Hello, before I get started let me preface this by saying, I don't like to air all of my dirty laundry on the internet, but I need some objective opinions on something, or just some kind words of support right now. My oldest DD17(from first marriage) and I have been doing battle for years. I tried to chalk it up as teenage mother daughter drama... I realize I was wrong. She spent the entire summer at her dad's (we live about 5 miles apart so there was never any custody agreement or anything, just worked together on getting her where ever she needed to be etc.)for many reasons, but mostly because she did not want to follow my rules, and I did not feel she was ready for a car, which he bought for her anyway. On the 2nd day of school she got busted for posession of (a small amount) of pot. She was taken from school to the PD, and I had to pick her up there. She was suspended from school for 5 days, and we are still waiting to hear what is going to happen with the judge/waiting on a court date etc. Ex is comitted (for now) to finally nailing her butt to the wall (instead of letting her walk all over him) and I am assuming (hoping) that there will be mandatory drug testing/counselling and possibly(hopefully) family counselling also. (tried to get us into family counselling 2 years ago but he refused,I figured even though we weren't together, if we went and provided a united front in raising her it would do us all a world of good. Couldn't force her to go with just me without his support, and also because he carries her on his ins. so I couldn't make the necessary arrangements...) I had a 4 night DCL cruise planned for us (myself, DH, DD17, and DS6,DD4) in feb over my 40th birthday, but realize now my DD17 will no longer be permitted to miss 5 days of school. So I cancelled it. My dilemma is this: currentDH (who loves my DD17 as if she is his own) still needs and wants to take a vacay, he is burned out from a very long summer. He wants to go Nov1-11th. But I am twisted up inside about leaving DD17 behind, only because I am afraid that she will be petty, jealous and somewhat hurt, even though she has stated many times before that she hates Disney and is never going back, and made our last trip miserable with her jealousy of her little sister and her rude and nasty attitude towards me. I have decided to go ahead with the vacation, we need it. My DH and youngest kids deserve it, I can't make them put thier lives on hold because of the actions of my 17yo,(am I rationalizing because subconsciously I know it is wrong?) I am struggling with how to approach it with DD17 and my ex. I am imagining that her court appearance will be way before then, so there will be some plan in place for her punishment and "treatment" but I am afraid that if it doesn't come before my trip, my ex will try not postpone or reschedule just out of his need for posturing and grandstanding, like he is the best Dad in the world...(myriad of issues there, like the car, a tatoo etc all without my knowledge and/or consent) Uggh, I guess I am not really asking for any help or advice, maybe just some prayers and support, or some "this will get better" type of feelings. Thanks for listening and not judging. eta: PS it's kinda funny and ironic(in a sad sorta way) that I just joked a few days ago on another thread about how easy it was to travel with my kids as toddlers as compared to the teenager, and how I was considering leaving her home. Now I feel like I could cry.