me. I think I would have just thrown a copy of the UG at them and told them to have at it if they think they can just wing it and do whatever they want with no planning.

 

[MrInfinity]

Has anyone else had this happen to them? We have planned this trip to the USA for over 12 months, there are 13 of us traveling together and most of the group have never been here before. My DH and I have done all the planning and booking, we have met with the others once a month to discuss plans and have repeatedly asked them to talk to other people and Google to get ideas what they might like to do but there were virtually no suggestions just a blanket " whatever you arrange sounds good". However from the time we arrived half the group have refused to do the plan. They have wandered off each day doing their own thing but have complained that we havnt included them. Tension within the group is horrendous. I'm shocked this has happened and I can't work out what we could have done to avoid this situation. Sorry just needed to vent to my fellow dissers.

Definitely! Tho... not to the extent that I'd call it horrendous. We would split up and do our own thing. Have to remember as a planner, that most other people do not get up as early as you, do not have an amount they want to get done in a day, don't have an agenda, don't think about how to most efficiently get on the next ride when they're waiting in line for another, and when they say "whatever you arrange" they are not thinking the same amount of things as you.

I can't work out what we could have done to avoid this situation. Sorry just needed to vent to my fellow dissers.

I think what u have to do is plan your trip such that people can enter or leave the plan at any point. When they want to go off and do other things, that should be fine. And then some of the time, abandon your plan and go wander off w them. Don't hesitate to break up into groups if that is where the day takes you! If they sleep in, plan to go early, yourself. Meet up for lunch.

What has worked well for you so far? Surely you've found some common ground... How about when you get back to the hotel and you're relaxing w some drinks? That was time we were consistently all together!

Another thing we did is we made small laminated cards for each day. This showed the basics of the day, or "where we would be at certain times". They were adorable, with trivia, cool pix, etc. Made it easy to know on Day X, what time lunch or any hard-ticket event was. Anyone could go or not go. We'd just text and stay in touch. It worked out well. If your plan is mostly in your head, you need a way for them to all see it so they know what key times or events are coming up.

 

[SunnieRN]

We took a trip with 11 one time. We planned a few TS meals, but several people were going for the first time, so the one comment they made was not wanting to have to go to a sit down restaurant every day.

Each morning we would take 5 min at the resort or in the line waiting for the park to open. This was pre fastpass+. We decided who wanted fastpasses and made a plan for those, said we would meet at whichever QS restaurant, for those that wanted to meet up there.

We encouraged them to go with us if they wanted to, or enjoy the park on their own. The only thing I was adamant about, were our TS reservations and a group picture each morning. It went pretty well, but of course some people were unhappy at times.

 

[Mortlives]

When they complain, tell them what you told us. "You asked us to plan and now you refuse to come along. It's not we who are not including you." Some people just aren't going to be happy.

I'm sorry you are going through this. There's nothing really you could have done, except developed prescience and refuse to travel with them.

 

[DaisyDuck001]

I think what u have to do is plan your trip such that people can enter or leave the plan at any point. When they want to go off and do other things, that should be fine. And then some of the time, abandon your plan and go wander off w them. Don't hesitate to break up into groups if that is where the day takes you! If they sleep in, plan to go early, yourself. Meet up for lunch.

This is brilliant! It's not desirable or practical to keep a large group together the whole time. People will want to do different things. For example, in an extended family group, some of the younger adults may want to go on rougher rides that some of the older people aren't physically up to. It's best to accept that some smaller groups will split off and do separate things, and then you can all meet up later for a meal or some other activity that is acceptable to the whole group. As the planner, don't feel like you failed when some people choose to do different things. It is normal that people have different preferences.

 

[JennyN]

Thanks for all the advise. I should have turned to the Disboards earlier in the trip rather than in the last couple of days. Unfortunately things didn't improve, maybe I could have done something to improve the situation but I think a couple of the group had their own issues and were very resentful of us. They seem to have overspent and now blame us for how expensive the trip turned out to be despite the holiday cost budget being on track. It's sad that these relationships have been damaged but we have learned, no more large groups.

 

[Mortlives]

I hope you are at least enjoying yourselves.

 

[BecBennett]

My wedding trip was a bit like this - during the planning stages I sent an email around to everyone saying something along the lines of "Chris and I will be dining at the following locations throughout our trip, some may require park access, please let me know if you'd like to join us so I can add you to the reservation." Out of everyone who said they wanted to dine with us said yep, book us in for everything. So we did. Fast forward to the trip, and we didn't have one meal where everyone who booked in turned up. It was no big deal we were able to adjust accordingly when we checked in to the restaurant. However the last straw was the "farewell breakfast" the morning after the wedding. I'd managed to secure a booking for 17 of us at Chef Mickeys - this was a hugely difficult reservation to get. When we got there to check in all of Chris' family were over at the Contempo Cafe and calling out to us and trying to wave us in. My mother in law came out and said "we thought we'd eat here instead, it's a lot cheaper than Chef Mickeys" I was extremely annoyed to say the least, especially because with the original email I sent around I included a copy of each menu for each restaurant so they could make an informed decision if they actually wanted to eat with us. So I pretty much said, no bugger you lot. I'm eating at Chef Mickeys. Luckily most of our friends and my family followed us in and we had a great breakfast.

I think because it was our wedding that I had been planning for years that most of our guests were understanding when I didn't change any of my plans to suit them. It just **** me that they thought they could decide day by day as to whether they actually wanted to join us or not.

Anyhoo Jenny, I hope you enjoyed your trip regardless