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Depression...nothing makes sense

Discussion in 'Coping and Compassion' started by Luv0fDisney, Apr 1, 2013.

  1. Luv0fDisney

    Luv0fDisney DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,157
    I think I have depression but not sure.
    I'm 26 years old and feel like I can't make decisions big or small.
    Nothing makes sense any more.
    When I fly i don't wear a seat belt. I'm a bit bigger and am embarrased to ask for an extender. So I don't wear one. Never have, my parents knew this and all of sudden i can't go any where because of it. i just feel like everyone is changing.

    my mom keeps telling me that people won't like me because i'm over weight. skinny people want to be friends with other skinny people. I just feel like she's wrong. she also tells me that airplanes are now charging more for bigger people. I'm not THAT big. I weigh 250 not 400. I just feel like my whole life has turned around.

    Nothing matters to me. I don't have a sense of time and I just feel numb. I just don't feel excited any more. Nothing to look forward to. It just feels like a bottomless pit for me. I'm 26 years old and feel like i have been lied to all my life. I have the hardest trouble making the simple decision. I just wonder why am I the one in this family with the bad luck. I feel like the odd ball out. I don't fit in with my family. I just feel left out of everything. i want to scream but can't. When i cry my parents don't care...

    No one seems to care or want to help.
    Nothing seems right to me and always feel like i'm doing something wrong 24/7. I want to sell my crafts but feel like "who will want to buy my crafts?"
    As I said I feel numb. I convinced myself nothing works nothing matters and my life is disappearing before me. My cat just died and i feel numb. I don't really care any more. We all die so what's the point?

    Nothing seems new, even places i never been to. I just feel numb. All the movies seem a like. Nothing new. I can't tell one person out of the crowd because everyone seems the same to me.

    Will 5-HTP help?
    It says it is for mild depression.
    i dunno i might have major depression. but i just want to be my old self.
    i just feel like there is danger around every corner like something is going to happen. it's like i don't know what is fun any more. I feel too old for everything.
     
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  3. rewardsinlife

    rewardsinlife Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
    255
    I am sorry you are feeling so blue :(

    Let me see if I can help you on some of your fears though.
    1. Your mother is wrong about the relationships and friendships. Maybe it was more true in her younger days..or maybe in high school...but not anymore...especially being 26 i would hope you would be able to find and have friends of all different shapes, sizes, and colors! And if a friend doesn't want to be your friend because they think they are too skinny to be with you..Then they have some major ego issues and some serious self reflection needs to be done on their part as well.

    Here is some info on the airlines:
    Southwest: Passengers should plan on purchasing an extra seat or risk being asked to do so at the airport by staff. If the flight is not sold out, the passenger may claim a refund.
    American: Passengers over 250 pounds should recognize that there may be limitations to the service that the airline can provide. However, it does not require that you purchase an extra seat automatically.
    United: No policy whatsoever.
    Midwest: Like Southwest, passengers are encouraged to know their needs in advance. If staff determine that two seats are required, the seat will be sold at the lowest possible fare, with a refund available if there is one or more open seats on the flight.
    Air France: Passengers with "high body mass" may receive a 25 percent discount on an extra seat, knowing that if they choose to not buy the seat, they may risk not being able to fly.
    JetBlue: You are required to buy a second seat, and there are no refunds.
    Delta: The airline "works to accommodate" passengers with special needs. Upon request and availability, it will try to make sure the next seat is unoccupied. However, if the plane is full, you will most likely be asked to leave the flight and buy a second seat on the next available flight. (You can actually count on this being a fairly typical practice on most airlines.)

    3. Now, your mother was wrong on that thing..and may I correct you on another. There are many people here that care about you! :goodvibes here is an example. I only read one of your other posts about losing weight before going to Disney and yet I felt so connected to your story there and here that I had to reply! I am sure many other Disney goers can and would say the same. :thumbsup2

    4. I am sorry for your cat. Often times, when we are faced with death..numbness is actually a very common reaction. It is our way to deal with it at the time...soon the numbness will go away..give it time. :lovestruc

    5. Have you tried selling your crafts before asking who would want them? How about doing a trial run on Etsy or another similar site for a while to see what sells and what doesn't.

    6 Have you actually sat down and talked to your parents about your feelings? Sometimes a hardcore and even emotional conversation is needed. I understand this a little bit more because my parents aren't big on showing any emotion and I always mistook it as their anger/not caring/not loving me. I finally was able to verify this wasn't the case only when I heard it straight from their mouths and they gave me a hug...which is very rare for them.

    7. Talk to your dr. About your feelings. Also, if you are on any medications, or having any health problems...depression is common and can be helped through exercise,food changes, or even medication if a hormone or electron imbalance is found.

    I hope this helps a little...and in the mean time try to immerse yourself in Disney music, videos, and fun threads. This feeling, too, shall pass. :goodvibes
     
  4. Minnie-Mickey

    Minnie-Mickey Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Jul 4, 2010
    Messages:
    410
    Please speak to someone or get help. There is always someone who can help you. I have lost family to depression. I would love to tell him things do get better and life is peaks and valleys. Find one thing that you can be grateful for today and know people love you
     
  5. mommasita

    mommasita DIS VETERAN Moderator

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2004
    Messages:
    19,224
    I agree. Reach out wherever you can...
    My heart breaks for what you are going through, but you don't have to go it alone, please reach out.:hug:
     
  6. MrToad1345

    MrToad1345 Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2012
    Messages:
    127
    I work in the medical field and you are showing some of the textbook items of depression. You need to talk with someone. No medication, OTC or prescription will help without it. Talking to someone is essential. The hardest step is the one you've already done, recognizing that there may be a problem. Talk to your Doctor, Nurse Practitioner or PA, if they can't help they will recommend someone. If you don't have any of these resources available, and I know this sounds tough, go to your nearest Emergency Room for help. You are not alone, weak, or a failure for asking for help. Please respond and let me know that you are going to take the second step and talk with someone.
    Take care and know there is help and life can get so much better.
     
  7. cr8zycruiser

    cr8zycruiser Earning My Ears

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2013
    Messages:
    44
    I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have been fighting a horrible battle with myself for the past 2 years. And it's all because I didn't get help. I have severe anxiety. So severe I wouldn't go anywhere or I would drink to make it go away. Many different situations. I can go through those by personal posts. Anyway, go get help. I fought all of it without meds because I would read the side effects and that would cause me a new anxiety. I ended up having to have therapy. And after about 7 months I could finally learn how to be me. I'm not "cured" but I'm in a much better place. The docs say its because I held everything in. Everything means the way I kept stuff in when my daughter died in 02 and my mom in 05 and I was just in my 20's. I don't talk to anyone but my dad in my family and I have 3 brothers. I know how you feel, I know the loneliness. Get some help and I'm here to talk he never you need it. You never know how much it helps until you so it
    ***BUG HUGS***
     
  8. Luv0fDisney

    Luv0fDisney DIS Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2012
    Messages:
    1,157
    :hug:
    First up I would like to give you a huge hug. Thanks for your kind words. I have felt numb before the loss of my cat. It's like i can't get attached to people or animals as before. I would get attached where as I would hope that person whould call me or ask me to hang out with them. All my relationships have been one sided.

    I have had many blood tests and everything seems normal now. I had an underactive thyroid (or was it over active?) anyway i have been taking medication for it and it is normal again. :) but i don't feel any better.

    I just don't have any motivation or self-confidence. I am making a lot of things on my sewing machine to take pictures of to try to sell. I also do embroidery on my machine. yey.

    I was thinking about doing etsy but then it takes a % out of my earnings like ebay and the only reason i am on ebay is because it is my parents account. I don't have pay pal myself because i don't have much of a bank account.

    i do blog , so i will blog my stuff but won't advertise it here on disboards because i know the rules.

    i just feel so down. i just lost trust in people over years and just don't know how to see people any more. like a year or so ago my parents were still mommy and daddy like how a kid sees their parents. now it's just like i don't have any attachment to anyone.
     
  9. rewardsinlife

    rewardsinlife Mouseketeer

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2012
    Messages:
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    Aww huge hug back to you! :hug:

    I see about the numbness. Believe me. Let me give you an example. In 2007-2008 school year I lost a total of 13 close friends and family to freak accidents, chronic illnesses, and death from natural causes. None of course being easier to get through than the next. After the 3rd or 4th, I drastically pulled away from people because I did not want to lose anyone else. I became numb. I came home on winter break and the only thing I said I needed to do during that time is take back more black professional clothes to school for all the funerals. How sad and depressed I was and I couldn't even see how much it was affecting others and they hurt for me as well. We unfortunately can not help what we are dealt in life. We just have to find a way to get out of bed the next day. If you can do that...you have already consciously...or subconsciously decided it is time to move on and continue with your life. speaking of that year...I am still numb to some of those deaths. It takes time.

    As for your crafts...do they bring you joy? If so, then even doing them as a type of fun distracting therapy for yourself at this time is beneficial. If you still are looking to seriously sell them, I hate to say it but a PayPal is pretty much mandatory anymore. Have you thought about advertising your crafts once in a while on your blog? ;)

    Talk to your dr. About still feeling depressed and your previous history of thyroid problems. Maybe a simple change to another medication can make you just as 'normal' and hopefully happy again. ( I.e. your medication now may be giving you a side effect of depression).

    It is okay, to stay by yourself for a while and reflect on your relationships and friendships with others. I was also in this situation for a while when I realized all my friendships were too one sided. It takes time, reflection, and life experiences to change this. Also, it takes constant observation to watch for the warning signs you may be getting too attached and the other person is not in that same place. ( I.e. do you contact them once or more a day...do you wait by the phone waiting for that call back and get moodier the more time that goes by of them not contacting you back? If so, it shows an unhealthy relationship/friendship. And it needs to be taken before the other person is fed up from the constant calls. Both people must be supporting each other in how to work it out.

    As for trust..I am not really in a place that I can advise or help you much on that but to tell you that I am currently there myself. I have been hurt too many times that I have been come hardened and stand offish to making any new relationships or even sustaining others that have already been built. The only person I personally rely on and go to constantly who will love me unconditionally is myself and God. May sound weird..but it works for me.:confused3

    I will give you another :hug: and truly hope you are feeling a little better. :goodvibes:goodvibes
     

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